Good-byes

“Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.”  

~ Snoopy

In this moment, I'm trying to figure why goodbyes hurt so much.  Sarah just left for university this morning after being home for almost 3 weeks.  I gave myself 15 minutes to cry and now I'm sitting at the computer trying to make sense of these emotions (and still crying...so much for the 15-minute rule!).  Why am I crying?   Every moment I spent with Sarah during her Christmas break was filled with joy and happiness so I’m not crying because I had a horrible time with her.   I know it’s going to be difficult for her to get back into her routine at university (or maybe not?), and that she has a heavy workload coming up but I know she can do it so that’s not why I’m crying.   I know I’ll be okay in a few days weeks months minutes  hours so that’s not why I’m crying.    Are they tears of joy because she's gone?   Just kidding!  :P

Shortly after she left, I sent her a text to say “I love you” and she replied with the same message of love.   What did parents do when there were no iPhones to text their children who were away from home?  Receiving her text immediately sent some kind of happy electrodes through my body because I stopped crying then proceeded to write this blog post. 

As I wipe away the tears, I start to think about goodbyes.  Why are they so difficult?  Are they really necessary?  Well, I’m beginning to think goodbyes are necessary!    Would there be hellos without goodbyes just as there would be no light without darkness?  After a little reflection, I’m realizing that goodbyes to Sarah are reminders of the joy I feel when I say hello to her (and give her a big hug!).  

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard?” 

~ A.A. Milne

So here I am, on Saturday morning (4 days after Sarah left!), still pondering the question: Goodbyes...why?  Well, maybe I'd have a better understanding if I knew the origin of this mighty powerful word (finding an opportunity to do a little research...shocking!). 

From Middle English (16th century) godbwye, contraction of God be with ye!

According to the Oxford Dictionary, goodbye is defined as an exclamation used to express good wishes when parting or at the end of a conversation. 

There are so many words that are synonymous with "goodbye":  catch you later, bye, bye-bye, ciao, sayonara, see you, so long, ta ta, toodles, TTFN, ttyl, adieu, adios, farewell, hasta la vista, hasta la vista baby, later, laters, keep it real, peace out. take it easy, toodles, peace, see ya, cheerio, cheery-bye and toodle pip.   

I guess it makes sense that such a powerful word would have so many synonyms!  I must admit that I’m most comfortable with simply saying “bye”.   I tend to save “goodbye” for the more dramatic “byes” (i.e.: “GOODBYE  X!!!”).  Me....dramatic....shocking!!!

Anyways, back to understanding goodbyes….

So this week has been filled with goodbyes: 

Goodbye to Sarah as she heads back to university

Goodbye to worry  - don’t laugh but this is my New Year’s resolution…no more worrying because worrying is pointless and wreaks havoc on our well-being!

Goodbye to the big bag of change in my closet  - I rolled $65 worth of change this week…score!

Goodbye to 3 bags and 3 boxes of clothes/miscellaneous goods that are awaiting a ride to the second hand store – yes, I did some more cleaning!   This doesn't include the huge bag of VHS tapes that I finally got rid off, and are now in my brother's posession (sucker!).   It amazes me how much stuff I want to hold on to because the "stuff" holds such dear memories (i.e. holding on to Walt Disney movies on VHS that I watched over and over and over again with Sarah, even though I no longer have a VCR!). 

Goodbye to satellite television – I finally cancelled my satellite but I had to give 30 days notice so I still have it until February. 

Goodbye to self-criticism, judgments and old beliefs (another NY's resolution!)

Goodbye to idle hands - I’m being committed recommitted to playing the piano and I’ve decided to learn how to knit (I bought a learn how to knit book and bamboo knitting needles....does size really matter?). 

Goodbye to regret, disappointment, fear, expectations and attachments (yes, another NY's resolution!)

Goodbye to my anti-social behavior - This week, I spent the day with Sarah on Monday, with BFF and Reb on Tuesday, with Mom, Dad and Bro on Wednesday, with BFF and Reb on Thursday (after my appointment with Dr. Acupuncture) then yesterday, I spent the day with BFF and Reb (we painted her dining room) but the big news is that I went out for Friday night munchies!  There were 10 people in the same room (I only lasted until 8pm but it's a start!).  I haven't gone to our weekly Friday munchies night at BFF's or Chris' for at least 4 months (at least!).  When I told Sarah about my night, she called me a social butterfly.   I'm baaaaaacccckkkkk :)

Goodbye to unread books - No satellite = more time for reading!  Did you think I was getting rid of the unread books?  I'm simply turning the unread books into read books :)

Goodbye to 2011 – this goodbye also includes everything I said goodbye to in 2011…sugar, “X”, self-hate, 30 pounds, alcohol, and so many other goodbyes that have lead to positive changes in my life. 

Is saying goodbye to so much in one week an atypical or typical phenomenon?   Are there always this many goodbyes in a week but I simply never noticed?  

Now that I'm noticing, I guess I say goodbye quite a bit in one day:  goodbye to my dreams and to my bed in the morning when I get up,  goodbye to my morning breath when I brush my teeth in the morning, goodbye to my growling stomach when I eat breakfast, goodbye to my cats when I leave for work,  goodbye to the gas station attendent after I fill the car with gas, goodbye to the Starbucks cashier then the barista after I get my venti soy chai latte, goodbye to the people I talk to on the phone throughout the day (including Sarah!), goodbye to the negative thoughts that creep into my head every now and then, goodbye to my colleagues at the end of the day, goodbye to the parking lot attendant after I pay for parking, goodbye to all of the yawning at the end of the day once my head hits my pillow.   Okay, so there are plenty of goodbyes in one day!   

But how necessary are goodbyes, anyways? 

During a “Men in Trees” marathon with BFF and Reb this week, I noticed the omission of the word “goodbye” in one of the scenes.   Marin was talking to her best friend Jane on the phone.  Jane said she had to go so Marin said "K" then hung up.   What?  No goodbye?  BFF said that she noticed on TV that people don't say goodbye on the phone so as Marin would phrase it on her radio show:  “Is saying goodbye pointless?”.

When I say goodbye to Sarah, Mom, Dad, Bro, BFF or Reb or other family and friends on the phone or in person, I usually say “bye” and “love you”.   But rarely do I cry as I’m leaving or hanging up.   So I’m back to where I started….why do I cry when I say goodbye to Sarah?  First of all, I need to acknowledge that I don’t cry every time I say goodbye to Sarah!  When I talk to her on the phone,  I don’t cry after we hang up (at least, I don’t anymore!) or while she was home over the Christmas break,  she went to visit family and friends but I didn’t cry when she left the house (well, rarely!).   When I visit my parents, or brother, or BFF,  or other family and friends, I say goodbye but I don’t cry.  When I leave the office, I say goodbye to my colleagues but I don’t cry.   When I’m on the phone with my brother,  and I say goodbye, I don’t cry.  Wait a minute…I just realized that my brother and I really struggle when it comes to saying goodbye on the phone.   We have somehow managed to get trapped in the awkward moment after you say goodbye on the phone, when you don’t know who should hang up first, then you end up saying goodbye over and over again until finally someone hangs up.   We really have fun with that goodbye…at least it’s fun for me :)

“A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.”

~ Helen Rowland

Another goodbye that comes to mind is the “final” goodbye with an ex.   Now these goodbyes are usually quite torturous and are usually played out over time.   Have you ever struggled to find the words to say goodbye? 

Do we ever really know when to say goodbye to an ex?   What about the goodbyes that have come too soon or not soon enough?   Many of us struggle with the excruciatingly difficult goodbye that comes at the end of a relationship as evidenced by the plethora of love songs that have been written about goodbyes.  Have you ever chosen to say goodbye so you could avoid saying what you really wanted to say then had regrets?   I’m learning that a) there’s no sense looking back on my life with regret because whatever happened, happened that way for a reason; and b) if you have something to say, find the courage to say it now!  

"When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us." 

~Alexander Graham Bell~

When we say goodbye to something or someone, is it indubitable that we say hello to someone or something else?

When I say goodbye to Sarah, I'm saying hello to alone time (and to the joy in realizing that Sarah has found the courage to spread her wings!).  When I'm saying goodbye to my parents or brother after a visit, I'm saying hello to the open road with iTunes on shuffle, and some car dancing.  When I say goodbye to expectations and attachments, I'm saying hello to freedom.  When I say goodbye to an ex-boyfriend, I'm saying hello to the opportunity of meeting the man of my dreams.  When I say goodbye to the television, I'm saying hello to reading books, to playing piano, to learning how to knit.   When I said goodbye, with many kisses, to a boyfriend I wouldn’t be seeing for a few days, I was saying hello to more kisses upon our reunion (ahem!!!).   When I said goodbye to sugar, I was saying hello to my well-being (and to the realization that I love myself!).  When I said goodbye to 2011, I was saying hello to 2012, a year filled with unlimited opportunities for growth, freedom, grace, miracles, love, friendship, laughter, happiness, goodness, peace and abundance.   

Life is filled with goodbyes so instead of being filled with sadness when saying goodbye, let’s find a way to fill those goodbyes with joy; joy in knowing that saying goodbye means there’s a hello right around the corner.  I guess that’s why it’s called a “good” bye :)

Happy 2012!!! 


Cheers to a year filled with love, happiness, blessings, guidance, wisdom, success, peace, balance, boyfriend, grace, health, miracles, moments of creativity and brilliance, healing, smiles, friendship, goodness, blooging blogging, strength, gratitude, abundance and lots of drinking dancing and laughter!!!