The Best Medicine

“Even a simple letter demands that we put all power that we have into it, as if we were to carve its meaning in hard stone. It’s the moment, when, in silence, we are able to connect to our soul. But we also can apply that to any act performed with commitment, humility and love.” ~ Paulo Coehlo


That’s how I try to live my life! Lately though, the last week specifically, I have found myself struggling because I miss Sarah, work is crazy, my ears hurt, my throat hurts, I have no energy, and I miss Sarah! All that to say that I’ve been finding it hard to “perform with commitment, humility and love” this week but as I set everything aside to write this week’s blog post, I will attempt to “put all power that I have into it” because somehow, this crazy blog does connect to my soul.


This week has been so crazy busy and emotionally draining that I’ve had to turn to medicine to get me through the week. For those of you who know me well, you’ll know that I’m pretty much anti-medicine unless, of course, it’s really needed (i.e. I don’t pop an Advil or Tylenol every time I feel ill!). So I’m sure you’re wondering what kind of medicine I’ve been taking this week. Well, I found the best medicine to cure my aching heart, to calm my nerves, to help me focus and to increase my energy. That medicine is…wait for it…laughter!!! That’s right; laughter is what’s gotten me through this week. Tacky, yes! But oh so true!

“Laughter is the best medicine.” ~ Proverb

Tonight, I had a great laugh with one of the funniest people I know…my brother! Not only does he inspire me, he has the ability to boost me up when I need it the most. Most people (especially our parents!) get really annoyed by my brother and me when we’re together because we act a little nutty. Something like “lollygag pernicious” can keep us laughing for days. Almost every time we talk, we bring up the “so you get the game for free” incident of 2011. I know that doesn’t mean anything to you but to us, it’s a split-your-ass laughing reference. The best thing about phone conversations with my brother is when we try to say goodbye. I can see how people would get annoyed by us. It takes us a long time to hang up because of the endless “you hang up, no, you hang up” and the “love you soon, talk to you too”. My bro is a funny guy which makes me a lucky girl!


Also nominated for best laughter of the week is my wonderful daughter, Sarah. The best medicine she provided came via text message so I thought I’d share a couple of our text conversations that made me chuckle this week:


Sarah kindly sent me a text message to let me know that I had a typo in the first sentence of last week’s blog post “Chopin-inspired Risotto”. I quickly corrected the error then I received another text message from Sarah that cracked me up. Here’s the conversation:


Sarah: Typo in the first sentence of your blog.
Me: Damn! Where?
Me: Found it…”I’ve”
Sarah: Yep
Me: Nice way to start my blog…with an error :(
Sarah: I wonder how many people closed the page as soon as they saw that :P you’re losing readers with your stupidity.
Me. That comment cracked me up and made me want to cry all at the same time :)
Sarah: I was kidding, don’t get all worked up.
Me: It was hilarious!!!
Me: I need to incorporate that into an upcoming blog post :)
Sarah: Everything I say or do may be used against me in a blog
Me: Precisely!


Here’s the second text conversation that had me peeing my pants:


Sarah: I’m taking a nap so please don’t text me, but could you order….
Me: I’ll call the lady to place the order. Have a good nap. Text me later.
Sarah: Dear lord! I told you not to text me!
Me: LOL!!! Sorry.
Sarah: Stop, seriously. I will disown you or file for emancipation or whatever.


My kid is hilarious!!! Thanks for all of that medicine this week, Sarah! :)


Of course, another funny person in my life is my BFF. When we’re together, we are as silly as can be. We pretty much turn into 10 year old girls with our incessant giggling. Because I’ve been overwhelmed with work this week, I’ve spent very little time with BFF this week so I don’t have any “funnies” to share with you but if you’ve read most of my blog posts, you know that hanging out with BFF can cure any ailment! She dishes out some of the best medicine a girl can ask for :)


Even though I’m bombarded with work this week, I still found myself sitting in front of the television quite a bit watching Gilmore Girls, Dancing with the Stars, The X Factor (I had to see what the fuss was all about!) and The Big Bang Theory. Although some would say that watching Gilmore Girls is probably not the best show to watch whilst missing Sarah, it makes me happy and has provided quite a few laughs.


The season premiere of The Big Bang Theory was this week, and as always, it provided much needed laughter. This show has never failed to get me laughing. Every time Sheldon speaks, I laugh.


Surprisingly, Dancing with the Stars actually provided some laughter instead of only invoking sympathy for the people who are humiliating themselves on this show. I’m not sure why but whenever someone gets hurt, I laugh. I don’t mean, fall off of the roof and break your back kind of hurt (that would definitely not make me laugh…I’m not that much of a masochist!) but rather stubbing your toe, getting your toe run over by a bicycle, hitting your funny bone, lightly hitting your head, pinching your finger in the door, or getting kicked in the groin (or as kids today say: “getting tea-bagged”…is that right? I’m trying to be hip but I think I’m failing!). Okay, for the people on receiving end, not so funny but for me, I can’t help but laugh. Maybe it’s a nervous reaction but nonetheless, there’s laughter involved. Take a look at what made me laugh on Dancing with the Stars this week (go to 1:23 in the video):

I don’t know about you but I found myself rewinding that scene over and over again. So freaking funny!!!


Like I didn’t watch enough television programming this week (so much for being tv-free!), I decided to sign up for Netflix. For those of you who don’t know, Netflix is an online service provider for streaming television shows and movies. You pay a monthly fee and have unlimited access to online movies and tv shows. You can watch it on your laptop, iPad, iPhone or television through Wii or Playstation. It’s pretty cool! Anyways, the first movie I watched was Along Came Polly which is one of the most hilarious movies EVER! Check out my favourite scene:

 Again, I had to rewind that scene over and over again. The tears were dripping down my face. Yes, there’s definitely something wrong with me! :P



Last year, while watching Big Brother, I sent this video to BFF. She knows how much I love the scene in Along Came Polly, so much so that I included the “Best man is the house” reference in my Maid of Honour speech at her wedding but sadly she didn’t even catch the reference (she was struggling to compose herself!). Because she knows that I love that scene, I thought she should know that the following scene from Big Brother (2010) made me pee my pants (not literally!). Here’s the e-mail that I sent with the video:


I tried recording it with my camera over a dozen times but kept laughing so I had to start over. This is the best I can do...it's still a little jumpy because I'm keeping the laughter inside. OMG it's hilarious…I'm so sadistic :O

 Wow...I can’t stop laughing long enough to type. I just don’t know how anyone can say “I ripped my whole ass” with such a straight face. Go ahead, try saying it!



Did you find any of the above funny? Ever wonder why some things are funny to one person but not to another? Don’t worry, I don’t have a mathematical equation that will help us figure it out but I'm sharing the link to a great CBC Radio segment on laughter which tries to answer the question “why do we laugh?” It’s an enlightening conversation about laughter. I especially enjoyed the part about how women or men laugh/giggle when they’re around someone they’re attracted to due to nervousness. How many different laughing situations or types of laughter are there? Nervous laughter, “that’s really funny” laughter, “you’re an idiot” laughter, people getting hurt laughter, pity laughter, laughing at myself laughter, piss my pants laughter, awkward laughter, contagious laughter, belly laughter, calorie-burning laughter, making fun of you laughter, makes me cry laughter,...any other types of laughter?

In addition to getting a crack out of people hurting themselves (again, it’s not when someone is seriously hurt…geez!), I especially like laughing at myself. I’d like to say that it doesn’t happen often but the truth is that it does. It seems that as I get older, there’s more and more laughter directed at me, from me (and others too, I’m sure!). How is it that so much about me makes me laugh?


Well, this week, I found me laughing at me more often than usual because it was the only thing I could do to stop myself from crying. So sad! I know :(


You need not feel sorry for me though because after numerous “I’m-not-going-to-cry-so-instead-I’ll-laugh” situations, I did end up smiling. From almost crying to laughter to smiles…sounds like a great transition! I think these situations have taught me that even though I want to cry, the situations really are not that bad and I need to just suck it up!


“I’m-not-going-to-cry-so-instead-I’ll-laugh” Situation #1:

On Wednesday morning, I was blow drying my hair so I bent over to blow dry the hair on the top of my head, and as I was bending over, my glasses fell off of my face, onto the floor in two pieces. Oh no! You should know that I was running late and had to leave in 15 minutes to see Dr. Acupuncture. I struggled to find the crazy glue (you try looking for crazy glue in a junk drawer without your glasses!) then I struggled to glue my glasses together. I ended up with crazy glue all over my hands and on one of my lenses. I now have a crazy glue smear on my lense which will not come off. What did I want to do in this situation? I wanted to cry! What did I do instead? I laughed! So much so, I’m not sure if it was the tears of laughter in my eyes that were hindering my ability to crazy glue my glasses together or if it was simply my lack of vision. It’s shocking to me how blind I am without my glasses! Well, I guess it’s the universe telling me that it’s time to buy new glasses.

“I’m-not-going-to-cry-so-instead-I’ll-laugh” Situation #2:

On Wednesday, I ended up getting to my appointment with Dr. Acupuncture on time but once there, I ended up crying so it probably shouldn’t fall within this category but I did end up laughing at myself for crying. So that counts too, right? Why did I cry? Well, Dr. Acupuncture does the Chinese cupping on my back and shoulders sometimes to help my frozen shoulder. In the moment, it’s extremely painful especially for someone like me who is super wimpy has such a low tolerance for pain but after the pain subsides, my back and shoulders feel so good. I believe so much in the Chinese cupping that I took a course to be able to do it on myself (and others!). Unfortunately, because of my bum shoulders, I’m limited in my cupping abilities so I still have to see Dr. Acupuncture for cupping. Not only do I do the cupping on myself but I’ve also done it on BFF for her lower back problems but that’s a blog post for another day!

“I’m-not-going-to-cry-so-instead-I’ll-laugh” Situation #3:

On Saturday night, I was invited to attend a Gala.  It was a fancy event that required fancy attire. Unfortunately, due to my now duo bum shoulders, I was unable to get dressed in my fancy attire which meant I had to cancel. Why was I unable to get dressed? Well, I couldn’t get any of my dresses over my head and onto my body. Did I want to cry? Of course, I did. Instead, I laughed. I laughed at the hilarity of watching me trying to get dressed. I probably could have pulled a Houdini and gotten into my dress but I doubt that same Houdini move would have allowed me to get out of the dress which means I’d have to cut the dress off of me or get someone to help me out of the dress. Since Sarah’s not here, I’m sure BFF would have volunteered to help me but I would have had to call her in the middle of the night to come rescue me. Unless, of course, I got lucky at the event and ended up coming home with a handsome young man who graciously helped me out of my dress but we all know that I’m not that kind of girl (ahem!). What really made me laugh was thinking that the situation was better than not being able to get into my dresses because they no longer fit me (especially considering my addiction to all things sugar!).

“I’m-not-going-to-cry-so-instead-I’ll-laugh” Situation #4:

On Wednesday night, while wearing my contact lenses, I started fitness class with BFF. Her sister is the instructor so it’s an awesome class but because of my bum shoulders, I’m really not able to do most of the exercises. Instead of crying at how pathetic I look in the fitness class, I laughed at myself. Then I found myself laughing at others who don’t have bum shoulders yet were unable to do some of the exercises (BFF…ahem!) . If you can’t laugh at yourself and others at fitness class, when can you laugh?!?

“I’m-not-going-to-cry-so-instead-I’ll-laugh” Situation #5:

There’s no specific day for these “laughing matters” but it’s been happening to me so much that I must include it in this blog post because it really does make me laugh. It’s my inability to speak. What do I mean? Well, when I’m trying to say “simulate” but instead I say “stimulate”, it makes me laugh. Or when I’m trying to think of the word “extort” but instead say “escort” or when I want to seem really smart so I try to put “enigmatic” in a sentence but instead I say “enema”. Those are moments when I want to cry because I feel so dumb but instead of crying, I laugh at myself.


“The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.” ~ Shirley MacLaine


Since the day Sarah kicked me out of her apartment  started university, I’ve been struggling to stay sane, to stop the emotional eating, to not text and call Sarah every 5 minutes, to find a boyfriend, to be social, to find ways to prepare meals for only one person. I’m so used to making big batches of food for Sarah and me to munch on throughout the week. Now I’ve had to adjust how I cook so I’m not throwing out food. This is no laughing matter! However, tonight I had to decide what I was going to do with eggplant and zucchini I bought at the Farmers’ Market last weekend. Think, think, think! I got it…ratatouille! As soon as I thought about ratatouille, I started to laugh. Why? I dare you to say “ratatouille, ratatouille, ratatouille” without laughing! What a great name for a healthy dish!  If you’re not laughing, I’m sure you’re at least smiling. Maybe it was thinking about the movie that made me laugh or smile. Who knows?  Maybe if you say it with an accent?  Laughing yet?  All I know is that I smiled and laughed while preparing my dinner. It’s also a very colourful meal so it lifts the spirits and it’s also very healthy for you. All in all, ratatouille turned out be some of the best medicine that I took this week!

If you’re interested in making ratatouille, here’s the recipe:

RATATOUILLE, RATATOUILLE, RATATOUILLE

Ingredients:
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 cloves garlic, crushed and minced
1 large onion, quartered and thinly sliced
1 small eggplant, cubed
2 cans (14.5 ounces each) diced tomatoes
3 to 4 small zucchini or 1 large zucchini, cut into 1/4-inch slices
2 handfuls of spinach, chopped
1 package of tofu, diced
Basil
Oregano
Thyme
Parsley


Directions:

In a 4-quart Dutch oven or saucepan, heat olive oil over medium heat. Add garlic and onions and cook, stirring often, until softened, about 6 to 7 minutes. Add eggplant; stir until coated with oil. Add zucchini; stir to combine. Cover and cook for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally to keep vegetables from sticking.

Add tomatoes, tofu, spinach and herbs; mix well. Cover and cook over low heat about 15 minutes, or until eggplant is tender but not too soft.

 “The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.” ~ Mark Twain

Chopin-inspired Risotto

Since the house is frighteningly quiet without Sarah, I usually have music playing while I’m cooking, cleaning, doing the dishes, doing the laundry or simply when I’m in the mood to bust a move.  Last night (I started typing this on Friday!), I decided to pop in a Chopin cd (or as Bro likes to call it, a compact disc!)  Not only did it motivate me to practice playing the piano (which I’ve been sadly neglecting!) but it also inspired me to make something for dinner that would be slow, romantic and whimsical like some of my favourite classical music (for some reason, typing that last part of the sentence almost made me vomit...slow, romantic and whimsical...ugh!).  Seriously though, if you’re looking for some music that will keep you occupied while you stir your risotto for what seems like hours, pop in some Chopin for a very relaxing, mediation-like, risotto-making session.   

I’m sure you’re all drooling right now thinking about my risotto and you’re eagerly awaiting the recipe but before I tell you about my romantic risotto dinner for one, don’t you want to know about “Without Child – Week #2”???  I thought you did :)

Well, Sarah is no doubt feeling comfortable in her new life because she didn’t call her mother on Saturday or Sunday.  She was too busy with VegFest and celebrity sightseeing at the Toronto International Film Festival.   Regardless, she did find the time in her busy day to text me a few times (when prompted!).    You already know about Saturday (Farmers’ Market, lunch with Mom, Dad and Bro then movie night with Reb…we watched ‘Leap Year’ with yummy Matthew Goode) so I’ll get right to Sunday which turned out to be a beautiful, hot and sunny day so I opened all of the windows and cleaned the house (which took me no time at all since there’s no one home to mess it!), did a load of laundry (only one!), watched the movie ‘Limitless’, read on my front porch, watched a couple of episodes of Gilmore Girls, ate whenever I wanted to eat (often!), and walked over to BFF’s for a quick visit.

On Monday, I left for work at 5:30am, arrived home at 6pm then went for a walk with Neighbour. 

On Tuesday, I took a flight to see Sarah (it was really for my meeting on Wednesday but the bonus was being able to see Sarah!).  I was supposed to meet Sarah on campus but her class ended early so we decided to meet at her place but to my surprise, she ended up on my bus.  What a wonderful gift to see my daughter’s smiling face!  We went for eyebrow threading then to her place where I installed Microsoft Office on her Mac while she had a bite to eat.  Her apartment is so cozy especially now that she has stuff on the walls.  We then went out shopping and for dinner at a vegetarian restaurant.  After our visit, I went to my hotel in preparation for my meeting on Wednesday.  What a wonderful day!!!

After my meeting on Wednesday, I ended up at the airport 2.5 hours early so I started re-reading “The Great Gatsby” by F. Scott Fitzgerald.  It’s one of my favourite novels so I highly recommend it!  One of my favourite parts of the book is: 

“…Gatsby, who represented everything for which I have an unaffected scorn.  If personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures, then there was something gorgeous about him, some heightened sensitivity to the promises of life, as if he were related to one of those intricate machines that register earthquakes ten thousand miles away.  This responsiveness had nothing to do with that flabby impressionability which is dignified under the name of the ‘creative temperament’ – it was an extraordinary gift for hope, a romantic readiness such as I have never found in any other person and which it is not likely shall ever find again.  No – Gatsby turned out all right at the end; it is what preyed on Gatsby, what foul dust floated in the wake of his dreams that temporarily closed out my interest in the abortive sorrows and short-winded elations of men.” 

Wow!   There is something so poetic about the way he strings words, sentences and paragraphs together.   Once you’ve read “The Great Gatsby", I highly recommend you move on to what I consider to be a modern day Fitzgerald:  Jonathan Franzen.  In my opinion, Franzen is equally as gifted in his writing style as Fitzgerald.   

Since I’m in recommendation mode, I also recommend that you rent the movie ‘Limitless’ because I found it to be very entertaining and thought-provoking.  Bradley Cooper’s not too bad on the eyes too :)

On Thursday, I worked all day and night (my work deadline is Monday!) but found time for a visit to see Dr. Acupuncture.  As you know, I’ve been trying to do something about my left shoulder which is “frozen” but as the left shoulder improves; my right shoulder is starting to act up.  I’m getting the same sharp pains in my right shoulder and arm as I did in my left before it became frozen so I’m really hoping that I don’t end up with two frozen shoulders.  How the hell will I get my clothes on and off?  How will I do my push-ups every day? How will I get the dishes from the top shelf?  How will I shave my armpits if I can't lift my arms?  I guess Sarah will have to move back home and become my live-in nurse :)

As I've already mentioned, on Thursday, I also found the time to listen to Chopin and make myself a yummy risotto but before I tell you about my risotto, I thought you might be interested in hearing me…wait for it…play the piano.  I’m sure many of you have been wondering about my progress.  Can she really play the piano?  Well, guess what?  I can!  I must warn you that I’m no piano-playing magnum opus (I should really stick to blogging!) but I have learned to play a few pieces (not well or consistently for that matter!). 

Of course, I can't actually record a video of myself playing the piano (how could I hold the camera and play at the same time?) so it's a video with audio only but I promise you that it's me.  Who else would record themselves playing this badly and post it on a blog???  So the first video is of me playing my favourite song, so far, "Journey by Train" which has three parts: Part I - Across the Plains, Part II - Up the Mountain Side and Part III - Through the Tunnel but the video is only of me playing Part II (see P.S. for the reason) which is my favourite part but when I play all three parts, you can actually feel the "Journey by Train".  The second video is of me playing Arietta in C Major. 

So here’s the proof of my mad piano-playing skills:

Imagine how good I could be if I practiced :P

If piano boy genius was listening to this, he would ask me why I would embarrass myself in public with such a video then ask me why I haven’t bought a metronome yet because I suck at keeping time but that will come eventually.  I am going to buy a metronome as soon as I resume piano lessons with my new teacher.   If you’re looking to critique my piano-playing skills, I’d love to hear some constructive criticism (remember that I cry easily!).  I know I’m not consistent with my timing and that my transitions suck.  I need to commit to practicing every day in order to improve.  My goal is to play my favourite piece really soon:  Mozart’s Für Elise. 

Now that you’ve had a good laugh been enlightened entertained, it’s time to share my risotto recipe with you.  It’s a little time consuming, requires your full attention but it’s really easy and soooooo yummy!!!  Please note that I originally used Jamie Oliver’s basic risotto recipe but tweaked it along the way. 

CHOPIN-INSPIRED RISOTTO

Ingredients:

A container of vegetable or chicken broth
¼ cup of butter
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 large onion, finely chopped
2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
400g/14oz risotto rice
Sea salt, freshly ground black pepper and fresh herbs (if available)
Handful of freshly grated Parmesan cheese

Directions:

1. Pop in the Chopin cd.
2. Heat the stock (this is a little bit of a shortcut so if you decide not to heat the stock, your risotto will take a little longer to cook).
3. In a separate pan, heat the olive oil and a tablespoon of butter, add the onions and garlic.  Fry very slowly for about 10 minutes without colouring.
4. When the onions and garlic have softened, add the rice and turn up the heat.
5. The rice will now begin to lightly fry, so keep stirring it.  After a minute it will look slightly translucent. Add your first ladle of hot stock and a good pinch of salt. Turn down the heat to a simmer so the rice doesn’t cook too quickly on the outside.
6.  Keep adding ladlefuls of stock, stirring and almost massaging the creamy starch out of the rice, allowing each ladleful to be absorbed before adding the next. This will take around 15 minutes.
7.  Taste the rice to see if it’s cooked.  Continue to add stock until the rice is soft but with a slight bite.
8.  Add the salt and pepper to taste.
9.  If you run out of stock before the rice is cooked, add some boiling water.
10. Remove from the heat and add the remaining butter and parmesan cheese. Stir well.
11. At this point, I add whatever herbs I have on hand (I added freshly chopped basil but this is optional). 
12. Place a lid on the pan and allow to sit for 2 minutes.
13. Eat it as soon as possible, while the risotto retains its texture (it’s also really good re-heated the day after but won’t look as pretty!).

 ENJOY!!!



 

Risotto should look oozier and creamier but

I waited too long to take the photo!



P.S.  I’m a little late in posting on my blog because I still haven’t found my camera battery charger, therefore, I’m unable to record the piano-playing with my camera (and me playing the piano is a critical piece of today's blog!) so I used  my work Blackberry to record the video which I’m not very familiar with then I tried to send it via Bluetooth to my iPhone without success, I tried to post it on YouTube from my BB without success, I tried to send it via Bluetooth to my laptop without success, I tried to email it to myself without success, then finally I decided to re-record a shorter video of my mad piano-playing skills which then allowed me to e-mail the video to myself.  YAY!!

Without Child - Week #1

I’m alone in the house, sitting in front of my computer, wondering what I’m going to blog about…

Okay, sitting alone at home on a Friday night isn’t unusual so that's not something I can blog about... 

Okay, I’m not actually home alone because I’m here with my cats, Mayah and Johnson, so that's not something I can blog about...

How sad that it takes blogging to make me realize that I’m a hermit cat lady?  How pathetic! 

I’m sure many of you are wondering how I’m doing “sans Sarah”.  Well, get me some tissue and I’ll tell you!  Actually, I’m not crying right now because I can’t cry and blog just as I’ve discovered that I can’t cry and drive, or cry and text, or cry and eat, or cry and talk, or cry and read.  I guess I’m no longer the multi-tasker I once was when I had a child living in this home! 

So I haven’t actually completed a full week without Sarah so it would be a lie to tell you about my first week without child since it hasn't happened yet but I can share with you what my life has been like since leaving home with my baby girl then coming home without her.  If you’re not interested about Week #1 Without Child, I’m sorry but there are people is at least one person out there who does care…right?

Interestingly, I have had to take a break from writing my blog post not because I had to wipe my tears but because the doorbell rang.  Now 4 hours later, I’m back at my computer.  Don't worry, I wasn't abducted! I’m happy to report that my neighbour was at the door which lead to me chatting then subsequently going for a walk with my neighbour's wife for a total of 4 hours (she will now be referred to lovingly in my blog as "Neighbour")!  I’ve lived in this house for 2 ½ years but this is the first time we’ve actually taken the time to get to know each other.  We do, however, have more of a connection than just being neighbours because a) I went to college with her husband (I was a year ahead of him in my program so I didn’t really get to know him), b) her sister is married to my cousin, and c) both her and her sister went to the same high school as me (Neighbour is younger than me and Neighbour's sister is older than me).  What a small world!  It’s also a world of shock and awe…Tracey was being social!

Who knew that socializing and getting to know someone could be fun?  Let’s face it though, until that doorbell rang, socializing was the last thing on my mind (especially since I have a blog to write!).  Of course, it’s way past my bed time (it’s 11:45pm!) so I doubt I’ll get this blog post online before tomorrow (sorry!).   

It's now Saturday morning and I'm happy to say that I had a very good dodo and now I’m ready to write this blog post but wait...it's Saturday morning...the blog will have to wait until I return from a quick trip to the liquor store Farmers’ Market with BFF and Reb. 

Okay, I’m back from the Farmers’ Market with organic produce, vegetarian sushi, mango salad and organic homemade bread and pretzels.  Now I’m ready to blog :)

I guess it's obvious that keeping busy is how I’ve been able to survive this first week without child.  So what exactly have I been doing besides befriending Neighbour and shopping at the Farmers’ Market? 

Well, where do I start? 

I’ve been hanging out quite a bit with BFF and Reb (sorry to BFF’s honey for hogging his wife!) then after blogging I’m off to visit with my parents and Bro (I might even share my vegetarian sushi and mango salad with them!) then tonight I’m going to try to convince Reb to watch a movie with me (maybe Limitless?) so there’s my Saturday!   Sarah who?  :P

On Friday, I left for work at 5:30am and returned at 6pm so in addition to being neighbourly, that was my Friday!  Sarah who? :P

Now the rest of the week wasn’t as cut and dry because I was a tad emotional (just a tad!).  I did the only thing I knew how to do while in an emotional state….

I sat at home re-watching, with a box of tissue, the final episodes of Oprah especially this part which makes me bawl every time thinking about how Sarah changed me "For Good" (I love the music from Wicked!). 

I’ve also been re-reading Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet (one of my favourite books of all-time!) especially the part “On Children”:

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

~ Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet "On Children

I’ve also been compulsively watching Sarah’s favourite episodes of Gilmore Girls including this episode of “You Jump, I Jump, Jack”:

I’ve also been eating anything and everything with sugar!  Particularly ice cream bars with caramel, maltesers and peanut butter cups.  Oh yeah, the other night, I ate an entire cheesecake.  For the record, it was a small cheesecake, but nonetheless, it was an entire cheesecake!  I’m so pathetic!  I can't believe I spent part of my week wallowing in self-pity but I'm much better now because I've been sugarless for 2 days :)

I've also been watching this video of the Glee cast performing "Don't Stop Believing" with a particular interest in the "ba-boom" at the beginning of the video when the cast is introduced.  Sarah loves listening to that "ba-boom" part loudly so you can really hear the base so it's now very comforting to hear that part playing really loud (even if my old ears can't handle it!). 

What else have I been doing?  Well...

I've been busy with work and piano practice.  Even though piano boy genius has left for university, I’m still practicing and will soon be taking lessons from a new teacher (lucky her!).   

I've had many phone conversations with my parents and bro, and many visits and walks with BFF (plus walk with Neighbour which makes me a super-fitness buff!).

I took my cat, Mayah, to the vet because she was scratching and chewing herself.  Sounds gross but it’s the only way I know how to explain it.  Turns out that my cat is emotionally-distraught (like cat carer, like cat)!   She was given a shot of cortisone to help her skin heal.  Yesterday, I bought a special brush to help her get rid of the scabs.  Yum!   How could I possibly be missing Sarah when I have scabs to brush out (not my own scabs!)?

Remember the tick kitten?  Well, every day, I’ve been trying to catch him so I can bring him to the Humane Society so he can get adopted.  I don’t want to worry about that poor kitten out there all alone.  The more I worry about him, the closer I get to adopting him and let’s face it, another cat in this house will definitely make me the cat lady!  Who wants to date the cat lady?  Not that I’m thinking about dating but eventually I’m going to have to get out into the dating world again (ugh!) and I don’t want my profile to read “Sweaty cat lady looking for a man” :P 

I cleaned the house on Tuesday and shockingly, the house has stayed clean (ahem!). 

I've been ordering books online even though I have a gazillion neglected books that are waiting to be read.  Maybe "Without Child - Week #2" will result in lots of reading. (???) 

I’ve also been admiring my monstrous morning glory which has finally decided to bloom. 

Monstrous Morning Glory



Finally a bloom on the monstrous morning glory :)



I’m just realizing that it’s only been 5 days since I’ve seen Sarah but it seems like a lifetime has passed since I saw her.  It feels like I've done more in the last 5 days than I have in the last 6 months (especially the socializing part!).  

Now that I seem to have so much time on my hands, I’m thinking I’ll finally get to organize my photos from Vancouver, Lakehouse, and all of the random photos that have been on my camera for the last 5 months including the photo of Sarah signing her first lease (I know, I know!) but guess what?  My camera battery is dead and I can’t find the battery charger.  I guess I’ll be spending the next week looking for it.  Maybe Sarah accidentally packed my charger so I guess I might have to go visit her next week to find it.  I’m on my way Sarah ….   :)

Oh wait, there's one more thing I've been doing all week...I keep re-playing, in my head, the moment that Sarah bravely told me that it was okay for me to go home.  It was Monday, September 5th around 10am when Sarah came out of the bathroom in her apartment and informed me that it was okay for me to leave.  Say what?  You’re ready for me to leave? Well maybe I’m not ready to leave?  Ever think of that?  I didn’t actually say that but I was certainly thinking it!  Before we left home, I told her that I was prepared to stay with her until she was ready to be on her own and that she needed to tell me when she was ready for me to leave.  I promised her I wouldn’t be offended or hurt when she told me because that was our deal.  I had expected to be there until Wednesday but it turns out she was ready sooner than me!  I just kept thinking “it’s too soon!”  Of course, as soon as she told me about my impending departure, I started to cry and couldn’t control the waterworks.  I knew it was difficult for Sarah to tell me that it was time for me to leave so I desperately tried to stop crying because I didn’t want to upset her.  No matter what I told myself, I couldn’t stop crying.   Sometimes I wish there was an on/off switch for my tears!!! Then I started thinking “there’s still so much to do”.  We still needed to put frames up on the wall, hang her mirror, hang her lantern, wash the stove (still didn’t get around to washing her stove!), get her bus pass, check out the laundromat, play Scrabble, take the bus together to the university (I know, I know, that’s just pathetic of me!), go to the bank, snuggle, pick up the last few things on our “to buy list”, watch Gilmore Girls together, break up the boxes and bring them out to the recycling bin, and the list went on and on in my head.  The poor thing!  She had to watch her mother cry as she struggled to be brave.  Well, an hour or so after the words “you need to leave” were heard, I was on my way back home.  Is it really safe to cry and drive?  I need to snap out of this for my safety and the safety of pedestrians!  I stopped and got gas and bought a bag of maltesers then I stopped and bought a venti soy chai latte and banana loaf at Starbucks then I took out 3 cds that would accompany me on this tearful journey…Adele, Glee and Michael Jackson!  Interesting trio, don’t you think?  Well, it kind of worked because I didn’t cry non-stop for 4.5 hours…it was intermittent.  It was all a teary-eyed, heartbroken girl could ask for…intermittent tears.  I wonder if I could have synched my intermittent windshield washers with my tears….that would have been cool!  Needless to say, I made it home in one piece. 

What has really helped me is that Sarah has called me and texted me every day since that fateful day when she forced me I had to say goodbye and go home without her.  She’s such an amazingly wonderful kid!  I’m really proud and extremely happy for my brave little Sarebear!  So much so that I think those happy emotions have actually overtaken my sad emotions.  Now that’s a miracle :)

I love you Sarah!  xoxoxo

To my daughter

My love.  My life.  My everything.  That's you!

As we pack up the final stuff for your move tomorrow, I thought I'd take the time tonight, while you're out doing some last minute shopping with Reb, to write my weekly blog post since I might not be able to post on Saturday.  Can you believe that tomorrow you are moving away for university (sniff, yay, sniff, yay!)?  There are so many emotions to manage including sadness, happiness, numbness and pride (just to name a few!).  So like a daughter on her wedding day, you must listen to your mother's words of wisdom as I send you off on your next adventure.  Sure, you're the wise one in our relationship but I might just have a few things to say to you that you'll be able to take with you to university  that will comfort you, support you, guide you.

I know I've already mentioned the following in “When I Grow Up” but I think it’s worth repeating.  Here's my prayer for you: 

“That you open your heart and your mind to possibilities that you have not dreamed of and to realms of joy you have hardly imagined;

That you live fully and love deeply;

That you breathe and smile;

That you relax, enjoy, laugh and play;

That you let go, forgive and accept;

That you find meaningful work;

That you serve and contribute;

That you listen, learn and inquire;

That you consider and reflect;

That you cultivate contentment, friendship and flexibility;

That you lighten up, expand, evolve, open up and include;

That you dream;

That you celebrate, appreciate and give thanks;

That you love, appreciate, share, give and receive;

That you walk softly and live gently;

That you surrender and trust;

That you are free to live, to soar, to create, to love, to feel passion for good, and to do the good with passion.”

I know that you're shitting your pants scared right now but I'm here to tell you that you have nothing to fear but fear itself (and the big scary people living in that big scary city you now call home!). Don't let fear paralyze you from achieving what you were meant to achieve and from doing the things you want to do.  I believe in you; I have always believed in you!  Now it's your turn to believe in yourself because hello…it’s official….you are now a university student!  I’m SO very proud of you Sarah!   I know you’ll be just fine because you’ve shown me that you’re ready to spread your wings and you’re ready to soar!  Why am I so confident?  Well you have proven yourself to me so many times that I have no doubts that you will succeed.   You will survive the transition from living at home to living on your own the same way you survived all of the other transitions in your life.   Here’s the proof:

• You went from living a safe, cozy and carefree life inside of my womb (sounds gross, I know!) to being born into this crazy world.  I’m sure you were terrified when you saw the light of day but you survived! 
• You went from being breast fed (I know, I know…you don’t need to be reminded that you were breastfed!) to being bottle fed and eating solid foods...and you survived.
• When you were 2 years old, you went from a crib to a toddler’s bed.  You were scared but you obviously survived and are no longer sleeping in the crib!
• When you were 3 years old, you transitioned from a baby bottle to a cup.  You were scared but you’re obviously no longer drinking from a bottle, at least not a baby bottle (hello frosh week!).
• When you were 4 years old, you went from the toddler bed to a twin-size bed.  You were scared but you obviously survived since you’re no longer sleeping in the toddler bed!
• When you were 3 or 4 years old (I can’t remember exactly how old you were because my memory is starting to fail me, okay?!), you learned how to ride a tricycle.  You were scared but you learned how to ride it.   When you fell off of the tricycle, you got right back on!    
• When you were 3 or 4 years old, you took your first swimming lessson.  You were terrified of the water but look at you now...you love the water!  You even soak in the tub sometimes :P
• When you were 5 years old, the training wheels came off and you learned how to ride a bicycle.  You were scared but you’re obviously no longer riding a tricycle.  When you fell off of the bicycle, you got right back on!
• You were scared (so was I!) on your first day of Jr. Kindergarten but you made it through the first day of school then returned to school the next day and made it through the school year. 
• You were scared on your first day of Kindergarten (so was I!) but you made it through the first day of school then returned to school the next day and made it through the school year.
• You were scared on your first day of Grade 1 (so was I!), but you made it through the first day of school then returned to school the next day and made it through the school year.
• You were scared on your first day of Grade 2 at a new school, in a new city (so was I!), but you made it through the first day of school then returned to school the next day and made it through the school year.  Even though you were at a new school, you made new friends and had great success!
• You were scared on your first day of Grade 3 at a new school (so was I!) but you made it through the first day of school then returned to school the next day and made it through the school year.  Even though you were at a new school, you made new friends and had great success!
• You were scared on your first day of Grade 4 (so was I!) but you made it through the first day of school then returned to school the next day and made it through the school year.
• You were scared on your first day of Grade 5 (so was I!) but you made it through the first day of school then returned to school the next day and made it through the school year.
• When you were 9 years old, you had your first sleepover at a friend’s house.  You were scared to be away from home but you made it through the night without your momma.  You’ve had many other sleepovers since then, and you survived! 
• You were scared on your first day of Grade 6 (so was I!) but you made it through the first day of school then returned to school the next day and made it through the school year.
• You were scared on your first day of Grade 7 at a new school (so was I!) but you made it through the first day of school then returned to school the next day and made it through the school year.  Even though you were at a new school, you made new friends and had great success!
• You were scared on your first day of Grade 8 (so was I!) but you made it through the first day of school then returned to school the next day and made it through the school year.
• You were scared on your first day of Grade 9 (so was I!) but you made it through the first day of school then returned to school the next day and made it through the school year.
• You were scared on your first day of Grade 10 at a new school, in a new town (so was I!), but you made it through the first day of school then returned to school the next day and made it through the school year.  Even though you were at a new school, you made new friends and had great success!
• You were scared on your first day of Grade 11 (so was I!) but you made it through the first day of school then returned to school the next day and made it through the school year.
• When you were 16 years old, you learned how to drive.  You were scared (me more than you!) but you’ve blossomed into a very good and responsible driver. 
• You were scared on your first day of Grade 12 (so was I!) but you made it through the first day of school then returned to school the next day and made it through the school year.

Now you’re starting your first year of university and you’re scared (so am I!), but just as you have lived the last 18 years of your life, including 9 months in the womb, 4 years in daycare, 8 years in elementary school, 2 years in middle school and 4 years in high school, at 5 different schools, with great success (Ontario scholar...ahem!), you will not only survive but I believe that you will truly enjoy your time at university (not too much partying!) learning, growing (freshman 15...ahem!), thriving, discovering and succeeding!  Oh, I know you will because I realized a long time ago that what makes us a strong mother-daughter duo is YOU!!!  I figured this out quickly…I think you were two years old!   So there’s no doubt in my mind that you will be successful.  You are strong, you are resilient and you inspire me!!!

The only thing I worry about (besides the big scary people in the big city!) is that I know you'll be worrying about me, but please don't.  I'm 39 years old so it's about time I prove to you and to every one (including myself) that I can make it on my own.  Trust me, I'll be fine!!!  Leave the worrying to me because you have some partyin' studyin' to do! I also know that you can't just take my word for it so here's proof that I'll be fine:

You really won't have to worry about me because while you're away studying...   

• I'll start drinking.
• I'll be busy with work and piano.
• I’ll be catching up on my reading.
• I’ll be watching my boy haircut grow out. 
• I’ll be dating. 
• I'll start fitness class soon maybe even hot yoga.
• I'll join a cult. 
• I'll be hanging out with Nanny, Poppa, Uncle, BFF, Reb, Andy, Wen Shu, Nan, Pa, Chris, Joe and Jess (hopefully I didn't miss anyone but if I did, it's only because I'm emotionally-distraught!).  I'll also be reconnecting with old friends (warning to Shana, Kirst, Kelly, Chris and Rob!) and possibly developing new friendships!  Provided, of course, they want to hang out with Ms. Waterworks! :)
• I'll be sending you "care" packages often even though there will be little "care" in the package but lots of love!
• I'll be texting you, calling you, facetiming/skyping you and visiting you often (yes, I will!).
• I’ll be blogging. 
• I’ll be watching Gilmore Girls…over and over again! 

In case there’s a small chance that you are missing me bored and I’m not available to chat with you, you can always pull out the Gilmore Girls DVD set and watch an episode or two or an entire season of our favourite show or you could watch these GG clips and think of me.  By the way, the first one is a video I took of GG (hence the shaking!) with our neighbours yelling in the background and Johnson meowing...a little piece of home in the GG video just for you :)

If GG doesn't soothe your achy, breaky, missing-my-mom-terribly heart, always remember these words from one of your favourite Robert Munsch books growing up:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be.

Here’s a link to the story, if you forgot to bring the book with you:  Love you Forever by Robert Munsch. 

Sure, I won’t be there to cook your meals, wash your clothes, tidy your room, wipe your tears, do your dishes, and save you from the big bad spiders that invade your space, but know that I am always with you in spirit.  Sweetie, you can make it on your own!  You’re a brilliant and resourceful young woman with so much potential.  Through the good times and the bad, you’ve always persevered.  Living on your own will be a piece of cake for you!  Don’t forget that I will be seeing you every month whether I will be travelling to see you or you will be coming home.  We will also be chatting on the phone every day and there'll be lots of texting, right?  We will also be using Skype or Facetime (if I splurge and buy an iPhone 4, iPad or MacBook but not likely since I have to pay for my daughter’s education!) a few times per week, right?  You’ll never really have time to miss me since we’ll always be in touch.  Not that I’m worried about you missing me, it’s more like you’ll be worried about me missing you too much!   I can’t wait to hear about university, your courses, the books you’re reading, the stuff you’re learning, the people you’re meeting, the new recipes you're trying, and your adventures in the big city.  You’re starting a new chapter in your life…enjoy every moment!  Never forget how much I love you, that I'll always have your back, that I'll forever be your #1 cheerleader and that I'll always be here for you whenever you need me. 

To quote the brilliant poet, Ralph Waldo Emerson , it’s time for you to “hitch your wagon to a star”. 

I love you Sarah!!!
I’m so proud of you!!!
Good luck!!! 
Have fun!!!
Bon voyage :)

Love,
Mom
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

P.S.  I'll probably be listening to this song (Taylor Swift's Never Grow Up) whenever I feel the need to cry so pretty much all day long for the next three weeks!  :)

P. P. S.  Remember that nightlights are cool!  :)

P.P.P.S.  If you miss me too much, I'd be happy to move to where you are!   :P

P.P.P.P.S.  I'm posting this tonight so we can both get the crying out of the way  :)

“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.  What you'll discover will be wonderful.  What you'll discover is yourself.”  ~Alan Alda