(Devil's) Fork in the Road

I’ve been receiving hate mail feedback lately from my blog readers (mostly from my brother!) stating that some of you (mostly my brother!) are annoyed about never knowing when I've posted on my blog.  Well, I’ve done extensive research I checked and there doesn’t seem to be an alert thingy (yes, that’s the technical term!), that notifies you of new posts.  If you can prove me wrong, please do (p.s. this isn't a competition!)!  Who knew that some of you (mostly my brother!) eagerly await my blog posts?  Many of you know that I annoyingly consistently post a link to my blog on Facebook and Twitter when I have a creative brain fart.   For those of you following me on Twitter, I only post my blog links so don’t be looking for me to post a 140 characters or less soliloquy on Twitter which probably explains why I only have 17 followers (I admire each of  my 17 followers for not being embarrassed about following me on Twitter!).  I reckon I must do more to ensure my faithful readers (mostly my brother!) don't have to check my blog several times a day,  every day to see if I've posted anything brilliant (never!) new on my blog. 

Originally, I had unrealistic good intentions to post every day on my blog (oh I'm so naive!) but that only lasted a measly 50 days (give or take a few!) then reality hit (ugh!).  It’s impossible to consistently blog, on a daily basis, educational (my #1 priority!) , funny, entertaining, inspirational and scintillating material (has that ever happened?) while working full-time and being a single mom (I know, I know, my daughter is 18 years old and she doesn't need me anymore...are you trying to make me cry?).  Sadly, daily blog posts quickly became a thing of the past.  What happened then was disastrous and emotionally devastating!  I started blogging on an "occasional" or "only when brilliance struck" (which in my case is rarely!) basis which averages out to approximately 3.1459265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510582097494459230781 posts per month.  Okay, that’s not exactly accurate.  I’m simply looking for a reason to include Pi in my blog post (yes, I'm a dork!).   Seriously though, let’s figure out the math (isn’t this fun?!).   I’ve been blogging since December 28^th and have published 71 posts so that means I’ve been blogging 6 ½ months which means I’ve published approximately 10.923 blog posts per month.  Pathetic!  I'm embarrassed to call myself a blooger blogger.   Since we are on the topic of math (my favourite subject!) and my blog (also a favourite topic!), I think it’s time to revisit “The Aftermath” and “The Aftermath – Revisited” (can you revisit something that’s already been revisited, hence re-revisited?).  Don’t you remember those coruscating blog posts?   If you do, then you’ll probably be interested to know that there have been almost 3,000 blog views (mostly my brother!) since I started blogging on December 28th (shocking!).   Almost 54% of my blog readers are from Canada, 25% from US, 10% from UK, 2% from Singapore, 2% from Denmark and the remaining 7% are blog readers from France, South Korea, Germany, Australia, Egypt, Ukraine, India, Netherlands, Pakistan, Romania, South Africa, Vietnam, Nigeria, Russia, Japan, Brazil, Hungary, China, Iran, Ireland, Oman, Spain, Bulgaria, Phillipines, Lebanon, Belarus, Latvia and Norway.  Unbelievable!!!  Sure, many of them probably accidentally stumbled upon my blog (and were sorry they did!) but it’s still pretty cool to see people from so many different countries who “visited” my blog (don’t you think?). 

So while y'all (I'm currently reading a novel that's set in Southern US so some of the characters say "y'all" and it's now become a part of my vocabulary...I'm a vocabulary chameleon!) are waiting for me to post on my blog, I am sitting here, at a crossroads in my life!  You know that metaphoric fork in the road or better yet, the devil’s fork in the road?  Okay, that probably doesn’t make much sense to you (devil’s fork in the road?) but Sarah, BFF and Reb will understand the reference. The devil’s fork is a three-pronged fork that looks like something satan might use to eat spaghetti (the prongs were unusually long and scary looking!) but the girls seemed to like them (I thought the forks were hazardous-to-your-life eating apparatuses!) and they actually wanted to steal one (just one!) from the lakehouse where we vacationed last week (more information on the lakehouse and attempted theft in an upcoming blog post!).   Okay, I digress...back to the crossroads in my life!  Basically, what I’m saying is that the metaphoric devil's fork in the road is three-pronged.  Do I quit retire from the blogosphere?  Do I force myself to write every day?   Or do I find a happy blogging balance?   First of all, I ain’t no quitter!  Second of all, I love blogging!  Third of all, you love reading my blog (right?)!  Fourth of all, who will be able to make fun of me publicly if I don’t do it in this blog?  Fifth of all, how will I be able to make fun of brag about my cooking if I don’t have this blog?  Sixth of all, how will I share my love of all things John Cusack with you if I don’t have this blog?  Seventh of all, how will I be able to communicate with Sarah when she goes to university in September if I don’t have this blog?  Eighth of all, how will I know how many “#th of all” I can include in this blog post if I don’t have this blog?  Okay, that’s enough (“eighth” is enough…hehehe!).  What I’m trying to say is that I want to find a way to be more consistent in my blogging so that my loyal readers (mostly my brother!) won’t have to visit my blog on a daily basis to see if I’ve posted something new.  Unless, of course, you want to re-read some of my blog posts which I suspect you must do all of the time (mostly my brother!).   Who wouldn’t?  There's some good stuff in this blog (if I don't mind saying so myself!).  I don't even think I can pick a favourite...."When I Grow Up" or maybe "A World Without Bees" or maybe "Without You" or maybe "This is Me" or maybe "She Shoots, She Scores" (I love watching that video of me "playing" hockey!).   Okay, so it's obvious that I love my blog (is it wrong that I get a kick out of reading my own stuff?).  So how do I find more time to share my crazy thoughts with you?

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT ALERT!!!!

Beginning this Saturday, July 16^th, I will be posting weekly on my blog!!!  That means that every Saturday (that's right, EVERY Saturday!), there will be a blog post waiting for you to enjoy (just for you!).   Please note that I can't make any promises about the quality now that I will be rushing to publish weekly blog posts.  Just kidding!  Of course, every post will be as obtuse brilliant and dull funny as the one before it.   Wait a minute….let’s do the math.  If I post every Saturday, that means I’ll only be publishing 4 blog posts per month (sometimes 5 depending on the month!) which will inevitably bring down my average of 10.92 blog posts per month to a mere...I don't even want to calculate it (shocking...I don't want to do math!).  Geesh!  I thought this was an improvement.  I thought that 10.92 blog posts per month was pathetic but it was actually kick ass!  Okay, okay, obviously that average is extremely high because I was blogging EVERY DAY for approximately 50 days.  What was I thinking?  Crazy blooger!  Anyways, let’s try every Saturday and see what happens (it’s better than the pathetic 3 posts in April and 2 posts in May!).  Yes, it will take discipline but “discipline” will soon be my middle name because…wait for it…. I’m taking my first piano lesson tonight!  Heck, weekly blogging should be a piece of cake (mmmm…cake!) compared to piano lessons!  Say what?  That’s right…tonight I start piano lessons!  I wrote about doing things that scare me in my blog post “Eleanor’s words of wisdom”, and taking piano lessons is one of those things.  Yes, taking piano lessons from a boy genius is terrifying!  I even “practiced” playing last night so piano boy genius doesn't think I'm a complete loser (just a partial!) which is equivalent to someone cleaning their house before the maid comes over or doing your hair before an appointment with your hair stylist.  I’ve always wanted to play the piano (correctly!) so here’s my chance.  For those of you who are itching to know (so you can make fun of me!), I was "playing" Beethoven's For Elise to "loosen up my fingers" (again, yes I'm a dork!).  So if I can squeeze in two piano lessons a week plus mucho time spent practicing (practice makes perfect!), I can certainly squeeze in a blog post every week.  Can’t I? 

P.S.  I know some of you (mostly my brother!) are having issues posting comments on my blog.  I’ve also been having issues responding to your comments (mostly my brother's!) so my suggestion is that you select “URL/Name” when you want to leave a comment and just enter your name in the pop-up box.   Your comments are much appreciated!!!

P.P.S.  Shout-out to my friend Shana (we've known each other since the seventh grade!) who recently told me that she enjoys reading my blog and knowing what's going on in that crazy head of mine.  Shana - I hope this blog post made you smile (if it didn't, I'll try harder next time!).  You're in my thoughts and prayers today (and every day!).  I hope those hospital vampires are taking good care of you!!!  Love you xo 

New Edition

Sorry but this isn’t a blog post about the “new edition” of my blog or the “new edition” of the Oxford Dictionary, or the “new edition” of the iPad.  This blog post is about my childhood!   I know what you’re thinking, “oh maaaaaannnnnn…..” but don’t worry, it will be a fun blog post (aren’t all my blog posts fun?). 

As I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts, memories of my childhood are somewhat vague with some key moments firmly locked into my brain and there are times when photos of my childhood trigger certain memories.  Of course, I had a wonderful childhood because I was raised with wonderful parents and a pain-in-the-ass younger brother (aren’t all younger brothers pains-in-the-ass?).  Opening presents on Christmas morning, blowing out the candles on my birthday cake, playing in the sandbox, swinging on the swing, playing soccer, chasing after boys, buying candy for a penny at the corner store, family vacations, catching frogs (this isn’t another reference to boys, it’s a real reference to amphibians…and no, I wasn’t trying to catch them so I could kiss them!), running in the fields, and tobogganing are some of the memories that come to my mind when I think about my childhood but some of the most vivid memories involve falling in love with John Cusack, listening to songs by Boy George (aka Culture Club) and drooling dancing to songs by New Edition.  Yes, that’s right…Ronnie, Ralph, Bobby, Michael, Ricky and Johnny!   

In 1983, their first single, “Candy Girl”, was released.  What can I say?  It was love at first sight!  I dreamed that Ronnie would sing “she’s bad, she’s bad, I know she’s bad” about me and that I would be his “candy girl” :)

I must admit that 1983 was a difficult year for me because…wait for it…I was in love with more than one boy!  Yes, that’s right.  What can I say?  At the ripe old age of 11, I was a tramp!  I was torn between my love for John Cusack (I fell in love with John in Sixteen Candles around the same time that New Edition released their first single!) and my love for Ronnie.  However, if you’ve been reading my blog since I first started writing, you’ll know that my love for John Cusack is everlasting!  It seems like just yesterday that I fell in love with him but it was 28 years ago (wow I’m old!).  But this blog post isn’t about my Future Husband; it’s about New Edition so let’s move on…

Their next hit was “Cool it Now”.  Oh man…watching that video brings back so many memories!  Mostly of me crying and wishing that I could be Ronnie’s girlfriend.  How bizarre that the tears flow whether I’m 12 or 39 years old  :P

Then came “Mr. Telephone Man”.  Check out their “Solid Gold” performance in 1985.  Remember Rick Dees on Solid Gold or maybe you remember the Solid Gold dancers?  Hey Ronnie, you can now send me a text message :)

Then “Earth Angel” which was featured in “Karate Kid II”

In 1988, New Edition released my favourite album “Heart Break” (I love every song on the album!) with my two favourite NE songs of all time “If it isn’t love” and “Can you stand the rain”:

A little music trivia for you:  one of the songs on the album was the inspiration for the name of another “boy band”.  Can you guess the name of the song/boy band?  Give up yet?  The song was “Boys to Men”, hence the boy band was “Boyz II Men”. 

Then in 1996, New Edition (with the return of Bobby Brown!) blessed us with another album (we had to wait 8 years for this album!).  My favourite song from this album was “I’m still in love with you”:

Then finally (and somewhat disappointingly!), their last album was released in 2004 with “Hot 2nite” as their first release.  They seem to be trying too hard and that’s not very appealing to their fans…at least not this fan :(

 Of course, New Edition has a rich history of members coming and going due to failed attempts at solo careers (Bobby Brown, Ralph Tresvant and Johnny Gill) and breakout boy bands (Bell Biv Devoe…now you know!).  Here are some of my favourites:

Ralph’s “Sensitivity”

Bobby’s “Rock Wit’cha”

Bell Biv Devoe’s “Poison”

So why have I decided to revisit my love for New Edition?  Who wouldn't want to revisit their love for this boy band?  Wouldn't you, if you had an opportunity?  Okay, okay, the truth is that  two days ago, I read that “New Edition plans to reunite at Essence Music Festival” so of course, I started singing their songs and dreaming of Ronnie (sorry John!) so I thought it was only fair that I share my joy with you :)

If you happen to be in New Orleans today at the Essence Music Festival (lucky you!) and you are blessed with an opportuntiy to drool over see New Edition live, please let me know how it was so I can live vicariously through you :)

P.S.  You're welcome for sharing all of these New Edition videos with you.  I know, I know...A-MAZE-ING blog post :P

Graduation Day!!!

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
~ Dr. Seuss

This week, Sarah graduated from high school!!!  I know…I’m still in shock.  Whether I like it or not, Sarah is spreading her wings and starting a new chapter in her life (as am I!).  A wonderful new journey will soon begin for this 18 year old girl woman (and her aging youthful mother...ugh!).  While the reality of her being a high school graduate is slowly sinking in, I’m realizing now that I may have consciously unconsciously attempted to clip her wings for the last 18 years but now it’s clear, her wings are no longer clipped (it's quite possible that I never successfully clipped them anyways!) and she’s about to soar to great heights.  It’s interesting how, as I reflect on the last 18 years, that “clipping her wings” was my way of protecting her but I know better now (and when you know better, you do better!).   Life’s lessons come from experiencing life…by doing, by living, by being and sometimes, by making mistakes.  You have to live to learn!   By trying to protect her/shelter her, she may have missed out on some important life lessons but there’s no looking back now because...drum roll please...SHE DID IT!  So far, she has survived her infant years, her toddler years, her childhood, her youth, her teenage years and is now gracefully entering the mysterious world of adulthood!!!  Now that I think about it, I guess it would be more accurate to say WE DID IT!!!  We did, after all, survive those years together.  Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t always about "surviving" because we had a lot of fun along the way but today, as I reflect back on the last 18 years, surviving those years is a testament to so many people:  Mom, Dad, my brother, BFF and her family, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, colleagues, teachers…basically an entire village!!!  You have no idea how happy I am that I didn’t completely screw up my kid (maybe just a little, right Sare?) and it’s thanks to all of the people in our lives.  

For the last 10 years, Sarah and I have been big fans of the television show Gilmore Girls, a show about a single mom, Lorelai, and her daughter, Rory, who basically grow up together (sound familiar?).   For those of you who know us well, we often reference a Gilmore Girls episode to describe moments in our lives (similar to how many of you can relate to a Seinfeld episode, or Simpsons episode, or Family Guy episode!).  Well, Graduation day reminded me of the graduation scene in Gilmore Girls.  I know Sarah’s probably thinking about the scene when Rory gets a Prius as a graduation gift but obviously that’s not the part that reminds me of the Gilmore Girls episode.  Sorry Sarah but there’s no Prius for you (funny enough that reminded me of the soup nazi in Seinfeld…no soup for you!).   It’s the scene when Richard Gilmore, Lorelai’s father, says to Lorelai on Rory’s graduation day:  “I will take the photos.  You just sit there and enjoy your daughter’s graduation.  This is as much your moment as it is Rory’s.  Enjoy it!”  So during the graduation ceremony, that’s exactly what I did...I enjoyed every moment (the lighting was horrible in the cafetorium so we couldn't take photos anyways!).   I'm relieved to say that there was no "ugly cry" or blubbering because I didn't want my mascara to run (I waited until I was alone in the house, after she left for her grad party, to have a good cry before falling asleep...pathetic, I know!), however, my eyes did tear up but I remained "in the moment" and "present" to see her walk across the stage, feeling so proud of my baby girl (she'll always be my baby!).  What a gift!  How did I get so lucky to be blessed with this child?  I truly felt like we were celebrating together along with the special people who helped us both along the way.   It was as if we all graduated that day! 

Of course, Graduation Day also reminded me of my graduation which was a mere 20 years ago (yikes!).   When I was in high school, you needed to complete Grade 13 to attend university so I was 19 years old when I started university but now high school graduates are only 18 years old (babies!) when they graduate (some only 17 depending on their birthday) because they have since eliminated Grade 13.   It really seems like just yesterday that I graduated so it blows my mind to think that this photo was taken 20 years ago of my best friends and me posing (so sexy...I know!) after the graduation ceremony (I've lost touch with these two best friends, as so many people do after high school, therefore I'm not able to ask them if it's okay to post a photo of them on my blog so I decided to "hide" their faces and unlike me, they had their eyes open!):



Looking at that photo reminds me of my favourite song from the summer of ’91… “Summertime” by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince:

In 20 years, I wonder what song Sarah will remember as the song of “Summer of 2011”?  Well, my guess is....wait for it....Pitbull's "Give me everything" feat. Ne-Yo (let's re-read this post in 2031 to see if I'm right):

Since I said so much about Sarah in my blog post “When I grow up”, I think I’ll keep this one
short and simple by saying:

I’m so proud of you Sarah!!! 
 I love you sweetie!
ConGRADulations :)

I wonder if Sarah will spend as much time with me this summer as I did, with my parents, the summer before I left for university.   I guess it’s true:  payback is a bitch :P

I know it’s already listed in my blog post “When I grow up” but it doesn’t hurt to repeat my wish for Sarah as words of wisdom for all of us:

“That you open your heart and your mind to possibilities that you have not dreamed of and to realms of joy you have hardly imagined;
That you live fully and love deeply;
That you breathe and smile;
That you relax, enjoy, laugh and play;
That you let go, forgive and accept;
That you find meaningful work so you can serve and contribute;
That you listen, learn and inquire;
That you consider and reflect;
That you cultivate contentment, friendship and flexibility;
That you lighten up, expand, evolve, open up and include;
That you dream;
That you celebrate, appreciate and give thanks;
That you share, give and receive;
That you walk softly and live gently;
That you surrender and trust;
That you continue to be free to live, to soar, to create, to love, to feel passion for good, and to do the good with passion.”

In other words...I hope you “climb every mountain” and “I hope you dance”…

"Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.”
~ Henry David Thoreau

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to my #1 fan...my Dad :)

I love you Dad!!!

I know this is two days late (you're not really surprised by my tardiness, are you?) but that's because we were celebrating Father's Day with you on Sunday (I really don't have an excuse for yesterday...I had to work?!?).  It was great spending the day with you even though you snuck away every now and then to check out the golf game on tv (did you think I didn't notice?).  On Father's Day, you didn't ask to be spoiled.  Instead, you prepared an amazingly yummy meal for us (that's just the kind of man that you are!).  The eggplant parmasan was delish!  Equally delish was the lemon meringue pie that Sarah baked for you from scratch (and with lots of love!!!).  I'm sure the chicken parmasan you prepared for the meat eaters in our family was just as good but it was kind of cruel (vegetarians rejoice!).

I hope you know how much you are loved!!!

To remind you how much I love you (since I can't bake!), I'm suggesting that you re-read the blog posts that were dedicated to you "A message for Dad" and  "He's da man!" :)

For those of you interested in baking a lemon meringue pie for your Dad or Grandpa, check out the recipe Sarah used to bake her Poppa a pie: 

Lemon Meringue Pie

Pastry

• 1 1/3 cups all purpose flour
• 1 pinch salt
• 1/4 cup cold unsalted butter
• 1/3 cup cold vegetable shortening
• 5 tablespoons ice water

Lemon Curd

• 2 cups water
• 1/2 cup cornstarch, plus 2 tbsp.
• 10 egg, yolks
• 1 cup lemon, juice
• 1 1/3 cups sugar
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• grated zest of 4 lemon

Meringue

• 4 egg, whites
• 1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon lemon, juice

Directions

Pastry

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.
2. Sift the dry ingredients together.
3. With a pastry cutter, blend in the butter and shortening until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs.
4. Add the ice water gradually until dough forms.
5. Pat the dough into a flat disk and refrigerate for at least an hour.
6. Roll the dough into a 13-inch round. Place it into a 9-inch pie plate and crimp the edges in a decorative pattern.
7. Pierce the bottom with a fork.
8. Place a piece of parchment or tinfoil in the shell. Fill the shell with pie weights.
9. Bake for 20 minutes.
10. Remove the pie weights and paper and continue to bake about 15 minutes until the pastry is golden and set. Cool on a wire rack.

Lemon Curd

1. In a small bowl, whisk the cornstarch with 1 cup of water until dissolved. Set aside.
2. In a small saucepan add egg yolks, lemon juice, sugar, lemon zest and salt and the remaining 1 cup of water.
3. Cook over medium low heat for one minute, stirring constantly. The mixture should not boil but the sugar should dissolve.
4. When the sugar has dissolved pour in the cornstarch mixture and turn up the heat to medium.
5. Cook mixture, stirring continuously with a spoon so that the mixture does not stick to the bottom or the sides of the pan.
6. Cook for 6 to 8 minutes until it has started to boil, thickens and becomes translucent.
7. Set filling aside to cool slightly.
8. Immediately make meringue so filling stays warm.

Meringue

1. Whip egg whites on high speed.
2. Immediately add cream of tartar and whip until soft peaks form.
3. While whipping, add the sugar one tablespoon at a time to allow it to dissolve.
4. Add the lemon juice at the end when the meringue is shiny and holds medium stiff peaks.

Assembly

1. Pour the warm filling into the cooled pie shell and spread the meringue on top, making sure to reach the edges of the pastry.
2. Use your spatula to swirl the meringue into peaks.
3. Cook the pie at 375 degrees F. for about 6 minutes until meringue is just golden.

These are photos of Sarah's lemon meringue pie:

The recipe is from the Food Network's Christine Cushing.  Click here to go directly to her webpage.

Cat litter box

While cleaning out the cat litter box this morning, I started to (quietly!) sing the song “Smelly Cat” by Phoebe Buffay on Friends:

After attempting to sing the song (quietly...you'll soon understand why!) then getting frustrated with myself for not remembering all of the words, I started wondering:

1)     Why doesn’t Sarah ever clean out the cat litter box?

2)     Why can’t my cats consistently cover up their shit (literally!). 

and

3)     How can the cat litter box be used as a euphemism for life?

Since I was already frustrated about not remembering the words to a “classic” song, not to mention my outrage at having to clean out the cat litter box AGAIN (how often do cats have to poop and pee?), I became extremely agitated by the thought that the word “euphemism” was not correctly being used in my disturbing pathetic deep, very philosophical question.  Under normal circumstances, I would ask Sarah about the correct use of a word but she’s sleeping (it’s 5am!) so then I consider texting my favourite high school teacher, BFF, for her feedback but she’s away at an overnight school trip with her daughter so then I consider calling my brother but there's no way in hell he'd talk to me at 5am!!!  Basically, I’m all alone in trying to figure this one out (so much for my support system!) so after cleaning out the cat litter box, I stormed (quietly…Sarah is sleeping!) up the stairs with a bag full of shit (literally!) and decided that I wasn’t alone…I have Oxford!!! 

According to the Oxford Dictionary, euphemism is a noun that is defined as follows:

a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.  Euphemism is the use of a milder or vaguer word or phrase in place of one that might seem too harsh or direct in a particular context, and a euphemism is such a word or phrase (i.e. to pass away for ‘to die’).  The most productive subjects for euphemism in English are bodily functions (ahem!), sexual activity (ahem!), death, politics, and violence.  Nowadays business, politics, and warfare create a lot of euphemisms, such as downsizing, rationalization, restructuring, slimming down, etc. instead of the more direct ‘redundancy’; strategic alternatives for ‘potential sale’; ethnic cleansing instead of ‘mass expulsion or extermination of ethnic minorities’; collateral damage for ‘accidental destruction of non-military areas’; friendly fire for ‘killing of soldiers on one’s own side ‘; and extraordinary rendition for’ handing over terrorist suspects for interrogation and possible torture'.  One area of euphemism that advertisers are particularly fond of is taking a feature of their product that might seem to be a disadvantage and turning it into something neutral or even positive.  For instance, a product that is basic may be described as standard or one that is small as compact. A small quantity of a product may be described as a handy version or fun size, and a long-standing design as traditional or classic. 

So now it’s blatantly obvious that my question “How can the cat litter box be used as a euphemism for life?” is grammatically (or contextually?) incorrect and no longer reflects my original thought.  Back to the drawing board!  Or maybe I should go back to the cat litter box for a little inspiration (yes, I had actually considered it!)?   The next word that pooped popped into my head is “asimile”.   How does this sound?  “How can the cat litter box be used as an asimile for life?”  I know Sarah and BFF are yelling at the screen right now saying “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” but as you know, I’ve promised to be completely honest in my blog posts so I have to admit that yes, I thought “asimile” was a word!  Hey, I was only slightly off when I thought “asimile” because the actual word is…wait for it…“simile”.   I had opened up the dictionary to asimile but there was nothing there then it hit me….duh!!!  So here I go again… “How can the cat litter box be used as a simile for life?”   I’m sure BFF and Sarah will let me know that there’s still a grammar or spelling mistake in the question but the point is that the question is now 100% representative of my original thought because the Oxford Dictionary defines a simile as a figure of speech involving the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind, used to make a description more emphatic or vivid (e.g. as brave as a lion).   Ha!

Since I’ve gone this far, it was only fair (to all of us!) that I sit down and seriously ponder the question “how is life like a cat litter box?”  Surprise, surprise…I came up with a few similes but don’t get too excited because they're not as poetically profound as the best simile (ever!):  “Life is like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’re going to get” (said in my best Forrest Gump accent!).   Mmmm…chocolate!!!   That’s right, today is Day 3 of Operation Sugarless (take 2!) but I digress…back to my cat litter box similes :) 

Life is like a cat litter box…

…it’s sometimes shitty.

…it’s sometimes pissy.

…sometimes things get clumped together.

…the contents sometimes get flushed. 

…it’s sometimes full of surprises (ugh!). 

…it sometimes looks better than it smells or smells better than it looks.

…it sometimes absorbs the piss but still smells like shit.

…you always know that "visitors" will continuously come in and out of it. 

…it’s a dumping ground for excrements. 

…it sometimes needs a little “Arm & Hammer”. 

…there’s always someone who will help clean up the mess. 

…simply scooping out the excreta will sometimes make it better but there are times when you need to dump the entire contents to have a fresh start. 

…sometimes you need to dig deep to find the shit that’s been buried. (my fave!)

So now I’m curious, how is your life like a cat litter box or what euphemism/asimile/simile would you use to describe life?

Thought of the week

This week, I received two e-mails from colleagues that have inspired me so I hope they inspire you too!  The e-mails have certainly put my struggle with eliminating sugar from my diet into perspective.    

The first is from a colleague in the United States: 

Subject:  Ambition

A blind boy paid his way to a master's degree at Northwestern University by taking notes on class lectures in Braille, typing them, and selling copies to classmates who had stronger eyes but weaker ambition.

One of the great mysteries of life is why some people who seem to have all the advantages -- the right connections, education, and experience -- never seem to amount to much while others who have had to struggle for everything they have reach incredible heights of success. It hinges on determination. If you have the will to succeed, you will somehow find a way, regardless of the obstacles you encounter. Do you use all of your assets to achieve your goals, or are you handicapped by your lack of ambition? No other person can create in you a desire to succeed. With enough motivation, you will see things all around you that will help you reach your objectives, things that you may have overlooked many times before.


The other e-mail is from a dear colleague in Canada who is a real hero and a true inspiration to me.  She wrote the following e-mail to encourage her family, friends and colleagues to support her fundraising efforts:

Subject:  Meaning and Purpose

My good friend Caroline noted last month that while I’m quite capable of promoting the cause of vision research, she has never heard me publicly share on a personal level what vision loss has meant to me.  I’ve pondered for a few weeks now how to approach this subject.   How could I articulate my personal struggles and stay true without invoking pity?  What enables me to remain content and active despite gradually going blind?

The raw truth is it’s been a real struggle to get to the happier place I find myself in today; enjoying life to the fullest!  I’ve certainly passed through all stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance...  And through the process, I’ve found meaning and purpose.  And just maybe; just maybe; I’ve even come so far as owning my vision loss.

Of course, there were times when I was knocked down to the floor and seriously considered staying there.  I often found myself being forced to relearn tasks in my late twenties that I had already mastered back in grade school.  Today, reading is now entirely an audio experience.  Understanding intent requires filling in missed body language.  Shopping for clothes involves offering to be someone’s Barbie doll for the day.   Cooking requires measuring ingredients by touch.  Running is now a team effort with my running guide.  Cycling now involves boarding a tandem bike.

Thankfully, I’ve managed over time to find adventure and humour in every one of these new life challenges.  I’ve also embraced the role of an unlikely educator and hope that those around me are internally richer because of it.

There are still occasional punches to the gut that come unexpectedly…  When your nephew bypasses you for help with putting his favorite DVD on because he knows; or when you break a family heirloom because you’re so darn clumsy.  Most other things can be laughed off or even embraced; when you mistakenly get a swig of Heinz ketchup because you thought you were grabbing your Ice tea bottle from the pub table;  or being mistaken as a snob for not responding to greeting gestures across the street from people I’ve just met.

Finding meaning in vision loss has only been possible by turning my disability into a lifetime opportunity.  This is why I am so passionate about Cycle for Sight and the cause of raising funds for treatments for eye disease.  It’s gone far beyond the high likelihood that I will live to see the day when sight is restored.  Beyond driving that dream closer to reality, it’s given my life and the lives of many others in the same predicament meaning and purpose.

It’s in this spirit that I ask you to support my efforts as of this uplifting grassroots event through a personal pledge.  Whether you give $10 or $100, your donation will help advance vision research aimed at restoring the gift of sight to people living with eye disease. To donate, please visit http://www.cycleforsight.ca/

Fallen

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it” 

~  Mae West  

My intent, as I sit here unable to sleep past 7am on a Sunday morning, is to organize my photos from our trip to Vancouver and to write a blog post about our adventure on the West Coast but unfortunately, all I can think about is how I have fallen. 

May 4^th was such a joyous day but it was also streaked with moments of intense sadness for me.  The day was filled with happiness because we were celebrating Sarah’s 18^th birthday with BFF and daughter, Reb but painfully sad (the pain only came later that night!) because I ate an entire piece of DQ Smarties Treatzza Pizza with chunks of Skor chocolate bars added to the "birthday pie" (I actually think I may have gone back for an extra 0.5 piece of birthday ice cream pie!).  I have tried forgetting about that day moment when I ate the piece of pie +  ½ piece of pie by focusing on the joy of celebrating Sarah's birthday (it was celebration 1 of 3...you only turn 18 once!) but I can’t forget because it’s a reminder of how much I suck little willpower I have when it comes to anything sweet (sweet men not included!). 

Oh how proud I was of my sugarlessness success!  I gave up sugar on January 19th and thought I would never look back after resisting the temptation for 15 weeks (!!!) but one little piece of skor pie (+ another ½!) turned me into a sugar monster again (Om nom nom nom!!!).  Sugar consumption at birthday celebration #1 lead to sugar consumption at birthday celebration #2 then birthday celebration #3 then to our trip to Vancouver which lead to a small bite of cheesecake then to an entire piece of cheesecake to Roger’s Chocolates Dark Empress Square #1 to Roger’s Chocolates Dark Empress Square #2 to Taro Bubble Tea with Tapioca #1 to Red Velvet cupcake #1 to Taro Bubble Tea with Tapioca #2 to a bite of Sarah’s crème brulee #1 to Taro Bubble Tea with Tapioca #3 to a bite of Sarah’s crème brulee #2 (and I’m sure there are many more “cheats” that have not yet been documented!).   At the time, I was thinking:  “Yes, I’m eating sugar but it’s for Sarah’s birthday” (Sarah, it’s all of your fault!!!) then I was thinking: “Yes, I’m eating sugar but it’s because I’m on vacation” (Vancouver, it's all of your fault!!!) but what the hell am I supposed to think now that I’ve been back from vacation since May 16^th (with a business trip to Toronto on May 17^th and 18^th which probably lead to more sugar consumption but denial has resulted in a loss of memory, however, I'm sure there was at least one biscotti cookie and one taro bubble tea with tapioca which does have sugar no matter how much I lie tell myself otherwise!). 

Sadly, last Monday, I suffered the worst fuck up setback yet.  While at my office, (brace yourself because the truth ain’t pretty!), I decided I needed to get something at Shoppers Drug Mart but to my surprise (not really a surprise!), I returned to my office with a big bag of Maltesers and a big bag of mini peanut butter cups (yes, mini!).  Shockingly (not really a shock!), I devoured both bags while at the office.  Not only did I feel horrible about annihilating two bags of chocolate but I felt like a complete hypocrite while eating my “healthy” lunch with my colleagues.  I may as well have eaten a hot dog, a poutine and a diet coke that day (ewwwww….my stomach aches just thinking about that…ugh!!!).  So I could easily come up with excuses such as “my juicer died” (yes, that is a true story which I will no doubt write about in another blog post!) for my disgusting behaviour but the truth is that I’m out of control again with my sugar intake.  I keep telling myself (and others….you know who you are!) that I will get back on the wagon “tomorrow” but sadly, tomorrow hasn’t come yet.  Maybe “tomorrow” I really will be sugarless again but I can’t even remember how I did it in the past.  I have re-read my blog posts for inspiration and have come to the realization that I’m not a very inspirational person (yes, being hard on oneself is a symptom of sugar-indulgence!).  How can I inspire others with my blog when the blog posts don’t even inspire me? 

Funny enough, when I told Dr. Acupuncture (if you don’t know about my favourite acupuncturist, please read my blog posts Getting Old-er and My “to do” Lists) about my struggle to become sugarless again, she simply said “get rid of the sugar”.  Really?  That’s the best advice she could give me?  Sadly, she’s right.  All I have to do is not buy it, not be around it and most importantly, not eat it!  I know that some of you are thinking….what’s the big deal?  So what if you eat sugar?  Well guess what…sugar is bad, people!!!  Have you not read all of the literature about refined sugar?  Sugar is toxic!  Sugar should be labelled as:

OR

Okay, funny (side) story! When I was looking for the “poison” label, I searched Google Images and came up with the universal image for poison but the search also resulted in photos of the “Poison” band including the album cover for a Poison record which reminded me of a Christmas morning when I was a teenager.  One of the songs I loved in high school was “Catch me I’m falling” by Pretty Poison.  Living in a relatively small town, I wasn’t able to find the record (remember the good old days when we listened to music on our record players?) so I asked my Mom to look for the record by “Pretty Poison” while she was Christmas shopping in Montreal.  Sounds simple enough, right?  Well, to my surprise, on Christmas morning, I received, as a gift from my parents, the latest record by...wait for it...“Poison” (that's the album cover above) instead of the "Pretty Poison” record!  What a funny  memory!!!  I should have added that one to my blog post about my Mom (check out that blog post “Because you love me”).  Just for fun, I’ve included the videos for both Pretty Poison and Poison.  Do you think I enjoyed my new record?  I think these two songs would be a perfect mash-up for the new season of Glee :)

Okay, back to my hatred of sugar!  Since blaming Sarah (she knows I'm just kidding!) willpower isn’t helping me kick my sugar habit, I thought I should read some literature on the negative effects of consuming sugar.  Here’s the most recent article that I read to try to scare myself into a sugarless zone:

Refined Sugar - The sweetest poison of all

So yes, I’m smart enough to know that I "shouldn’t" be eating sugar (yes, I also re-read my blog post The “S” Word !) but my mind and my body are not on the same page….one knows that I shouldn’t eat sugar while the other craves it.  What’s a sugar addict to do?  Accepting that I’m not perfect is probably a good start (I know, it’s shocking!!!) but that’s not possible right now (I know, I know!) so how’s this for a start?  I just took the almost full (it’s surprising to me that a bag of sweets can be almost full and still be in my possession since I normally eat the entire bag as soon as I open it!) bag of mini caramel chocolates that I had hidden (yes, it’s gotten to the point where I’m hiding the chocolate…who the hell am I hiding it from???) and I dumped the contents into the garbage bin.  That’s correct…I didn’t just throw the bag in the garbage because the contents could still potentially be eaten since they were not contaminated (the garbage bin could simply be considered another “hiding” place) so I dumped the sweets into the garbage bin where they made contact with its nasty contents.  There’s no way in hell I’ll be putting my hand in the trash to retrieve a mini caramel chocolate wrapped in a used Kleenex or the grossness that accumulates in the kitchen drain catcher.   I’m hopeful that this means I’m sugarless "at least for today".  Unless, of course, I decide to have a bite of Sarah’s leftover Skor Blizzard that calls my name from the freezer (it befuddles me that someone is unable to eat a small Blizzard in one sitting!) or I make my way to the store for more treats but really, there’s no need to worry now that my “fallen” story is public.  I think I’ll be able to control myself…at least for today!  Now I need to get to the store and buy myself (another!) ….wait for it… J-U-I-C-E-R!!!  Yes, that's right...this story is definitely "to be continued" ….