“Spring passes and one remembers one's innocence. Summer passes and one remembers one's exuberance. Autumn passes and one remembers one's reverence. Winter passes and one remembers one's perseverance.” ~ Yoko Ono
Have you ever heard a story or a song and thought “that couldn’t have come at a better time!”? In the last two weeks, I’ve experienced it at least three times and most likely, for a reason because I don’t believe in coincidences.
The first came while watching Oprah’s MasterClass with Goldie Hawn. She told the ancient mythical story of a mother and daughter: Demeter and Persephone.
According to Greek mythology, first on earth stands Gaia, the goddess Earth herself, and her most powerful manifestation, Demeter, goddess of all things that grow on earth. The earth once enjoyed an unending season of temperate weather, perfect for the growth of all plant life. Because trees were always green and flowers always bloomed, the world was filled with life and beauty. Human beings lived amidst plenty, for crops always grew in abundance, and the gods were pleased to have so many worshipers.
The goddess responsible for the earth's bounty was Demeter, the goddess of the grain and the harvest. Her sweet and lovely daughter Persephone, the Maiden of Spring, gladdened Demeter's heart, and Demeter's love and happiness kept the earth in bloom.
Demeter and Persephone were seldom far from each other, but occasionally Persephone would wander out of her mother's sight while picking flowers. One day as Hades, lord of the Underworld, watched the lovely maiden collecting blossoms, Eros, the mischievous god of love, shot an arrow from his bow straight into Hades' heart.
Hades immediately fell in love with Persephone and determined that she must marry him and become queen of the Underworld. As the maiden bent to gather more flowers, the ground beside her opened wide. Out from the gaping hole in the ground came Hades, in a chariot drawn by a team of mighty black horses. Hades seized the terrified girl and dragged her into his chariot. Then he turned his horses' heads and raced back down into the shadows with his prize.
Persephone cried out to her mother, but it was too late. The earth closed above her, shutting out the sunlight and the beautiful meadow. At the end of the dark journey, Persephone found herself in the kingdom of the dead, where Hades ruled, and where he intended that she should rule beside him.
Meanwhile Demeter, having heard her daughter's cry, rushed to find her, but Persephone had disappeared.
Overcome by grief, Demeter searched for her daughter. Finally she asked Apollo, the sun-god, who could have taken Persephone away from her. Apollo replied that Persephone now ruled over the kingdom of the dead with Hades, who had taken her for his bride. The thought of her precious, lively daughter trapped in the shadowy wasteland of Hades broke Demeter's heart. She left her home on Mt. Olympus and wandered the earth dressed as an old woman. No one recognized her in her mourning.
For an entire year Demeter refused to allow the earth to bloom. She did not bless the crops or look with favor on the harvest. Every growing thing withered and died; the once green earth turned brown and barren. All over the world people starved.
Concerned that the mortals would all die out, leaving no one to worship them, the other gods begged Zeus to talk to Demeter and recall her to her duties. But his efforts were unavailing. Until her daughter was returned to her, she vowed, the earth would never bloom.
Finally Zeus sent Hermes, the messenger god, to demand that Hades return Persephone to her mother. But through much cajoling during the past year, Hades had managed to persuade the miserable girl to eat a seed from a pomegranate--the food of the dead. He obeyed Zeus' order and allowed Hermes to take Persephone away, but he knew his bride would have to return to him, for anyone who has tasted even the smallest morsel of the food of the dead while in the underworld is doomed to return there.
When Persephone and Demeter were reunited, they wept tears of joy. Persephone told her mother how Hades had abducted her from the sunny meadow and carried her down into the dark Underworld to make her his queen. She described how she pined for the sight of the sun and the beauty of the earth and the sky. She had been so unhappy, she said, that she ate nothing the entire year, despite Hades constant attempts to get her to eat, until finally, so that he would leave her alone, she had eaten one, just one, pomegranate seed.
Hearing this, Demeter recoiled in horror, for she knew this meant her daughter was lost after all. But Zeus took pity on the mother and daughter. Since Persephone had eaten only one seed, and had done so unwillingly, he decreed that she would not have to stay in the Underworld for the entire year. Instead, she would stay there for only 4 months of each year, and then 8 months of the year she would be allowed to return to her mother.
Each year, during the months when Persephone returns to her, Demeter makes the earth green and blesses the harvest. But during the months when Persephone has to stay in the Underworld, Demeter mourns, and in her grief and loneliness she makes the earth turn barren and cold. Nothing is allowed to grow during these seasons of grief. The world waits with Demeter for Persephone's return each spring, when the earth will turn green and warm once more.
And so it was that Demeter got to be reunited with her daughter, Persephone for eight months out of the year. Still . . . Demeter was not a very forgiving goddess (who could blame her!) and still to this day, she allows the earth to go barren during those months in which Persephone resides with her husband. Nevertheless, even though these two goddesses have been pushed, pulled, shoved, tugged, and finally, ignored, they are still remembered whenever the seasons change.
Now there are many lessons to be learned from this story, and we each may take away something different from the story. For me, the story provides a better understanding of the relationship between mother and daughter, reminds me of the need to let go and to never give up, and it’s a beautiful story of suffering and healing.
“Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.” ~ Henry David Thoreau
While writing today’s blog post, I’m reminded of the cyclical nature of the relationship between mother and daughter in which separation and reunion are recurring themes which is an important lesson for me to accept and remember! I’m also realizing that parents who hold on (continue to hold on!) to a child too tightly, and weave their life mostly around their child, feel a great loss when the child matures and becomes independent, which can result in suffering a very real and very deep pain (not that I’ve experienced any of this...ahem!).
Being able to spend reading week with Sarah has been wonderful (of course!), and it has provided me with an opportunity to really examine myself within this amazingly dynamic mother/daughter relationship. When Sarah left in September, I was heartbroken and made myself sick with worry (lesson from Demeter and Persephone – letting go!). Today, I feel better prepared to see her go back to university because it’s part of life – children mature and parents let go (seasons change!). I’m also learning to accept that letting go doesn’t mean you don’t love your child, and that worrying doesn’t mean loving.
Today, my brother told me that I looked different when I was with Sarah during a visit with family this week. He said my face seemed more relaxed, and Sarah also told me that she could see me smile (from both sides of my mouth!). With these comments, and having read the story of Demeter and Persephone, I’m realizing that my happiness and health can’t come from another being. I sometimes feel like Sarah has so much pressure on her – pressure to keep her mother happy and healthy. Who would want that for their child? It certainly has never been my intention. I'm so proud of her courage, her maturity, her compassion, her loving-kindness, her determination, and her independence. I hope she knows that! I also hope she knows that I'm okay so she doesn't worry about me :)
What I love about my blog is being able to share life’s lessons with the people that I love, especially my daughter, without having to sit someone down to have “the talk” whether it’s about love, sex, attachments, healthy relationships, expectations, mistakes, misunderstandings, trust or courage. Writing is also therapeutic and reminds me of the lessons I’m learning as I live my life. I hope you are able to learn with me too!
"Shed no tear - O, shed no tear!
The flower will bloom another year.
Weep no more - O, weep no more!
Young buds sleep in the root's white core."
~ John Keats
This week, Sarah and I watched Oprah’s interview with Tony Robbins on Oprah’s Next Chapter. I must admit that I knew very little about Tony Robbins prior to watching this interview. There were many aha! moments for me during the interview including:
- On his relationship with his wife: “We are so much alike. It’s effortless as opposed to effortful. Effortful is when you’re trying to please someone who can’t be pleased unless you become someone you are not. Who wants to be something you’re not?”
- “Sometimes not getting what you want is the most valuable experience of your life.”
- “We are defined by the stories we tell ourselves.”
- “Problems are the biggest addiction in humanity. Problems allow us to escape our fear.”
- “You can’t be grateful and fearful or grateful and angry simultaneously.”
- “Life isn’t about getting more; it’s about becoming more.”
- “Success without fulfillment is failure.”
But what really stood out was when he started talking about seasons. After having just watched Oprah’s interview with Goldie Hawn last week, it was interesting (coincidental?) that two weeks in a row I would be reminded that seasons changing is a metaphor for life. It’s important to note that my PVR is filled with episodes of Oprah’s Next Chapter, Oprah’s MasterClass and Oprah’s LifeClass waiting to be watched (yes, I’m an Oprah junkie!) but it was an absolute coincidence that I chose to watch the Goldie and Tony episodes back-to-back.
During the interview, Tony said “life is like seasons; some winters are harsher than others but we need to remember that winter doesn’t last forever.”
It certainly puts our struggles into perspective, doesn’t it? What I loved is that instead of using the term “post-traumatic stress”, he uses the term “post-traumatic growth”. When you go through something traumatic or difficult or stressful, you come through it stronger, hence, you grow. Once you get through difficult times, you realize how strong you really are. Rather than fight the harsh seasons, we must embrace them. We may prefer summer but we always find a way to get through winter (snuggling up on the couch with a good book on a cold day, making snow angels in the snow). I’m not a gardener but I think there’s much to be learned from gardening especially that “the barren lands of winter always bring forth the bountiful crops of a summer's growing season”.
To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
A time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.
~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
When I watched Glee this week with Sarah, I cried because I felt like the lessons learned from Goldie Hawn and Tony Robbins were summarized in the Glee episode “On My Way”. The theme of this week’s episode was inspiration, and the lesson was that no matter how difficult your life seems, you need to remember that it always gets better; problems are not permanent. Winter eventually turns to Spring then to Summer then to Fall; and while some winters are harsh, others are mild. Sometimes it feels like we are experiencing all four seasons in one day, or a week, or a month. What’s important to remember is that the seasons always change!
"In the depths of winter I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." ~ Albert Camus
