My life, my creation

“You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'”

~ George Bernard Shaw

I don’t know about you but for me, remembering my dreams is almost impossible.  Lately, I’ve been curious to know what’s lurking in my dreams (especially when you sleep 10 – 12 hours every night!).   What do dreams provide us with?  A glimpse into my future?  An important message?  An opportunity to reminisce about the past?  Answers to yesterday’s questions?   Answers to tomorrow’s questions?  Or is it simply a movie clip starring me? 

So I started making an effort to remember my dreams.  When I wake up, I keep my eyes closed and try to either stay in the dream or go back to the dream then I consciously make notes of my dream.  I’m happy to say that the effort has paid off because I’m now remembering my dreams.   I can’t say that I’ve had an epiphany as a result of remembering my dreams but it’s been enjoyable to remember the dreams that involve a man.  No , not those kind of dreams!  :P

Last night, I dreamed that I was with BFF and her honey.  We were sitting on the couch, and BFF and I were couch dancing (bobbing our heads and shoulders to the beat of the music!).   Chris (BFF’s sister and one of my besties) walked in with one or two people so we said hi then kept on bopping to the music.  At one point, BFF and her honey got up, leaving me on the couch alone then this “man” came to sit in the chair next to the couch.  I looked at him and smiled, made small talk then I got up and walked away (where are my manners?).  Not sure where I went in my dream but as I was walking back to the table where Chris and company were sitting, I looked over where the “man” was sitting (still in the chair next to the couch!) and he said that I had the most beautiful smile.  My first reaction (even in my dream!) was to contest the statement because it seems that even in my dream my face is still paralyzed and I’m still self-conscious but I ended up smiling and saying thank you (now that’s progress!).  

Chris then informed me that she was trying to set me up with that “man”.   I learned that he plays hockey with Chris’ husband, he’s a doctor and he lives across the street (remember that this is a dream!).   Everyone ended up leaving so I was walking outside with the “man” and we were all carrying long pieces of metal to put into someone’s car.  At one point in my dream, I wondered if he was looking at my butt then when I was putting the metal pieces into the car, I was bending down and again wondered if he was looking at my butt.   He was very tall and very cute so I'm not sure why I wasn't flirtier friendlier with him.  As he gave me a goodbye hug, he held me close and asked me why I wasn’t interested in him.  I told him that I didn’t know him but he seemed like a nice guy, and I told him he could get my email or phone number from Chris.  He kept holding me and it felt like we were slow dancing.  Then I woke up.  Hmmmm…a man who likes to dance?  I’m interested!!!  

You're probably wondering why I'm sharing such a lame dream with you.  Well, first of all, the people who think the dream is lame are probably married or in a committed relationship.  When you're single, it's those dreams that keep the "dream of meeting the man of your dreams" alive!  Second of all, there's a point to my story so keep reading :)

On Tuesday night, I also had a "man" dream (a different man though so that probably makes me a man dream whore!).  I dreamed that I had a crush on a guy that was hanging out with us.  Some of the people that were in my dream were some of my best friends from high school.  In my dream, I didn't think the guy would be interested in me (even in my dreams my man-confidence is low!) but it turns out that this guy was also crushing on me (yay for me!).   For some reason, I remember thinking that he didn’t like skinny girls (now don't be hating on skinny girls!).  We were all hanging out in what seemed to be the foyer of a hotel.  We were sitting on the floor in front of the elevator, and at one point I was using his stomach as a drum (kind of strange, I know but it’s a dream!) then I was laying down next to him and he enveloped me with his arms.  Then I woke up.  When I woke up, I actually thought I was going to wake up next to him.  He was so damn cute!!! 

Now when I woke up that morning, I desperately wanted to remember that dream (sad, I know!) so I used the same technique to remember my dream but as I was remembering the dream, I started being aware of “messages” getting thrown at me.  It really did feel like they were being thrown at me because there were so many.  I couldn’t keep up with them.  

I started questioning whether or not I should I stay in this semi-conscious state and continue to take in all of these messages even if there was no way I could remember them but then part of me wanted to go back to my dream (with the man!) then a part of me wanted to wake up and go empty my bladder start putting these thoughts on paper.  Instead, I reached for my iPhone on the nightstand and started sending myself text after text (surprised?) but as soon as I started to type, I started to forget the “messages”.   It's a sad case of "message interruptus" because not only could I not remember the "messages" that came to me but the messages were not longer being thrown at me.  I’m calling them messages because I’m not sure what else to call them.  Thoughts? 

Anyways, here’s what I typed at 4:14am on January 19^th:

I’m on a quest to find out if I can create the story of my life – before it happens.  A kind of story that predicts and creates the story of my life simultaneously. 

A book is born…

Book – readers have no idea when the “creative” becomes the “reality”. 

Book titles:  My Life: The Creation or My life: My Creation or My life: my creation (???)

Every day I’m going to attempt to create my life. 


Note to book editors and talent scouts:  I have a great book idea so call me!

Note regarding plagiarism:  If you're thinking of stealing my idea for a book, that's wrong but then again, plagiarism is the highest form of flattery, right?  Oh wait, I think that's imitation!  :P

I had forgotten about those text messages until I spoke to Sarah on Thursday afternoon.  I told her about the strangeness of the “messages” or “thoughts” that were coming into my awareness when I woke up so I looked at my phone and read her the messages.  I was so excited when I re-read my texts because it got me thinking about creativity and what it means to be on a quest to create my life and/or to explore creativity.  Is it possible to create my life or is my life just an illusion?   My first thoughts immediately go to the movie “The Truman Show” and the novel “Never Let Me Go”.   Jim Carrey's character in "The Truman Show" and the children in “Never Let Me Go” have no idea that their life is being created for them.  Could that be happening to me right now?  Don't even get me started...

I’ve always considered myself to be unattractive un-creative.  Why?  I think the problem is that I associated creativity with artistic talent.  Without artistic talent, can I still be creative?  Well, in my mind the answer was no but now I’m getting the feeling that there’s a greater correlation between creativity and simply living.   Am I correct in thinking that “to live is to create”? 

It seems that our bodies are also very creative!   I'm currently reading "Timeless Secrets of Health and Rejuvenation" by Andrea Moritz (the liver cleanse guru!) and he believes that illness and disease are "created" by the body as a healing mechanism.   I'm starting to believe that too!

“Each of us has an inner dream that we can unfold if we will just have the courage to admit what it is. And the faith to trust our own admission. The admitting is often very difficult.”

~ Julia Cameron

Is "to create" synonymous with "to have courage" and "to trust"?  Looking back on my life, I’m guessing that my lack of creativity is directly proportionate to my lack of courage and my lack of trust.  In order to be more creative, I need to be brave and trusting.  Two characteristics that I’ve never used to describe myself!   I’m thinking that 2012 will be focused not only on my health but also on creativity, thus courage and trust.  I’m interested to know what you think….do you think courage and trust are needed to be creative?  I also can’t help but wonder if dreaming and creativity are also linked?   Is it a coincidence that focusing on trying to remember my dreams lead to my exploration of creativity? 

Last year, I started reading “The Creative Confident”.  I blogged about it in The Accidental Artist but I never finished reading it (surprise!).   Then I purchased Julia Cameron’s “The Artist’s Way” and “The Right to Write: An Invitation and Initiation into the Writing Life” but haven't read those either.   My recent Boxing Day purchases included “The Intuitive Way” by Penney Peirce which is identical to “The Artist’s Way” but focuses on intuition.   Well, I think it’s about damn time I actually start reading these books!  

Have you ever purchased books but had no idea why you were buying them?  Well, that’s kind of how I felt when I bought these books.  At the time, I wasn’t able to relate to these books but now I’m feeling the need to learn more about creativity, and in some way, I believe that exploring my creative side will somehow have a positive effect on my intuition (and my life!).   Not surprisingly, there’s a link between intuition and trust so I can’t help but picture a diagram (a possible Venn diagram?) in my head that connects creativity, courage, trust and intuition.  Do you really need me to draw it?  Okay, if you insist :P

Of course, one thought leads to another in my head so I'm reminded of a quote that I see often on OWN:  “you get in life what you have the courage to ask for”.  Well, I’m now thinking that along with courage, it probably takes a little creativity to know what you want to get in life.  What about imagination?  Where does that get categorized?   Are imagination and creativity one in the same?  

“Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will.” 

~ George Bernard Shaw

I think I might be on to something....

As I'm writing this blog post, I'm reminded of one of my favourite people, Albert Einstein.  Many of his quotes reflect his thoughts on courage, imagination, intuition:

“Logic will get you from A to B.  Imagination will take you everywhere.”

"The only real valuable thing is intuition."

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.”

“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.”

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."

Amazing that after years of idolizing this man for his brilliant scientific mind, I'm now using his quotes on courage, imagination and intution! 

Now I can't help but wonder how it is possible to live a life without creativity and imagination?  Oh the things I may have missed out on!   Well, at some point in my life, I obviously made a decision to stop being creative and let my imagination expire.  Why?  Is that something we all do when we "grow up"?   Why does that part of us, the creative and imaginative, disappear?   Is it fear that extinguishes our creative and imaginative fire? 

On Saturday, Bro showed me “dance like no one is watching” videos on You Tube.   Here's one of my faves:

One of the videos began with this quote:

“Dance like there's nobody watching,

Love like you'll never be hurt,

Sing like there's nobody listening,

And live like it's heaven on earth.”

That night, I reflected on why it’s so difficult for me to live that way because I know for certain that my “no one is watching me” dance is definitely different from my “someone is watching me” dance (unless alcohol is involved!).  Why?  The only answer I could come up with was that fear is holding me back.   Fear of getting hurt, fear of being ridiculed, fear of judgment, fear of failure, and the list goes on and on.  So how do I move past the fear?  Are creativity, courage, trust, intuition and imagination the answers?

The other day, I was chatting with a friend while her 2 year old son was on the couch.  He decided to put his hands on the floor while part of his body was still on the couch.   His arms seemed to give out under him and his face hit the floor.   He started to cry.  He got up, ran to his mom who consoled him then he got back on the couch and went right back to doing what he was doing when he got hurt.  In that moment, I thought “wow, we could really learn from children”.   If that was me, after getting hurt, I probably would have given up but the little 2 year old boy seemed to have no fear, he quickly forgot about the tears that were shed, and he continued to have fun! 

Just as children use their imagination to create towers, castles, playhouses, puppets and bridges with Legos, crayons, sands, boxes, paper, blankets, socks and their bodies;  adults should be creating their lives!   

“Our palate for the taste of life has become numb because we have forgotten how to dream.” 

~ Shirley MacLaine

I read that quote the other night while reading “Going Within” by Shirley MacLaine.  I’m not sure if that’s her quote or not but regardless, it made me think (I guess that’s a sign of a good quote; it’s thought-inducing!).  It’s unbelievable to me how many things happened this week to get me thinking about creativity, courage, trust, intuition and imagination.    

But what does it all mean?  Maybe the answer will be revealed in a dream….

Goodnight!  :)

"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing."

~ Albert Einstein