Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to my #1 fan...my Dad :)

I love you Dad!!!

I know this is two days late (you're not really surprised by my tardiness, are you?) but that's because we were celebrating Father's Day with you on Sunday (I really don't have an excuse for yesterday...I had to work?!?).  It was great spending the day with you even though you snuck away every now and then to check out the golf game on tv (did you think I didn't notice?).  On Father's Day, you didn't ask to be spoiled.  Instead, you prepared an amazingly yummy meal for us (that's just the kind of man that you are!).  The eggplant parmasan was delish!  Equally delish was the lemon meringue pie that Sarah baked for you from scratch (and with lots of love!!!).  I'm sure the chicken parmasan you prepared for the meat eaters in our family was just as good but it was kind of cruel (vegetarians rejoice!).

I hope you know how much you are loved!!!

To remind you how much I love you (since I can't bake!), I'm suggesting that you re-read the blog posts that were dedicated to you "A message for Dad" and  "He's da man!" :)

For those of you interested in baking a lemon meringue pie for your Dad or Grandpa, check out the recipe Sarah used to bake her Poppa a pie: 

Lemon Meringue Pie

Pastry

• 1 1/3 cups all purpose flour
• 1 pinch salt
• 1/4 cup cold unsalted butter
• 1/3 cup cold vegetable shortening
• 5 tablespoons ice water

Lemon Curd

• 2 cups water
• 1/2 cup cornstarch, plus 2 tbsp.
• 10 egg, yolks
• 1 cup lemon, juice
• 1 1/3 cups sugar
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• grated zest of 4 lemon

Meringue

• 4 egg, whites
• 1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon lemon, juice

Directions

Pastry

1. Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.
2. Sift the dry ingredients together.
3. With a pastry cutter, blend in the butter and shortening until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs.
4. Add the ice water gradually until dough forms.
5. Pat the dough into a flat disk and refrigerate for at least an hour.
6. Roll the dough into a 13-inch round. Place it into a 9-inch pie plate and crimp the edges in a decorative pattern.
7. Pierce the bottom with a fork.
8. Place a piece of parchment or tinfoil in the shell. Fill the shell with pie weights.
9. Bake for 20 minutes.
10. Remove the pie weights and paper and continue to bake about 15 minutes until the pastry is golden and set. Cool on a wire rack.

Lemon Curd

1. In a small bowl, whisk the cornstarch with 1 cup of water until dissolved. Set aside.
2. In a small saucepan add egg yolks, lemon juice, sugar, lemon zest and salt and the remaining 1 cup of water.
3. Cook over medium low heat for one minute, stirring constantly. The mixture should not boil but the sugar should dissolve.
4. When the sugar has dissolved pour in the cornstarch mixture and turn up the heat to medium.
5. Cook mixture, stirring continuously with a spoon so that the mixture does not stick to the bottom or the sides of the pan.
6. Cook for 6 to 8 minutes until it has started to boil, thickens and becomes translucent.
7. Set filling aside to cool slightly.
8. Immediately make meringue so filling stays warm.

Meringue

1. Whip egg whites on high speed.
2. Immediately add cream of tartar and whip until soft peaks form.
3. While whipping, add the sugar one tablespoon at a time to allow it to dissolve.
4. Add the lemon juice at the end when the meringue is shiny and holds medium stiff peaks.

Assembly

1. Pour the warm filling into the cooled pie shell and spread the meringue on top, making sure to reach the edges of the pastry.
2. Use your spatula to swirl the meringue into peaks.
3. Cook the pie at 375 degrees F. for about 6 minutes until meringue is just golden.

These are photos of Sarah's lemon meringue pie:

The recipe is from the Food Network's Christine Cushing.  Click here to go directly to her webpage.

Cat litter box

While cleaning out the cat litter box this morning, I started to (quietly!) sing the song “Smelly Cat” by Phoebe Buffay on Friends:

After attempting to sing the song (quietly...you'll soon understand why!) then getting frustrated with myself for not remembering all of the words, I started wondering:

1)     Why doesn’t Sarah ever clean out the cat litter box?

2)     Why can’t my cats consistently cover up their shit (literally!). 

and

3)     How can the cat litter box be used as a euphemism for life?

Since I was already frustrated about not remembering the words to a “classic” song, not to mention my outrage at having to clean out the cat litter box AGAIN (how often do cats have to poop and pee?), I became extremely agitated by the thought that the word “euphemism” was not correctly being used in my disturbing pathetic deep, very philosophical question.  Under normal circumstances, I would ask Sarah about the correct use of a word but she’s sleeping (it’s 5am!) so then I consider texting my favourite high school teacher, BFF, for her feedback but she’s away at an overnight school trip with her daughter so then I consider calling my brother but there's no way in hell he'd talk to me at 5am!!!  Basically, I’m all alone in trying to figure this one out (so much for my support system!) so after cleaning out the cat litter box, I stormed (quietly…Sarah is sleeping!) up the stairs with a bag full of shit (literally!) and decided that I wasn’t alone…I have Oxford!!! 

According to the Oxford Dictionary, euphemism is a noun that is defined as follows:

a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.  Euphemism is the use of a milder or vaguer word or phrase in place of one that might seem too harsh or direct in a particular context, and a euphemism is such a word or phrase (i.e. to pass away for ‘to die’).  The most productive subjects for euphemism in English are bodily functions (ahem!), sexual activity (ahem!), death, politics, and violence.  Nowadays business, politics, and warfare create a lot of euphemisms, such as downsizing, rationalization, restructuring, slimming down, etc. instead of the more direct ‘redundancy’; strategic alternatives for ‘potential sale’; ethnic cleansing instead of ‘mass expulsion or extermination of ethnic minorities’; collateral damage for ‘accidental destruction of non-military areas’; friendly fire for ‘killing of soldiers on one’s own side ‘; and extraordinary rendition for’ handing over terrorist suspects for interrogation and possible torture'.  One area of euphemism that advertisers are particularly fond of is taking a feature of their product that might seem to be a disadvantage and turning it into something neutral or even positive.  For instance, a product that is basic may be described as standard or one that is small as compact. A small quantity of a product may be described as a handy version or fun size, and a long-standing design as traditional or classic. 

So now it’s blatantly obvious that my question “How can the cat litter box be used as a euphemism for life?” is grammatically (or contextually?) incorrect and no longer reflects my original thought.  Back to the drawing board!  Or maybe I should go back to the cat litter box for a little inspiration (yes, I had actually considered it!)?   The next word that pooped popped into my head is “asimile”.   How does this sound?  “How can the cat litter box be used as an asimile for life?”  I know Sarah and BFF are yelling at the screen right now saying “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” but as you know, I’ve promised to be completely honest in my blog posts so I have to admit that yes, I thought “asimile” was a word!  Hey, I was only slightly off when I thought “asimile” because the actual word is…wait for it…“simile”.   I had opened up the dictionary to asimile but there was nothing there then it hit me….duh!!!  So here I go again… “How can the cat litter box be used as a simile for life?”   I’m sure BFF and Sarah will let me know that there’s still a grammar or spelling mistake in the question but the point is that the question is now 100% representative of my original thought because the Oxford Dictionary defines a simile as a figure of speech involving the comparison of one thing with another thing of a different kind, used to make a description more emphatic or vivid (e.g. as brave as a lion).   Ha!

Since I’ve gone this far, it was only fair (to all of us!) that I sit down and seriously ponder the question “how is life like a cat litter box?”  Surprise, surprise…I came up with a few similes but don’t get too excited because they're not as poetically profound as the best simile (ever!):  “Life is like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’re going to get” (said in my best Forrest Gump accent!).   Mmmm…chocolate!!!   That’s right, today is Day 3 of Operation Sugarless (take 2!) but I digress…back to my cat litter box similes :) 

Life is like a cat litter box…

…it’s sometimes shitty.

…it’s sometimes pissy.

…sometimes things get clumped together.

…the contents sometimes get flushed. 

…it’s sometimes full of surprises (ugh!). 

…it sometimes looks better than it smells or smells better than it looks.

…it sometimes absorbs the piss but still smells like shit.

…you always know that "visitors" will continuously come in and out of it. 

…it’s a dumping ground for excrements. 

…it sometimes needs a little “Arm & Hammer”. 

…there’s always someone who will help clean up the mess. 

…simply scooping out the excreta will sometimes make it better but there are times when you need to dump the entire contents to have a fresh start. 

…sometimes you need to dig deep to find the shit that’s been buried. (my fave!)

So now I’m curious, how is your life like a cat litter box or what euphemism/asimile/simile would you use to describe life?

Thought of the week

This week, I received two e-mails from colleagues that have inspired me so I hope they inspire you too!  The e-mails have certainly put my struggle with eliminating sugar from my diet into perspective.    

The first is from a colleague in the United States: 

Subject:  Ambition

A blind boy paid his way to a master's degree at Northwestern University by taking notes on class lectures in Braille, typing them, and selling copies to classmates who had stronger eyes but weaker ambition.

One of the great mysteries of life is why some people who seem to have all the advantages -- the right connections, education, and experience -- never seem to amount to much while others who have had to struggle for everything they have reach incredible heights of success. It hinges on determination. If you have the will to succeed, you will somehow find a way, regardless of the obstacles you encounter. Do you use all of your assets to achieve your goals, or are you handicapped by your lack of ambition? No other person can create in you a desire to succeed. With enough motivation, you will see things all around you that will help you reach your objectives, things that you may have overlooked many times before.


The other e-mail is from a dear colleague in Canada who is a real hero and a true inspiration to me.  She wrote the following e-mail to encourage her family, friends and colleagues to support her fundraising efforts:

Subject:  Meaning and Purpose

My good friend Caroline noted last month that while I’m quite capable of promoting the cause of vision research, she has never heard me publicly share on a personal level what vision loss has meant to me.  I’ve pondered for a few weeks now how to approach this subject.   How could I articulate my personal struggles and stay true without invoking pity?  What enables me to remain content and active despite gradually going blind?

The raw truth is it’s been a real struggle to get to the happier place I find myself in today; enjoying life to the fullest!  I’ve certainly passed through all stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance...  And through the process, I’ve found meaning and purpose.  And just maybe; just maybe; I’ve even come so far as owning my vision loss.

Of course, there were times when I was knocked down to the floor and seriously considered staying there.  I often found myself being forced to relearn tasks in my late twenties that I had already mastered back in grade school.  Today, reading is now entirely an audio experience.  Understanding intent requires filling in missed body language.  Shopping for clothes involves offering to be someone’s Barbie doll for the day.   Cooking requires measuring ingredients by touch.  Running is now a team effort with my running guide.  Cycling now involves boarding a tandem bike.

Thankfully, I’ve managed over time to find adventure and humour in every one of these new life challenges.  I’ve also embraced the role of an unlikely educator and hope that those around me are internally richer because of it.

There are still occasional punches to the gut that come unexpectedly…  When your nephew bypasses you for help with putting his favorite DVD on because he knows; or when you break a family heirloom because you’re so darn clumsy.  Most other things can be laughed off or even embraced; when you mistakenly get a swig of Heinz ketchup because you thought you were grabbing your Ice tea bottle from the pub table;  or being mistaken as a snob for not responding to greeting gestures across the street from people I’ve just met.

Finding meaning in vision loss has only been possible by turning my disability into a lifetime opportunity.  This is why I am so passionate about Cycle for Sight and the cause of raising funds for treatments for eye disease.  It’s gone far beyond the high likelihood that I will live to see the day when sight is restored.  Beyond driving that dream closer to reality, it’s given my life and the lives of many others in the same predicament meaning and purpose.

It’s in this spirit that I ask you to support my efforts as of this uplifting grassroots event through a personal pledge.  Whether you give $10 or $100, your donation will help advance vision research aimed at restoring the gift of sight to people living with eye disease. To donate, please visit http://www.cycleforsight.ca/

Fallen

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it” 

~  Mae West  

My intent, as I sit here unable to sleep past 7am on a Sunday morning, is to organize my photos from our trip to Vancouver and to write a blog post about our adventure on the West Coast but unfortunately, all I can think about is how I have fallen. 

May 4^th was such a joyous day but it was also streaked with moments of intense sadness for me.  The day was filled with happiness because we were celebrating Sarah’s 18^th birthday with BFF and daughter, Reb but painfully sad (the pain only came later that night!) because I ate an entire piece of DQ Smarties Treatzza Pizza with chunks of Skor chocolate bars added to the "birthday pie" (I actually think I may have gone back for an extra 0.5 piece of birthday ice cream pie!).  I have tried forgetting about that day moment when I ate the piece of pie +  ½ piece of pie by focusing on the joy of celebrating Sarah's birthday (it was celebration 1 of 3...you only turn 18 once!) but I can’t forget because it’s a reminder of how much I suck little willpower I have when it comes to anything sweet (sweet men not included!). 

Oh how proud I was of my sugarlessness success!  I gave up sugar on January 19th and thought I would never look back after resisting the temptation for 15 weeks (!!!) but one little piece of skor pie (+ another ½!) turned me into a sugar monster again (Om nom nom nom!!!).  Sugar consumption at birthday celebration #1 lead to sugar consumption at birthday celebration #2 then birthday celebration #3 then to our trip to Vancouver which lead to a small bite of cheesecake then to an entire piece of cheesecake to Roger’s Chocolates Dark Empress Square #1 to Roger’s Chocolates Dark Empress Square #2 to Taro Bubble Tea with Tapioca #1 to Red Velvet cupcake #1 to Taro Bubble Tea with Tapioca #2 to a bite of Sarah’s crème brulee #1 to Taro Bubble Tea with Tapioca #3 to a bite of Sarah’s crème brulee #2 (and I’m sure there are many more “cheats” that have not yet been documented!).   At the time, I was thinking:  “Yes, I’m eating sugar but it’s for Sarah’s birthday” (Sarah, it’s all of your fault!!!) then I was thinking: “Yes, I’m eating sugar but it’s because I’m on vacation” (Vancouver, it's all of your fault!!!) but what the hell am I supposed to think now that I’ve been back from vacation since May 16^th (with a business trip to Toronto on May 17^th and 18^th which probably lead to more sugar consumption but denial has resulted in a loss of memory, however, I'm sure there was at least one biscotti cookie and one taro bubble tea with tapioca which does have sugar no matter how much I lie tell myself otherwise!). 

Sadly, last Monday, I suffered the worst fuck up setback yet.  While at my office, (brace yourself because the truth ain’t pretty!), I decided I needed to get something at Shoppers Drug Mart but to my surprise (not really a surprise!), I returned to my office with a big bag of Maltesers and a big bag of mini peanut butter cups (yes, mini!).  Shockingly (not really a shock!), I devoured both bags while at the office.  Not only did I feel horrible about annihilating two bags of chocolate but I felt like a complete hypocrite while eating my “healthy” lunch with my colleagues.  I may as well have eaten a hot dog, a poutine and a diet coke that day (ewwwww….my stomach aches just thinking about that…ugh!!!).  So I could easily come up with excuses such as “my juicer died” (yes, that is a true story which I will no doubt write about in another blog post!) for my disgusting behaviour but the truth is that I’m out of control again with my sugar intake.  I keep telling myself (and others….you know who you are!) that I will get back on the wagon “tomorrow” but sadly, tomorrow hasn’t come yet.  Maybe “tomorrow” I really will be sugarless again but I can’t even remember how I did it in the past.  I have re-read my blog posts for inspiration and have come to the realization that I’m not a very inspirational person (yes, being hard on oneself is a symptom of sugar-indulgence!).  How can I inspire others with my blog when the blog posts don’t even inspire me? 

Funny enough, when I told Dr. Acupuncture (if you don’t know about my favourite acupuncturist, please read my blog posts Getting Old-er and My “to do” Lists) about my struggle to become sugarless again, she simply said “get rid of the sugar”.  Really?  That’s the best advice she could give me?  Sadly, she’s right.  All I have to do is not buy it, not be around it and most importantly, not eat it!  I know that some of you are thinking….what’s the big deal?  So what if you eat sugar?  Well guess what…sugar is bad, people!!!  Have you not read all of the literature about refined sugar?  Sugar is toxic!  Sugar should be labelled as:

OR

Okay, funny (side) story! When I was looking for the “poison” label, I searched Google Images and came up with the universal image for poison but the search also resulted in photos of the “Poison” band including the album cover for a Poison record which reminded me of a Christmas morning when I was a teenager.  One of the songs I loved in high school was “Catch me I’m falling” by Pretty Poison.  Living in a relatively small town, I wasn’t able to find the record (remember the good old days when we listened to music on our record players?) so I asked my Mom to look for the record by “Pretty Poison” while she was Christmas shopping in Montreal.  Sounds simple enough, right?  Well, to my surprise, on Christmas morning, I received, as a gift from my parents, the latest record by...wait for it...“Poison” (that's the album cover above) instead of the "Pretty Poison” record!  What a funny  memory!!!  I should have added that one to my blog post about my Mom (check out that blog post “Because you love me”).  Just for fun, I’ve included the videos for both Pretty Poison and Poison.  Do you think I enjoyed my new record?  I think these two songs would be a perfect mash-up for the new season of Glee :)

Okay, back to my hatred of sugar!  Since blaming Sarah (she knows I'm just kidding!) willpower isn’t helping me kick my sugar habit, I thought I should read some literature on the negative effects of consuming sugar.  Here’s the most recent article that I read to try to scare myself into a sugarless zone:

Refined Sugar - The sweetest poison of all

So yes, I’m smart enough to know that I "shouldn’t" be eating sugar (yes, I also re-read my blog post The “S” Word !) but my mind and my body are not on the same page….one knows that I shouldn’t eat sugar while the other craves it.  What’s a sugar addict to do?  Accepting that I’m not perfect is probably a good start (I know, it’s shocking!!!) but that’s not possible right now (I know, I know!) so how’s this for a start?  I just took the almost full (it’s surprising to me that a bag of sweets can be almost full and still be in my possession since I normally eat the entire bag as soon as I open it!) bag of mini caramel chocolates that I had hidden (yes, it’s gotten to the point where I’m hiding the chocolate…who the hell am I hiding it from???) and I dumped the contents into the garbage bin.  That’s correct…I didn’t just throw the bag in the garbage because the contents could still potentially be eaten since they were not contaminated (the garbage bin could simply be considered another “hiding” place) so I dumped the sweets into the garbage bin where they made contact with its nasty contents.  There’s no way in hell I’ll be putting my hand in the trash to retrieve a mini caramel chocolate wrapped in a used Kleenex or the grossness that accumulates in the kitchen drain catcher.   I’m hopeful that this means I’m sugarless "at least for today".  Unless, of course, I decide to have a bite of Sarah’s leftover Skor Blizzard that calls my name from the freezer (it befuddles me that someone is unable to eat a small Blizzard in one sitting!) or I make my way to the store for more treats but really, there’s no need to worry now that my “fallen” story is public.  I think I’ll be able to control myself…at least for today!  Now I need to get to the store and buy myself (another!) ….wait for it… J-U-I-C-E-R!!!  Yes, that's right...this story is definitely "to be continued" ….