Sexy Fun

“You look like you could be sexy fun” ~ The American

What the fuck does that mean?!? (Sorry for “F” bombing, Dad!)

How does one come to that conclusion?!? 

Well, congrats The American because you’ve got me stumped!

Remember The American? I mentioned him in my Ghosted and I’m looking for corny posts. We had been having some fun banter on Tinder Saturday night. I learned that he lives over two hours away so wasn’t feeling like it was a match based on distance but he’s a cutie in his photos and he seemed fun while chatting.

Who knew it would lead to “sexy fun”?!? Yeah, yeah I know you probably did! 😆

And yes, my first thought was “unmatch” immediately.

Would that be considered ghosting?

It made me realize how easy it is to leave a conversation without giving the other person a heads up or saying goodbye. I’m now realizing that’s not ghosting. As a result, I need to refine by definition of ghosting so it’s limited to disappearances after meeting in person 👻

I will “unmatch” The American but first, I need to investigate how one determines that someone has the appearance of being sexy fun. Aren't you curious?

My initial theory: In most of my photos, my hair is down. Does that make me look sexy fun? Does that mean my bun doesn’t look like I’m sexy fun? Isn’t sexy fun in your heart and soul, not your physical appearance? Well that wasn't helpful.

It simply reinforces to me that bookstores and meet-cutes are the way to go! Where brains, bodies and hearts collide 👧🏻 💃🏻 ❤️

I don’t think someone in the bookstore would come up to me and say “hey, you look like you could be sexy fun!” but on Tinder, it seems to be the primary focus. So yes, I still believe in its possibilities but realize it’s a needle in a haystack situation. I’ve got three more weeks to find that needle on Tinder. If there's even a needle to be found!

Maybe saying I look like I could be sexy fun is just innocent flirting.

I’ll admit I’m a horrible flirter. I think I have a degree of charm (got that from my charming father!) that would probably translate awkwardly to flirting. And when I say awkward, I mean awkward as fuck AF. I just have no skills. I’ve watched BFF, master flirter, make men melt simply by smiling or walking.

So there’s physical flirting which I just established is scary as fuck but maybe Tinder requires a different kind of flirting - flirting with words, not sparkly smiles. Am I on to something?!?

And no, I don’t mean sex texting sexting! That would be utterly awkward. Hmmm...I think I might have an idea.

I'm going to attempt to master online flirting à la Rory Gilmore! Remember when she wanted to learn how to sext with Logan?

Would "our hands grope frantically for the burning flesh" work as an opening line? I can definitely relate to Rory! I think I'm going to puke 😣

Mastering online flirting might help me feel comfortable sending the first message to my matches. No more awkward smiley face emojis or simple “hello, how are you?” messages. I’m going to step up my game and learn the art of Tinder conversations.

So where should I begin?

Google “art of Tinder conversations”?

Nope.

Google “how to flirt online”?

Oh geez, hell no.

YouTube search “how to flirt on Tinder”

BINGO!

I may need a day or two or a month to get through these videos. Why can't there just be a book?!? 🤓

The first video is “Guys on Tinder teach me how to flirt”. This video has had 19,000 views and the YouTuber looks younger than my daughter. Ugh!

This might be the most painful learning I've ever had to do.

And it might take me a while so for now, let’s get back to my Tinder update.

Day 12: January 5, 2020

Received the sexy fun message from The American and responded for research purposes. And yes, it took me a few hours to respond. I needed to get the follow-up question just right. Integrity of research!

 As you can see, his response was extremely unhelpful.

Do I persist with research? Or do I unmatch?

UNMATCH!

Bye, bye The American. I didn’t even say bye or explain why I was leaving. Oh the cruel world of Tinder and I just contributed to it but really, I look like I could be sexy fun?!? Just sayin' 😝

With one click of “Unmatch”, he just disappeared. Poof. Gone. And I disappeared from his Tinder app too.

Thank you, next! 😉

So I've yet to tell you about the first Tinder hopeful who messaged me on Christmas Day – the day I joined Tinder. And there's a reason for that! Let’s call him Heart guy because his first message was simply a heart. I didn’t respond because it seemed bizarre and it was my first Tinder message.

Shouldn’t there be more to a first message?

Well, it's 11 days later and he has sent me another message today and this time it was an a-okay emoji 👌🏻 so with my new rules of messaging when I’m interested, I responded with "hello, how are you?"

Titillating, I know!

Now can you see why I need help conversing on Tinder?!?

But least I used words instead of emojis! 😝

Heart guy looks like a cutie and he has pics of him and his dog. He’s got great pics actually but no write-up on his profile. What’s up with that?!? So I know nothing about him except he has a dog. Well actually, it may not even be his dog 🤷🏻‍♀️

Shortly after sending Heart guy a message, I received a message from Man With Sunglasses and Dog. He only has one pic and he’s petting a dog. He’s not looking at the camera and he has sunglasses on so clearly I have no clue what he looks like but he’s playing with a dog and he does have a write-up. This is obviously one of the profiles I swiped right on last night. Remember, I was being generous 🤣

I wonder if men use the same first line with all women?

Well, I appreciate the courage it takes to send the first message.

I did respond and we've been chatting back and forth. Sort of superficial at this stage (why am I expecting more from Tinder?!?) but he did say he wanted to take me out so there might be a date in the near future 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m now down to 24 matches (still a factor of 3!).

I have 6 matches with messages (The Veg, Mother Earth News, Local Boy 1.0, Puppies/Kittens, Heart and Man with Sunglasses and Dog) and I’m actively chatting with 2 of them (Heart and Man with Sunglasses and Dog). I haven’t heard from Puppies/Kittens guy yet. This was the first time I sent the first message to a match but nothing in return yet 😔

I’ve had 10 likes today and 0 right swipes.

Tinder activity has definitely slowed down. I guess I'm no longer the fresh avocado on Tinder!

Maybe that means I can focus on existing matches instead of swiping right on new profiles. Yes, I need to focus 😋

As the weekend comes to an end, I’m reflecting on the joy, the awe, the wonder and the gratitude blooging blogging has filled me with this week. Thanks for all of your support and encouragement, and for your willingness to come on this journey with me. I 💓 you!!!

Yesterday, BFF asked me if I had read any of Christine Northrup's books. I responded that yes, I had used Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom as a reference book when I was first going through peri-menopause. Of course, I saw this as a nudge from the universe so I pulled the book from my shelf and opened it. The page had a quote from my fave poet:

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiousity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” ~ e.e. cummings

Then I found this quote on another page:

“The positive thing about writing is that you connect with yourself in the deepest way, and that’s heaven. You get a chance to know who you are, to know what you think. You begin to have a relationship with your mind.” ~ Natalie Goldberg

What are the chances that I would serendipitously discover two quotes that perfectly express how I feel about writing this blog?!? So thank you all for reading, for encouraging, for inspiring and for indulging me in my love of creative writing 💖

It's my first week back at work after the holidays so I’ll likely only be back next weekend with an update on my misadventures of online dating. Don't miss me too much! 😉😧 I’ll hopefully have something fun and exciting to share. Wish me luck 🍀

And remember, you are perfect just as you are ❤️ Have a wonderful week!!! 😘