Ghosted

“I can officially confirm that the way to a man’s heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex or alluringness of character, but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him” ~ Bridget Jones

According to Wikipedia, ghosting is breaking off a relationship by stopping all communication and contact with the partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate. The term originated in the mid-2000s.

Well that explains why I’ve never experienced this before. What happened to kindness and honesty? What happened to the good ol’ days when you said “Sorry, I’m just not that into you” and you moved on? We can’t be everything to everyone! It's only natural that I won't be into every man I meet and every man I meet won't be into me so it’s okay to be honest about it. We owe it to each other to be honest, right?

This experience made me think of the movie, He's Just Not That Into You. Remember this scene?

So yes, I left our first date feeling good about Mother Earth News guy, just as Gigi left her date with Conor feeling good. 😛 He was a cutie, he was tall, I liked the way he was dressed, he has a good job and a great hobby, he was kind, funny and interesting, and the conversation was easy and fun. Sure, the hug kinda sucked and maybe that should have been a sign. And maybe I would have discovered soon after that we weren't a good match (well, I kinda did when he ghosted me!) but geez, just tell me you’re not into me. That’s what I would have done.

To all future dates: I’m secure, compassionate and love myself enough to accept your honesty. If you’re not into me, just tell me. Don’t ghost me. Thanks 😊

Day 6: December 30

If I don’t hear from Mother Earth News guy by 3pm, I’m resuming my Tinder activity.

I have another 100+ likes to go through but now I’m scared.

Why hasn’t he texted?

Was it something I said?

I read through our Tinder messages and text messages. Yes, I'm pathetic!

The last text I sent was last night:

Awww Ella is such a cutie 😻 How could he not respond to this photo?

Maybe he thinks I’m a crazy cat lady?

Maybe he thinks only crazy, old ladies do puzzles with their cats? For the record, I was trying to do the puzzle on my own.

Maybe he thinks I’m boring?

Nah, it can’t be that! Cats and puzzles are dope 😎

Was it the way I looked when we met?

Were my clothes too colorful?

Maybe I looked fat?

Maybe it was the bun?

It must have been the bun 😫

Yup, self-doubt was creeping in. I’ve spent the last 10 years learning to love myself then six days into my Tinder experiment and two days without a text from a stranger and I’m going to throw it all away?

Who the fuck am I?

Why the fuck do I care so much?

Maybe because kindness, communications and honesty matter to me?

And if those aren’t important to him, why the fuck should Mother Earth News guy be important to me?

BREATHE.

REMEMBER.

Emotions are simply energy in motion.

STEP.AWAY.FROM.THE.PHONE.

GO.DO.YOGA.

Get those feelings, thoughts, emotions moving out of your body, mind, heart and soul 💓

Ahhhhhhh that felt good!

Back to being ZEN AS FUCK ⭐🙏

It’s now 2pm so let’s do this! Yes, I know I said I’d wait until 3pm but I’m zen as fuck so I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want to do! 🤣 I whipped through 100+ profiles and liked 4 of them so that’s 4 more matches which means we can now chat. And now I wait. Yes, I’m pathetic! I haven’t gotten to the point yet where I send the first message.

At 2:35pm, I received a message from The Local. His write-up spoke to me and yes, he’s a cutie in his pic. Only one pic though which is rare. Turns out he grew up in the same city as me and now lives 100kms away (within my range!). He said he just came back from visiting family in our hometown.  He was likely mere feet away from me. Kinda cool!

At 3:16pm, my phone pinged and I had a message from Polish guy. So I broke my Tinder “rule” with this one. If men can’t take the time to include a write-up about themselves in their profile, I’m swiping left but there was something about Polish guy’s eyes and his smile that made me swipe right. Yes, he’s hunky 😍

Right away, he seems to be a sweetie. I learn he’s originally from Poland and now lives very close to my office. He’s currently in the US visiting family. After chatting for a bit, he asks me for my phone number. I’m not sure why but I say no. I tell him it feels very personal to share my number with someone I don’t know. I would only share my number once we meet. Is that weird? I need to talk to Sarah and Cheesy about it because I’m not sure if I should or shouldn’t. Anyways, I asked that we continue to chat via Tinder. He’s so sweet and I’m actually looking forward to meeting him. It’s such a strange feeling not knowing if he’s actually who he says he is though, if those are his photos or if I’m being catfished.

Yes, in addition to ghosting, online dating now also includes catfishing. According to the Oxford Dictionary (and you know how much I love Oxford!), catfishing means to lure (someone) into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona. How sad is that?!? I’ve already been ghosted so I sure do I hope I don’t get catfished too!

So it’s the end of the day on December 30th and I still haven’t heard from Mother Earth News, I haven’t heard from The Veg and I’ve chatted with two new hopefuls. What will tomorrow bring?

Lucky for you, it’s January 2nd so I can give you an update 😉

Day 7: December 31

• NYE 🥂
• Lots of Tinder activity today - another 100+ likes (where are all of these men coming from?!?) and 2 new matches.
• Chatted with Polish guy again today.
• No other conversations.
• I wonder if I still have a date on Friday?!?

Day 8: January 1, 2020

• Happy New Year! 🌟
• Wowza, there must be lots of men making 2020 Tinder resolutions because I’ve had 200+ likes on my profile today. I’m starting to wonder if the swipe lefts get recycled and can see my profile again. I haven’t been paying attention to the left swipes so maybe they’re coming back for more rejection? What I like about Tinder is that when you swipe left or someone swipes left on you, you have no idea you’ve been rejected. Thankfully! What you don't know can't hurt you 😝
• I’ve had a fun day with family and friends today so didn’t get a chance to swipe but I did chat a bit with Polish guy. I’m looking forward to meeting him when he’s back 😊

Day 9: January 2, 2020

Feeling the love from everyone who commented on my blog post. Thanks for your support and encouragement ❤️

I’m off today so I found some time to swipe through the 200+ men that swiped right on my profile.

I’m down to 16 men that I will likely swipe right on but I’ve decided to hold off for now.

Remember, once I swipe right, IT’S A MATCH! (because he's already swiped right on my profile)

No, I'm not putting Tinder activities on hold. I'm committed to this month-long experiment!

I think I need to rethink my rules though.

How silly is it that I have swiping rules?!? Shocking, I know! 😝

So far, I’ve been swiping left on Americans. Not that I don’t like Americans because I do! I just think having that kind of border between us would make it difficult. However, The American appeared in my list today and he looks like a cutie in his pics, the pics he chose are pretty cool (awesome photography!) and something peaked my interest in his profile. Is the border really an issue that I need to address at the swiping stage?  Things that make you go hmmm...

Wow I really enjoyed that dance break and I hope you did too! 😉

Then this video started to play and I just couldn't resist...could you?

Okay, I digress...can't resist a kick-ass dance break!

Where was I? Oh yes, The Bodybuilder. Yes, you read that correctly: The Bodybuilder! I’m definitely not the gym-going type nor do I have a bodybuilding body and I don’t find bodybuilding bodies attractive (we all have a type!). BUT he loves cats (adorbs!) and some of his pics (the non-bodybuilding pics!) were adorable (yes, there were cat pics!). And his write-up intrigued me: cats, books and bowling were all mentioned. How could I not swipe right on this one?!? 😝

So now I’m contemplating the right swipes.

Yes, it’s just a swipe.

I'm putting way too much thought into it now. Shocking, I know!

That's why I'm stepping away for a moment.

Maybe I’m just feeling a little swipe fatigue right now 🤷🏻‍♀️

Who knew there were so many men my age on Tinder? (notice I didn't say single men!)

And who said online dating was fun?

Maybe I just don't get it yet. And that's why I've committed to doing it for a month. And yes, I realize that only giving it a month isn't really fair either but it's a start!

I remain enthusiastic and hopeful. I just need a little break. And I'm only 9 days in 🤓

"Remember, we are all affecting the world every moment, whether we mean to or not. Our actions and states of mind matter, because we are so deeply interconnected with one another. Working on our own consciousness is the most important thing that we are doing at any moment, and being love is a supreme creative act." ~ Ram Dass 💖

P.S. Haven’t heard from The Veg and I haven’t made any attempts to contact him since the 25th so no date tomorrow and I'm obviously okay with it. What's meant to be will always find its way 💓