I've been feeling under the weather* for the last few days so I have not been active on Tinder but lucky for you I’ve got lots to share from earlier in the week. Enjoy! 😎
*a nautical term from the days of old sailing ships is now used as an idiom for not feeling well. Any sailor who was feeling ill would be sent below deck to protect him from the weather. Being below deck, the sailor would literally be under the weather. And yes, this is an educational blog. You're welcome 😉
Day 12: January 5, 2020
After I posted Sexy Fun, I swiped right on two profiles.
I’m excited about my newest right swipe: Local Boy 3.0 - lives in the same town as me and he took the time to include a write-up on his profile. Oh and he’s a cutie 😍
Since my new rule is message him when I’m interested and excited, I sent him a message.
And I immediately regretted doing it.
No, I haven’t yet discovered any helpful learning opportunities for Tinder conversations.
Zero skills gained.
Embarrassingly, here’s the message I sent:
Super cute or super creepy?
What was I thinking?!? That's creepy AF 😲
Are you really only 3 kms away? This is why I should not be sending the first Tinder message!!!
I was just so excited about all the threes:
- He’s Local Boy 3.0
- Tinder tells me he’s 3 kms away
- He has 3 letters in his name
So yes, I’m excited and I think I blew it with my creepy ass message.
How will I ever fall asleep now?!? 😣
Day 13: January 6, 2020
One new match: Pink Moose (he had a pink moose on his t-shirt in one of his pics)
He’s a cutie but no write-up on his profile. WHY?!? And yes, I'm breaking the rules, again!
So I’m back to 27 matches (tetration of 3!)
And still no word from Local Boy 3.0
I scared him.
Man with Sunglasses and Dog keeps messaging me. He wants to go on a date. Since I have no clue what he looks like (remember how I described him in Sexy Fun?), would it be okay if I asked him for a pic? No, not that kind of pic 🍆 🤣
Anyways, it doesn't really matter because our conversations have been very dull. I don't really feel interested.
Eek! Pink Moose just messaged me. And it's a cutesie first message 😆
Day 13 might just be my lucky day 😉 (or not!)
Yes, I'm learning the
Day 14: January 7, 2020
I had the best conversation with Pink Moose last night and again tonight 😍
Plot twist: I almost fell in love with a scammer. Maybe even a bot.
Well that’s just pathetic.
Hindsight is 20/20.
Always trust your gut.
Okay, okay, you're probably wondering what happened.
Last night, Pink Moose and I chatted for about an hour and tonight for another hour. I didn't think I had the capacity to chat for that long but turns out I do 💃
At one point, the conversation turned bizarre and we suddenly went from discussing him cooking me a vegan meal to him wanting to take the conversation off Tinder because there were people on Tinder he was trying to avoid and because Tinder wasn't private.
WARNING! WARNING!
The warning bells were ringing in my head.
Just being dramatic? I think not! 😖
When I pressed him for information about this bizarre twist in the conversation, the chat page just disappeared and he vanished. He either unmatched me or blocked me. Quickly!
And no, this wasn't the first warning sign. There were many red flags!
🚩 He gave me his first and last name, his occupation and where he lives very early on in the conversation. Of course, I googled him right away and NOTHING.
🚩 Since he said he was a freelance structural engineer, I searched the provincial websites with the listings of legit engineers and NOTHING.
🚩
🚩 He appeared to be telling me exactly what I wanted to hear. And it appears I'm a sucker for it 🤮 And yes, that's a barf emoji!
🚩 Sometimes his answers didn't really make sense but I ignored it and moved on.
LAME NOTE: I often told myself "he's from Quebec so maybe English is his second language" as an excuse for many red flags.
Here’s the conversation shortly before he unmatched or blocked me (and this was after he had already told me there were freaks on Tinder and people he was trying to avoid):
I captured the screenshot so I could get help from an expert in real time. Not helpful! 😝
Maybe it's not a huge red flag.
Or maybe it was the accumulation of red flags that had me thinking this was a HUGE red flag.
To some (and she shall remain nameless!), he was simply trying to get my phone number.
I don’t know. Seems like “can I have your number?” would have been much easier 😝
It all happened so quickly.
And yes, I realize my "Should I be concerned?" response was not ideal.
Sadly, my follow-up message was even worse: "You're kinda freaking me out right now"
Okay, maybe he got triggered by it and left. And obviously I was triggered too.
So what did I do following Pink Moose's disappearance act?
I immediately googled Tinder scams. Yup, that was my gut feeling. And geez, was that a mistake 😒
Yikes!
Bots and scammers, oh my!
And this is exactly how scammers get you.
Sob story about needing to delete the app.
Hey buddy, if you don’t want to receive messages from anyone on Tinder, just unmatch them or block them. Easy peasy. You don’t have to delete the app to avoid anyone.
And if this was his modus operandi for getting my phone number as she-who-will-remain-nameless suggested?
Hey buddy, if you want my phone number, just ask me for it!
Very suspicious!
As soon as I pressed him, he disappeared. And so quickly! Before I could report him? How convenient!
Okay, I probably would not have reported him. But I've since learned enough to know I should have probably reported him. There were enough red flags. Unfortunately, you can't report someone after they've unmatched you or blocked you. When you report someone, Tinder investigates to determine if others have had similar experiences with the person you reported. If yes, the profile would be removed. Thus saving others from similar experiences.
Gosh, I was upset.
It all happened so quickly.
And reading about all the bots and scammers, oh my! 😟
It was overwhelming. Oh Tinder, what have I gotten myself into?!? 😲
But really, I should have known it was too good to be true – he answered many of my questions PERFECTLY and EXACTLY as I imagined my match would answer the questions. Duh! 😕
Thankfully, only two hours of my life were spent on Pink Moose.
I've learned that some men and women discover scams after weeks, months, years of chatting or sadly after being blackmailed or having their identify stolen or even more shockingly, after sending them money 😱😨
It appears to be a sad, sad world out there in Tinderland ☹
Day 15: January 8, 2020
Well that really shook me.
Couldn’t fall asleep last night.
Read too maybe damn articles and stories about Tinder scams - people who were chatting with scammers or bots or catfish.
Made me sad.
This experiment sucks.
I’m too fucking sensitive for this shit.
I’m too fucking naive for this shit.
I’m too fucking pissed for this shit.
I’ve cleared out my matches. Went from 26 to 7.
If you don’t have a write-up on your profile or we matched over a week ago with zero communications. GONE.
Cleared my messages. Went from 7 to 3.
If we’ve never had a real conversation. GONE.
If I’m not really into you. GONE.
Debating if The Veg and Mother Earth News should go too.
Mother Earth News. You ghosted me but you didn’t unmatch me?!? GONE.
That leaves Local Boy 3.0, Puppies/Kittens and The Veg in my messages. It means a conversation was started. No response from Local Boy 3.0 or Puppies/Kittens yet.
How long do I wait?!?
I also have matches that were made less than 1 week ago. How long should we wait to say hi or start chatting?!?
Until the end of the day.
Nah, no need to wait.
The Veg. We haven’t chatted since Christmas. Talked about meeting up on Jan 3. No follow-up conversations. GONE.
Puppies/Kittens. You’ve had a few days to respond to my message but you didn’t. if you’re not interested in responding then why the fuck did you swipe right on my profile?!? GONE.
Current count: 5 matches and 1 message (Local Boy 3.0)
I feel bad for any man that says hi now because if I was skeptical before, what will I be now?!?
Tinder is not a great place to build trust.
Which makes me feel like it’s not a great place to find a match.
Which makes me want to delete the app and shut down the experiment.
BUT. I. AM. COMMITTED.
Albeit not so hopeful or enthusiastic.
Tomorrow’s a new day.
Welcome to Tinder. Ugh!
Day 19: January 12, 2020
Yes, I realize now that I overreacted on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Shocking, I know! 😝
I have no clue what happened with Pink Moose.
Was Pink Moose a bot?
Was Pink Moose a scammer?
Was Pink Moose a man who simply no longer wanted to chat with me?
I was just surprised at the sudden shift in conversation. The strangeness of the conversation. The disappearance of the chat. Pink Moose vanishing in a split second.
So no, I don’t love how I reacted to what happened on Tuesday night or Wednesday morning.
The truth is that I immediately thought I had done something wrong.
Sure, I only thought I had done something wrong for a brief moment, but still, I went there.
I immediately blamed myself.
What the fuck?!?
Anyways, we'll never know if Pink Moose was a bot, a scammer or just no longer interested in chatting with me. And that's okay.
Thank you, Pink Moose, for allowing me to see a part of me that still needs some healing. We all have parts of us that need some healing, some loving, some gentleness, some kindness. And in a brief moment, I witnessed that part of me and for that I’m grateful 😊
“Never apologize for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn’t apologize for being the sun. The rain doesn’t say sorry for falling. Feelings just are.” ~ Iain S. Thomas
So now I need to just let.it.go.
And yes, writing about it helps so thanks for listening 😅
And yes, a musical intermission helps too! 😉
Oh, did you think it was going to be that other song?
Okay, okay, I know you’re disappointed.
Oh yeah, that was just the shift we needed, right?! 🙃 ❄️
But really, if you haven’t listened to James Bay’s Chaos and the Calm album, you should!
Okay, I digress! 💦
So after all that kerfuffle, I woke up Wednesday morning not feeling great physically.
Vulnerability hangover? Healing crisis? Just a cold?
But not feeling well since Wednesday means I’ve been MIA on Tinder.
Gift from the universe?!? 🤷🏻♀️
Surprisingly, there are still lots of
Unfortunately, I can’t help but wonder how many are bots or scammers or catfish. Ugh!
And I'm now starting to notice repeats - I either swiped left on their profile or unmatched them already and now they are swiping right on my profile again.
Well, you'll be thrilled to know that I
Okay, I feel kinda sorry for the left swipes but knowing they don't know about the rejection makes me feel better.
It’s tough being an empath on Tinder 😭
Current count: 9 matches and 1 message (still no word from Local Boy 3.0)
I've decided to add a new metric - current profiles that I'm
Yes, I’m really skeptical and wonder why I’m still doing this.
Oh yeah, I’m stubborn AF.
I committed to one month.
And you just never know when, how or where you will meet someone special. 💖
Regardless, I’m happy with or without a Tinder date and will remain open to the possibilities 😊
NOTE TO SELF
Moving forward, must remember:
1. Don’t take things personal
2. Lighten up
3. Go with the flow
4. Have fun
So yes, I obviously need to bring the fun and excitement back to Tinder. Any ideas?!?
Well, I definitely need a pep talk 😊
This is one of my fave videos so our homework assignment for today is: (yes, that means you and me!)
- Watch this video (it's only 3 minutes, peeps!)
- Smile
- Remember who you are 💗
Have a wonderful week, beautiful peeps 😊😊😊
Please remember to sprinkle love, light, peace and kindness everywhere you go. Mother Earth and her inhabitants need us. 💓💓💓
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