Patience Sailor!

“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself.”  ~ St. Francis de Sales

Some of you may be thinking that the blog post title is directed at you (you know who you are!) because some of my hostile dedicated readers hound me (in a loving way, of course) about being too slow to post on my blog.  Sometimes it's published on Friday night, sometimes on Saturday and more recently, on Sunday.  Well, I'm not here to apologize!  I'm here to teach you a little something about P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E.

As I do every week, I've been waiting for a blog idea to pop into my head for this week's blog post.  I've had many ideas pop into my head all week but nothing seemed to stick.  This morning I woke up with the feeling of "patience" and I thought "okay, I'm being patient awaiting the blog post idea" then it hit me…I need to write about patience.  Should be a fun and exciting blog post, eh?

As you know, I fell sick with Bell's palsy on September 25th.  Well, the right side of my face is still partially paralyzed. It's not as bad as it was but nonetheless, I'm still emotionless on the right side of my face (you only get a half smile from me but nonetheless, it's a smile!).  On a positive note, temporary paralysis means temporarily having no wrinkles!!!  I know that family and friends are frustrated by the slow progress and are probably thinking that drugs (the prescribed type!) would have been the best remedy but I  truly believe that I need to go through this exactly the way I'm going through it (without poisoning my body with steroids!) by learning to be patient as my facial muscles slowly return to normal.  Yes, I need acupuncture and I need to massage my face often and I have to make funny faces to work the muscles but I'm also stretching a new muscle with the hope that it will get stronger...patience!

This week, I read Shirley MacLaine's "Dancing in the light".  What a fascinating woman with a fascinating life.  Her open-mindedness is so refreshing to me.  Actually, yesterday I told BFF that whenever the time is right to be in a relationship again, the man has to be, above all else, open-minded.  Shirley opened my eyes to the importance of having an open mind and an open heart.  Anyways, I'm not going to discuss the depth of the book because it's somewhat controversial (the believers vs. the non-believers!) and for some, it’s a sensitive subject matter but I wanted to share with you something that hit me hard about creativity (I learned a lot about myself by reading this book!).   Here’s the conversation between two people in her book: 

Kevin:  “That is the struggle.  Struggle is the struggle.  We are on this earth, in my opinion, to learn that we don’t need to struggle.  That is the real enlightenment.  The process of learning that there is no struggle takes struggle, but life itself is not struggle.” 

Vassy:  “But I’m trying to write a script and it is a struggle.  Or when I make a movie, it is a permanent struggle.” 

Kevin:  “Yes but if you relaxed more and just let the creativity flow, you would find your need to struggle decrease.  But if you believe that creative struggle is necessary to a good script then you will create struggle instead of a good script.  Or maybe you will create struggle and a good script – but you will never know whether it could have been better if you had not struggled.”

The creative process (i.e. writing a blog) shouldn't be a struggle.  As soon as it becomes difficult (a struggle!),  you're trying too hard and are no longer being authentic to your true self.  What a lesson:  just be!   It's not just about writing a blog because when you think about it, most processes in life are creative.   I think it's okay to look at situations and say "if it doesn't happen, it wasn't meant to be".   That's certainly how I've looked at my love life!  Sure, at work, it's a little different because I could never say to my manager: "Sorry I couldn't meet the deadline.  I guess it just wasn’t meant to be!"  I don't think it would go over very well.   It's simply the realization that life doesn't have to be a struggle.   Something I've been pondering all week is "do we create our own suffering?"   Since I'm still pondering that thought, I really have nothing to share but I'm sure that will be the subject of an upcoming blog post!  I'm discovering that the more I meditate, the less I struggle.  I haven't been able to prove there's a correlation between the two but all I know is that it feels like I'm not trying so hard to be me.   When I say "meditate", I simply mean being still.  Stop.   Silence.   Quiet the mind.  Stillness.  All you need is 10 minutes to get started.  Try it!

Silent reflection has also lead to the discovery that whenever I feel myself get agitated, the source is often impatience.  I've always wanted things NOW!!!  Whether it's a thought, a thing, a relationship or weight loss (ugh!), the immediacy of it or better yet, the lack of immediacy made me anxious.  Whether it's seeing a  movie preview (I want to see it now!) or reading a book review (I want  to read it now!) or seeing an ad for Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (I want to eat it now!) or thinking about John Cusack (I want to marry him now!) or writing a blog post (I want to post it now!) or smelling freshly baked bread (I want to eat it now!) or waiting for the computer to start in the morning (I need to log in now!) or doing yoga (I want to be able to put my legs over my head now!) or planning a trip to Italy (I want to go now!) or laying awake in bed (I want to sleep now!) or stopped at a red light (I want it to turn green now!) or going on a diet (I want to be skinny now!) or watching the kettle (I want my tea now!) or standing in line at the bank machine (I want my money now!),  I'm recognizing that I was very much lacking in the patience department (and still am...I’m a work in progress!). Getting sick has taught me a lesson which I may not have learned if I had popped pills for 4 weeks!  Not  that there's anything wrong with taking medication (my disclaimer!) but it wasn't the route I wanted to take this time and I'm glad I had support from Dr. Acupuncture and the neurologist at the hospital.    Taking the time to find the lessons in the events of our lives also takes patience.  The next time you’re feeling agitated or impatient, stop and reflect on what’s happening.  You might be blessed with insight without having to get sick to learn the lesson! 

“He who rides the sea of the Nile must have sails woven of patience. “ ~     William Golding

Last week, I rediscovered the song "Sailing".  I’m not sure how it popped into my head but it did so I downloaded the song and have been listening to it pretty much every day (not all day long!).  As I type this blog post, I was reminded of the song but in particular, sailing as a recreational activity.  I’ve never been sailing but I can’t help but wonder how much patience is required to sail.  As the thought pops into my head, I’m wondering if patience, or the lack thereof, is directly related to my need to control (shocking, I know!).  Am I impatient simply because I'm not in control?  Well, let's review my examples of impatience.   On that list, the only thing I seem to have control over is the food I choose to eat (see the ad, eat the Reese’s peanut butter cup or smell the freshly baked bread, eat it!!) yet my relationship with food was completely out of control.  Well, I must say that since getting sick, my food intake is completely under control.  I no longer crave sweets, and I eat in moderation…when I’m hungry!  I’ve discovered the difference between eating because my stomach needs food and eating to fill the emptiness inside.  I know it sounds sad but it’s not really…we all have the emptiness inside…it’s learning to love yourself that fills the emptiness.  Blah, blah, blah…I’ll save that for another blog post :) 

But back to the sailing….if you’re an impatient sailor (is that an oxymoron?), the impatience would result from not being able to control the wind, right?  Unless you’ve been able to master weather control, you have no choice but to be patient and enjoy your time sailing.  Isn’t that the point of sailing…to relax and enjoy your time on the water?   I guess I could use sailing as a metaphor for my life.  I just need to relax and see where the wind takes me!   So I guess that's enough psychoanalysis for one day.  Geez...writing this blog post has actually been enlightening!  Imagine that  :P

On a lighter, but equally important note, I'm curious to know what you think of the song "Sailing".  Have you been humming the song ever since I mentioned it a few paragraphs ago?   So I've been remise to tell you about my past obsession but here goes...in my early 20s, I developed a real obsession love for…wait for it… ‘N Sync (shocking, I know!).  I think I recorded every one of their videos and performances on VHS, and played them back over and over and over again.  At the time, my heart belonged to band member, JC Chasez (I’m just noticing something…JC = John Cusack.  Coincidence?)   I even wrote a “fan” letter to JC (which many years later, probably resembles the message that I sent to George Stroumboulopoulos!) but I never got a response.  He could have at leat sent me an autographed photo!  Geez…maybe JC and George are in cahoots? 

One of my favourite performances, that I watched over and over again, was a concert at Disney World.  My favourite song was "Sailing" so I downloaded that song from iTunes last week.   You probably thought that I had downloaded the original song by Christopher Cross but I didn't....I was only 8 years old when the song came out!  I did, however, discover a new version, which I also downloaded, by Florence K (she's Canadian!).   My conflict is that I'm not sure which one I prefer so I thought I'd put it out there for your input.  What do you think...'N Sync vs. Christopher Cross vs. Florence K?

P.S.  I couldn't find a video of Florence K's version of "Sailing" so I just recorded the audio with my camera on my bed - don't mind the shots of my comforter (so happy that I found my battery charger!!!).  Wow...uploading this video was definitely a lesson in patience!  I patiently waited 45 minutes to load it but nothing happened so I cancelled the upload then tried again.  The next time, I waited 1 hour then cancelled.  Then I decided to upload the video to You Tube (my first attempt at uploading a video to You Tube...ahem!) so after 30 minutes, the video is now on my blog.  Argh...patience sailor! 

I must say that Florence K's version of "Sailing" is currently my favourite.  I love her voice!   Doesn't the song feel like a duet...Florence K and The Piano?  The song has actually inspired me to get back to playing  the piano (I haven't played since getting sick).  I hope to learn how to play "Sailing" (I will post a clip as soon as I learn it…that should be by 2013!).  Now that I'm learning patience, I will try to be more patient with myself as I learn to play the piano.  That will probably make learning that much more enjoyable!  As a side note, a few years ago, my uncle gave me a Florence K CD for Christmas.  I had listened to it once but at the time, I didn’t really enjoy it.  I found it the other day and am happy to say that I’m now enjoying her English and French music.    You should check her out because Florence K is a real talent (go Canada!).

As I was searching for the videos, I came across this video of 'N Sync and Christopher Cross singing "Sailing".    I thought it was pretty cool so I'm sharing (yes, I'm a dork!). 

Seeing those videos of 'N Sync made me excited for Christmas.  I guess I was already excited about Christmas since I watched “The Holiday” yesterday but that’s a blog post for another day!  I can't wait to put up the Christmas tree and all of the decorations, to start watching Christmas movies (already did!) and playing Christmas music.   I'm learning to be patient though so I will be waiting for Sarah to get home so we can do the decorating together (even though she won’t admit it, I know that deep down she loves decorating the house for Christmas!).  So how did ‘N Sync get me excited for Christmas?  I'm so happy you asked :)

That might be my favourite song of all time (yes, I'm pathetic!).  It brings back so many memories!  I remember watching the ‘N Sync Holiday Special over and over again.  I believe we (I won't mention who the "we" includes!) even learned the 'N Sync choreography for this song.  If I still had that VHS tape, I’d probably watch it again right now (I wonder if I still remember all of the moves?).  How disappointing that I no longer have a VCR!  Oh wait, I can probably find the video on YouTube.  Sadly, I couldn't find the live version of Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays with the choreography but I did find this:

Oh JC, how I love thee (that sounded biblical!)!  I’m not afraid to admit that every Christmas, I still listen to the ‘N Sync Christmas CD (it’s really good, okay!).   The other Christmas CD that is a staple in our home (because of me…not Sarah!) is the Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton Christmas CD.  I love every song on that CD but for whatever reason, I end up buying a new copy of the CD every other year because it disappears.  I wonder why it always disappears?

OMG…I’m just realizing that Once Upon a Christmas was a movie or TV special!  I searched for it on Amazon but no luck :(

The third CD in my holy trinity of Christmas CDs is the 98 Degrees Christmas CD.  I found this video of my favourite song on the CD.  I actually had this performance on a VHS tape too and watched it over and over again (Jeff was my fave...just sayin').

You’re welcome!  I guess that’s just a little taste of what’s to come on my blog because I love Christmas!  The lights, the snow, the decorations, the cookies, the music, the movies, the Santa Claus parade (and Santa!), the spirit of giving, the eggnog, the time spent with family and friends, the board games (get ready because I’m going to kick some ass!), and all of the love (not the shopping!). 

Before I sign off, I should take this opportunity to thank everyone for their patience.  Special thanks to my family and friends who put up with me, and thanks to all of my blog readers...especially if you made it through this blog post :)

“Patience is the companion of wisdom.”  ~  Saint Augustine