I’m looking for corny

"I like corny. I'm looking for corny." ~ Iris

Oh what a memorable scene from The Holiday! Remember that one? I know BFF will remember because it’s our fave holiday movie 💜

Curious to know how Tinder experiment is going? Don't get too excited 😩

Day 10: January 3, 2020

It’s 5am and yes, I’m swiping. Pathetic!

Tinder activity seems to be slowing down now. Maybe I'm no longer fresh avocado on the app?!?

I have 35 profiles in my Likes tab (men who swiped right on my profile). I had already looked at 16 of them and decided I would likely swipe right on them at some point. Now I’ve decided to dwindle those 16 down to 11 and swipe left on all the new additions in my Likes tab except for 1 so that leaves me with 12 hopefuls. Should I swipe right on any of them now?

Well, I decided to swipe right on 4 so that means 4 new matches. And yes, now I wait 😖

While I wait, here’s a breakdown of the new right swipes:

• The American - the cutie with the nice pics I mentioned in Ghosted (broke the rules on this one!)
• The Bodybuilder - the one who mentioned cats, books and bowling in his profile! I also mentioned him in Ghosted 
• Local Boy 2.0 - he only has one pic and no write-up so not overly confident (and yes, breaking my rules again!) but he’s 11 kms away so I’m curious
• Smiley - he looks sweet and fun in his pics and in his write-up. Yes, he has a write-up (oh geez, am I starting to slip with my standards?!?).

I was going to attempt to keep the language "clean" in this post because my dad mentioned that I was swearing a lot in my blog. Sorry Dad, this next statement requires the "F" bomb 🤷🏻‍♀️

FUCK! I just realized something. Polish guy no longer appears in my messages. He has disappeared. This means he either unmatched me or he left Tinder. We’ve been chatting every day then poof. GONE. Yes, it stings a little. So I guess I won’t be meeting him anytime soon. Or maybe we’ll have a meet cute in a bookstore one day?!? Goodbye, Polish guy. The chatting was fun while it lasted 😏

Thankfully, Sarah and Cheesy helped me put it all into perspective.

Sarah said "That’s Tinder. It happens to everyone and everyone does it. I’ve been ghosted and I’ve ghosted too."

Oh great, now I’m dealing with family “ghosting” kharma. I’m doomed. 😳

Cheesy said "It’s an exercise in not taking things personally."

Oh boy, is it ever! Why am I taking this so personal? No one knows me on Tinder. No one knows my character. No one knows my values. No one knows my heart.

Maybe Mother Earth News guy and Polish guy met someone new and really wanted to focus on that person. That’s a good news story! So I’m happy for them. This is a cowardly simple way of letting me know they are not right for me. LET.IT.GO.

Well, this online dating thing is definitely a challenge but I’m committed to moving forward with grace and ease 💓

So remember how I swiped right on Bodybuilder and Local Boy 2.0 this morning? Well they’ve both disappeared from my Matches tab so poof two more gone before it even started. FUDGE! 😝

Enough with Tinder, I need to shift something right now. YOGA!!! 😊

Day 11: January 4, 2020

It’s the end of the day.

I haven’t chatted with a Tinder person in what seems like months. And yes, I miss Polish guy. How quickly we get attached! 😝

Strangely, I’m still matched with Mother Earth News guy (why didn’t he unmatch me?!?) and I received a notification that he added a new photo. And he looks so cute in it! There goes my theory that he met someone and fell in love last weekend and that’s why he ghosted me. He’s still on Tinder 😵

Tinder activity is definitely slowing down. I’ve maybe had 40 likes over the last 2 days.

I swiped right on 10 of them tonight and the rest went left. And I think I was being generous 😞

I can’t say anyone really excites me. So why am I swiping right then?!? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Let me look again to see if there’s anyone I could send a message to in my Matches tab.  Yes, I’m rethinking the rules. If I’m interested, I should just send a message, right? If I swiped right but wasn't overly excited, I can wait for him to message me. But if there is someone that seems interesting, my new rule needs to be: JUST DO IT!!!

Back to Tinder...perusing, perusing, perusing...

Oh geez, I’m just realizing I broke my rule again of only swiping right on profiles with a write-up.  I must be getting desperate 😂

Just realized I swiped right on a man that’s 8,000 kms away so unmatched him. Make that 9 new matches tonight.

I now have a total of 27 matches in my Matches tab and I'm not chatting with any of them.

The Veg, Mother Earth News and Local Boy 1.0 are still in my Matches.

The other 24 matches have been silent (as have I!).

I can’t remember how many right swipes I’ve made but it’s way more than 27 so there have been many that either unmatched me along the way, disappeared from Tinder since I swiped right or I’ve unmatched them.

I’m feeling really good about a pool of 27 though - it’s a tetration of my lucky number 3! Maybe that's a magical sign 😻

For all the non-math dorks out there, a tetration is when you raise a number to the power of itself 🤓

That's a lot of threes...looks magical on the page. Yes, I love numbers. Yes, I'm a dork 😍

Okay, back to Tinder. I found one!

Puppies/Kittens guy looks like a cutie and he started his profile with “Do you like puppies and/or kittens? If so, we will get along”. Corny but cute. And I like corny. I'm looking for corny 😉

Anyways, I think I’m at the point where I don’t really want to get excited anymore. Kinda takes the fun out of it though because when you swipe right, you want to feel some level of excitement or else why do it?!?

So I’m going to send Puppies/Kittens guy a message. Wish me luck. Yes, I think I’m going to barf and pass out 🤮

Here I go...

UPDATE - January 4, 2020: 

You’ll be happy to know I sent Puppies/Kittens guy a message tonight. YAY ME!!!

And I got a message from The American! Some playful banter. BFF will appreciate this: he started the conversation with “heeeeelllllllloooooo” 😊

NOW IT'S TIME FOR BED SO TO BE CONTINUED....

Before I sign off, here’s some great advice from Neale Donald Walsch 💖

Love is not what you want, it is what you are.
It is very important to not get these two confused.
If you think that love is what you want,
you will go searching for it all over the place.
If you think love is what you are, you will go sharing it
all over the place. The second approach
will cause you to find what the searching will never reveal.

Yet you cannot give love in order to get it.
Doing that is as much as saying you do not now have it.
And that statement will, of course, be your reality.
No, you must give love because you have it to give.
In this will you experience your own possession of it.

Book cover from Susan Verde (author) and Peter H. Reynolds (illustrator) 

Ghosted

“I can officially confirm that the way to a man’s heart these days is not through beauty, food, sex or alluringness of character, but merely the ability to seem not very interested in him” ~ Bridget Jones

According to Wikipedia, ghosting is breaking off a relationship by stopping all communication and contact with the partner without any apparent warning or justification, as well as ignoring the partner’s attempts to reach out or communicate. The term originated in the mid-2000s.

Well that explains why I’ve never experienced this before. What happened to kindness and honesty? What happened to the good ol’ days when you said “Sorry, I’m just not that into you” and you moved on? We can’t be everything to everyone! It's only natural that I won't be into every man I meet and every man I meet won't be into me so it’s okay to be honest about it. We owe it to each other to be honest, right?

This experience made me think of the movie, He's Just Not That Into You. Remember this scene?

So yes, I left our first date feeling good about Mother Earth News guy, just as Gigi left her date with Conor feeling good. 😛 He was a cutie, he was tall, I liked the way he was dressed, he has a good job and a great hobby, he was kind, funny and interesting, and the conversation was easy and fun. Sure, the hug kinda sucked and maybe that should have been a sign. And maybe I would have discovered soon after that we weren't a good match (well, I kinda did when he ghosted me!) but geez, just tell me you’re not into me. That’s what I would have done.

To all future dates: I’m secure, compassionate and love myself enough to accept your honesty. If you’re not into me, just tell me. Don’t ghost me. Thanks 😊

Day 6: December 30

If I don’t hear from Mother Earth News guy by 3pm, I’m resuming my Tinder activity.

I have another 100+ likes to go through but now I’m scared.

Why hasn’t he texted?

Was it something I said?

I read through our Tinder messages and text messages. Yes, I'm pathetic!

The last text I sent was last night:

Awww Ella is such a cutie 😻 How could he not respond to this photo?

Maybe he thinks I’m a crazy cat lady?

Maybe he thinks only crazy, old ladies do puzzles with their cats? For the record, I was trying to do the puzzle on my own.

Maybe he thinks I’m boring?

Nah, it can’t be that! Cats and puzzles are dope 😎

Was it the way I looked when we met?

Were my clothes too colorful?

Maybe I looked fat?

Maybe it was the bun?

It must have been the bun 😫

Yup, self-doubt was creeping in. I’ve spent the last 10 years learning to love myself then six days into my Tinder experiment and two days without a text from a stranger and I’m going to throw it all away?

Who the fuck am I?

Why the fuck do I care so much?

Maybe because kindness, communications and honesty matter to me?

And if those aren’t important to him, why the fuck should Mother Earth News guy be important to me?

BREATHE.

REMEMBER.

Emotions are simply energy in motion.

STEP.AWAY.FROM.THE.PHONE.

GO.DO.YOGA.

Get those feelings, thoughts, emotions moving out of your body, mind, heart and soul 💓

Ahhhhhhh that felt good!

Back to being ZEN AS FUCK ⭐🙏

It’s now 2pm so let’s do this! Yes, I know I said I’d wait until 3pm but I’m zen as fuck so I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want to do! 🤣 I whipped through 100+ profiles and liked 4 of them so that’s 4 more matches which means we can now chat. And now I wait. Yes, I’m pathetic! I haven’t gotten to the point yet where I send the first message.

At 2:35pm, I received a message from The Local. His write-up spoke to me and yes, he’s a cutie in his pic. Only one pic though which is rare. Turns out he grew up in the same city as me and now lives 100kms away (within my range!). He said he just came back from visiting family in our hometown.  He was likely mere feet away from me. Kinda cool!

At 3:16pm, my phone pinged and I had a message from Polish guy. So I broke my Tinder “rule” with this one. If men can’t take the time to include a write-up about themselves in their profile, I’m swiping left but there was something about Polish guy’s eyes and his smile that made me swipe right. Yes, he’s hunky 😍

Right away, he seems to be a sweetie. I learn he’s originally from Poland and now lives very close to my office. He’s currently in the US visiting family. After chatting for a bit, he asks me for my phone number. I’m not sure why but I say no. I tell him it feels very personal to share my number with someone I don’t know. I would only share my number once we meet. Is that weird? I need to talk to Sarah and Cheesy about it because I’m not sure if I should or shouldn’t. Anyways, I asked that we continue to chat via Tinder. He’s so sweet and I’m actually looking forward to meeting him. It’s such a strange feeling not knowing if he’s actually who he says he is though, if those are his photos or if I’m being catfished.

Yes, in addition to ghosting, online dating now also includes catfishing. According to the Oxford Dictionary (and you know how much I love Oxford!), catfishing means to lure (someone) into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona. How sad is that?!? I’ve already been ghosted so I sure do I hope I don’t get catfished too!

So it’s the end of the day on December 30th and I still haven’t heard from Mother Earth News, I haven’t heard from The Veg and I’ve chatted with two new hopefuls. What will tomorrow bring?

Lucky for you, it’s January 2nd so I can give you an update 😉

Day 7: December 31

• NYE 🥂
• Lots of Tinder activity today - another 100+ likes (where are all of these men coming from?!?) and 2 new matches.
• Chatted with Polish guy again today.
• No other conversations.
• I wonder if I still have a date on Friday?!?

Day 8: January 1, 2020

• Happy New Year! 🌟
• Wowza, there must be lots of men making 2020 Tinder resolutions because I’ve had 200+ likes on my profile today. I’m starting to wonder if the swipe lefts get recycled and can see my profile again. I haven’t been paying attention to the left swipes so maybe they’re coming back for more rejection? What I like about Tinder is that when you swipe left or someone swipes left on you, you have no idea you’ve been rejected. Thankfully! What you don't know can't hurt you 😝
• I’ve had a fun day with family and friends today so didn’t get a chance to swipe but I did chat a bit with Polish guy. I’m looking forward to meeting him when he’s back 😊

Day 9: January 2, 2020

Feeling the love from everyone who commented on my blog post. Thanks for your support and encouragement ❤️

I’m off today so I found some time to swipe through the 200+ men that swiped right on my profile.

I’m down to 16 men that I will likely swipe right on but I’ve decided to hold off for now.

Remember, once I swipe right, IT’S A MATCH! (because he's already swiped right on my profile)

No, I'm not putting Tinder activities on hold. I'm committed to this month-long experiment!

I think I need to rethink my rules though.

How silly is it that I have swiping rules?!? Shocking, I know! 😝

So far, I’ve been swiping left on Americans. Not that I don’t like Americans because I do! I just think having that kind of border between us would make it difficult. However, The American appeared in my list today and he looks like a cutie in his pics, the pics he chose are pretty cool (awesome photography!) and something peaked my interest in his profile. Is the border really an issue that I need to address at the swiping stage?  Things that make you go hmmm...

Wow I really enjoyed that dance break and I hope you did too! 😉

Then this video started to play and I just couldn't resist...could you?

Okay, I digress...can't resist a kick-ass dance break!

Where was I? Oh yes, The Bodybuilder. Yes, you read that correctly: The Bodybuilder! I’m definitely not the gym-going type nor do I have a bodybuilding body and I don’t find bodybuilding bodies attractive (we all have a type!). BUT he loves cats (adorbs!) and some of his pics (the non-bodybuilding pics!) were adorable (yes, there were cat pics!). And his write-up intrigued me: cats, books and bowling were all mentioned. How could I not swipe right on this one?!? 😝

So now I’m contemplating the right swipes.

Yes, it’s just a swipe.

I'm putting way too much thought into it now. Shocking, I know!

That's why I'm stepping away for a moment.

Maybe I’m just feeling a little swipe fatigue right now 🤷🏻‍♀️

Who knew there were so many men my age on Tinder? (notice I didn't say single men!)

And who said online dating was fun?

Maybe I just don't get it yet. And that's why I've committed to doing it for a month. And yes, I realize that only giving it a month isn't really fair either but it's a start!

I remain enthusiastic and hopeful. I just need a little break. And I'm only 9 days in 🤓

"Remember, we are all affecting the world every moment, whether we mean to or not. Our actions and states of mind matter, because we are so deeply interconnected with one another. Working on our own consciousness is the most important thing that we are doing at any moment, and being love is a supreme creative act." ~ Ram Dass 💖

P.S. Haven’t heard from The Veg and I haven’t made any attempts to contact him since the 25th so no date tomorrow and I'm obviously okay with it. What's meant to be will always find its way 💓

Tinder at 47

“I like you very much. Just as you are.” ~ Mark Darcy 💘

I can’t believe it’s been almost 10 years since I started my relationship with this blog and not surprisingly, like all of my romantic relationships, it didn’t last. Sad, I know. I'm hopeful that the relationship can be salvaged! What I loved about my blog is that it gave me a platform for being creative, vulnerable and courageous, and having fun! I also think there's something really special about sharing your thoughts, experiences, feelings and silliness with others while doing something you enjoy (I love to write!) because it may just give someone else the courage and inspiration to do the same 🧡

Do you remember who inspired my blog? Bridget Jones’s Diary! December 28, 2010 was the day I fell in love with...wait for it...blooging blogging! 😉 Shockingly, I have published 109 posts to this magnum opus blog between December 28, 2010 and October 19, 2012. Then a random one appeared in 2014. Well, I’ve missed it! And I’ve missed you 😊

My new year’s resolution for 2020 is to rekindle my love of creative writing and get back to blooging blogging! I’m hoping creativity will be a big theme for me this year and this is the perfect start so thanks in advance for your support and encouragement 💓

“Creativity is the way I share my soul with the world” ~ Brené Brown

Important reminder: I’m a dork so if you’re looking for something that will enlighten you, all this blog will do is lighten you up. Enjoy! 😄

 “Resolution #3: Find nice, sensible boyfriend to go out with and not form romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobics, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts.” ~ Bridget Jones

After ending a 10-year relationship last year, one of my best friends (let’s call her Cheesy) decided to join Bumble and Tinder.  While she was in a relationship for 10 years, I was single for 10 years. Yes, I’ve been single for the last 10 years. Shocking, I know! And in case you’re wondering, X was my last boyfriend. Can you blame me for not wanting to be with another man ever again?!? Being single has been a positive experience for me. It has allowed me to focus on the most important relationship in my life – the relationship with myself! 💖 I have taken Reiki courses, learned Transcendental Meditation, completed my yoga teacher training, taken a Ho’oponopono course, I’ve been to meditation, yoga and leadership retreats, and the healing, growing and learning list goes on and on. Yes, I've been blessed with many opportunities. Most importantly, the opportunity to JUST BE!

Through it all, I found my truest love: SELF-LOVE.  Sure, some days I find it difficult to love myself unconditionally and I often find it easier to feel compassion for others rather than myself but what I’ve discovered over the last 10 years is that self-love does lead to happiness, peace, compassion, confidence and gratitude. I have learned to love myself   ~  JUST AS I AM ~ 💖 I’ve also learned that loving yourself means having the ability to send loving kindness to all - even those who piss you off 😉 Most importantly, sending out love and gratitude to Mother Earth and all living beings has been the greatest gift of self-love.  So yes, life has been quite wonderful the last 10 years and I'm very grateful for my life! Thanks for asking 😉


Okay, now back to Cheesy! So Cheesy joined Bumble and Tinder in November and I was truly in awe of her.  Sure my daughter, Sarah, is on Tinder but she’s 26! (Remember her? Yes, she’s 26 now and I’ll no doubt have a new blog post about her very soon!) To be honest, I wasn’t sure online dating apps were meant to be used by "old" people (you know, 40 somethings!). From the outside, it appeared very shallow and driven solely by physical appearance.  And for Cheesy to be so vulnerable? It was admirable and also very scary! But remember Eleanor’s words of wisdom?

"Do one thing every day that scares you." - Eleanor Roosevelt

Yes, I still have dreams of meeting my perfect partner in a book store. Such an idyllic meet cute! You know, the kind Hallmark Christmas movies promote.  What I never considered is that with all my online book purchases, it makes that meet cute nearly impossible 😛


On December 22nd, I had a fun date planned with Cheesy and couldn’t wait to hear about her dating adventures. Before leaving, I opened Facebook and a heart appeared on my profile page. What the heck? I clicked it and I was asked to join Facebook Dating. I frantically calmly clicked NO and left the app ASAP then headed to Cheesy's. 


After our hike, Cheesy and I headed to her house for lunch and I eagerly listened to her dating tales. I mentioned the strange experience with Facebook Dating so we looked at her profile page but no heart appeared.  Cheesy and I thought it might be a sign (it doesn’t take much, I know!) so with her support and encouragement, I joined Facebook Dating right there in her bedroom, sitting on her bed. We selected three photos and went live with my profile (with pics only!).  Immediately, a man’s profile appeared on my page and the first man to appear was...wait for it...X’s brother! Can you believe it?!? Ugh! I wasn’t feeling very confident about this app so I immediately disabled my dating profile.  When I got home, I decided to prepare a dorky cutesy write-up about myself to go with the pics then launched again on Facebook Dating. For the next three days, I watched as men liked my profile but no one peaked my interest so I deleted my dating profile on Facebook and the heart disappeared from my profile page. She came, she looked, she left. It ended before it ever began...or did it?!?

On Christmas Day, while the fam was napping, I decided to join Tinder. Yes, I joined Tinder while sitting in my parents’ living room (Hi Mom and Dad!😅). I selected five photos and wrote my dorky profile then launched it into the Tindersphere. Yes, I was terrified! What if no one liked my profile? What if it somehow went public and I was ridiculed? Really, did it matter? Ego said yes! 😝 Then my soul said all was good and just allow.  What's meant to be will be! 

Before I continue, you should probably be educated on how Tinder works:

• Once profiles are launched, Tinderites (people on Tinder?) set their preferences for their perfect mate: 
• Maximum distance from you
• Women/Men/Everyone
• Age range
• Yes, those are the only criteria given for finding your soulmate!
• Tinder then provides you with a plethora of people who match your preferences. 
• One at a time, you scroll through the applicants candidates hopefuls. 
• You swipe left for those that don’t interest you. 
• You swipe right for those that do interest you. 
• When the person you swiped right on also swipes right on your profile, IT’S A MATCH - you get a notification that it's a match and that person ends up in your Matches list. 
• You can only send messages to people in your Matches list.  

Well, I decided to upgrade my account and paid $40 for the month (I'm committed to this Tinder experience for one month!) to get additional perks like seeing who liked my profile. That means as soon as I swipe right on any of the hopefuls who liked my profile, IT’S A MATCH (because he’s already swiped right on my profile). 

At approximately 4pm on Christmas day, I was launched into the Tindersphere then I put my phone down to hang with the fam. When I picked up my phone an hour later, I saw that my phone was blowing up with notifications. I had 100 likes in one hour! What?!? Has my profile been hacked? Has my phone been hacked? How could there possibly be 100+ single men within 120 kms of me between the ages of 39 and 55? And how could all of them have liked my profile??? I must have fucked screwed up somehow!  I opened my phone and was shocked to see all of these “older” men active on Tinder.  Later that night, I texted Sarah to let her know that I had joined Tinder. Merry Christmas, kiddo! 😊 I will share her reaction to this news in a future post but spoiler alert, it went something like this: What the fuck, Mom?!? 😉. I let her know that I had 100+ likes in an hour then I quickly had to correct my message because I discovered I now had over 200 likes on my profile (!!!).  I decided to take a bath, made a cup of tea then lay in bed to start swiping (sounds dirty, sorry!). I made my way through 200+ profiles swiping right or left (mostly left!) and I’m happy to report that I was pleasantly surprised by some of the hopefuls. Fingers crossed!

Since Bridget Jones inspired this blog almost 10 years ago, the rest of my blog post will be written à la Bridget Jones ❤️


Day 1: December 25, 2019

• Merry Christmas!🎄
• Joined Tinder!😍
• 200+ likes on my profile (WTF?!?) 
• Swiped right on 11 profiles (yes, out of 200+ so that's approximately 5%)
• Chatted with 8 Hopefuls: The Veg, Mother Earth News, Hugo Boss, Frenchie, Sexter, Hates Ex, Architect (???) and honorable mention goes to Chef because he said hi then I said hi and that was it
• Note to Reader: Reminder that you can only chat with someone who swiped right on your profile and you swiped right on their profile – IT’S A MATCH.
• The first to write was The Veg. Yes, he’s a vegetarian (it would be awesome to date a vegetarian or vegan!), he appeared to be a cutie in his photos and his profile made me chuckle so that was a nice bonus. We quickly set a date to meet-up on the following Friday (yes, that’s tomorrow!).  Wow, that was easy! 
• Then the next hopeful I received a message from really peaked my interest. To be honest, he had me at “Do you read Mother Earth News?”
• The following chats ended almost as quickly as they started:
• Hugo – after chatting for a little bit (it was an enjoyable chat at first!), he mentioned sex 
• Sexter - all he wanted was sex (appreciated the honesty!)
• Frenchie - such a cutie and loved our conversation (in French!) but he lives two hours away so I sent him a polite message letting him know that I thought he was cute and sweet (mignon!), and that I enjoyed our conversation but he lives too far. He said thanks and that he understood. Never has there been so much kindness and politeness on Tinder! 😊
• Hates Ex - he quickly started ranting about his ex-wife
• Architect - was a cutie but my gut told me he wasn’t who he said he was
• Chef - ended after "hi" + "hi" then nothing
• Note to Reader: when you don’t want to continue a conversation with someone, you can “unmatch” them so they disappear from your matches (and his) then the conversation disappears as if it never happened (from yours and his). 
• Additional Note to Reader: I’ve decided that I would let the Mr. Hopefuls message me first (only happens after we’ve matched, of course). Yes, this practice might change but for now, it feels more comfortable So out of 11 men I matched with, I chatted with 8 because those 8 sent me messages. 

Day 2: December 26, 2019

• WTF?!? In less than 24 hours, I’ve had over 500 likes on my profile. Again, I had no idea there were that many single men in my age range within 120 kms. No wonder I haven't met anyone IRL (in real life) because they're all on their phones swiping on Tinder! And sadly, I’ve now learned that not all men on Tinder are single. Ugh! Yes, I'm naive and yes, that’s a lot of men to navigate but I did it! Out of 500+ profiles, I liked a total of 16 men so that’s 16 matches. Yesterday I chatted with 8 of them and today I focused on 1 of them: Mother Earth News.
• I really enjoy chatting with him. He seems like a down to earth guy, he cares about the planet and he enjoys gardening (he has a full-time “normal” job + he’s a farmer). I’m intrigued! And yes, he’s a cutie and he’s tall 😊 At approximately 6pm, he asked me if I’d be free for coffee the next day. OMG my first date in 10 years was going to happen in less than 24 hours!!! I think I’m going to barf! I suggested my fave vegan café at 10am the next day. Then put all Tinder activity on hold, STAT! 
• Note to Reader: I haven’t heard from The Veg since yesterday so not sure if we’re still going on a date on Jan 3. 
• Additional Note to Reader: You should always have a “safety partner” when dating online. When you’re going to meet someone, it should probably be in a public place and you should let your safety partner know about your plans and who you’ll be meeting. Cheesy is my safety partner 😊

Day 3: December 27, 2019

• OMG, it’s date day! I have not been on a date in 10 years. I think I might throw up then pass out.
• I’ll probably breakout in an uncontrollable sweat and scare him off because how could someone possibly sweat that much?!? I’d be scared too.
• What to do with my hair: hair down or in a bun on top of my head??? I love my bun and feel most comfortable in a bun but I’m going on a date so should probably have my hair down. But if my hair is down, I will sweat! NEED. TO. AVOID. SWEATING. Bun it is then! Okay, I can feel your collective cringe! A bun on your first date in 10 years?!? I went with comfort over glam. #sorrynotsorry
• Cheesy sent me an encouraging text which helped me to breathe and relax a tiny bit. (thanks Cheesy!)
• I arrived at the café 30 mins early so I could relax with a cup of chamomile tea and a book before Mother Earth News arrived.  
• I’m happy to report that when he arrived, I was cool as a cucumber and didn’t sweat a drop!
• First impressions: he’s tall, he’s got a great smile, he’s a cutie and he’s well-dressed. Let’s hope the conversation goes well.
• And it did! 😊 He’s smart, interesting and funny. We exchanged phone numbers and off we went. He walked me to my car, we chatted a bit then he reached out for a hug. So anyone that knows me knows that I love hugs. I love to hug and be hugged. This hug didn’t give me any feels. But it’s the first hug so that shouldn't be a determining factor, right?!!
• He was headed to lunch with friends and I was headed back to work. 
• When I texted Cheesy to let her know how it went (we are safety partners, remember!), she asked me what’s next and I said I was going to wait and see. He would have to make the next move. Yes, I’m old school. I figured I’d have to wait the usual (is it still a standard?) three days before hearing from him but I would be patient and my Tinder activity would remain on hold for now.  
• A couple of hours later, I received a text from him 😊
• All Tinder activity remains on hold. 

Day 4: December 28, 2019

• Since all seemed well after our first date, I decided to send Mother Earth News guy a text since he would be hosting his family for holiday meal: Have fun with your family today! He responded thank you with a happy face.

Day 5: December 29, 2019

• Radio silence. Haven’t heard from Mother Earth News guy since the thank you text.
• All Tinder activity still remains on hold. 

Day 6: December 30, 2019

• I think I’ve been ghosted...

The Earth is Full

Happy Sunday!  Yes, it's been a while since I've posted although many blog posts have been "drafted" and are awaiting my undivided attention.  So many wonderful ideas, so little time :)

The good news is that I'm not just busy working or spending time alone, I'm actually socializing...with people!  I know, I know, it's shocking :P

On Friday, I had lunch with a friend who recommended a TED Talk because it motivated him and inspired his work in the environment sector.  I just watched it and sent him a response but realized that I do have other people to chat with about this video: YOU!!! So I've included the TED Talk and my thoughts on Mr. Gilding's talk.  So what do you think?  Can positive change occur in response to a crisis?  If so, can that change be sustained? Does positive change stem from fear or love? Can we save the planet by transforming the economy?  Or better yet, can the economy be transformed by saving the planet?  Is Love the Answer? :)

So I just watched Paul Gilding's TED Talk and I would love to have a conversation with someone about it but I'm here alone so I'm going to share my thoughts with you.  It will likely be a long rant so don't feel you have to respond to my thoughts on the issue but I would love to know why this video motivated and inspired you.  

I have been contemplating the link between the economy and the environment since writing a paper on the subject in 1991 and the debate rages on:  how can we protect the planet without destroying the economy/how can we protect the economy without destroying the planet?  It's only while watching the video that I was able to identify the missing link.  It occurred to me that our need for stuff, aka materialism, feeds the economy while starving the natural environment.   This might seem like a stretch but here's my belief:  I believe if Earth was filled with Love instead of Stuff, we wouldn't be in this crisis situation.

I know, right?!?  :)

We tend to over-analyze and complexify (yes, my new word of the day!) issues and we also tend to use fear as a motivator for change but I don't think fear has ever really led to long lasting positive change (proof: current state of humanity and the planet!).   Living in a fear-based society where we confuse our feelings of "not being enough" with "not having enough" has resulted in an Earth filled with stuff because materialism has become many people's religion.  We are buying stuff to fill a void - a void that could be filled with Love! 

The continuous acquisition of stuff is  hurting our beautiful, life-giving planet because finite natural resources are being squandered and the natural environment (including the air we breathe!) is being polluted in order to manufacture more and more stuff (including bigger cars and bigger houses to hold more stuff!).  Once we figure out that more stuff does not equal love/happiness, we may begin to witness the shift.  Sadly it may take an economic crisis to save the planet.  

Once financial resources are limited, we will no longer be able to spend money on our quest to fill the void or to find happiness, thus, halting the manufacturing of stuff and the destruction of the planet, and we may finally be able to slow down long enough to take inventory of what we already have within us - the really important "stuff" that we couldn't see because we were too busy searching outside of ourselves!  We will then discover that we are already filled with love and happiness.   

An economic crash (or a transforming economy!) will likely create much suffering for many but just as the lotus grows from the mud, from the darkness of a crashing/transforming economy will blossom a beautiful understanding that WE ARE LOVE!!!  In order to transform the economy, we need to transform our thinking and evolve our consciousness so we can save the planet.  Once we realize that we are Love, we no longer have a void to fill with materialism.  We will be free to openly express love, compassion and gratitude for everyone and everything including the planet.   Love, compassion and gratitude will be the most important global currency and will fuel our every day actions, thoughts and words.   How could we not save the planet under those conditions???  

In order to achieve this dream, I believe we need to simply stop, be still, listen and just be.  We shouldn't need a global economic crisis to save the planet!  We just need to know or simply believe that we have the power to save our beautiful planet.  When we stop and listen long enough, we start to remember who we are and we remember that we are all connected, all humans, all animals, all living things.  Everything is connected!!!  When we are conscious of that connection, how could we not care for each other and the planet, and make better choices for the good of all???   And so, it starts with me!  I have the power.  Since we are all connected, as I change, we all change.  And it starts with you!  You have the power.  As you change, we all change.  We all have the power!  As we all change, we will see the planet change.  We will also see that Scarcity is an illusion and that we already live in Abundance.  So yes, I agree,  Earth is Full.  It's full of LOVE!!!   We all just need to slow down long enough to see it, feel it, remember it, know  it, share it, BE it :)

Yup, I was right...brain vomit galore! :)

Be thankful that I didn't get into my rant on how communism could be the  answer to transforming the economy, healing humanity and saving the planet  :P

Tracey

Power of the pigtails

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

What gives you the courage to face your fears?  Well, I recently discovered that wearing pigtails gives me courage.  Yes, that’s right!  Not only do my pigtails provide me with courage but I also experience joy, freedom and fun while wearing them.  There’s something about having pigtails that allows me to connect with my inner child which results in excitement, awe, inspiration and the courage to do things I never thought I could do. 

I will be honest and say that most of my life, I have been afraid to live.  Yes, that’s correct…afraid to live.   I’ve calculated the risk of every action in my life.  Sure, that analysis might make me a great scientist or chess player or allow me to solve the Rubik’s cube but it’s also resulted in a life not lived fully due to fear.    

But now, thanks to the pigtails, I’m living my life to the fullest!!!  So how was this new-found courage discovered? 

Well, it all started one Sunday morning while I was getting ready to volunteer at Dr. Acupuncture’s medical clinic.  Once a month, she hosts Volunteer Day where people with limited incomes can come in for free treatments provided by Dr. Acupuncture and her team of dedicated volunteers.  I volunteer in the morning to give cupping treatments then in the afternoon, I give Reiki treatments.  At the end of the day, Dr. Acupuncture leads a meditation session.  In July, Dr. Acupuncture asked me to guide the meditation for the next Volunteer Day…a dancing meditation!   As I was getting ready on that Sunday morning, I somehow found myself putting my hair in pigtails and what a difference those pigtails made!   That day, I was filled with confidence and joy, and my inner child was ready to have fun.   It was such an amazing feeling not to be filled with worry or fear but rather inspired to have fun. 

Well, I’m thrilled to say that the excitement I felt that day with my pigtails has grown exponentially. 

Every time I wear those pigtails, I’m filled with courage.  Even though people may look at me as if I’m crazy (a 40 year old woman wearing pigtails???), when I see myself in the mirror wearing the pigtails, I can’t help but smile.  The pigtails somehow remind me that I can either choose fear or love.    It’s so easy to choose love when you’re wearing pigtails :)

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”  ~ John Lennon         

So how have the pigtails changed my life? 

The most profound change has been finding the courage to step into my greatness.   I'm so grateful for Marianne Williamson's words of wisdom because I understand how important it is for each of us to let our lights shine bright:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”  ~ Marianne Williamson, Return to Love

Living my life fully has lead me to taking a hip hop class (yes, I can groove!) and to participate in my very first art workshop where I created my first magnum opus piece of art.

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” ~ Picasso

I’ve also learned that being spontaneous doesn’t have to be scary.   Fears come in all different shapes and sizes, and mine were numerous!   I’m a diligent planner so the thought of going on vacation without a plan, without a reservation, without knowing exactly where we were going, how much it would cost or what time we would arrive would have scared the shit crap out of me and lead to sleepless nights but on August 27th, when Sarah suggested that we go on a road trip to the East Coast, I embraced the idea, and on August 29th, we left on an impromptu mother-daughter road trip to Maine.  I’ve learned that not having a plan means that you don’t have to worry about staying on schedule.  Freedom!!!  We had so much fun being footloose in Maine :)

“Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” ~ St. Francis of Assisi

As you can see, I've been having lots of fun while wearing pigtails but the ultimate in fun-ness came this week during a trip to Las Vegas.  I did the impossible!  The most amazing pigtails experience ever!  I went SKYDIVING!!!  (yes, I have to put that word in capital letters!!!) I jumped out of a plane at 15,000 feet in Las Vegas (15,000 feet!!!).  The experience was not only amazing but it was magical!!!  I can’t even begin to describe the experience because there are no words.  Okay, maybe Rumi said it best:      

“You were born with wings”. ~ Rumi

Check out the video of my first skydiving experience: 

 “Our truest life is when we are in our dreams, awake.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

This is what PURE JOY looks like :)

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ~ C.S. Lewis

The greatest gift the pigtails have given me is the courage to show my daughter what it means to live life to the fullest.  Instead of teaching her how to fear, the magic that comes from the pigtails is showing her how to live.   Remember that by living your life fully, you are giving someone else permission to live their life to the fullest.  We are gifts to each other … helping each other be who we are meant to be! 

So what will inspire you to live your life fully and courageously? 

 “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~e. e. Cummings