“I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it”
~ Mae West
My intent, as I sit here unable to sleep past 7am on a Sunday morning, is to organize my photos from our trip to Vancouver and to write a blog post about our adventure on the West Coast but unfortunately, all I can think about is how I have fallen.
May 4th was such a joyous day but it was also streaked with moments of intense sadness for me. The day was filled with happiness because we were celebrating Sarah’s 18th birthday with BFF and daughter, Reb but painfully sad (the pain only came later that night!) because I ate an entire piece of DQ Smarties Treatzza Pizza with chunks of Skor chocolate bars added to the "birthday pie" (I actually think I may have gone back for an extra 0.5 piece of birthday ice cream pie!). I have tried forgetting about that day moment when I ate the piece of pie + ½ piece of pie by focusing on the joy of celebrating Sarah's birthday (it was celebration 1 of 3...you only turn 18 once!) but I can’t forget because it’s a reminder of how much I suck little willpower I have when it comes to anything sweet (sweet men not included!).
Oh how proud I was of my sugarlessness success! I gave up sugar on January 19th and thought I would never look back after resisting the temptation for 15 weeks (!!!) but one little piece of skor pie (+ another ½!) turned me into a sugar monster again (Om nom nom nom!!!). Sugar consumption at birthday celebration #1 lead to sugar consumption at birthday celebration #2 then birthday celebration #3 then to our trip to Vancouver which lead to a small bite of cheesecake then to an entire piece of cheesecake to Roger’s Chocolates Dark Empress Square #1 to Roger’s Chocolates Dark Empress Square #2 to Taro Bubble Tea with Tapioca #1 to Red Velvet cupcake #1 to Taro Bubble Tea with Tapioca #2 to a bite of Sarah’s crème brulee #1 to Taro Bubble Tea with Tapioca #3 to a bite of Sarah’s crème brulee #2 (and I’m sure there are many more “cheats” that have not yet been documented!). At the time, I was thinking: “Yes, I’m eating sugar but it’s for Sarah’s birthday” (Sarah, it’s all of your fault!!!) then I was thinking: “Yes, I’m eating sugar but it’s because I’m on vacation” (Vancouver, it's all of your fault!!!) but what the hell am I supposed to think now that I’ve been back from vacation since May 16th (with a business trip to Toronto on May 17th and 18th which probably lead to more sugar consumption but denial has resulted in a loss of memory, however, I'm sure there was at least one biscotti cookie and one taro bubble tea with tapioca which does have sugar no matter how much I lie tell myself otherwise!).
Sadly, last Monday, I suffered the worst fuck up setback yet. While at my office, (brace yourself because the truth ain’t pretty!), I decided I needed to get something at Shoppers Drug Mart but to my surprise (not really a surprise!), I returned to my office with a big bag of Maltesers and a big bag of mini peanut butter cups (yes, mini!). Shockingly (not really a shock!), I devoured both bags while at the office. Not only did I feel horrible about annihilating two bags of chocolate but I felt like a complete hypocrite while eating my “healthy” lunch with my colleagues. I may as well have eaten a hot dog, a poutine and a diet coke that day (ewwwww….my stomach aches just thinking about that…ugh!!!). So I could easily come up with excuses such as “my juicer died” (yes, that is a true story which I will no doubt write about in another blog post!) for my disgusting behaviour but the truth is that I’m out of control again with my sugar intake. I keep telling myself (and others….you know who you are!) that I will get back on the wagon “tomorrow” but sadly, tomorrow hasn’t come yet. Maybe “tomorrow” I really will be sugarless again but I can’t even remember how I did it in the past. I have re-read my blog posts for inspiration and have come to the realization that I’m not a very inspirational person (yes, being hard on oneself is a symptom of sugar-indulgence!). How can I inspire others with my blog when the blog posts don’t even inspire me?
Funny enough, when I told Dr. Acupuncture (if you don’t know about my favourite acupuncturist, please read my blog posts Getting Old-er and My “to do” Lists) about my struggle to become sugarless again, she simply said “get rid of the sugar”. Really? That’s the best advice she could give me? Sadly, she’s right. All I have to do is not buy it, not be around it and most importantly, not eat it! I know that some of you are thinking….what’s the big deal? So what if you eat sugar? Well guess what…sugar is bad, people!!! Have you not read all of the literature about refined sugar? Sugar is toxic! Sugar should be labelled as:
OR
Okay, funny (side) story! When I was looking for the “poison” label, I searched Google Images and came up with the universal image for poison but the search also resulted in photos of the “Poison” band including the album cover for a Poison record which reminded me of a Christmas morning when I was a teenager. One of the songs I loved in high school was “Catch me I’m falling” by Pretty Poison. Living in a relatively small town, I wasn’t able to find the record (remember the good old days when we listened to music on our record players?) so I asked my Mom to look for the record by “Pretty Poison” while she was Christmas shopping in Montreal. Sounds simple enough, right? Well, to my surprise, on Christmas morning, I received, as a gift from my parents, the latest record by...wait for it...“Poison” (that's the album cover above) instead of the "Pretty Poison” record! What a funny memory!!! I should have added that one to my blog post about my Mom (check out that blog post “Because you love me”). Just for fun, I’ve included the videos for both Pretty Poison and Poison. Do you think I enjoyed my new record? I think these two songs would be a perfect mash-up for the new season of Glee :)
Okay, back to my hatred of sugar! Since blaming Sarah (she knows I'm just kidding!) willpower isn’t helping me kick my sugar habit, I thought I should read some literature on the negative effects of consuming sugar. Here’s the most recent article that I read to try to scare myself into a sugarless zone:
So yes, I’m smart enough to know that I "shouldn’t" be eating sugar (yes, I also re-read my blog post The “S” Word !) but my mind and my body are not on the same page….one knows that I shouldn’t eat sugar while the other craves it. What’s a sugar addict to do? Accepting that I’m not perfect is probably a good start (I know, it’s shocking!!!) but that’s not possible right now (I know, I know!) so how’s this for a start? I just took the almost full (it’s surprising to me that a bag of sweets can be almost full and still be in my possession since I normally eat the entire bag as soon as I open it!) bag of mini caramel chocolates that I had hidden (yes, it’s gotten to the point where I’m hiding the chocolate…who the hell am I hiding it from???) and I dumped the contents into the garbage bin. That’s correct…I didn’t just throw the bag in the garbage because the contents could still potentially be eaten since they were not contaminated (the garbage bin could simply be considered another “hiding” place) so I dumped the sweets into the garbage bin where they made contact with its nasty contents. There’s no way in hell I’ll be putting my hand in the trash to retrieve a mini caramel chocolate wrapped in a used Kleenex or the grossness that accumulates in the kitchen drain catcher. I’m hopeful that this means I’m sugarless "at least for today". Unless, of course, I decide to have a bite of Sarah’s leftover Skor Blizzard that calls my name from the freezer (it befuddles me that someone is unable to eat a small Blizzard in one sitting!) or I make my way to the store for more treats but really, there’s no need to worry now that my “fallen” story is public. I think I’ll be able to control myself…at least for today! Now I need to get to the store and buy myself (another!) ….wait for it… J-U-I-C-E-R!!! Yes, that's right...this story is definitely "to be continued" ….
Sugar-free DAY 1 = I'm in!
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