Cat litter box

While cleaning out the cat litter box this morning, I started to (quietly!) sing the song “Smelly Cat” by Phoebe Buffay on Friends:

After attempting to sing the song (quietly...you'll soon understand why!) then getting frustrated with myself for not remembering all of the words, I started wondering:

1)     Why doesn’t Sarah ever clean out the cat litter box?

2)     Why can’t my cats consistently cover up their shit (literally!). 

and

3)     How can the cat litter box be used as a euphemism for life?

Since I was already frustrated about not remembering the words to a “classic” song, not to mention my outrage at having to clean out the cat litter box AGAIN (how often do cats have to poop and pee?), I became extremely agitated by the thought that the word “euphemism” was not correctly being used in my disturbing pathetic deep, very philosophical question.  Under normal circumstances, I would ask Sarah about the correct use of a word but she’s sleeping (it’s 5am!) so then I consider texting my favourite high school teacher, BFF, for her feedback but she’s away at an overnight school trip with her daughter so then I consider calling my brother but there's no way in hell he'd talk to me at 5am!!!  Basically, I’m all alone in trying to figure this one out (so much for my support system!) so after cleaning out the cat litter box, I stormed (quietly…Sarah is sleeping!) up the stairs with a bag full of shit (literally!) and decided that I wasn’t alone…I have Oxford!!! 

According to the Oxford Dictionary, euphemism is a noun that is defined as follows:

a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.  Euphemism is the use of a milder or vaguer word or phrase in place of one that might seem too harsh or direct in a particular context, and a euphemism is such a word or phrase (i.e. to pass away for ‘to die’).  The most productive subjects for euphemism in English are bodily functions (ahem!), sexual activity (ahem!), death, politics, and violence.  Nowadays business, politics, and warfare create a lot of euphemisms, such as downsizing, rationalization, restructuring, slimming down, etc. instead of the more direct ‘redundancy’; strategic alternatives for ‘potential sale’; ethnic cleansing instead of ‘mass expulsion or extermination of ethnic minorities’; collateral damage for ‘accidental destruction of non-military areas’; friendly fire for ‘killing of soldiers on one’s own side ‘; and extraordinary rendition for’ handing over terrorist suspects for interrogation and possible torture'.  One area of euphemism that advertisers are particularly fond of is taking a feature of their product that might seem to be a disadvantage and turning it into something neutral or even positive.  For instance, a product that is basic may be described as standard or one that is small as compact. A small quantity of a product may be described as a handy version or fun size, and a long-standing design as traditional or classic. 

So now it’s blatantly obvious that my question “How can the cat litter box be used as a euphemism for life?” is grammatically (or contextually?) incorrect and no longer reflects my original thought.  Back to the drawing board!  Or maybe I should go back to the cat litter box for a little inspiration (yes, I had actually considered it!)?   The next word that pooped popped into my head is “asimile”.   How does this sound?  “How can the cat litter box be used as an asimile for life?”  I know Sarah and BFF are yelling at the screen right now saying “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” but as you know, I’ve promised to be completely honest in my blog posts so I have to admit that yes, I thought “asimile” was a word!  Hey, I was only slightly off when I thought “asimile” because the actual word is…wait for it…“simile”.   I had opened up the dictionary to asimile but there was nothing there then it hit me….duh!!!  So here I go again… “How can the cat litter box be used as a simile for life?”   I’m sure BFF and Sarah will let me know that there’s still a grammar or spelling mistake in the question but the point is that the question is now 100% representative of my original thought because the Oxford Dictionary defines a simile as a figure of speech involving the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind, used to make a description more emphatic or vivid (e.g. as brave as a lion).   Ha!

Since I’ve gone this far, it was only fair (to all of us!) that I sit down and seriously ponder the question “how is life like a cat litter box?”  Surprise, surprise…I came up with a few similes but don’t get too excited because they're not as poetically profound as the best simile (ever!):  “Life is like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’re going to get” (said in my best Forrest Gump accent!).   Mmmm…chocolate!!!   That’s right, today is Day 3 of Operation Sugarless (take 2!) but I digress…back to my cat litter box similes :) 

Life is like a cat litter box…

…it’s sometimes shitty.

…it’s sometimes pissy.

…sometimes things get clumped together.

…the contents sometimes get flushed. 

…it’s sometimes full of surprises (ugh!). 

…it sometimes looks better than it smells or smells better than it looks.

…it sometimes absorbs the piss but still smells like shit.

…you always know that "visitors" will continuously come in and out of it. 

…it’s a dumping ground for excrements. 

…it sometimes needs a little “Arm & Hammer”. 

…there’s always someone who will help clean up the mess. 

…simply scooping out the excreta will sometimes make it better but there are times when you need to dump the entire contents to have a fresh start. 

…sometimes you need to dig deep to find the shit that’s been buried. (my fave!)

So now I’m curious, how is your life like a cat litter box or what euphemism/asimile/simile would you use to describe life?