Help! I’ve fallen and I can barely get up!

~ This PSA is brought to you by Tracey: Don’t walk and text! ~

We all know that texting and driving is stupid, wrong, dangerous, risky and deadly, right? For those of us you who still text and drive, I’d like you to answer this question: Would you get in your car and drive after having four drinks? Well, if you said yes, you’re a moron for drinking and driving! Statistics show that talking on the phone or texting while driving is just as dangerous as driving drunk! Have you seen Will Smith’s movie Seven Pounds? If you did, you wouldn’t text and drive! What about Oprah’s No Phone Zone? Have you signed the pledge? (I just figured out how to embed a link in my blog without having to post the entire url so just click on "pledge" and it will bring you to the No Phone Zone website...oh, you're welcome!)

So we know that we shouldn’t text and drive (right!!!) but what about other things like texting and cooking or texting and working or texting and drinking (trust me...drunk texting is bad!!!) or texting and eating or texting while talking on the phone (not the cellphone you're texting on dummy! Now I can't help but wonder...can you text and talk on the cellphone at the same time?) or simply just texting and talking or texting and blogging (doing it now!) or texting and reading this blog (rude!) or what about texting and walking? Should these double-duties be regarded as multi-tasking equally dangerous as texting and driving?

Well, here’s proof that texting and walking is both dangerous and humiliating:

 

Okay, so I feel badly for that woman because she's been humiliated over and over again (hopefully she wasn't injured!) but this video is hilarious! an important educational tool for the "anti-texting+walking" campaign!  I hope that one day she'll be able to laugh about the incident. 

Have you ever found yourself texting while doing something else which resulted in a tragedy good laugh?

Or what about any embarrassing moments that involve falling?

Well, I might not have any good texting stories (I used to text and drive but it’s especially dangerous with an iPhone so I made myself a promise never to text and drive. Besides, I have to be a good role model for my daughter, right?) but I do have far too many a few stories about falling (and by falling I don't mean the time that I fell asleep in the the bus and I probably started snoring, was probably mumbling and had drool running down my face or the time I fell asleep on the bus and woke up with my head on a stranger's shoulder or the time I almost fell asleep driving...oh dear!): 

My Top 10 Wipeouts:

10. I fall down my outside steps in the winter all of the time especially when I’m running late! So I end up bolting out the side door onto the slippery landing and either a) fly off the landing onto my buttocks at the bottom of the steps without touching any of the steps on the way down which results in a pretty hard landing, or b) slip and fall as soon as I'm out the door so my buttocks doesn’t even it make it down the first step (that has nothing to do with the size of my butt!), or c) slip on the landing then my buttocks hits every step on the way down which results in a less painful landing because the steps “break” my fall.

9. I’ve fallen on slippery sidewalks either landing on my butt or my knee or my hip or my arm or my hands or all of those body parts (sounds like a game of Twister, doesn't it?)! I think falling on the sidewalk is almost as embarrassing as “almost falling”. You know in that brief moment, which seems to last an eternity, when your arms start flailing and your hips are swaying (you look like you should be a dancer in a music video for a duet by Shakira and Elvis!) while you prepare for the fall but you’re able to regain your balance before you fall.  You calmly continue walking, barely missing your stride, with a slight strut in your step because you’re so proud that you didn’t fall!

8. I’ve fallen while rollerblading but I haven't injured myself because I wear wrist guards, elbow pads, knee pads and a helmet. Safety first :)

7. I’ve fallen while playing basketball by jumping up for the rebound, getting all tangled up with the other players then before landing hard on my butt, a number of my body parts get roughed up from another player’s shoulder or knee or elbow during my free fall (please note that I’m only 5’ 9” so it’s not like I’m falling from 8 feet in the air!).

6. I’ve fallen while playing soccer because I'm a klutz! I’ve had the misfortune of running and tripping without with the soccer ball.  One of my very few faults is that I'm unable to place blame on others for my snafus.  Haven't you seen soccer players or hockey players fall then turn around and look at another player as if it's his or her fault?  Well, that's not me...I'm way too honest for that (ahem!). 

5. I’ve fallen while playing tennis and it's usually an failed attempt to hit a ball that’s out of reach by propelling myself into the air to reach the ball without thinking about how I’m going to land after I miss hit the ball so I end up humiliated sprawled out on the tennis court.

4. I've fallen down (and up!) indoor stairs and no, I wasn't drunk!  There are so many different ways to fall down (or up!) the stairs.  You can fall from the top straight down to the bottom or you can roll down the stairs or you can slide down the stairs.  I remember as a kid, swimming in my neighbour's pool then running into their house to get something in the basement only I didn’t think about the fact that running into a house with wet feet would not have a very good outcome especially since the stairs to the basement were glossy cement stairs! I ended up sliding down that flight of stairs....hitting each step along the way! Since I was running, I obviously wanted to get to the basement quickly and evidently, I found the fastest route!

3. I’ve fallen while riding my bike...turning a corner too sharply with my pedal hitting the pavement and...wipeout! Luckily I was wearing running shoes (no toe scraping for me!), pants (no scraped knees for me!) and a helmet (I know it’s shocking but no head injuries for me!).  (Please note that I was also wearing a t-shirt just in case it wasn't obvious in my description!)

2. I’ve fallen down in pain after stubbing my toe!

1. The best...the most memorable...the most embarrassing fall of all...falling off of the bus! Yes, I --- fell --- off --- of --- the --- bus. Okay, the bus was stopped at the time but still I fell off of the bus. I was wearing high heels and a short skirt (and thankfully underwear!) and I was carrying my purse and workbag. The idiotic bus driver (hey, I'm the victim here!) hadn’t pulled up close enough to the curb so I had to really stretch my leg to get off of the bus so in the process of stretching out my leg towards the sidewalk (in a skirt that was too tight!) while standing on a single high heel that was way too small to carry my weight (this isn't a fat joke, I'm simply referring to the physics of it all!), I lost my balance and fell out (and off!) of the bus. I ended up rolling on the sidewalk.  I can’t remember everything that happened in those three seconds (I've tried to block the traumatizing event!) but my hope is that I managed to keep my legs closed while I was rolling around on the sidewalk! I can still see the horrified looks on my captive audience (hopefully not because I didn’t keep my legs closed!). A few people came to my rescue but before anyone could put their grubby hands all over me I quickly stood up on my own, dusted myself off, picked up my purse and workbag then proceeded to limp walk across the intersection to my car at the park 'n ride. Who am I kidding?  I humbly limped across that very busy intersection because the heel of my shoe was broken and also because I thought I might have a broken ankle, possibly a broken toe, my knee or even my leg, who knows maybe even my elbow or shoulder (I did roll on my shoulder you know!).  During my walk of shame across the intersection (did I mention that it was a very busy intersection?), I wasn’t that concerned about my body because what hurt the most was my pride!

If it was me reading about someone else falling, I would probably be laughing hysterically (you're not laughing at me, are you?).  Have you ever wondered why people laugh when they see someone stub a toe or trip or fall? I know I’m guilty of laughing at someone else’s pain (sorry to those of you who have been traumatized by my laughter when you’ve been injured!).

So yes, usually the best wipeouts are someone else’s but I don’t want to call out any of my friends or family (here’s a shout-out to someone who will remain anonymous: “I’m okay, I’m okay!”). Instead I’ll share what I consider to be the best wipeout (EVER!) in a movie....Philip Seymour Hoffman’s wonderfully funny entrance in Along Came Polly:

I piss (sorry for the vulgarity Dad!) pee myself laughing (and SAOMS – Spit All Over My Screen) every time I watch this clip. Please note that this video is on, what seems to be, an infinite loop of the wipeout so you might want to stop after seeing him fall 20 or so times :)

I must admit that my sick and perverse mind has me visualizing the following:  the fountain woman starts walking away from the fountain, humiliated and soaken wet then because of her wet shoes, she slips and falls just like Philip Seymour Hoffman fell in the above clip.  Isn't that hilarious?  Come on people, now that's funny!  Okay, fine...I'm sorry! 

So falling can be pretty funny (to some people!) but it can also be horribly painful and humiliating but sometimes, if you're lucky, falling can be wonderful!  Do you remember when you were falling...wait for it...in love?  Oh the memories...

So be careful out there because it's a dangerous world for multi-taskers (and the people around them!), and in some cases for athletes people who play sports (me!), or for walking bipeds (me!) or for those who fall in love (definitely me!).