Road Trip

 “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.” ~ Douglas Adams

Were you worried about me?  Don’t worry, I’m okay!  I must apologize for the tardy blog post today but I’ve been away from home for the last 4 days and am just getting home now.   Feel sorry for me?  Don’t!  While away, I got to spend quality time with Sarah, BFF and Reb.  I’ll tell you more about our “quality time” but before I do that, I guess I have some grovelling to do.  For the last three nights, I sat in my hotel room contemplating whether or not I’d be able to blog whilst away from home (it's important to note that I didn't stay in the hotel contemplating but rather spent a few seconds wondering whether or not it was possible!).   Whether or not I could blog got me thinking about my bloogees bloggees.  My what?  That’s right…bloggees!  If I’m a blooger blogger, doesn’t that make you a bloogee bloggee?   I made a promise to my bloggees that I would blog weekly (on Saturdays!) but I hadn’t really taken into account my time away from home.  Can I really blog when I’m away from home?  Well, the answer is obviously no because I haven’t yet posted on my blog, right?  Since I’ve never blogged away from home before, I guess the only à propos topic to blog about would be things people do in hotel rooms    the cleanliness of hotel rooms  public washrooms  the sounds you hear in hotel rooms  ROAD TRIPS!!!

BFF, Sarah, Reb and I just returned from another road trip but before I start running my mouth off about how much fun (and stressful!) road trips can be, I can’t help but wonder how one defines road trips.  Do you have to be in a car to be on a road trip or would a train or bicycle suffice?  Do you have to travel more than 100 kilometres away from home or would travelling 20 kilometres away from home still count as a road trip (especially if you’re travelling 20 kilometres by bicycle and it takes you two days to get to your destination!)?  Well, I would define a road trip as “any fun activity that takes you on the road and away from home for an extended period of time”.  Does that sound like a definition the Oxford English Dictionary would accept?  Sure the terms “fun”, “activity”, “on the road”, “away from home”, “extended” and “period of time” are all relative terms that probably need to be further defined but what makes road trips blog-worthy is that they're different for each person so go ahead and define road trip for yourself (and then go on one!).   But just in case you’re interested, the Oxford English Dictionary defines road trip as “a journey made by car, bus, etc…” while Wikipedia defines road trip as “any journey taken on roads, regardless of stops en route. Typically, road trips are long distances traveled by automobile.” 

It’s interesting how many of us will define road trips differently depending on a number of factors.  For example, when Sarah was a baby, I used to take her on “road trips” to the park which was only a few kilometres away from home but as she got older, the road trips got further and further away.  I remember our first “far away” road trip was to the East Coast which meant 15+ hours in the car.  The poor thing had to be drugged in order to survive the road trip because she started to get car sick when in the car for long periods of time.  She still gets car sick when she’s in the back seat but has found ways to control it without getting drugged up (by drugged up, I mean no Gravol is necessary!).    What’s great about road trips is that you’re stuck in the car for long periods of time usually with someone you love so it’s a great way to spend quality time with someone.   The bonus is the destination!   Regardless of where we are going, we usually have fun in the car.   Of course it's not all fun!  I'd like to suggest that a smarty pants scientist conduct the following social experiment:  send 2 mothers and 2 teenage daughters on a road trip for 4 days to a destination that requires the travellers spend at least 5 hours in the car and see how long it takes before one of the travellers starts to get bitchy.  I'd be interested in knowing how long it would take for said bitchiness to rear its ugly head (just curious!).  Of course, this blog post isn't about the down-side of road trips because I've never experienced such negativity on a road trip!  All of my road trips have been 100% happy, happy, happy! :P

"A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.” ~ Lao Tzu

Since I have my own blog and all of my road trips have been successfull, I'm pretty much considered an expert on "how to ensure a fun time is had by all passengers in the car on your next road trip" so I guess I'll start with a few simple rules (yes, I do have road trip rules…surprised?):

• Where are you going?  This one is only important if you’re an anal planner like me who needs to know the final destination so it can be plugged into the GPS and you can see it on a map! Ideally, you should just start driving and see where you end up!  
• Who will be driving?  This is important if there’s more than one driver in the car!  I remember our first road trip after Sarah got her driver’s license.  We were on our way to Toronto to see The Lion King musical.  Sarah insisted on driving and of course, I couldn’t say no because driving on the highway is part of the new driver’s experience, right?  (again, it’s obvious that I haven't clipped her wings!). 
• When will you be leaving/arriving?  Again, this one is only important if you’re an anal planner like me who needs to know the date and time of departure along with the date and time of arrival!  Ideally, you should just start driving whenever you feel like it!
• Why are you going?  Okay, most of you are probably thinking “do you really need a reason?” but some road trips might require you to plan ahead and you wouldn’t want to forget to buy tickets for a concert or a rodeo (as you start to age, you forget things so remembering why you are going on a road trip is important!). 
• What do you need to bring?  This one is important because you have to make sure you have everything you need…car, keys, gas, GPS, maps, alcohol, cellphone, cellphone charger, wallet, purse, toothbrush, book, nail file, pyjamas, bikini, etc… Okay, so maybe it would be fun to not have a list for once and just buy whatever I need when I get there but that wouldn’t be me, would it?
• Who will be accompanying you?  This one isn’t important if you’re a loner (me!) or desperately need a break from people (me!) but if you like people (not me!), you need to figure out who you want to accompany you.  This is a critical component of the road trip because you don’t want to end up with someone who annoys the hell out of you – like the people I end up with on road trips…hehehe!

Now once you’ve set the basic rules, you need to consider the following: 

What kind of music will you have?

Are you going to be wild and free and randomly select a radio station which could include any kind of music including country (ugh!) and talk radio too or will you burn a cd with your favourite road trip music or will you fill your iPhone with music for any type of road trip (including Justin Beiber...it's for Reb not me, okay?!).  

You also need to assign someone as car DJ or else there will be chaos in the car (trust me!).   My suggestion is that the driver be responsible for the music unless he/she decides he/she doesn't want the responsiblity and feels comfortable having someone else take on the responsiblity, which includes deciding how loud to have the music, so you need to make sure the responsiblity is given to someone who is ultra-responsible, truthworthy and respectful of others.  Remember though that you can’t please everyone in the car!

How many mandatory pee breaks will be needed?  Mandatory dance breaks?  Mandatory air dumps? 

I was thinking that there must be a mathematical equation that could help you determine the number of breaks and the time span between breaks but I’m so tired right now, I can barely type so thinking about a mathematical equation seems rather impossible but never the slacker, I came up with the following:

D = estimated travel distance (if you plop your coordinates into your GPS or iPhone Map, you’ll come up with an ETD)

T = estimated travel time (again, if you plop your coordinates into your GPS or iPhone Map, you’ll come up with an ETA)

PB = number of pee breaks (could also include poop breaks or food breaks – strange combination, I know, but we usually use bathrooms in restaurants)

DB = number of dance breaks (defined as “everyone in the car must start crazy dancing to avoid butt and leg cramps”)

AD = number of air dumps (defined as “rolling down all car windows for 20 seconds to refresh the air in the car")

D / T = 0.333PB  x  103DB – 2.1AD

If it takes you 5 hours to travel 500 kms, the quotas are as follows:  3 pee breaks, 1030 dance breaks and 21 air dumps which means you'll be stopping for a pee break every 100 minutes, a dance break is scheduled every 30 seconds (awesome!) and air dumps should occur every 14 minutes.  Makes sense, right? 

Who will be responsible for regulating the temperature inside the car? 

This needs to be decided before you leave!  Will the driver decide if you freeze – too much air in the summer or not enough heat in the winter – or sweat to death – too much heat in the winter or not enough air in the summer?  It’s best to decide before the road trip how you will regulate the indoor car temperature so you’re not sitting in the passenger seat sweating to death because you’re not sure whether or not to ask BFF if she can turn up the air or that you’re feet are about to break off because they’re frozen from too much air.  I know you want to make it comfortable for everyone in the car but remember that you can’t please everyone!   

Pre-road trip checklist!

Now this is important because once you’re on your road trip, you don’t want to be faced with any “did I forget to….” scenarios because all that worrying might cut into your pee breaks, dance breaks or air dumps.  The pre-road trip checklist will ensure you have a stress-free road trip (you're welcome!). 

Your pre-road trip checklist should include (this is where my neuroses become apparent!) some of the following: the “walk around the house” (x 10!), cats have food and water (I usually leave a year’s worth of food for them and I wonder why they look fat when I get home!), windows are closed, blinds are shut, stove is off, hair straightener is unplugged, small appliances are unplugged, fridge door is closed, toilet seat is up (so cats have water to drink if they drink all of the water in their basin bowl or the water evaporates!), plants have been watered, taps are turned off, lights are off, front door is locked, etc…

And that’s just the house pre-road trip checklist!  Then there’s the car pre-road trip checklist:  gas, tire pressure, oil check, windshield washer fluid, music, snacks, bags, etc… 

Of course, there’s also the stuff to pack checklist which includes all of the stuff I need and mostly, don’t need on the road trip!   

Once all of the lists have been checked (x 10!), we will find ourselves sitting in the car, in the driveway, waiting for my panic attack to subside ready to leave when I wonder whether or not I locked the back door so I get out of the car, go to the door, and confirm that yes it’s locked but since I’m at the door, I may as well go in for another look around the house (this is usually a speedy walk around the house since I’ve already done the “walk around” ten times!).  So, it’s probably obvious that the people who accompany me on road trips are people who are extremely patient and really love me (who else could put up with the craziness?!?).  Unless, of course, you’re Sarah and you really have no choice but to deal with it since it’s the only way she’d ever go away on vacation!  (still love me, Sare?)

A road trip example

So once we finally leave the driveway, our road trips usually go something like this:

The girls usually want to stop for something to eat when we’re approximately 2 minutes away from home. 

Then we must stop at the first Starbucks on our road trip!  Two venti soy chai lattes for the big girls and two tall soy chai lattes for the little girls (they must have small bladders or maybe they’ve noticed that I’ve tweeked the pee break equation and now there are fewer stops?). 

Then there's our first pee break after drinking those soy chai lattes!

Then there are dance breaks, pee breaks, snacking and air dumps as needed (or required as per the magical equation!). 

Then finally, the destination!

It never ceases to amaze me how calm BFF is when she’s the designated road trip driver.  Not that I’m a basket of nerves because I’m pretty chill when I drive (I am, okay!) but for whatever reason, when I’m looking for an exit or an address, I need silence (no radio, no talking – just the annoying sound of the GPS lady!) whereas BFF can have the radio on, be singing, girls talking and GPS lady giving her directions and still get off at the right exit.  Astounds me! 

Every road trip is different of course but there are some similarities between road trips.  Because I'm a crazy neurotic creature of habit, there are certain spots I must go to (every time!) including Starbucks (soy chai latte fix!), bubble tea (taro with tapioca!) and new/used book stores (not the smelly kind!).   There’s usually some shopping, swimming, workouts (the girls – not me!), reading, walking, sightseeing, photo-taking, people-watching and lots of eating!   

This most recent road trip had us travelling to Toronto (BFF's business trip) where we saw The Glee 3D Concert Movie (and I sang my heart out during the movie!), drank lots of soy chai lattes and bubble teas, swam, ate lots of vegetarian food and had massages.  The girls did a lot of back-to-school shopping (many times I wished I had a book with me!).  On one of our shopping trips, we purchased the Glee 3D soundtrack which we listened to twice on our way back home.  You can’t help but smile (and dance!) when you hear those Glee songs, right?  Here's my new favourite Glee song - P.Y.T. (I dare you not to dance!):

In addition to Glee sing-alongs, there's always oodles of laughter and crazy talk!  On our way to Toronto, I was kindly made aware of the similarities between me and the "socially awkward penguin".  Who knew that there was a special term for someone like me?  I mean, someone who "looks up to see someone waving so he/she waves back only to realize that they're not waving at him/her" or "assumes it's sarcasm when someone compliments him/her" or "remembers something funny and laughs loudly at an inappropriate time"?   We also had a good laugh about the shlong basket and ball holder (don't ask!) and we discussed our interest in starting an all-girls band that we could name "Midlife Crisis" with BFF on vocals, Sarah on guitar, Reb on drums and me on piano.  Would't you come to see us live?  It would be very remiss of me to leave out the laughter that was caused by someone in the car (what happens in the car, stays in the car so I can't mention names!) who reminded us of how she says "you too!" to the person working at the movie theatre in response to him/her saying "enjoy the movie".   Cracks me up everytime, eh Sare?   Oh, I also forgot to mention the funnest (not to be confused with funniest!) part of our road trip...I have whiplash but that's a blog post for another day (I'm okay, don't worry!). 

I know I've already mentioned road trip music etiquette but I forgot to mention that we sometimes look up music on You Tube on iPhone to play in the car when we have sudden urges to play a specific song.  For example, on this road trip, we successfully found "Give Me Everything" by Pitbull and Ne-Yo (our song of the summer!) and Broken Wings by Mr. Mister (an oldie but goodie!) but Sarah was unsuccessful in her search for a song that she wanted us to hear so in honour of another awesome road trip, I'd like to dedicate the song Sarah wasn't able to find on iPhone You Tube to my fellow road trippers (I think this is the song!):

(FYI - you're extremely limited in the videos you can find on the iPhone You Tube - in case you're wondering why she couldn't find it!)

Of course, not all road trips have to be 5+ hours away or keep us away from home for 4 days!  We often have short road trips such as trips to Farmers' Markets.  During our last road trip to the farmers’ market, BFF was driving, I was in the passenger seat and Reb was in the back seat.  For whatever reason, I rolled down the window and stuck my hand out but I ended up rolling up the window on my hand.  Don’t ask me how I did that but it made us all chuckle so I’m happy to say that the pain wasn’t for nothing! 

I probably sound like a broken record talking about how much fun I have on these road trips but it's the truth.  So many good memories and so much laughter!  Of course, not all of my road trip memories involve Sarah, BFF and Reb.  I also have some great road trip memories from my childhood because my parents took us on many road trips whether it was going for a Sunday drive (I consider that to be a road trip!) when we would find ourselves on the side of the road picking wild blackberries or at a chip stand in a small town ordering poutine or the vacation road trips to the East Coast or Lake Placid or Florida!   Back then road trips always seemed to be an adventure because I wasn’t the person planning them (oh how I miss the days when my parents were in charge of me!).   There's also the road trips with my bro which involve lots of singing, car dancing and laughter whether we’re driving to get an ice cream cone or going shopping or going for a nature walk.  Good times :)

Although I feel beat from our road trip to Toronto, it’s only because having fun is exhausting (especially at my age!) but I also feel rejuvenated!  There’s something exciting about travelling, whether I'm travelling 2kms or 1500kms;  it makes me feel young!  Maybe it's because on a road trip, I'm always seeing something new or discovering something new.  It's that feeling of wonder when you don’t know where you’re going or what you’re going to see.   Is that how a baby feels when he/she is discovering everything for the first time?   The best thing about road trips is obviously spending quality time with the people you love but it’s also realizing that there’s so much out there to explore and discover!   So where do you want to go on your next road trip? 

For our next road trip, may I suggest New York City or Italy???

“The journey not the arrival matters.”  ~  T.S. Eliot