"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
That's bullshit! Words do hurt and sometimes, they can even kill. I'm here today to remind us of the power of words, and the importance of choosing our words wisely. Not only choosing them with wisdom but also with love, respect, kindness and compassion.
So why do I have my knickers in a knot this morning? Well actually, I started writing this blog post last night after having a really good day but decided I needed to sleep on it because my emotions were raw (too raw even for blogging!). Yesterday started off really nicely with my weekly trip to the Farmers’ Market with BFF and Reb then the day progressed into fasting (I’m “cleansing” again this week so I can’t eat after 1pm) then the day evolved into a day of decorating for Christmas (what else am I supposed to do while
The first thing I discovered on Facebook was that today/yesterday is/was Human Rights Day so there couldn’t be a better way to celebrate Human Rights Day than having a blog post dedicated to how "choosing your words" can make the world a better place for all of us, right?!? First, a little history…December 10 was the date in 1948 that the United Nations adopted the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Two years later, in 1950, Human Rights Day was established to commemorate the event, and it has been celebrated ever since. The theme of 2011 recognizes the significance of social media and technology in assisting human rights defenders in new ways. After learning that today/yesterday is/was Human Rights Day, I found myself moving away from FB for a moment to educate myself on the Human Rights Code in Canada which states that “Every person has a right to equal treatment without discrimination because of race, ancestry, place of origin, colour, ethnic origin, citizenship, creed, sex, sexual orientation, age, marital status, family status or disability.” The words “equal treatment” have me rather perplexed so I think a future rant will probably be entitled “equal treatment” (and its subjectiveness!) but for now, I need to accept that it's a good start for securing people's rights to living a happy life.
So you’re probably still a little confused about my attitude towards words. Well, keep reading to find out…
One of the catalysts for this blog post is in the form of a video which a friend posted on her Facebook:
Doesn’t that really get you thinking about the way we use words? I’m not proud to say that I’m guilty of using words to describe certain things or events or people that would be hurtful to people (even if the word isn't directed at them!) but I am proud to say that today, on Human Rights Day, I’m going to start being more conscious of the words that I choose to speak or write or think. When we use words that intentionally (or unintentionally) hurt someone, humiliate someone, or belittle someone, we are going against the Human Rights Code which allows everyone (equal treatment?) to live a life without hurt, humiliation, belittlement and/or teasing.
Not only do we need to be conscious of the words we use to describe others but we also need to be conscious of the words we use to describe ourselves because they are just as damaging (if not more!). How many times have I found myself saying “I look fat in these clothes” or “my nose looks bigger than usual today” or “I’m such an idiot for doing that” or “I’m so stupid for not remembering that” or “I’m too lazy to do that” or “No man will ever want to marry me”? Yes, I’m aware of the damage that these words are having on me, hence the cycle of abusive words to describe myself. I’m happy to say that the self-abuse stops here! I’m also aware that it’s not only the words we speak, write, type or sing that can be damaging; it’s also the words that we think. I’m probably less aware of the thoughts than the words I’ve spoken/written about myself. But again, as of today, I’m going to be more aware of those thoughts; not only the thoughts about myself but also the thoughts I have about other people. Just because I’m not speaking or writing the words that I’m thinking, I believe they are somehow being projected into the universe and are harmful. So any judgements I may have made in my head, are still having an impact on me or others.
So how can we be better at choosing our words? We need to start practicing mindfulness! When we are mindful of the words we choose to speak, write or sing, we may think twice about using specific words that may be hurtful to another. By being mindful of the words we choose, we could reduce/eradicate bullying, racism, sexism, harassment, bigotry, discrimination, etc…
What really sent me over the edge with my emotions last night was this next video which was posted on a friend's Facebook page. Here's an example of what happens to someone when we aren't conscious of our words (you'll need to get some tissues...possibly a whole box!):
Heartbreaking!!! I was going to add a few explicit words to that first “sentence” but I’m learning to choose my words so I shortened it to one word that reflected my feelings. Why are we allowing this to happen to young people? The sad truth is that there are so many children, youth and adults living in fear and sadness because of bullying, discrimination, racism, sexism, etc. And what do bullies use as ammunition? WORDS!!! Could bullying be eradicated if we started to be mindful of the words we choose? If as adults, we aren’t mindful of the words we choose and the impact of those words, how can we expect children to know how to choose their words? We need to start choosing words that remind people that they matter. Jonah matters! You matter! I matter! WE ALL MATTER! We all matter because we are here! My hope is that one day, everyone, especially children like Jonah, will have love, joy, peace, respect and kindness in their life. I’m happy to report that Jonah and his family were on a television program last week, and he seems to have found happiness in his life. The bullies have apologized and he seems to have many more supporters in his life. He has also told his family that he is gay which has relieved a lot of pressure for him. Come on people; can’t we live in a world where people are free to live an authentic life? A world where it doesn’t matter if you’re gay, straight, bisexual or transsexual because everyone is accepted as they are (equal treatment?)! This needs to be true not only for our sexual orientation but also for the colour of our skin, our abilities (there are no dis-abilities only different abilities!), our illnesses, our religious beliefs, our choices, etc... Why is it so difficult for us to embrace each other's differences?
So are we on the verge of a paradigm shift by raising our awareness of the words we speak, write, type, sing or think? I'm really trying to be much more conscious of the words I choose. For example, instead of saying or thinking "what a jackass!", I'm trying to shift my thinking to "I wonder what he's going through or how much he's suffering that makes him treat her that way?". It doesn't dismiss his behaviour nor does it make his behaviour less wrong but instead, I'm not adding negativity to an already negative situation. Negativity on top of negativity results in more negativity so instead, I'm trying to add compassion. Give it a try...you'll be surprised how mindfulness of words brings about a different reaction to different situations. Yes, that also includes gossiping! Gossiping is all about using words to unintentionally hurt another person (I say “unintentionally” because I don’t think we realize what we are doing when we gossip...or do we?) so let’s be mindful of the words we use to describe ourselves and others at all times! Whatever happened to “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it”?
Not only do we have to be conscious of the words we choose but we should also take responsibility for the words other people are using because if we don’t remind another that the words they choose are hurtful, we may as well be saying them too! We need to SPEAK UP! If you hear someone say something that could be hurtful to someone, you must let that person know in a kind, loving, respectful and compassionate way. For example, if you hear someone telling a joke that makes fun of someone’s race, nationality, creed, sexuality or illness, you must say something to right the wrong. Choosing not to laugh at the joke does not remedy the situation. I’m not saying that we have to be downers or always be “politically correct” but when it comes to hurting someone’s feelings, we must stand up and make it right. We need to start being more attuned and more sensitive to people’s feelings (including our own!). I’m not suggesting we start going crazy by editing everything we say but simply being mindful is a great start. That includes this blog so if I've said anything that is hurtful or harmful, please speak up.
Yes, I'm an idealist (dreamer!) so I believe that making one small change such as being mindful of the words we speak or write or type or sing or think can change the world. Moving from negative words to positive words...imagine!
I do believe that one person can make a difference so today’s the day that I start being mindful of the words that I choose. What will you do to celebrate Human Rights Day?
"Words are the voice of the heart." ~ Confucius
Wow, everything's making me cry tonight, I watched My Sister's Keeper earlier and now watching Jonah's video...I'm a mess. You're so right negativity only inspires more negativity.
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