Now lie in it

How do you make your bed before you lie in it?  I’ve had this argument discussion with people about the "proper" way to make a bed.   For example, the night before my BFF’s wedding, her husband-to-be (now her lawfully wedded husband!) was sleeping at my house so I wanted to make sure there were clean sheets on my bed (please note that I was not sleeping in the bed with him…I was with BFF at her house!).  So the "people" who offered to help put clean sheets on the bed for me were arguing about how to make the bed (one of the "people" arguing was a 12 year old brat girl...oh, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!).  I’ve also had this discussion many times with my BFF about how to properly make the bed.  At this point, we’ve agreed to disagree!  But I can’t help but wonder…is there a “proper” way to make a bed?  But before we get into the instructions of “how to make a bed”, I think we need to discuss…wait for it…bed wetting washing etiquette.   Let's face it, there's no sense talking about how to make a bed if you never wash the sheets!  So how often do you change your bed sheets?   I wash my bedding every Saturday but I know there are some people who change it every other day (you know who you are!) which seriously makes me wonder if there is such a thing as bed sheet washing etiquette.  How often should you change your bed sheets?  Every day, every two days, every week, every two weeks, once a month, every three months (ew!), every 6 months (double ew!), once a year (quadruple ew!)?  I guess there are a number of factors to consider when determining how often you need to change your sheets so I’ve prepared a chart (you're welcome!) to help us identify how often we should change the sheets based on the following factors: 

You sweat in your sleep	Rate yourself from 0 to 10, the more you sweat, the higher the number
You sleep naked.	Give yourself a 10
You sleep in your pyjamas.	Give yourself a 1 (or a 0 if you wear socks)
You sleep in a nightgown.	Give yourself a 3 if it's long (or a 2 if you wear socks), and a 5 if it's short (or a 4 if you wear socks)
You sleep only in your underwear.	Give yourself a 7 (or a 6 if you wear socks)
You have sex in your bed.	Give yourself 2 points for every time you “do it” in your bed in one week (and if you're wearing socks...come on!)
You eat in your bed.	Give yourself a 6 (if the food you eat doesn't produce crumbs, you can reduce it to a 4)
You drink in your bed.	Give yourself a 4 (if it's only water, you can reduce it to a 2)
You fart in your bed.	Give yourself a 5 (if they're wet, give yourself a 10…and seriously consider wearing a diaper!)
You have a dog that sleeps in your bed.	Give yourself a 5 (if your dog has fleas, mites or worms, give yourself a 10)
You have a cat that sleeps in your bed.	Give yourself a 5 (if your cat has fleas, mites or worms, give yourself a 10)
You have an iguana that sleeps in your bed.	Get some help!
You have wet dreams.	Give yourself a 9 (good for you though!)
You have a weak bladder.	Give yourself a 8 (you might want to also consider a diaper!)
You drool in your sleep.	Give yourself a 5 (if your pillow is soaked in the morning, give yourself a 10)

If your score is higher than 50, you should be washing your bed sheets every day (and you should probably invest in antibacterial sheets and mattress pad)! 

If your score is between 31 and 50, you should be washing your bed sheets every two or three days!

If your score is between 16 and 30, you should be washing your bed sheets every four or five days!

If your score is between 5 and 15, you should be washing your bed sheets weekly!

If your score is under 5, do you even sleep in your bed?

DISCLAIMER:  This ratings system has not been scientifically proven to be accurate (sorry!)

Wow…I digress!  So back to making your bed...do you tuck the sheet under the mattress or not?  Do you place the flat sheet face up or face down?  Do you put your pillows over or under the flat sheet?  Do you even use a flat sheet?  Well, I decided to get the information from the most reliable source…Martha Stewart!   

Here’s what Martha recommends as an easy, efficient system for making a bed perfectly: 

1. Begin with a good-quality mattress and box spring. Protect the mattress with a cotton cover; Martha adds a wool pad.
2. Unless you're using a fitted sheet, make hospital corners with the bottom sheet, starting at the bed's head: Drape the sheet evenly over the bed, leaving about 1 foot of fabric hanging beyond the head. Stand beside the bed, toward its center, and pick up a side hem. Pull the hem toward you into a taut crease, then raise the creased section over the mattress so the sheet makes a triangular tent over the bed. With your other hand, smooth the sheet flat along the mattress's side. Then fold the creased section down over the side, and tuck the sheet snugly under the mattress. Repeat the process at the foot and other side of the bed.
3. Add the top sheet, and make hospital corners at the bed's foot.
4. Leave the sides untucked for easier sleeping. Finish with a blanket, quilt, or down comforter.

Yes, I definitely agree with the “untucked” part because I don’t like feeling claustrophobic when I get into bed.  My feet and legs want to be able to move!  What if there’s an emergency and I need to jump out of bed but can’t because the sheets are tucked in so tight that I end up in a state of paralysis because I’m not able to jump out of bed (yes, I have a therapist!)?  So Martha didn’t address needing the flat sheet face up or down so the research continues.  It’s important to note that BFF believes that the flat sheet should be face down while I like the flat sheet face up because it’s prettier!  Okay, so I finally found a video that addresses the face up or face down issue and I should note that it wasn’t easy to find it which tells me that it probably doesn’t matter which way your flat sheet faces (I’m just sayin’). 

While searching for that video, I came across a video on how to fold a fitted sheet (I’m impressed with this guy!).  I don’t know about you but I think it’s a real challenge folding and storing the fitted sheet because it never turns out like in this video.  I’m an optimistic person though so I will give it a try next Saturday (yes, I’m a weekly…oh, I think I’ve revealed too much!).

I also found a video on how to get the duvet in the duvet cover.  I usually end up wrestling with the duvet and duvet cover, which leads to a panic attack because I end up trapped inside the duvet cover (yes, I’m a drama queen!) but with this technique, you don’t even have to go into your duvet cover (yay!). 

Well, now that I know how to make my bed,  I think I’ll lie in it  :)

Goodnight all!