Who Am I?

 “To be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best to make you just like everybody else means to fight the greatest battle there is to fight and to never stop fighting.” ~ E. E. Cummings

I’ve been blessed with people in my life who have helped me to discover who I am (you know who you are!);  without judgment or criticism;  with love, understanding and patience.  Sometimes we learn from experiences, from those we love, from those we don't love, from strangers, from a book we read or a movie we watch, from events, from love, from pain, from struggles, or from being still.  What I learned recently is that spending hours waiting in a hospital provides you with many opportunities for self-reflection.  Now don't worry, I wasn't the one needing to be treated!

Once you start examining self and being aware that everyone you meet is there to somehow help you become self-aware and learn, you start appreciating relationships in a way that's rewarding, enlightening and self-fulfilling.  This week, I discovered that no one can provide you with more opportunities for self-examinations than an ex-boyfriend.  Now I'm not recommending that you start reconnecting with your exes but if an opportunity presents itself, you might ask yourself “why?” and “should I?”.   Well, I did!

Life is so strange, isn't it?  X came back into my life when he recently fell ill.   His appendix had burst, and he didn’t even know it.   I convinced him to go to the hospital and within hours, I was driving him to another hospital for surgery.  Hearing the doctors and nurses say that he could have died (his appendix had most likely burst 7 – 10 days prior to his trip to the hospital!) was difficult to digest on many levels.  He was in the hospital for 4 days, and I was there with him as much as I could.  When he left the hospital, I wasn’t sure what would come of our relationship.  Did I come back into his life to be there for him during a difficult time?   Do I now walk away?  Or do I stay and see what happens?   Well, I stayed and this is what happened….

Another piece of me was revealed!  It was like finding a missing piece of the puzzle I’ve been working on for the last 39 years. 

Although my time with X was fleeting (and I believe has now come to an end), spending time with him has resulted in greater self-awareness.   I’ve been able to learn more about the attachments in my life, my expectations, and my need for perfection. 

“Living in fear of not being perfect is something that can actually destabilize us and narrow our scope of life experience.”  ~ Goldie Hawn

I’ve also learned more about the role fear, defensiveness and the need for love has played in my life.  All have been very destructive!   How do I deal?   Well, the first step is recognizing it, right?  Naturally, the second step would then be to draw a chart, right?   Seriously though, I did!  I drew myself a chart so I could have a visual of how my attachments, expectations and need for perfection have impacted and continue to impact my life.   All of this analysis was driving me crazy!   In that moment of craziness (yes, I recognize that drawing charts is crazy!), I realized that I just had to let go, surrender, and just be, and in that same moment (albeit for a brief moment!), I felt peace and acceptance because realizing that my expectations and my need for perfection were making me feel like I needed to be someone I’m not, was freeing.

I'm sure it's not a coincidence that I came across a poem from Rinpoche this week that helped me understand that when we try too hard to be, we might be losing a piece of ourselves.   

Free and Easy: A Spontaneous Vajra Song

Happiness cannot be found

through great effort and willpower,

but is already present,

in open relaxation and letting go.

Don't strain yourself,

there is nothing to do or undo.

Whatever momentarily arises

in the body-mind

has no real importance at all,

has little reality whatsoever.

Why identify with,

and become attached to it,

passing judgment upon it and ourselves?

Far better to simply

let the entire game happen on its own,

springing up and falling back like waves

without changing or manipulating anything

and notice how everything vanishes and reappears, magically,

again and again, time without end.

Only our searching for happiness

prevents us from seeing it.

It's like a vivid rainbow which you pursue

without ever catching,

or a dog chasing its own tail.

Although peace and happiness

do not exist as an actual thing or place,

it is always available

and accompanies you every instant.

Don't believe in the reality of good and bad experiences;

they are like today's ephemeral weather,

like rainbows in the sky.

Wanting to grasp the ungraspable,

you exhaust yourself in vain.

As soon as you open and relax

this tight fist of grasping,

infinite space is there -

open, inviting and comfortable.

Make use of this spaciousness,

this freedom and natural ease.

Don't search any further

looking for the great awakened elephant,

who is already resting quietly at home

in front of your own hearth.

Nothing to do or undo,

nothing to force,

nothing to want,

and nothing missing -

Emaho! Marvelous!

Everything happens by itself.

~ Venerable Lama Gendun Rinpoche

For so long, I tried to be someone I’m not because I believed that being me wasn’t good enough.   Unfortunately, I thought it was because other people made me feel that way but the truth is that I allowed myself to feel that way.   I often accused X of making me feel like being me wasn’t good enough but now I’m recognizing that the “me” who wasn’t good enough wasn’t really “me” because my expectations (of myself and others!) and need for perfection (from me and others!) were making me someone I’m not, and most importantly, were creating unhappiness in my life.  

I had one of the biggest aha! moments while watching Oprah's interview last week with Tony Robbins.  It was brought to light that in my search for love, I have tried to please men who couldn't be pleased unless I became something I wasn't.  Contrary to popular belief (my belief!), it wasn't the fault of the men, it was mine!  I was the one willing to change, to conform, to be someone I'm not but when you know better, you do better!   I know I'm not the only one who has struggled to be so when we meet someone, how do we know if we are meeting the authentic person?  How much energy does it take to keep up the "charade"?  Is it all an illusion? 

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

I’m realizing that it’s okay to be different, to not be willing to conform, to not be willing to change for the chance to be loved because I am already loved!   Striving to be “normal” or to be “someone I’m not” is no longer on my list of priorities because I’m learning to love who I am - all the good, all the bad, all the quirks, all the imperfections, all the beauty, all the ugliness, all the blessings.   When I try to be anything other than who I am, that’s when I make mistakes – assumptions, behaviour, perceptions, intentions, decisions, actions, etc.

“To thine own self be true.” ~ William Shakespeare (Hamlet)

I’m now beginning to appreciate that being me is effortless, but trying to be someone else is effortful.   I’m happiest when I’m being me!  Sure that may mean that I don't always say what others want to hear or do what others want me to do, I’m not out partying with friends, eating out, drinking, shopping, going on dates, having sex, and doing things that others would consider “fun” but what people need to understand is that I’m having “fun” being me – spending time alone or with family and friends, texting Sarah, meditating, reading, writing, volunteering at the clinic, eating chocolate, learning about (and practicing) Traditional Chinese Medicine and energy healing, dreaming about John Cusack, eating healthy, cooking, taking pleasure in a cup of tea, taking baths, playing learning to play piano, listening to music, dancing, learning to dubstep, going for walks, and laughing. 

Strangely enough, self-exploration has somehow changed who I am.  Maybe it’s not so much that the spirit of me has changed but rather my behaviour, my actions, my speech, my perception, my thoughts, my needs, my wants, my understanding and my priorities, among other things, have changed.    By discovering who I am, I’m also discovering that we are all the same.   Our struggles are the same.  Our happiness is the same.   Our pain is the same.  Our love is the same.   With this realization comes great compassion for humanity.    

“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment.” ~  Lao Tzu

Last week, something happened that proved to me that “I” have changed.  Sarah and I had an appointment to see the optometrist.  After my appointment, I asked Sarah to help me pick out a new pair of glasses.   I found two pairs that I liked, and was able to bring them home to facilitate the decision making process.   BFF came over to see them and took photos of me wearing the glasses so she could get Reb’s opinion.  I also texted and e-mailed the photos to family and friends to get their opinion.   The “old me” would have selected the pair that everyone else liked rather than pick what I preferred.  Guess what?  Regardless of the popular vote, I picked what I liked.  That’s a big step for me :)

Can you guess which pair I chose?  (don't mind the clothes, the hair and the acne cream on my face - these candid photos were obviously not taken for public consumption but what the hell!)

“Promise me you’ll always remember:

You’re braver than you believe;

And stronger than you seem;

And smarter than you think.”
~  Christopher Robin to Winnie The Pooh

Shortly before publishing my blog post, a friend posted that Winnie The Pooh quote on her Facebook page.  I thought it was fitting to include in my blog post today because it reminded me that we often underestimate our gifts and our abilities, and it's only in discovering who we are that we are able to discover what we are able to accomplish!

Speaking of accomplishments....

Believe it or not, this weekend is my last weekend spent in my 30s.    Next weekend I will be turning 40!   I know it’s hard to believe when you look at those photos :)

Yesterday, I watched Oprah’s Oscar Special.  During her interview with Octavia Spencer from The Help, she talked about turning 40.  This is what Oprah said to Octavia:

“When I interviewed Camille Cosby, I was about to turn 40, and Camille said to me: “Ooooooo girl, 40, it’s gonna get goooood!”.   And it does!   Just before you turn 40, you’re sort of ripe and open in a way that you haven’t been before.” 

I’ve never been one to care much about my age (which is very different than caring about celebrating my birthday!).    I was very indifferent about going from 19 to 20 or from 29 to 30 but this year seems different because if at 39 years old, I started to discover who I am, I can’t help but wonder what awaits me at 40 :)

“Be brave enough to live life creatively. The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. You can't get there by bus, only by hard work and risk and by not quite knowing what you're doing. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover will be yourself. “ ~ Alan Alda

Seasons Change

“Spring passes and one remembers one's innocence. Summer passes and one remembers one's exuberance. Autumn passes and one remembers one's reverence. Winter passes and one remembers one's perseverance.”   ~ Yoko Ono

 

Have you ever heard a story or a song and thought “that couldn’t have come at a better time!”?   In the last two weeks, I’ve experienced it at least three times and most likely, for a reason because I don’t believe in coincidences.

The first came while watching Oprah’s MasterClass with Goldie Hawn.   She told the ancient mythical story of a mother and daughter:  Demeter and Persephone. 

 

According to Greek mythology, first on earth stands Gaia, the goddess Earth herself, and her most powerful manifestation, Demeter, goddess of all things that grow on earth.  The earth once enjoyed an unending season of temperate weather, perfect for the growth of all plant life. Because trees were always green and flowers always bloomed, the world was filled with life and beauty. Human beings lived amidst plenty, for crops always grew in abundance, and the gods were pleased to have so many worshipers.

The goddess responsible for the earth's bounty was Demeter, the goddess of the grain and the harvest. Her sweet and lovely daughter Persephone, the Maiden of Spring, gladdened Demeter's heart, and Demeter's love and happiness kept the earth in bloom.

Demeter and Persephone were seldom far from each other, but occasionally Persephone would wander out of her mother's sight while picking flowers. One day as Hades, lord of the Underworld, watched the lovely maiden collecting blossoms, Eros, the mischievous god of love, shot an arrow from his bow straight into Hades' heart.

Hades immediately fell in love with Persephone and determined that she must marry him and become queen of the Underworld. As the maiden bent to gather more flowers, the ground beside her opened wide. Out from the gaping hole in the ground came Hades, in a chariot drawn by a team of mighty black horses. Hades seized the terrified girl and dragged her into his chariot. Then he turned his horses' heads and raced back down into the shadows with his prize.

Persephone cried out to her mother, but it was too late. The earth closed above her, shutting out the sunlight and the beautiful meadow. At the end of the dark journey, Persephone found herself in the kingdom of the dead, where Hades ruled, and where he intended that she should rule beside him.

Meanwhile Demeter, having heard her daughter's cry, rushed to find her, but Persephone had disappeared.

Overcome by grief, Demeter searched for her daughter. Finally she asked Apollo, the sun-god, who could have taken Persephone away from her. Apollo replied that Persephone now ruled over the kingdom of the dead with Hades, who had taken her for his bride. The thought of her precious, lively daughter trapped in the shadowy wasteland of Hades broke Demeter's heart. She left her home on Mt. Olympus and wandered the earth dressed as an old woman. No one recognized her in her mourning.

For an entire year Demeter refused to allow the earth to bloom. She did not bless the crops or look with favor on the harvest. Every growing thing withered and died; the once green earth turned brown and barren. All over the world people starved.

Concerned that the mortals would all die out, leaving no one to worship them, the other gods begged Zeus to talk to Demeter and recall her to her duties. But his efforts were unavailing. Until her daughter was returned to her, she vowed, the earth would never bloom.

Finally Zeus sent Hermes, the messenger god, to demand that Hades return Persephone to her mother. But through much cajoling during the past year, Hades had managed to persuade the miserable girl to eat a seed from a pomegranate--the food of the dead. He obeyed Zeus' order and allowed Hermes to take Persephone away, but he knew his bride would have to return to him, for anyone who has tasted even the smallest morsel of the food of the dead while in the underworld is doomed to return there.

When Persephone and Demeter were reunited, they wept tears of joy. Persephone told her mother how Hades had abducted her from the sunny meadow and carried her down into the dark Underworld to make her his queen. She described how she pined for the sight of the sun and the beauty of the earth and the sky. She had been so unhappy, she said, that she ate nothing the entire year, despite Hades constant attempts to get her to eat, until finally, so that he would leave her alone, she had eaten one, just one, pomegranate seed.

Hearing this, Demeter recoiled in horror, for she knew this meant her daughter was lost after all. But Zeus took pity on the mother and daughter. Since Persephone had eaten only one seed, and had done so unwillingly, he decreed that she would not have to stay in the Underworld for the entire year. Instead, she would stay there for only 4 months of each year, and then 8 months of the year she would be allowed to return to her mother.

Each year, during the months when Persephone returns to her, Demeter makes the earth green and blesses the harvest. But during the months when Persephone has to stay in the Underworld, Demeter mourns, and in her grief and loneliness she makes the earth turn barren and cold. Nothing is allowed to grow during these seasons of grief. The world waits with Demeter for Persephone's return each spring, when the earth will turn green and warm once more.

 And so it was that Demeter got to be reunited with her daughter, Persephone for eight months out of the year. Still . . . Demeter was not a very forgiving goddess (who could blame her!) and still to this day, she allows the earth to go barren during those months in which Persephone resides with her husband. Nevertheless, even though these two goddesses have been pushed, pulled, shoved, tugged, and finally, ignored, they are still remembered whenever the seasons change.

Now there are many lessons to be learned from this story, and we each may take away something different from the story.  For me, the story provides a better understanding of the relationship between mother and daughter, reminds me of the need to let go and to never give up, and it’s a beautiful story of suffering and healing.   

“Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

While writing today’s blog post, I’m reminded of the cyclical nature of the relationship between mother and daughter in which separation and reunion are recurring themes which is an important lesson for me to accept and remember!  I’m also realizing that parents who hold on (continue to hold on!) to a child too tightly, and weave their life mostly around their child, feel a great loss when the child matures and becomes independent, which can result in suffering a very real and very deep pain (not that I’ve experienced any of this...ahem!).

Being able to spend reading week with Sarah has been wonderful (of course!), and it has provided me with an opportunity to really examine myself within this amazingly dynamic mother/daughter relationship.  When Sarah left in September, I was heartbroken and made myself sick with worry (lesson from Demeter and Persephone – letting go!).  Today, I feel better prepared to see her go back to university because it’s part of life – children mature and parents let go (seasons change!).   I’m also learning to accept that letting go doesn’t mean you don’t love your child, and that worrying doesn’t mean loving. 

Today, my brother told me that I looked different when I was with Sarah during a visit with family this week.  He said my face seemed more relaxed, and Sarah also told me that she could see me smile (from both sides of my mouth!).   With these comments, and having read the story of Demeter and Persephone, I’m realizing that my happiness and health can’t come from another being.  I sometimes feel like Sarah has so much pressure on her – pressure to keep her mother happy and healthy.   Who would want that for their child?   It certainly has never been my intention.  I'm so proud of her courage, her maturity, her compassion, her loving-kindness, her determination, and her independence.  I hope she knows that!  I also hope she knows that I'm okay so she doesn't worry about me :)

What I love about my blog is being able to share life’s lessons with the people that I love, especially my daughter, without having to sit someone down to have “the talk” whether it’s about love, sex, attachments, healthy relationships, expectations, mistakes, misunderstandings, trust or courage.   Writing is also therapeutic and reminds me of the lessons I’m learning as I live my life.   I hope you are able to learn with me too!

"Shed no tear - O, shed no tear!

The flower will bloom another year.

Weep no more - O, weep no more!

Young buds sleep in the root's white core."

~ John Keats 

  

This week, Sarah and I watched Oprah’s interview with Tony Robbins on Oprah’s Next Chapter.   I must admit that I knew very little about Tony Robbins prior to watching this interview.  There were many aha! moments for me during the interview including:

•  On his relationship with his wife: “We are so much alike.  It’s effortless as opposed to effortful.  Effortful is when you’re trying to please someone who can’t be pleased unless you become someone you are not.  Who wants to be something you’re not?”
• “Sometimes not getting what you want is the most valuable experience of your life.”
• “We are defined by the stories we tell ourselves.”
• “Problems are the biggest addiction in humanity.  Problems allow us to escape our fear.”
• “You can’t be grateful and fearful or grateful and angry simultaneously.”
• “Life isn’t about getting more; it’s about becoming more.”
• “Success without fulfillment is failure.”

But what really stood out was when he started talking about seasons.   After having just watched Oprah’s interview with Goldie Hawn last week, it was interesting (coincidental?) that two weeks in a row I would be reminded that seasons changing is a metaphor for life.   It’s important to note that my PVR is filled with episodes of Oprah’s Next Chapter, Oprah’s MasterClass and Oprah’s LifeClass waiting to be watched (yes, I’m an Oprah junkie!) but it was an absolute coincidence that I chose to watch the Goldie and Tony episodes back-to-back.

During the interview, Tony said “life is like seasons; some winters are harsher than others but we need to remember that winter doesn’t last forever.”

It certainly puts our struggles into perspective, doesn’t it?  What I loved is that instead of using the term “post-traumatic stress”, he uses the term “post-traumatic growth”.  When you go through something traumatic or difficult or stressful, you come through it stronger, hence, you grow.  Once you get through difficult times, you realize how strong you really are.   Rather than fight the harsh seasons, we must embrace them.   We may prefer summer but we always find a way to get through winter (snuggling up on the couch with a good book on a cold day, making snow angels in the snow).  I’m not a gardener but I think there’s much to be learned from gardening especially that “the barren lands of winter always bring forth the bountiful crops of a summer's growing season”.

To everything there is a season,

a time for every purpose under the sun.

A time to be born and a time to die;

a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

a time to kill and a time to heal ...

a time to weep and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn and a time to dance ...

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to lose and a time to seek;

a time to rend and a time to sew;

a time to keep silent and a time to speak;

a time to love and a time to hate;

a time for war and a time for peace.

~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

When I watched Glee this week with Sarah, I cried because I felt like the lessons learned from Goldie Hawn and Tony Robbins were summarized in the Glee episode “On My Way”.  The theme of this week’s episode was inspiration, and the lesson was that no matter how difficult your life seems, you need to remember that it always gets better; problems are not permanent.  Winter eventually turns to Spring then to Summer then to Fall; and while some winters are harsh, others are mild.   Sometimes it feels like we are experiencing all four seasons in one day, or a week, or a month.   What’s important to remember is that the seasons always change! 

  

"In the depths of winter I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer."  ~ Albert Camus 



No Poo

As I wait for Sarah to finish her mid-term exam on her university campus, I decide to start typing my blog post for the weekend.  Yes, I’m excited to be spending the weekend with Sarah and even more excited that she’s coming home with me on Sunday for reading week! 

I guess that sitting in an educational institution and being infused with learning energy have me feeling inspired (oh to be a university student again!) because I’ve decided to start my blog post with a quiz :)

How do you define "no poo"?

a)     Constipation

b)    Bullshit free

c)     Shampoo free

d)    Winnie-the-Pooh free

Last Saturday, BFF sent me a text asking me to Google “no poo”.   I didn’t know that five letters had the potential to change my life. 

So what is no poo?   To go no poo is to ...wait for it...  stop using shampoo.  Crazy, I know!

Why go no poo?   Quite simply, there are chemicals in shampoo that are toxic, hazardous to your health, and can irritate and dry out your scalp and hair.  What I’ve learned while researching “no poo” is that our body produces oil to naturally condition our hair and keep it healthy.  Using shampoo daily upsets the natural balance and causes us to produce more oil than necessary to compensate.  As someone who produces a lot of oil (yes, I’m sweaty and oily…just lovely!), I guess I have nothing to lose (right?).  I can’t help but wonder when shampoo was invented and why (to support consumerism?) especially since our body was no doubt designed to be able to keep our hair healthy.   All I know is that the less toxins we use, the better!

While perusing a number of blogs and websites dedicated to the no poo method, I was reminded of all of the chemicals found in shampoos:

Alcohol, isopropyl (SD-40) is a very drying and irritating solvent and dehydrator that strips your skin’s moisture and natural immune barrier, making you more vulnerable to bacteria, molds and viruses. It is made from propylene, a petroleum derivative, and is found in many skin and hair products, fragrances, antibacterial hand washes as well as shellac and antifreeze. It can act as a “carrier,” accelerating the penetration of other harmful chemicals into your skin.  It may promote brown spots and premature aging of skin.  A Consumer’s Dictionary of Cosmetic Ingredients says isopropyl alcohol may cause headaches, flushing, dizziness, mental depression, nausea, vomiting, narcosis, anesthesia and coma. A fatal ingested dose is one ounce or less.

FD&C color pigments are synthetic colors made from coal tar, containing heavy metal salts that deposit toxins onto the skin, causing skin sensitivity and irritation. Absorption of certain colors can cause depletion of oxygen in the body and death. Animal studies have shown almost all of them to be carcinogenic.

Mineral oil is a petroleum by-product that coats the skin like plastic, clogging the pores. It interferes with skin’s ability to eliminate toxins, promoting acne and other disorders.

Propylene glycol (PG) and butylene glycol are petroleum plastics which act as surfactants (wetting agents and solvents). They easily penetrate the skin and can weaken protein and cellular structure. Commonly used to make extracts from herbs, PG is strong enough to remove barnacles from boats!

Sodium lauryl sulfate (SLS) and sodium laureth sulfate (SLES) are detergents and surfactants that may pose serious health threats. They are used in car washes, garage floor cleaners and engine degreasers — and in 90 percent of personal care products that foam. Animals exposed to SLS experienced eye damage, depression, labored breathing, diarrhea, severe skin irritation and even death.

(thanks to Nature Moms  for reminding me of the chemicals and their effects on the human body!)

It's important to note that many shampoos and conditioners are tested on animals so if you decide that going no poo isn't for you, be sure to buy products that are non-toxic and that haven't been tested on animals.  Don't even get me started on what they do to these "test-animals"!!!

Surprisingly, even though I had switched to a “natural” shampoo, there was still a lot of shit in it.   Make sure to check the ingredients on your products.  If you are unsure, you can research the specifics of each ingredient online.  

I consider myself to be pretty conscious when it comes to the products I use whether it's being environmentally-conscious, socially-conscious, ethically-conscious or health-conscious.  I'm conscious of what I put into my body (food, drink, vitamins, medicine, toothpaste), of the chemicals that I breathe in my house (detergents, household cleaners, air fresheners, candles), and to some extent, what I put on my skin (lotions, soaps, fabrics) but I guess I haven’t been as diligent in researching what would be best for my hair. 

After letting my grey hair reign supreme for 4 months last year, I was able to transition to natural hair dye for my greys.  That was a huge victory for me in limiting my exposure to chemicals (do you know what’s in your hair dye?).  I’m also proud that I don’t use gels or mousses or hair sprays on my hair, hence the reason why I’m still single! Even though I purchased “natural” shampoo, I’ll admit that I hadn’t done my research in ensuring that it was truly “natural”.   I’m the first person to raise the red flag regarding “green”, “all natural”, “organic” and any other type of products that advertisers try to sell to the "conscious-minded" but I didn’t realize how gullible even I could be about brand-washing.

So when BFF introduced me to no poo, I was in!  Yes, that probably still makes me gullible :P  

From the website “instructables”, here’s an easy step-by-step on how to go no poo:

(I love it when instructions start with a disclaimer!)  When you stop using shampoo, you will probably experience a transitional period while your body gradually adjusts to produce just enough oil to keep your hair healthy.  During this time, which can range from a few days to a few months, you'll probably have some extra oil and grease that you may want to take care of to look presentable.  The cheapest and most effective way to handle this is to use baking soda. The method involves a plastic cup, some baking soda, and a shower. You may also want to condition your hair after using the baking soda mixture, as sometimes it can leave your hair a bit dry.  There are lots of different ways to do this including apple cider vinegar.  

Cleaning

Put 1-2 tbsp of baking soda into a cup.  When you get in the shower, fill the rest of the cup with water and stir until the baking soda is dissolved.  You should have some cloudy water at this point.  If the mixture feels gritty or pasty, either add more water or use less baking soda.   Apply the mixture to your hair.   Ideally, you should aim to get most of it around your roots and work it in with your fingers, gradually distributing it throughout the rest of your hair. It won't lather like shampoo, but it does give your hair a distinct "smooth" feeling when it's properly distributed.  Once you've rubbed it around a bit, you should be ready to rinse. When you are completely rinsed you are ready to condition.

Conditioning

The simplest way to condition is to use apple cider vinegar, in about the same way as you used baking soda: 1 tbsp of the vinegar per 1 cup of water. If you like, you can add a few drops of your favorite essential oil, some honey, or some lemon juice. When you've mixed up your conditioner, pour it on and work it in just like you did the baking soda. When you're satisfied, rinse thoroughly.

I also checked out the instructions on One Green Generation (check out her blog – great tips!): 

The Simple Method Diluted

1.  Use an old shampoo bottle or a squeeze bottle of some variety.  Mix 1 part baking soda to 6 parts water.  Each time you use this solution, shake well to mix.

2.  Squeeze the baking soda solution onto your dry scalp then massage your scalp for several seconds. (You just need to saturate your scalp, not the rest of your hair.)

3.  Leave in for 1-3 minutes, and rinse completely.

4.  In an old shampoo bottle or a squeeze bottle, mix 1 part organic white vinegar to 8 parts water. You can add essential oils or herbs if you like – I add 1 cinnamon stick (which lasts through several bottles of mixture) and 1/2 tsp vanilla.  This masks the vinegar smell, and leaves your hair with a faint scent of spices.

5.  Leave on hair for several seconds, then rinse completely.

I also noticed that another blogger suggested adding tea tree oil and/or lavender essential oil to the vinegar in order to mask the vinegar smell a bit.

Now you’re probably curious to know whether or not I decided to try out the no poo method.  Well, I did and I’m now on day 7 of no poo!  That's no poo :P

First of all, you should know that I have thin, oily hair so I wasn’t sure if I could be seen in public without washing my hair for more than 24 hours.  After 7 days of no poo, I’m happy to say that I'm still interacting with the public and I think that most are okay with it.   For those who aren't okay with it, I'm guessing that it has nothing to do with my hair :P

Here's my daily regime:  after wetting my hair, I add 2 tablespoons of baking soda to a jar then add a cup or so of warm water, and shake.   I pour the mixture into my hair and let it sit for a minute or two then rinse (I hope that one day I'm not writing about the toxicity of baking soda!).    

On day 2, my hair felt heavy with grease but BFF assured me that it didn’t look greasy/oily.   The trick is not to run my fingers through my hair as I normally do (a nervous tic?) to avoid spreading the oil from my fingers to my hair (great tip from BFF and I'm so thankful that she pointed out that I also have oily fingers!).   

On day 4, the ends of my hair started to flip out (in a good way!) which is something I normally have to use the hair straightener to accomplish.  

So far, BFF, Reb and I have jumped on the no poo bandwagon.  BFF probably has the best no-poo hair because her hair now has the most beautiful no poo curls (so. not. fair!).   Under normal circumstances, Reb has the most beautiful hair but her beautifully thick and curly hair is struggling with dryness as a result of the no poo.  I'm ill-equipped to say this but my guess is that Reb's no poo hair will be even more beautiful than before (if that's even possible?!?).  


If you're having issues with no poo, check out this website which seems to provide solutions to many no poo challenges using a discussion board:  http://no-poo.livejournal.com/

While staying at Sarah’s this weekend, she reminded me of the book I bought for her called “Ecobeauty” by Lauren and Janice Cox.  In the book, there are numerous recipes for homemade beauty products from scrubs to cleaners to toners to bath bombs to hair masks.   Here are two hair rinses and a hair conditioner (could be a movie title?!?) that I’m going to try, and will recommend to BFF and Reb:

Under the Sea Hair Rinse (for shinier and smoother hair - bonus: kelp helps promote growth!)

½ cup water

½ cup apple cider vinegar

¼ cup lemon juice

2 tablespoons powdered kelp

Stir until well mixed.  Coat hair with mixture.  Wrap hair with towel and leave treatment on for 20 minutes then rinse. 

Refreshing Mint Hair Rinse (pick-me-up for dull, limp locks)

½ cup boiling water

1 to 2 mint tea bags

2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar

Pour boiling water over tea bags and steep until cool.   Remove tea bags (give them a good squeeze) then stir in vinegar.  Apply mixture to your hair.  Massage it into your scalp and work it through your hair.  Don’t rinse out. 

Go Bananas Hair Conditioner (for conditioning hair deeply and moisturizing the scalp)

½ rip banana

¼ cup warm water

2 tablespoons honey

1 teaspoon coconut oil

Mash banana then add to blender with other ingredients until smooth.  Apply mixture and massage hair and scalp.  Wrap warm towel around head and leave on for 30 minutes then rinse. 

Finally, I should note that if you’re interested in trying the no poo method, you might want to keep it a secret.  This morning, after informing Sarah that I was officially no poo, the following conversation ensued: 

Sarah:   Are you still taking showers?
Sarah:  Are you going to be taking a shower here?

Sarah:   Do you still use soap to wash your body?

Me:       Wow, you’re so concerned about my personal hygiene!

Sarah:  Well, you’re sleeping on my sheets!

Me:      (burst out laughing)

Sarah:  Wow, you must not be around people much.

I'm still not sure if that last comment was directed at me for my laughter (I was really LOL'ing!) or for being no poo :)  

So to those of you interested in the no poo method, you’ve been warned :P