Must Love Sweat

“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things”  ~ George Carlin

On our way to see my parents last Saturday, Sarah and I drove by a church where people were gathering for what we assumed to be a wedding.  My first thought…I wouldn’t want to be getting married on a day like today because it’s so hot and humid.  Who wants to be all sweaty on their wedding day?  Sarah and I laughed about the fact that my husband-to-be would decide as I’m half-way down the aisle, dripping with sweat, that he longer wanted to marry the “sweaty girl”.  Sarah kindly said “yeah but Mom, by the time you get married, he would know that you sweat a lot!”.  True.  Then Sarah suggested that we put “must love sweat” in my dating profile.  Not that I have a dating profile but nonetheless, a very funny thought.  I think it’s sweat sweet that Sarah would:

a) think about creating a dating profile for her mother, and

b) make reference to a John Cusack movie (come on, don’t you remember the movie “Must Love Dogs” with Diane Lane?). 

Of course, this has me thinking:

a) will I ever get married,

b) do I need a dating profile to find a man, and

c) do I really sweat that much? 

Honestly, I’ve never put much thought into any of the above.  Okay, I may have wondered a million few times whether or not I’d ever get married and I may have asked myself a bazillion few times why I was cursed blessed with overactive sweat glands but when it comes to creating a dating profile, I haven’t put much thought into it because "I've been there, done that!".  That's right, way back in the day when online dating sites were “up and coming”, BFF and I experimented a lot a bit with those sites.  Now this was back in 1999 and 2000 so it almost seems like my online dating experiences were over a decade ago, wait a minute, they were over a decade ago…how is that possible when I’m so young???  I won’t get into too much of BFF’s online dating experiences because she’s married now and I respect her husband way too much to talk about her pre-husband dating life but before I move on to my experiences, I’d like to remind BFF of the granola-eating, Lord Byron poetry reading, hairy crazy man.  Remember him?  Or maybe you remember the “actor” with the long neck who asked if you could drive to the restaurant on your first date because he didn’t have enough gas in his car?  We have so many stories to tell but some of my "funniest” online dating moments include meeting a guy, who on our first “date”, asked me if I wanted to go to a rave then proceeded to tell me that he’d provide the ecstasy.  So sweet...next!  Another guy told me, again on our first “date”, that he worked in a government lab that conducted research on HIV and AIDS.  He told me that I needn’t worry because he got tested often for STDs.  So reassuring...next!  Oh the memories! 

How many times have you seen ads for online dating sites?  They are everywhere making you feel inadequate because you're single!!!  I won’t mention any names but you know what I’m talking about but back in the day, there were only a few sites.  I had to meet a plethora of losers before finding a man that I fell in love with and lived with for over 5 years.  Many of the losers men I met had “expectations” if you know what I mean.  Honestly, I’m not that kind of girl so those “dates” ended rather quickly.   The best thing about the online dating sites was being able to share the hilarity of it with BFF.   Of course, we were very careful when we met these men for the first time.  We always told each other where we were going and who we were with and any other information that would have helped the police track us down if we went missing.  Seriously!  I wonder how many women today take those precautions when meeting a man for the first time that they met online?  It’s a scary world out there ladies…be careful! 

A serious alert goes out to all women on the dating site "POF" because...wait for it...my ex (remember "X"?) was on that site before I met him (he claimed to have "met" over 100 women on that site which should have been the first sign that I needed to stay away from him...what was I thinking???) and when I saw him in January, he told me that he was back on the "POF" site (ewww!).  Ladies, do you need any other reasons to avoid online dating sites?  It bothers me that I can’t remember the name of the site because it would be an important PSA for all the single ladies.  Let me think.  Okay, I just did a Google search and found it (I hope my computer doesn’t end up with a "virus" now...hehehe!).  The site is called Plenty of Fish.  How pathetic!  Who would want to go looking for a man on a site called “plenty of fish”???   The site should be called "plenty of dead fish" or "plenty of rotting fish" or "plenty of fish with missing eyeballs" or "plenty of floating fish" or "plenty of desperate fish looking for a nibble" or "plenty of flushed-down-the-toilet fish" :) 

I need to focus because this blog post isn’t about fish or online dating, it’s about sweat!  When did sweat start getting a bad rap?  If I said perspiration would it be less offensive to the sweat haters?  According to Wikipedia, sweat is the production of a fluid consisting primarily of water as well as various dissolved solids (yum!) that is excreted by the sweat glands in the skin of mammals.  In humans, sweating is primarily a means of thermoregulation, although it has been proposed that components of sweat can act as phermonal cues (ha! can you smell me now?).   How would I regulate my body temperature or repel attract a man if I didn't sweat?  Well guess what?  Some men think sweat is sexy (it must be the pheromones!).  That’s right, I’ve actually been told that sweat is sexy but I wonder if the time and place made the difference (ahem!). 

Since Sarah suggested that my man (that made me chuckle because I was thinking of Rachel on Big Brother saying “no one gets between me and my man”) "must love sweat", I can't help but wonder what other "must haves" he should possess (because I've never thought about it...not!).  But before I start the list, I think it’s important to mention that I don’t sweat that much.  Really, I don’t!  Seriously!  Don’t you believe me?  Yes, I do sweat when I exercise.  Yes, I do sweat when I see a cute guy.  Yes, I do sweat when I’m in a sauna.  Yes, I do sweat when I'm dancing (it's a great workout, okay?).  Yes, I do sweat when I’m standing in 30 degree Celsius weather.  Yes, I do sweat when I’m being active (ahem!).  Yes, I do sweat when I have a high fever.  And it’s quite possible that I sweat when I get nervous (okay, quite possible = highly probable!).  I think the nervous sweat is different than the other sweat because it's more of the “sweat is pouring down my back” and “pit stains are forming” kind of sweat (sorry, just being honest!) so does it still count?  Oh yeah, I’d probably sweat during hot yoga too which reminds me of a funny story.  This morning, I told BFF that I was thinking about taking hot yoga which is offered at a yoga studio near my office.  I told her that I thought it might be good for my frozen shoulder to take a hot yoga class even if I can’t do all of the moves (yes, I’m using the shoulder as an excuse for not being able to do the yoga moves!).  She snootily kindly said that yes, the heat might be good for my shoulder but I'd probably have to show up in a terry cloth outfit to absorb all of my sweat.  Can you believe her?!?  As it usually does, the conversation got a little out of control…we wondered if I could do hot yoga in a tub to collect the sweat or maybe a baby pool or maybe we could “McGyver” an eaves trough system that would allow the sweat to drip off of my body into a cup bucket.  Wow…can't wait to sign up for hot yoga! Who wants to join me?  I wonder if I can request the following song during yoga class?

Man, I loved that song in high school!  While the video played, I couldn't help but get up and boogie (how could you not?).  I must admit that it made me sweat a little. 

Okay, so enough about me and my sweat, let’s get to that list of “Tracey's man musts”:

Must be Greek

Must be kind, loving, caring, sweet, respectful, generous, compassionate, loyal, responsible (etc...)

Must be tall, dark and handsome (beauty is in the eye of the beholder so short, fair-skinned, fat and ugly might be all I could get what I seek!)

Must be motivated to succeed (whatever success is for him!)

Must respect my need for alone/quiet time

Must be John Cusack

Must love nature and/or outdoors and animals

Must be active (so he can motivate me to be active!)

Must respect my need to write in my journal and will absolutely not read my journal (even when he finds it open on my bed!)

Must have similar morals and values (an absolute must!)

Must be funny or at least have a sense of humour or at the very least laugh at my “jokes”

Must be willing to accept my dorky ways

Must have a brain (and use it!)

Must be willing to negotiate (as I am!)

Must love to travel or at least financially support my dream to see the world

Must love to read or at the very least must accept that I love to read (and buy books!)

Must love me "just as I am"

Must love himself or at least be open to learning how to love himself

Must love kissing me (and other related activities!)

Must love my family and friends (or at least tolerate them!)

Must love my blog!!!

Okay, so maybe “the must list” is unrealistic because I've omitted so much from the list the “perfect” man doesn’t exist (John Cusack…ahem!) but I’ve never been willing to settle for anything less, hence the reason why I’m still single!  I know I’m special (yes, I do!) so I need an equally-special man to spend the rest of my life with (and every day that goes by, that lifetime gets a little shorter!).   After my last disastrous relationship, I’ve been unable to think about being in another relationship much less jump into another one, hence the reason why I’ve been single for over a year.  I know, I know, when you fall off of your bike, you should get right back on but my knees and elbows are scraped, my ankle is twisted, my baby finger is broken, my nose is bleeding, my front tooth is broken, my spandex bike shorts are ripped, my nail is chipped, my mascara is running from all of the tears, and I have a concussion so I’m not ready to get back on the bike yet (I want my mommy!).  When the time is right, the “perfect” man will appear in my life.  By perfect, I don’t mean that he’s perfect because no one is perfect (well, I’m as close as they get to perfection, I guess).  I simply mean that he is perfect for me!  Finding my true love, my life partner, my husband is worth the weight wait (I hope!).  Oh yeah, and did I mention...he must love sweat :P

P.S.  What do you think...should I have named the blog post "Slippery when wet"?

Texts from Me to Me

On the bus, on my way home from work, I started looking for some “important information” that I had stored on my phone.   How was it stored, you ask?  Well, as text messages, of course!   So who was texting me this "important information"?  Me!  Yes, that’s right.  I texted the information to myself!   Am I the only one who texts information to themselves?   Why do people (by people, I mean family and friends!) look at me like I’m crazy when I say “just wait, I texted it to myself” or "just wait, I need to text something to myself"?  What I discovered, the other day on the bus, was that the only thing crazy about texting to myself is the content of those texts!  Settle down, it's not that kind of text!  It was rather amusing and most some of it made little sense to me.  I know, I know…something doesn’t make sense to me…that’s shocking!  :)

I thought it might be fun to share my texts from Me to Me with You and You.  Doesn’t that sound like fun?  Keep reading, you’ll enjoy it!  If you don’t, well, you’ve only wasted a few minutes of your time (like you haven’t already wasted hours reading my blog so what’s a few more minutes?).

Here's a screen shot of my iPhone as proof of the conversations that occur between Me and Me:

These are some random texts I’ve sent from Me to Me for your reading pleasure along with my crude remarks commentary (FYI - the typos are in the text messages not in this blog!):

• Level 1 A-E  (I can never remember where I park so I send myself a text)
• Mill Street Lemon Tea Beer (I must have forgotten that I texted this to myself because I still haven’t tried it!)
• Journey from zanskar (???)
• TVO Sunday 8pm – Stephen Hawking (I probably didn't watch it because I forgot!)
• Natur Wednesday 8pm – Bear Island (I probably meant Nature Channel…I hate it when I find typos in my texts from Me to Me!)
• Door code 562 (If I didn’t text the code to myself, I’d never know how to get in my office!  P.S.  The code has since changed.)
• Level 1 J1 (I’d never find my parked car if it wasn’t for my texts from Me to Me!)
• I want to say hey, I don’t want this geeling to end, anything can happen on a night like this lyrics (I was probably in the car – sorry but I used to text and drive but not anymore – and was listening to a song on the radio that I wanted to download so I texted the lyrics to myself)
• Shawn Desmond night like this (Well what d'ya know....the DJ came on at the end of the song and gave me the name of the song and artist.  Go figure!)
• Eaarth by bill mcgibbon (I believe this is a book that Nan recommended…still haven’t read it!)
• Level 1 A-E  (Duh!)
• Peaches, bananas, berries, hot dog buns, yellow beans, cilantro (grocery list!)
• Book – The art of devotion (bought it but never read it…my life story!)
• Purple ribbon, proactiv and satellite (if I remember correctly, this is a list of things I needed to bring to BFF’s before the wedding – satelitte?)
• Her hatred of doing dishes (a definite reference to BFF!)
• Sweater or shawl in case you get gold (a reminder for BFF at the rehearsal dinner or for the wedding…not sure...in case she gets gold?)
• Appreciate gg and glee (a definite reference to BFF’s honey)
• Andy was practically in diapers (I’m starting to think that these were my thoughts for my Maid of Honor speech at BFF’s wedding)
• Grace before dinner? (question to ask BFF about her wedding)
• Stories of motherhood – our daughters have grown up together (yup, definitely notes for my speech…I think I’m going to start crying!)
• We cried and we laughed together (I’m starting to tear up….)
• May the force be with you (oh the memories!)
• Live long and prosper (I seriously needed to text these last two texts to myself because I'm not a Star Trekkie nor a Star Warsie so when these funny tidbits for my speech came to me - possibly in a dream! - I didn't want to forget them)

I think I’ll need to skip the next few texts because they are all notes from my speech, and I will seriously start to cry if I piece the speech together again.  Moving on...

• Parking P1 section 3E (I think when BFF makes her speech at my wedding, she’s definitely going to have to read through my texts from Me to Me for some good “make fun of me” material.  Speaking of making fun of me, she's probably laughing at me right now thinking "Tracey talking about getting married" now that's something to laugh about!)
• D4 miss tight winkles across from escalators (okay, sadly this is another reference to help me find my parked car but I obviously had a few typos…how the heck did I manage to find my car near miss tight winkles?)
• Jeggings size 2 regular tinted medium wash and dark indigo wash $59.50 (Size 2…obviously not for me!)
• Sri chinmoy (bless you!)
• Questions regarding iMac: hard drive – same specs as old one? Install new OS? Still compatible with Microsoft Office software (my list of items to discuss at the Apple Store when our iMac needed some TLC)
• D2 peoples (another parking reference…this cracks me up!  Yes, I realize I’m probably the only one laughing.  I can’t believe you’re still reading!)
• Beres tokji Hungarian wine (interesting selection but why bother when nothing beats my favourite…Yellow Label Shiraz!)
• Savare or foreigh affair winery (what the hell?)
• Ripesso (???)
• Shiraz fielding (was I reading a wine magazine?)
• Michael Helm (was he my blind date?)
• Door code 314 (can I remember anything?)
• Digital mammogram, ultrasound, breast tomosynthesis (am I now a med student?)
• Do media lead or reflect what exists? (interesting thought…stolen or original?  Who knows???)
• The Thin Place, Refresh, The Happiness Project, Panini cookbook (book wish list? I’ve read 1 out of 4 but own 2 out of 4)
• When things fall apart by pema chodron (???)
• P215/60R16 (I think this has something to do with tires but I’m not sure if it’s tires on my bike or my car)
• Fat32 (what?)
• Mayah vet 3:40 Wednesday (I’m now sending myself reminder texts for appointments? Why not just add it to the calendar on my phone?  That’s too smart for an idiot-savant genius!)
• Harpervartitac (???)
• Buttersop (???)
• Book – Song of Solomon (on my to be read list!)
• Wifi work – 0101010101010101010101010101010101010 (there were different numbers but again, it seems my texts have turned into data storage)
• 134/80 blood pressure (am I dying?)
• Echo design iPhone gloves (very cool but I never bought them…I’d love to use my iPhone in the winter without freezing my fingers!)
• “Nailed it” (not only is this a bizarre statement but it’s also in quotation marks…I’m weird!)
• Fiscally conservative and socially progressive (that’s my ideal political party…besides communism!)
• Puffy and pife (???)
• Patrick White (riders) book (never read it!)
• What up? (I’m getting scared…am I sending myself a text asking me “what up?”)
• Awesomeness (wow…now I’m sending myself texts that describe me!)
• It’s going to be – wait for it – legen…dary (my favourite quote from “How I Met Your Mother”)
• Relationship ectomy (another med school term?)
• CBC geek logic and bad decision (possibly a radio program that I was listening to and wanted to remember?)
• Coallest (making up words?)

At this point, I start texting myself ideas for my blog so I’ll skip over these texts because you’ve probably already read it in my blog since you’ve read EVERY blog post (right?). 

• Me wearing skinny jeans – oxymoron? (this is the funniest text message from Me to Me.  An insulting text to myself…I love it!)
• Those clothes are pre-worn…ewwwwwwwwww (no clue why I texted this to myself but it obviously meant something to me at some point)
• Possimpeble (either I’m trying to make up new words or it’s from “How I Met Your Mother”)
• Banana bread vs banana loaf (I believe this was an ingenious idea for a blog post but it never happened or they are names of wrestlers…definitely an intriguing topic for a future blog post!)
• Or banana bread loaf (now I’m on to something…I can’t believe I never blogged about this!!!)
• You have to find a way to connect to the story.  Advice to Sarah re: King Lear (I can’t even remember the advice I want to give to my own daughter so I have to text it to myself?  Motherly advice regarding Shakespeare…I think I’ll start a parenting blog!)
• When you consider the possibiilituwa ie hypothesis quantum physics.  Einstein. Then should is okay.  (What the hell was I thinking?  A physicist must have taken over my body and sent "herself", aka ME, a text.)
• Is math real or discovered?  (wow…the thoughts that run through this crazy head of mine!)
• Pa Pa tree fruit are good for you.  To encourage fruit you need cross pollination you need another tree (strange…sex ed for trees?)
• My pathology – if you don’t want me then I don’t want to be wanting you (must have been right after my therapy session!)
• Petrie dish (hmmmm…I wonder what this means? Was I preparing for a new science experiment? Maybe I was going to try to cross pollinate seeds from the Pa Pa tree?)
• Vicksburg vapo rub (I think I meant to type Vicks but the phone auto-corrected…this was the product I was looking for at the pharmacy for my shoulder.  I believe I blogged about it.)
• Book to re-read: The Chrysalids (never re-read it…actually, I don’t even remember reading it!)
• 1714  (probably my lover’s my hotel room number…yes, I’d probably forget that too!)
• Chai Chiller = organic chai, coconut milk, banana, soy milk, nutmeg, cinnamon (yummy drink I tried at Refresh…need to make it!)
• Mango salad roll, spring roll, dumplings, won ton soup, fried vermicelli with bean sprouts and soya sauce (man, now I’m hungry!)
• Annabel Lyon – The Golden Mean (bought it…didn’t read it YET! I said “yet”, okay?)
• Virseum (Geez…I hope it’s not something dirty because I have no idea.  Another word that I made up?)

I’m embarrassed to tell you this but there have been many more parking references which I have chosen to ignore but I thought I’d let you know that there are many more…my memory hasn’t improved over time (just in case you were wondering!). 

• Room 1213  (no comment! just kidding!!!)

There are many references to our trip to Vancouver but since I still intend on writing a blog post about our trip to the West Coast, I’ll skip those texts. 

• Cheese, hummus, Havarti, tortillas (Costco list!)
• Books – indigo, women of the way, rebel buddha (I didn’t buy any of them!  Proud of me?)
• Maltesers 165g ($3.99) Whoppers 113g ($1.49) (I was collecting data for an upcoming blog post!)
• Endless dock syndrome (if you read my blog posts, you’ll understand this text…I didn’t want to forget what Sarah named it! Yes, she has the brains in our family.)
• Figure out what you want and learn to ask for it (sounds like advice someone gave me but who?)
• Nnnnblohg laughter (I was listening to CBC Radio and decided I wanted to write a blog post about laughter so I asked my brother to send me a text…from my phone to me but his fingers kept hitting the “n” instead of the “b”.)
• Lollygag perNitious (to be incorporated into an upcoming blog post, right bro?)

So what have I discovered about myself?  Or better yet…what have you discovered about me?  What do my texts from Me to Me reveal about Me?  I'm a dork.  I’m weird.  I’m strange.  I have zero memory capacity left in my brain.  I love books (to buy, not read!).  I’d forget what I need at the grocery store if I couldn’t text myself a list.  I wouldn’t remember what books I wanted to buy (and not read!) if I couldn’t text the name of the books to myself.  I probably wouldn’t have written a speech for BFF’s wedding if it wasn’t for piecing together all of my text messages from Me to Me.  My car would be in parking garage purgatory if it wasn’t for the texts I sent myself!

What did I ever do before I had my iPhone?  Did I manage to pick up everything I needed at the store?  Was I ever able to find my car?  The scary thing is that I don’t remember sending these texts to myself so I can’t help but wonder “what kind of texts do I send to other people?”  Settle down, I'm not talking about the texts I send when I'm drunk-texting :P

I’m curious…do you ever send texts from You to You?  If yes, what was the strangest text you ever sent yourself?  Go ahead, look at your phone and then share your text(s) with us.  Come on, I can’t be the only dork who sends texts to herself!  Also, if you can make sense of the texts that I put question marks next to, feel free to educate me :)

Happy texting (to yourself, of course!)

P.S.  Is it wrong that I get excited when my phone rings to alert me that I have a new text message?   Even if that new text is from Me :)

Chasing Loons

You’re probably really excited right now thinking “wow…she actually posted on Saturday as promised” and “yay…a blog post about her dating life!”.  Sorry to disappoint but this isn't a blog post about my dating history.  Do you really want to read about the "loons" I've "chased" in my lifetime?  If so, I’ve got some stories to tell but this isn’t the time because I haven't dated anyone since X (would you want to date after that horrible experience?), I don't really have anything to share about my love life (only that it's lacking!) so instead, you're going to have to read about…wait for it…my most recent vacation.  What does that have to do with chasing loons?  Well, our summer vacation was filled with mucho memories including some exciting moments of chasing loons (yes, real loons!) and also our recovery from EDS (Endless Dock Syndrome!). 

A few weeks ago, BFF mentioned that we should go away with my daughter Sarah and her daughter Reb.  I don’t know why I typed them individually because I should really have typed "our" daughters Sarah and Reb since BFF is NVM to Sarah and I'm NVM to Reb (NVM = non-vag moms…a cutesy name created by Sarah in reference to her “favourite” mom, BFF).  Since Sarah is going away to university in September (have you heard?), who knows if going away on summer vacation with her Mom will be a priority for Sarah after this summer? 

Okay, I'm back.  I had to weep a little after typing that last sentence and unfortunately, I can’t type and weep at the same time.  I'm much better now!  Where was I?  Oh yeah, so we thought it might be nice to get away for a bit, just the four of us.  When we asked the girls what they'd like to do for vacay (short for  vacation - I don't know why I have to shorten everything - getting  lazy in my old age, I guess or I'm getting hip in my old age - you decide!), the girls responded in unison "camping".  Ugh!  Don't get me wrong I love to camp but as I get older (and lazier?), the thought of organizing all of our camping gear, lugging all of that camping gear, setting up the campsite, taking down the campsite, lugging the camping gear back home then making sure it's ready to go for the next camping  trip makes me cringe but if that's what the girls want to do, great  let's go (ugh!).  Before that happens, I wonder if my friend Mr. Lakehouse has rented out his lakehouse for the summer yet.  Remember that this conversation is happening towards the end of June.  As if his lakehouse wouldn't be fully booked by now?  Regardless, I send him an email asking about his house. Surprisingly, it's not rented the first week of July which is when we want to go on vacay..yay!    We didn't want to interfere with Sarah's summer job (which is still non-existent!) so leaving shortly after grad day was important.  So the “Lakehouse” was officially booked from July 2th to 9th.  Woohoo!!!

I’m so grateful to Mr. Lakehouse for letting us stay at his house for the week because it was an amazingly relaxing week and so many wonderful memories were created.  When we arrived, the first thing I wanted to do was jump in the lake.  We arrived around 5pm and the sun was glistening on the lake making it sparkle.  I wondered if I would sparkle too if I jumped in the lake. So I stripped down to my underwear and jumped in the lake.  Glorious!  Our first day ended with all four of us sitting in bed together.  Two of us were reading, two of us were on our laptops and one of us was staring at her reflection in the wall-mounted fireplace.   Yes, I can count (remember, I’m a math geek?).  One of us was actually on the laptop and reading.  That dork was me!  Speaking of dork, I need to ask you a question.  What would you do when staying at a cottage or hotel:  a) hang up your clothes and put your belongings in drawers, b) live out of your suitcase/backpack, or c) leave your clothes in a heap on the floor?  Well, I’m sure you will all agree with me that a) is the only preferable option!  But enough about the slobs that I lived with for a week (just kidding!)…let’s move onto the memories.

While at the lakehouse, we kept our friends and family abreast of our activities on Facebook (speaking of breasts, I also changed my blog pic to a "racy" photo of me chilaxing by the lake - what do you think...too much cleavage skin?). One of my FB statuses was simply "Chasing loons".  Brilliant, I know.  I was, of course, inspired by Adele's "Chasing Pavements". Her song came to my mind when I was chasing after the loons to see how close I could get to them (and I also wanted a great photo!).  My reading was interrupted often by the loons teasing me with their cries so I’d jump out of my comfy chair, prepared to see them “up close and personal” only to see that they were much further than their sound (I’m now interested in reading a book on the science of sound…any suggestions?).  Anyways, we also tried getting close to them in the canoe but they are just too fast (do you know how long they can stay underwater?) or we’re too slow stupid!  Speaking of stupid, at one point, I ran into the woods, thinking that I would get a great view of the loons on the other side of the woods but as I ran closer to them, they swam further away from me.  As the loons were being entertained by me, I was being entertained by the sound of Adele singing in my head:

Of course, BFF in her brilliance (my brilliance was once again overshadowed by her more brilliance!) commented on my status: "A loon chasing a loon".  Yup, that sums it up nicely!  I showed her though because I snapped the best shot of the loon.  Yes, I did!  Unfortunately, that "best shot" was captured with...wait for it...her camera!  I didn't have my camera outside with me (I had taken a 5 minute break from chasing loons okay!) so I grabbed the camera next to me thinking it was Sarah's camera but BFF informed me that night (with a devilish smile!) that I had captured the best photo of our vacation with her camera (Sarah and BFF have the same camera).  I tried to convince myself that it was okay and that "the photos are all in the family"  but the truth is that I had to beg and plead to get that photo from her so I could post it on my blog.  Okay, it might not have been that difficult to get the photo (she sent it to me as soon as I asked her along with other photos!) but nonetheless, it will be nearly impossible to get a copyright protection on the photo since it's not on my camera.  Okay, I digress.  Here’s the shot of the century :)   

Yes, that's right.  All of my work "chasing loons" paid off with this "money shot".

Of course, our vacation wasn’t just about chasing loons.  You’re probably still wondering about my earlier reference to EDS (Endless Dock Syndrome).  Well, that diagnosis comes from my brilliant daughter.  We spent a lot of our time (when we weren’t afraid to melt from the intense heat of the sun!) on the dock.  For those of you who have spent lots of time on a dock, you’re probably familiar with the swaying movements created by the water even when calm.  It’s a very soothing feeling…when you’re on the dock!  When you are no longer on the dock and still feel yourself swaying as if you’re on the dock, it’s somewhat disturbing.  I especially felt it when I was standing still or when I was lying in bed.  At first, you’re not sure what’s happening but are extremely grateful when you hear someone else talking about how they fell like they are swaying (I’m not crazy afterall!).  Once we discovered that we all felt that endless feeling of swaying.  Sarah named the “condition” Endless Dock Syndrome or as it’s now known in our circle “EDS’.  The symptoms of EDS only went away two or three days after we returned from the lakehouse.  Oh how I miss that feeling!  I’m outside, in my backyard, under a tree, typing this blog post and I’m trying to imagine what it would feel like to be on the dock with my laptop.  Maybe I’d be afraid of having my laptop fall into the lake which reminds me of my near-death experience at the lake…

Brace yourselves because it’s a good one!   BFF, Sarah and Reb left for a couple of hours so I decided to sit on the dock all by myself and read under BFF’s new beach umbrella. If you’re fair-skinned like us (Sarah is the exception!), you can’t sit out on the dock during the peak sunburning hours so we were banished to the shade, away from the dock but still close to the lake, for most of the day.  BFF decided that she would buy an umbrella so we could sit on the dock during the day.  The only problem with the beach umbrella is that there is no place to “stick it” so we tucked it between two wooden Adirondack chairs to stabilize it.  That works fine if there are two people sitting in those chairs but when you’re alone on the deck, bad things happen to beach umbrellas!  I’d like to say that tornado swept in and took the umbrella with it but I’m not that dramatic (ahem!) so the truth is that it only took a slight breeze mild wind to pick up the umbrella and blow it into the lake, top down of course.  So what do I do?  Well, I jump in the lake to rescue the umbrella of course.  Remember when I told you about my frozen shoulder in a previous blog post?  Well, I still have that damn frozen shoulder so when I jumped into the lake to save the umbrella, I hurt my shoulder BADLY (and I’m not being dramatic!).   As I was dealing with the pain of my shoulder, I was watching the umbrella sink quickly to the bottom of the lake.  In that moment, I became a hero.  Actually, I became a superhero with a gimp arm (doesn’t having a gimp arm automatically make me a superhero?!). I dove down to the bottom of the lake and retrieved the umbrella (can you picture it?).  The problem was that the umbrella was drowning top down so as I pulled up the umbrella (with only one good arm!), I was also bringing up half the lake in the umbrella so it was extremely heavy.  Never one to give up, I eventually rescued the umbrella.  I slowly swam the umbrella to the dock, and placed it gently on the dock (poor thing was traumatized!) while I headed for the ladder to climb out of the lake.  Sure the lake is only 7 feet deep next to the dock where the umbrella was drowning but it was still a death-defying feat on my part!  You’re welcome umbrella! 

Speaking of saving lives, you might also be interested in hearing about the other lives that I saved at the lakehouse (I’m a superhero, remember?).  One night, while we were playing Monopoly (I think that’s the night it happened), I saved a spider from certain death after hearing Sarah shriek.  I put the “scary” spider in a container and was opening the door to release him with the other creepy crawlies when I was attacked by a swarm of shad flies that were clinging to the door because they were attracted to the lights in the house.  Yikes!  I think I probably swallowed a hundred shad flies (so much for the vegetarian diet!) and another thousand shad flies made their way into the sun room (thankfully I had closed the doors in the sun room so the house was saved!).  Needless to say, the spider escaped (and probably found its way to Sarah’s room!) and the next morning, we found ourselves having to clean up hundreds of dead bodies; bodies of dead shad flies in the sunroom (it turns out that their life span is a mere 24 hours so at least they got to spend time in the sunroom!).  Always one to look on the positive side, having to clean up all of those corpses meant that I was able to use the Dyson vacuum that I had been thinking about since I set my eyes on that bad boy a couple of days earlier.  Oh the suction power of a Dyson!  I’m now itching to purchase my very own Dyson.  BFF’s mom posted the most hilarious comment on my Facebook status in which I shared my love for the Dyson.   Her comment:  “Will a Dyson vacuum all by itself?  If not you will definitely have to look for a husband.”  So I went from chasing loons to chasing Dyson to now needing to chase a husband who will use the Dyson.  Wow…what a week! 

Is it possible that we could have more memories to share from a one-week vacation?  Well of course :)

This is my favourite photo taken by BFF
(those are my beloved Crocs!)

I forgot to mention that there were actually 5 houseguests staying at the lakehouse.  You’re probably thinking “wow…did Tracey sneak a man into the lakehouse?”.  Geez, who do you think I am???  According to two people in the lakehouse (I’m not going to reveal who the crazy people are in my posse!), the lakehouse was haunted by a ghost!  I’m thankful for not being cursed blessed with a sixth sense (wasn’t that a great movie?) because I didn’t hear a thing but I must say that I was pretty creeped out thinking about the house being haunted. Not surprisingly, the ghost was given a name…”Fred”.  I’m hoping that Fred decided not to follow us home and that he enjoys staying at the lakehouse.  If I were him, I’d stay by the lake! 

In addition to the remarkable company that I kept (all 4 of them!), I will always remember the yummy vegetarian food!  The in-house cooks, BFF and Reb, prepared lasagna, quiche, chilli, veggie burgers, potato salad, mixed greens, poutine, fried tofu and veggies, pancakes and quinoa burgers.  For those of you thinking that I was catered to all week, you should know that yes, I was spoiled but I was also a slave to these girls!  I washed dishes (the dishes that didn’t fit in the dishwasher!), made French Toast and scrambled eggs, and I was responsible for boiling the water for tea, and for cutting the watermelon and mangoes (it was no vacation!). 

Other memorable events include (please note that the following photos are all mine and easily copyrighted by me because they are on my camera except the photo of the deer which was on BFF's camera):

My modeling stint on the “catwalk” (I’m a superhero and supermodel! Too bad there's no photo of this!)

Bird watching (loons, great blue herons (my fave!) and woodpeckers, just to name a few but in this photo, you're seeing microscopic loons)

Meeting our friends SQ, the squirrel and “Scoot”, the hybrid squirrel/chipmunk

Swimming in the lake (I’m a water baby!)

Seaweed (thanks Sarah for throwing a piece of seaweed at me that stuck to my back and I couldn't reach it because of my stoopid gimp arm...argh! + ew = arghew!)

Canoeing

Fruit to Go (no comment!)

Fishermen

Schools of fish (there were even fish that enjoyed nibbling on toes!)

Snails

Rocks (BFF built an Inukshuk with the rocks)

Total relaxation (!!!)

Reading (we had to do a book run to a local bookstore mid-vacation because some peeps had already read all of their books…we’re a dork crew!  I think the total # of books read that week was 10...not bad for 4 people - not counting Fred!)

Movies (I watched No Strings Attached and Bridesmaids)

Bathtub (loved it!)

Geothermal heating/cooling system (very cool! no pun intented!)

SkeeterVac which eliminated (so cruel!) most of the insects within an acre of the apparatus except for the deer flies that were intent on escaping death in order to munch on chunks of my flesh (ugh!)

Oodles of laughter (hehehehahahahehehehahahahehehehahaha!!!)

Family Game Night/Family Big Brother Night (the season premiere of Big Brother 13 was on so that trumped board games...just sayin')

Trees (my favourite was this one...anyone know the species?  Poplar? Birch?  The leaves made a lovely rustling sound in the wind which reminded us of windchimes, if that helps!)

Deer (here’s one we encountered while driving to the lakehouse but thankfully it wasn't a close encounter!)

Campfire (I'm so lucky to have a BFF who knows how to start a campfire in less than 60 seconds…who needs a boyfriend when I have my BFF?)

Sunrises and sunsets

I know you're supposed to end with the sunset but I had to save the best for last which actually happened on our way home from the lakehouse so if I was listing the events in chronological order (which I'm not!) then this memorable event would have come last:

As we approached Packenham (a small town), there was a "Welcome to Packenham" sign that resulted in the following question (and subsequently lots of laughter!): 

“Are you "packin' ham" or are you just happy to see me?” :)

Who needs to pay for entertainment when you can hang out with us? 

Not only was the week blissfully peaceful, we were able to share quality time together and make great memories.  I can’t thank Mr. Lakehouse enough for his generosity (spanks!).  Being able to spend the week with “my girls” was truly wonderful.  I’m so lucky!!!  I think the week would be best described using some of Mr. Lakehouse’s lingo:  Sweet.  Nice.  Good times. 

Spanks for the memories :P