Mind ~ Ful ~ Ness

Enlightenment

noun

• the action of enlightening or the state of being enlightened: Robbie looked to me for enlightenment
• the action or state of attaining or having attained spiritual knowledge or insight, in particular (in Buddhism) that awareness which frees a person from the cycle of rebirth.

Mindfulness

noun

• the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something: their mindfulness of the wider cinematic tradition
• a mental state achieved by focusing one‘s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

I’ve always talked about enlightenment as if it was something that was unattainable, however, since discovering the miracle of acupuncture, I believe that enlightenment might be possible through the practice of mindfulness.  In my mind, enlightenment only seems possible as one big, orgasmic event while mindfulness can be achieved on a spectrum ranging from teeny tiny to small to moderate to walloping moments.  For example, I have started practicing mindful walking and mindful eating which are different forms of meditation but are both relatively easy to achieve.

What is mindful walking? It's a technique that uses awareness of the mind/body connection to improve the quality of your walking experience on all levels. By approaching a walk in a mindful way, you make it a practice like yoga, meditation, or tai chi; every session brings new insights and challenges. It's a great way to bring your mind, body, and spirit into balance.  Check out this link  for simple techniques for mindful walking. 

There’s an overwhelming amount of information regarding mindful eating but in a nutshell, mindful eating means  focusing our attention and awareness on the present moment which leads to a healthier relationship with food.  Instead of wolfing down your food and barely tasting anything that’s in your mouth, you become aware of each bite, taking the time to chew your food and enjoy it.  I have a tendency to inhale my food without realizing what or how much I’m eating, thus resulting in overweight ~ness.  Since becoming sugarless (check out my blog post "Survival of the sugarless"), I’m much more in control of the food that I eat but I still have a tendency to eat too much and too quickly (even if the food I’m eating is healthy, it's not a good thing!).  Mindful eating takes time and discipline, and means no more eating while I work or watch TV!

By exploring mindful walking and mindful eating, I’ve come to realize that I have been practicing mindfulness all along!  For example, when I cook, I’m practicing mindfulness because I don’t want to cut myself, or burn myself, or burn the food so in order to avoid any accidents, I’m in the moment and focused on what I’m doing, hence, I’m being mindful.  When I do the dishes, I want to ensure that the dishes are spic and span clean so I’m very much focused on washing the dish, the bowl, the glass or the fork, hence, I’m being mindful.  I’m not thinking about the work that needs to be done, or that crazy driver that cut me off, or the grocery list, or who got voted off of Survivor, or the clothes that need to be transferred from the washer to the dryer, or the bills that need to be paid, or that cute boy that I saw at the grocery store.  I’m in the moment.  I’m practicing mind~ful~ness.  BFF has taught me that standing in line at the checkout is a blessing.  While this activity thoroughly tests my limited patience (why can't there be more cashiers? why does this one have to be so slow? does the person ahead of me really have to be so slow at paying the cashier?  geez, another price check?), BFF says that waiting in line is an opportunity to relax, to slow down, to meditate, to be in the moment.  Now I refer to waiting in line as mindful waiting!  Can you think of the times when that you’ve successfully practiced mindfulness?  My guess is that the more mindful we become, the less accidents will occur (from spilled milk to stubbed toe to car accidents!) and we'll find ourselves misplacing our keys (or other important stuff) less often.  Try it, you'll see!

We're all so busy, and always rushing from one meeting to the next, and have so many things to accomplish on our to do list that we're rarely present, I mean, really present for any of it.  When was the last time you actually enjoyed, I mean, really enjoyed every bite of your meal?  When was the last time you stopped texting or tweeting, and actually listened to what someone was saying to you?  When was the last time you actually stopped and listened to the birds tweet?  When was the last time you smiled at a stranger walking down the street or noticed someone smiling at you?  Sadly (and it is very sad!), I'm guilty on all counts!  Not enjoying every bite of my meal because my mind is consumed with other details of my day, or watching TV while working, or thinking that multi-tasking was possible (yet very rude!) by reading e-mails while Sarah talked to me, or walking down the street so consumed by my thoughts or what's happening on my iPhone that I didn't notice the birds tweeting, or the person smiling at me (note to self:  that person could be my future husband!), or that there were roses that needed me to smell them!   It's time we start becoming more present in our lives because it's the only life that we have!  Is multi-tasking helping or hindering us?  I know we claim to have perfected the art of multi-tasking but have we, really?  Can we really do more than one thing, at a time, effectively, meaningfully and mindfully?  Just food for thought :)

So now that I know I’m capable of being mindful, I’m going to attempt (again!) to meditate, you know, really meditate!   

Meditation
noun

• Meditation refers to a family of self-regulation practices that focus on training attention and awareness in order to bring mental processes under greater voluntary control and thereby foster general mental well-being and development and/or specific capacities such as calm, clarity, and concentration.

So why do I want to meditate?  The world is a crazy place so I need to find inner peace, a way to heal myself from the negativity that we experience every day whether it’s reading the newspaper, watching the news on TV, being hurt by someone’s words or actions, seeing someone get hurt, or trying to heal the hurts of the past.  Meditation is a practice that I think will heal me, bring inner peace, calmness and stillness, thus improving my ability to be mindful throughout the day.  I believe it's also a way to sustain contentment. 

There are so many different meditation techniques that I can’t even begin to list them.   Not only is there a multitude of meditation techniques but different religions also have different meditations.  For some, praying is a meditation technique.  I’m going to explore different meditation techniques until I find the one that works for me, regardless of my religious beliefs (I promised myself that I would not discuss religion in my blog because it’s way too personal and sensitive, and it’s way too easy to offend people and that’s not my wish).   I've been exploring spiritual healing for a long time but my search amplified after my first acupuncture session which resulted in menstruation (aka starting my period, Matante Rose arrived) after 7 menstruation-free months (aka perimenopause!) (check out my blog post "Getting Old(er)" for more information) but now I find myself thinking about Elizabeth Gilbert and her attempts at meditating in Eat Pray Love.  Could she possibly be an inspiration?  The truth is that I’ve made several attempts to meditate in the past but without success due to my overly-overactive mind, and my inability to stick with something that I suck at (hey, I’m being honest!).   As you probably know, I’m not a very patient person, especially when it comes to me, myself and I so did you really think I could stick with something as frustratingly impossible as meditation?

Instead of practicing meditation, I’ve focused on yoga which is a form of mindfulness because you have to focus on your poses, on your body, on your breathe.   It's a great way to enhance the mind/body connection, but unfortunately, I find it too easy to think of other things while I’m yoga-ing so I think of yoga as exercise more than a meditative practice. 

Then recently, I started practicing Qi Gong which requires stillness and focused breathing.  I think I’ve been pretty good at Qi Gong practice but you move from one position to the next so there is little time to have your mind wander.  It’s a relaxing and enjoyable practice that has raised my awareness of the qi (energy) flowing through my body.  I believe that Qi Gong compliments my acupuncture sessions nicely but it’s still not meditation!

Breathe

verb

• take air into the lungs and then expel it, especially as a regular physiological process
• be alive; remain living:at least I'm still breathing
• literary (of wind) blow softly.
• [with direct speech] say something with quiet intensity:‘We’re together at last, ' she breathed
• (of an animal or plant) respire or exchange gases:plants breathe through their roots
• [with object] give an impression of (something):the whole room breathed an air of hygienic efficiency
• (of wine) be exposed to fresh air:letting a wine breathe allows oxygen to enter
• (of material or soil) admit or emit air or moisture:let your lawn breathe by putting air into the soil
• [with object] allow (a horse) to rest after exertion.
• (breathe upon) archaic or literary tarnish or taint:before the queen's fair name was breathed upon

So what’s holding me back (besides my overly overactive mind!)?  Is it my breathing?  Possibly.  I know this is going to sound ridiculous but focusing on my breathe is confusing, challenging and frustrating.  It’s just breathing, right?  I know, I know, it’s something I do naturally every second of every day since the day I was born.  Without it, I would be dead.  Yet I can’t quite perfect the practice of focused breathing.  Why?  First of all, I think the different practices have fucked me up lead to some of my confusion.  For example, yoga requires you to breathe in through your nose, and out through your nose, while Qi Gong requires you to breathe in through your nose, and out through your nose and mouth.  There’s also the deep breath and the short breath.  The breath that expands your stomach (okay, okay, it’s not really your stomach, it's your diaphragm but that’s what it looks like!), or the breath that expands your chest (okay, again, it’s not really chest it's your lungs but that’s what it looks like!).  I've also read that you can position your tongue differently for different breathing techniques, or you could be sitting, standing on laying down.  Do you understand why I’m confused?  I remember reading somewhere that our day-to-day breathing only utilizes 2/3 of our lung capacity.  What does this mean?  Again, there’s a plethora of information out there on how to breathe properly whether you’re meditating, or yoga-ing, or running, or walking, or kissing (ahem!) or wrestling.  I guess I just need to do what feels natural and good for me.  I do know that a deeper breathe (one that seems to expand the stomach!) seems to bring instant calmness and relaxation so maybe I should just think of the deep breath as mindful breathing.  Okay, I think that was my a-ha! moment of the day :)

Relaxation
noun

• the state of being free from tension and anxiety.
• recreation or rest, especially after a period of work: his favourite form of relaxation was reading detective novels
• the loss of tension in a part of the body, especially in a muscle when it ceases to contract.

Since meditation has been a failure not been an option for me, I’ve had to find effective ways for me to relax.  Yes, I have definitely found other methods of relaxation (ahem!).  Playing basketball, tennis and walking were always great ways for me to relax but it’s difficult to do in the winter.  Taking baths, reading, solving math problems or the Rubik's Cube, or having a glass of red wine (I only need one!) are also great ways to relax, and I most recently discovered that drawing and writing both provide opportunities for relaxation.  But for me, the most relaxing place to be is in the natural environment.  Nature has always provided serenity, peace and calm (unless, of course, an animal, bug or spider happens to think of me as their prey then I completely freak out!).  I have found that oceans, rivers, lakes or streams, in particular, provide tranquility.  The sounds of water (and the smell of the ocean!) and rain have a way of healing my soul.  Since I don’t have the pleasure of living by the water, I purchased music, Nature Sounds Relaxation and Tibetan Chakra Meditation, which has had a similar effect.  Not only does the sound of water make me want to pee, it soothes my soul :)

What other sounds lead to relaxation?  When I hear the church bells ring or the train horn or wind chimes, I feel relaxed.  Maybe it’s because I stop and take a moment to listen to those calming sounds?  Of course, I can’t talk about relaxation without mentioning…wait for it…my daughter, Sarah.  She has both the ability to get me riled up or completely relaxed.  When I see her happy or smiling, I feel at peace.  I know Sarah’s going to say “that’s creepy Mom!” but I have to say that watching her sleep is very calming.  Isn’t there something special about a sleeping child?  It reminds me of a book I used to read to Sarah when she was young, Love You Forever by Robert Munsch.  Okay, okay, I better quit now before I start blabbering about how much I love my daughter :)

No matter how educated I become about the art and science of relaxation, mindfulness, enlightenment and meditation, none of these practices are possible if I’m distracted.  Some of the distractions in my life are non-negotiable such as being a mother, working, hanging out with friends and family, cleaning and grocery shopping but some distractions are avoidable such as Facebook, Twitter, computer-surfing, getting drunk on red wine, and television programs.  So, in order to relax my mind, I’ve decided that I would conduct an experiment (no animals will be harmed!).  Since I have not yet successfully (whatever that means!) meditated, I’ve decided that I would eliminate television programs from my day for the month of April.  That means no watching television programs on the TV or on my laptop (!!!), and no recording television programs on my PVR for future enjoyment distractions. Instead of the hours spent watching TV, I will utilize those additional hours in my day (yes, hours!) to meditate, to breathe, to relax.  I'm excited that April will be a month of enlightenment!  Since today is March 29th, that means I have a little over 2 days to get caught up on Private Practice because there’s no way I can go a month without knowing what happens next :)

“You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” ~ Albert Einstein

“What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters to what lies within us.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment.” ~ Lao Tzu

“Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.” ~ Zen Proverb

Getting old-er

I’m baaaaack!!!   Miss me yet?  Doesn’t absence make the heart grow fonder?  

Well, I've been meaning to write but I haven't gotten around to it until now (I have no excuses!).  So I started typing this post last night but I’m only now getting around to posting it so please note that the “tonight” references are actually Friday night references.  Actually, after re-reading my blog post and correcting some errors (I may not have corrected all of them!), I'm only posting this at 1am on Sunday morning so when I say "last night", I actually mean two nights ago so you're going to have to compute that in your mind while reading my blog post.  Isn’t that a great way to challenge your brain?  I might just turn this blog into a Mensa site eventually.  I’m almost there, aren’t I? :)

Tonight, in the spirit of trying something new, or better yet, doing something that scares me, I attempted to make a quinoa loaf and a cream of roasted vegetable soup with tofu and coconut milk as substitutes for cream.  I bombed on the soup (just being honest!) but the loaf can be saved with a little extra marinara sauce added to individual pieces (I'd rather not have my food be as dry as my humour!).  It was my ridiculous attempt at preparing a meal without recipes.  So much for stepping outside of my comfort zone!  Didn’t I once note that there’s comfort in discomfort in a previous blog post (check out "She shoots, she scores")?  What was I thinking?  I guess it’s a good thing that Sarah informed me that she wouldn’t be home for dinner today (after I prepared both dishes!).  I guess today wasn’t a good day for thinking!  A teenager coming home for dinner on a beautiful, sunny Friday?  Duh!

P.S.  It should be noted that on Saturday (the actual today!), both Sarah and my Bro tried the quinoa loaf and they both enjoyed it (at least that's what they told me!). 

You’re probably afraid to keep reading knowing the type of mood that I’m in, right? Don’t worry...failure doesn't put me in a bitchy mood; perimenopause does!  I’m sitting at the laptop with a cup of warm water with pieces of lemon floating in my water (and a few seed too!) as recommended by my acupuncturist (keep reading for more on my attempt at trying something new or rather doing something that scares me every day) while both of Adele’s albums are on continuous play on the iPhone dock (serenity!). 

Now that I’m sitting here, I’m starting to feel less bitchy disappointed about my failure and more excited about catching you up on what’s been happening in my life since my last blog post. 

So what has been happening, you ask?  Well, I’ve been trying to figure who the “this is me” person really is, but what that really means is that I just celebrated another birthday (mid-life crisis anyone?).  I must admit that I actually love celebrating my birthday because every year,  I slowly begin to lose my mind, I get a little wiser, I gain an extra 10 lbs,  I become more aware, I get more wrinkles, I care less about what other people think, I slowly begin to lose my mind, and I truly enjoy my life so much more everyday (even on the days when dinner doesn’t turn out as planned!).  When I hear the song “happy birthday”, I feel uplifted and blessed with a wonderful life.  I know many people don’t enjoy getting old(er) but really, just suck it up and be happy that you're alive!  I’m also not one of those people who lies about my age (I’m 29!) or refuses to reveal my age (okay, I’m actually 33 years old!).  Okay, okay, I'm seriously 3-9 (I know, I know, it's hard to believe because I look so young)! 

So what have I been doing since turning the big 3-9 or as my brother and I always tease each other about, what have I been doing since beginning my 40^th year?  I know that always confuses people but think about it (this really could be a Mensa site!)...when you were born, you were 0 years old but you were starting your 1^st year on this earth so when you celebrated your 1^st birthday, you were actually starting your 2^nd year then when you celebrated your 2^nd birthday, you were actually starting your 3^rd year on this earth.  Get it?  So basically, I’m into my 40^th year…ugh!  What is it about the number 40 that makes me feel old(er)?  Well, it doesn't take a Mensa genius to figure it out...I'm already perimenopausal and I have tendonitis in my shoulders!  My body has started falling apart.  I have been extremely blessed living a life with very few ailments (knock on wood!).  Sure I’ve had colds, the flu, Bell’s palsy and mono, I've needed a root canal, I've had a few cervical issues, I’ve walked into a branch which needed to be removed surgically from my foot (don’t ask!), I’ve had a “lump” removed from my back (we called it my “third boob” which makes me wonder if that’s similar to “third eye”!), I broke my baby finger playing soccer (don’t ask!), and I was born with my feet turned in or out (can’t remember, it was so long ago!) so I had casts on my legs as a baby to straighten out my feet (I wonder if that is why I ended up with size 11 snowboards feet!).  So yes, I’ve been pretty lucky with minor ailments!  Now at the age of 3-9 (sorry but it still sounds weird saying I’m 39!), I’m trying to find a way to get rid of this fucking pain in my shoulders, and the symptoms from perimenopause (potty mouth included!). Before I tell you about my attempts at remediating the problems, I just realized that my age not only has my favourite number in it (the number 3!) but a factor of 39 is the second smallest prime number (aka my favourite number...3!) so that must mean this year will be a good year! I digress. 

Okay, my remedies, so far, have included:

• Seeing my family physician who referred me to a physiotherapist.   
• I only had one visit to the physiotherapist because she wanted to see me 3 times per week and it just wasn’t possible.  At the time, the pain was bearable so I decided to stop seeing her after my first visit (sadly, that sounds like my dating life...I decide after meeting someone for the first time that I’m not interested in him.  Hmmm...maybe there’s a lesson here?).   In all fairness, I should mention that my Mom had tendonitis in her shoulders (genetically modified shoulders?) and the physiotherapy healed her.  I guess she had more patience than me (three times per week?).  But of course she has more patience than me!  She raised my brother, right?  Sorry Bro…just a little dry sibling humour :)
• My Dad suggested acupuncture but that was out of the question.  Needles in my body…no thanks!  I learned long ago that acupuncture wasn't for me.  My Dad took me to see an acupuncturist when I was a teenager to help me get rid of my zit face acne on my face.  After one session (I’m seeing a pattern here!), I quit.  No more needles for me! 
• Even though I’m anti-pills (okay, okay, relax pill pushers poppers…what I mean is that  I don’t take anything that hasn’t been prescribed by a medical doctor so I don’t take pills like ibuprofen, acetaminophen, decongestants or anti-inflammatories), BFF suggested that I take Advil (ibuprofen) every 4 hours for 3 days to reduce the inflammation so I tried it.  Didn’t work!
• My Dad also recommended using Vicks VapoRub so off to the pharmacy I go with a positive attitude that this was going to work!  Once I found the VapoRub and read that it was a topical cough medicine, I started second guessing myself and decided that I must have texted myself the wrong information (that’s right, I need to send myself texts because I’m old memory-challenged!).  I ended up buying Extra Strength A-535 which I believe is a muscle relaxant kind of product.  BFF uses it sometimes so I figured I’d give it a try.  Didn’t work!  FYI - Vicks VapoRub is what my Dad recommended but I didn't go back to the pharmacy to try it (yet!).  The moral of the story - don't second guess the texts that you send to yourself....unless you're drunk texting yourself! :)

What to do?  The tendonitis had gotten so bad that I could no longer tie my bra in the back (sorry if that’s too much information!) but on a positive note, this challenge provided a great opportunity to purchase a new bra that ties in the front.  When I was in Toronto on my birthday weekend, I bought my very first Victoria’s Secret bra (P.S.  Victoria’s Secret bras rule!).  Okay, so the new bra means that I can actually go out in public wearing a bra but let’s face it, the bra is just a band-aid (figuratively-speaking, of course!  If I was being literal, I would need something much bigger than a band-aid!  I'm just sayin').

So what`s left for me to try?  Have my Mensa-genii guessed it yet?  The answer is....wait for it...acupuncture!  As part of my "do something that scares you every day" promise (more like once a month!), I decided to go for it!  Who knew that acupuncture would end up being more powerful than psychotherapy (not that I would know anything about that...ahem!)?  The first time Dr. Acupuncture saw me, she said that I was too young to be perimenopausal (the form I had to fill out asked me about my ailments so I noted perimenopause since I consider it to be many ailments in one…hot flashes, crankiness, loss of memory, crankiness, fatigue, slower metabolism, crankiness) and that my tendonitis was caused by years of suppressed emotions. How could that be possible?  I’m now 3-9 so that puts me in the range for women to go through perimenopause and as for my emotions, well, I wear those on my sleeves…both sleeves actually! When I’m happy, I exude happiness; when I’m sad, I cry; and I’m not afraid to exhibit anger when I’m driving behind an idiot driver (road rage!).  There must be more to this emotions stuff, right?  Well, according to Plutchik’s wheel of emotions, there are 8 basic emotions (joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation) and 8 advanced emotions (optimism, love, submission, awe, disappointment, remorse, contempt and aggressiveness).  Okay, so there is definitely more to this emotions business so I’ll get right on that which means…wait for it…a blog post for another day :)

So back to acupuncture…I’ve only had 3 sessions (only one per week!) and have had some surprising results!  Remember, I had originally made an appointment to heal the tendonitis in my shoulders but Dr. Acupuncture is a healer so rather than focus on my shoulders, she decided that she needed to work on my entire body.  I’ll admit that I didn’t do my research before going into the session (I know, I know, that's shocking!) so I hadn’t considered acupuncture as way of unblocking the flow of qi (energy).  If qi (energy) isn’t flowing throughout your body, the blockages will have an impact on your physical well-being.  My tendonitis is caused by blockages which are caused by suppressed emotions so in order to heal my shoulders, I need to heal my body by improving the flow of qi which means dealing with my emotions (that's definitely not going to be a blog post for another day!).  SHOCKINGLY, the morning after my first session, I started menstruating (my apologies to my male readers!).  That’s right, after 7 months without a period, I started to flow…literally!!!   At that moment, I became a believer in Chinese Medicine. 

That night, I found a book I had purchased 5 or 6 years ago called The Way of Qigong – The Art and Science of Chinese Energy Healing.  I had purchased the book after participating, at work, in a Qigong exercise class (I work for an amazing organization that organizes a “wellness” day every year to introduce us to different practices, exercises and information that improve our health and well-being such as yoga, reiki, meditation, massages, laughter yoga, tai chi, reflexology, nutrition, osteopathy) but I never read it until now.  It’s an amazing book full of useful information.  I especially enjoy the Qigong facial and body massages.  I have since bought a Qigong video and have been doing the 40-minute practice every morning.  For those of you who aren’t familiar with Qigong, it’s a philosophy and practice of aligning breath, physical activity and awareness for physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.  It’s essentially a series of movements, some of which have animal names such as horse, hawk and elephant.  I feel really good after I finish the practice and I must say that my shoulders feel better too! 

Back to acupuncture and my shoulders!  So far, acupuncture hasn't healed my shoulders but I understand it’s a process (patience is a virtue!).  Once the qi starts flowing in my body, my shoulders will be healed.  During my last session, she performed both acupuncture with needles and cupping.  I won’t get into too much detail about it but it’s basically acupuncture but using suction instead of pricking (I'm sure that's not how Dr. Acupuncture would refer to it!).  The results are nasty purple circles on my back but if it provides relief and improves my health, why not?  I’ll keep you up to date on my progress.  Whether you like it or not :)

So besides getting pricked by needles and sucked by cups, what else has been happening in my life?  Sadly, I haven't been pricked or sucked by anything other than needles and cups!  I believe that I’ve only watched one movie since my last blog post and that’s The girl with the dragon tattoo.  I read the book and have been wanting to see the movie (the Swedish movie but dubbed in English…congrats on a great dub!) so I could start reading the second book, The girl who played with fire, but after watching the movie, I was reminded of the gruesomeness of the novel (gruesomeness is all relative, people!) so I've decided to wait (I'm such a whimp!). 

P.S. My brother and I watched Snow Cakes tonight…the real tonight…Saturday night.  Well, actually I didn’t get to watch the last 20 minutes of the movie.  Not because the movie isn’t worthy of my time (it’s really, really good!) but because I was falling asleep.  Hey, I’m getting old(er), remember?

I'm thrilled to report that my brother and I established a new book club.  Yes, it's strictly a two-person book club but it's going to be a kick-ass book club with a kick-ass book club name (note to Bro: we really need to come up with a name for our book club!).  Our first book: Stephen King’s Under the Dome (we decided to start with a short 1072 page novel!). I’m not a big fan of Stephen King because I’m a whimp when it comes to all things scary so I’ve only ever read Misery which was a long time ago but I remember really enjoying Mr. King’s writing style.  Until now, that was the only Stephen King book I could handle reading but  Under the Dome is already proving to be exactly the kind of novel I enjoy reading…dystopian-type literature, writing that provides you with a visual image (not to be confused with a picture book!), and a book that allows you to escape into another realm (not to be confused with Narnia!).   I think I might ask Bro to write a book review for my blog :)

Oh yeah, I finally finished watching…wait for it….How I Met Your Mother!  So I’m all caught up which means I can only watch one episode per week (or longer when there isn’t a new episode airing!) which means I'm going through Barney withdrawal so I've started recording old episodes on my PVR.   The last episode I watched was "LegenDaddy" when Barney finally meets his Dad played brilliantly by John Lithgow.   I couldn't help picturing John Lithgow saluting The Big Giant Head and saying “that was legen (pause) dary!”.  You know the salute, right?  When he hits the palm of his right hand onto his forehead and rotates the hand.  I think I just figured out  the next tv series I should watch…3^rd Rock from the Sun!  But only after I finish watching my current obsession series, Private Practice.  That’s right, I’m hooked!  I mostly wanted to start watching this show because of Taye Diggs (Oh yum, yum, yum!!! I hope he returns to Broadway in Rent) but it turns out that the entire cast is quite stellar. I’m only on the second season so it will take a while before I’m caught up and ready to watch the newest episode but until then, I’m enjoying every moment of this show.  What’s great is that I can laugh (Addison getting caught dancing in the nude…note to self:  people do get caught!), drool (oh Taye Diggs!), cry (almost every episode…I’m emotional, okay?), and get grossed out the point where I have to close my eyes (pass me the scalpel!).  There have been some interesting guest appearances, so far, by Sarah Gilbert and David Sutcliffe (Christopher from Gilmore Girls!) and I’m pleasantly surprised by the music in the show (Adele!) so I think I’m going to keep a running list of the songs I like (there’s usually one per episode!) and make myself a Private Practice playlist. 

After telling you about Private Practice, I decided to take a break from typing (my shoulders hurt, okay?) and watched today’s episode of Ellen. OMG...Duran Duran performed!!!  Right now, I’m feeling both old and young.  I feel like a teenager watching my favourite band from the 80's perform but I also feel old knowing that I became a huge fan when I was in grade 5 (so long ago!).  Simon was always my favourite and he, unbelievably, still looks hot (okay, Nick and John look good too)!  How old could he possibly be?  Well, I just looked it up and he’s…wait for it…53!!!  Yikes…that’s old!  I don’t think I could date a man that old, yet when I was practically a baby, I wanted to marry him!  Am I wrong in thinking that a man who is 53 is too old for a woman who is 3-9?  My friends and family have debated my self-imposed age limitations regarding men that I date.  Right now, my age limitations are 9 years older or younger.  What do you think?   Too picky?  Again, my apologies for the digression (P.S.  John Cusack is 44...perfect!).  Regardless of Simon's age, Duran Duran has still got "it" going on and I might even consider buying their new album “All You Need Is Now” which might just become my anthem for this year because ALL. I. NEED. IS. NOW. (Stay tuned for an upcoming blog post detailing my attemps at meditation and mindfulness!) Watching Duran Duran perform tonight has made me feel more youthful than elderly so thank you Duran Duran!  Maybe the performance will make you feel young(er) too so I’m sharing the video along with two of my favourite Duran Duran songs (I'm feeling nostalgic, okay?)

So what do you think?  Am I having a mid-life crisis?  Nah!!!  It couldn’t be a mid-life crisis because I plan on living until I’m 100+ years so 3-9 is way too young for a mid-life crisis.  Be sure to check out my blog when I’m 50 and I’ll let you know if the mid-life crisis has hit yet :)

Happy birthday to my great-aunt who celebrates her 90^th birthday today!!!  Bonne fête Tante Laure xo

This is me

After posting ~ I am woman ~ on my blog yesterday, my level of awareness was rather high, thus making me extremely sensitive to the struggles faced by women around the world.  I couldn't help but think about my responsibility as a woman, as a mother, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend and as a colleague.  As I was thinking about solidarity, I couldn't help but wonder why we are so disconnected from one another.  Is it because we spend so much time judging each other instead of supporting each other?  Does judgement impede our ability to achieve, to produce or to affect positive change TOGETHER?  Is self-judgement as destructive as judging others? Imagine what we could accomplish if we withheld our judgements of each other and of ourselves?  Must we bare all, once and for all, with the hope of being open to helping and supporting one another?  Well, today I’m baring it all...

This is me.

I am woman.

I may have a double chin and sometimes even three and a half.

And my nose may be the envy of ski slopes around the world. 

My teeth may be crooked and a shade of off-white. 

My thighs may be thunderous. 

My butt extra-large. 

While a six pack may be hidden under those layers of fat.

My feet fit in whopping size 11 shoes and boots.  

My breasts may be too large for some, but does that make me fat?   

My clothes are a size large, and I’m not physically fit.

I’m not model thin, hence to some I’m obese.

And to some, I may not be a very good poet. 

Don't you think I know it?

Some say I'm too controlling.

To some I’m not so sexy.

And to some, my laugh is way too loud.

But that's just to some.

In the eyes of the people I love, I’m perfect.

Just as I am. 

My chins are only there to help my neck support my head.

A head, I might add, that is filled with an abundance of functioning brain cells.

My nose allows me to (stop and) smell the (fair-trade) roses, mint and basil.

Or a freshly-baked loaf of bread or apple pie.

And let's not forget the pheromones you release when you are nearby. 

My teeth may not be perfect but they are still mine for chewing. 

I'm able to eat with them and flash them when smiling :)

My thighs are strong; making my legs surprisingly flexible. 

Not to mention that those thighs fill out my jeans perfectly.

While my butt ensures I’m always seated comfortably. 

The fat on my body keeps me warm, and means there’s more for you to love. 

My size 11 feet keep me well-balanced and my breasts, well, they’re real.

My size 14 clothes mean that my shopping options have doubled.

I can shop for clothes in “regular-sized” or “plus sized” women’s stores.

My lack of physical activity means that I have more time to spend with family and friends, to read, to cook, and to sleep. 

While not being model thin means that I can eat and enjoy the food that I prepare.

Obesity is a subjective medical term with no consistent definition.

Besides, I think I’m well-proportioned at 5' 9”.

As for not being a poet, again, don't you think I know it? 

And yes, I am sometimes controlling but it gets the job done.

When it comes to being sexy, there are men (and women!) who think I am.

Besides, isn't sexy just a state of mind?

As for my laugh, well, it's me. 

I think it brings out my bea-u-u-u-u-ty.  

But really, who cares what size I wear or how often I work out or about the size of my...nose?

What really matters is that I’m healthy, I’m happy, I’m successful, and I'm truly blessed with so many amazingly wonderful people in my life!

But there's still so much more to me...

I’m kind, loving, caring, gentle and sweet.

I'm smart, I'm funny, and I'm filled with emotions.  

I cannot tell a lie without getting caught.

I love my family and friends with every part of my being.

I’m vulnerable, I'm naive and I’ve made plenty of mistakes.

I'm sensitive, I worry too much and I sometimes lack self-esteem. 

I love animals, I care about our planet and I'm a dreamer.

I work hard but probably don't play hard enough.  

I’m loyal, passionate, romantic and fun. 

I'm hopeful, compassionate, and forgiving.

I hope to always be true to my morals, my values and my ideals.

I’m a good mother, a good daughter, a good sister and a good friend.

Okay, some may even say I'm not good, I’m great. 

That’s right, I’m a phenomenal woman.

If you don't like what you see, I really don’t care.

For what you can't see is what really matters most.   

Please don't judge.

It’s my promise to you. 

This is me. 

~ Tracey

I am woman

"If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman." ~ Margaret Thatcher

Happy International Woman’s Day to all!  A special shout-out to all of the special women in my life...you know who you are :)

Did you know? 

• Women perform 66% of the world’s work, earn 10% of the world’s income and own 1% of the world’s property.
• About 25,000 brides are burned to death each year in India because of insufficient dowries. The groom's family will set the bride on fire, presenting it as an accident or suicide. The groom is then free to remarry.
• In a number of countries, women who have been raped are sometimes killed by their own families to preserve the family's honor. Honor killings have been reported in Jordan, Pakistan, Lebanon, Syria, Iraq and other Persian Gulf countries.
• 100 million to 140 million girls and women have undergone some form of female genital mutilation. Today, this practice is carried out in 28 African countries, despite the fact that it is outlawed in a number of these nations.
• Rape as a weapon of war has been used in Chiapas, Mexico, Rwanda, Kuwait, Haiti, Colombia, and elsewhere.
• An estimated 20 million unsafe abortions-four of every ten abortions worldwide-are performed every year by unskilled practitioners or by women themselves.

Do you need any other reasons to support a global women's movement such as International Women's Day? 

According to the official website, International Women's Day (IWD) is a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past,present and future. In some countries like China, Russia, Vietnam and Bulgaria, IWD is a national holiday. The first IWD event was run in 1911, during a time of great expansion and turbulence in the industrialized world that saw booming population growth and the rise of radical ideologies.

Here’s a brief history:

1908
Great unrest and critical debate was occurring amongst women. Women's oppression and inequality was spurring women to become more vocal and active in campaigning for change. Then in 1908, 15,000 women marched through New York City demanding shorter hours, better pay and voting rights.

1909
In accordance with a declaration by the Socialist Party of America, the first National Woman's Day (NWD) was observed across the United States on 28 February. Women continued to celebrate NWD on the last Sunday of February until 1913.

1910
In 1910 a second International Conference of Working Women was held in Copenhagen. A woman named a Clara Zetkin (Leader of the 'Women's Office' for the Social Democratic Party in Germany) tabled the idea of an International Women's Day. She proposed that every year in every country there should be a celebration on the same day - a Women's Day – to press for their demands. The conference of over 100 women from 17 countries, representing unions, socialist parties, working women's clubs, and including the first three women elected to the Finnish parliament, greeted Zetkin's suggestion with unanimous approval and thus International Women's Day was the result.

1911
Following the decision agreed at Copenhagen in 1911, International Women's Day (IWD) was honoured the first time in Austria, Denmark, Germany and Switzerland on 19 March. More than one million women and men attended IWD rallies campaigning for women's rights to work, vote, be trained, to hold public office and end discrimination. However less than a week later on 25 March, the tragic 'Triangle Fire' in New York City took the lives of more than 140 working women, most of them Italian and Jewish immigrants. This disastrous event drew significant attention to working conditions and labour legislation in the United States that became a focus of subsequent International Women's Day events. 1911 also saw women's 'Bread & Roses' campaign.

1913-1914
On the eve of World War I campaigning for peace, Russian women observed their first International Women's Day on the last Sunday in February 1913. In 1913 following discussions, International Women's Day was transferred to 8 March and this day has remained the global date for International Women's Day ever since. In 1914 further women across Europe held rallies to campaign against the war and to express women's solidarity.

The official theme of International Women’s Day 2011 is "Equal access to education, training and science and technology: Pathway to decent work for women".  Education is a basic human right. It also is a key driver of economic growth and social change. It is a basis of women’s empowerment. Investing in women and girls has positive multiplier effects on the wellbeing of their families, their communities and nations.  Science education is an essential part of education. The global economy is increasingly knowledge-driven, and requires an educated workforce able to apply existing technology and to develop new science and technologies to combat poverty and adapt to emerging issues such as climate change.  Ensuring that women acquire the necessary skills and competencies in science and technology is an economic imperative; it also empowers women and girls to make informed decisions on critical aspects of their lives, including their health.

While checking out the United Nations website dedicated to International Women’s Day, I learned about UN Women which is a newly-established UN organization dedicated to gender equality and the empowerment of women.  UN Women’s focus areas include violence against women, peace and security, leadership and participation, economic empowerment, national planning and budgeting, and human rights.

There are so many global issues faced by women today that it's difficult to wrap my brain around what I can do to improve the lives of women around the world.  One issue that really stood out for me is the abortion issue.  This is an issue that is debated around the world - even in Canada!  Regardless of your religious or moral beliefs (believe me, I have them!), I believe that access to safe abortions is a woman's right.  To be educated on this international topic, click here. 

Another gruesome reality was brought to my attention today while I was in the car.  I was listening to The Current on CBC Radio this morning, and learned what it means to be born female in China.  Unfortunately, for many, being born a girl means death as a result of the country’s one-child policy. Click here to listen to the radio segment or go to The Current's website or read Xinran's new book,  Message from an Unknown Chinese Mother: Stories of Loss and Love.

I love it when celebrities use their fame for positive change!  One of BFF's tweets today was a link to EQUALS, a coalition that was established by Annie Lennox to support the fight for gender equality.  You can check out the website where you’ll find a brilliant, “if one year was 24 hours” visual that gives you a grim breakdown of the struggles women face.

So what about the status of women in Canada? 

Well, on Saturday, I had the privilege of attending a breakfast in honour of International Women’s Day (I even won a door prize – a t-shirt of Rosie the Riveter which I gave to BFF since she invited me to the breakfast).  



Rosie the Riveter

At the breakfast, the MC and guest speaker both mentioned the battle that is still being waged by women who are fighting for equality particularly job and pay equality.  We even sang “Bread & Roses”.  Okay, I didn’t really sing but rather whispered the song (lyrics were provided!). 

The event’s MC, Elaine McDonald, who is the President of a local Labour Council published the following “letter to the editor” today which provides a "then and now" perspective on the labour movement in Canada: 

"Strikes and demonstrations among textile workers in 1911 marked the beginning of the labour movement’s call for women’s right to work, vote, hold office and end discrimination. At the 100-year mark, women around the world and in Canada in particular, celebrate considerable progress. For example, at work and in politics, whereas women were totally excluded in the past, today they only experience a measure of limitation. However, at the end of the day, we continue to rally for those same benefits as those early textile workers, but in fuller measure.

Having won the right to work, women’s still experience a gender pay gap of 70.5% and, in spite of having won the right to vote and hold office, women hold only 22% of elected positions at all levels of government in Canada.

On this hundredth anniversary of a century of progress, women are working longer hours outside the home and shouldering a disproportionate share of unpaid labour and domestic work for their families. In addition, women today have fewer children than in the past and stay out of the work force for shorter terms with their pre-school children, and in spite of all this effort to supplement the family income, their hard-earned second paycheck only serves to maintain what one paycheck achieved in the past. All workers are losing ground, but women to a greater extent than men.

This situation report isn’t a complaint: it’s a call to action. Governments continue to fail to address key issues such as elder care and childcare that severely and negatively women’s participation in the workforce. While the majority of women with pre-school children are in the workforce, only 15% of them have access to public childcare. And at the end of their working careers, which are disproportionately spent in part-time, low-wage and precarious employment, women face a greater prospect of poverty than their male counterparts. The low income rate of senior women on their own significantly exceeds that of men, at more than double the rate. And this hardship isn’t merely historic. Young women today will experience the same poverty in their senior years as women do now. Lack of affordable public childcare will keep them in low-paying part-time jobs and cuts to good-paying union jobs will eliminate opportunities for access to financial security.

On the hundredth anniversary of the movement to extend citizenship and security to women, the labour movement calls upon government to reform the Canadian Pension Plan, gradually enhancing benefits from 25% of insurable earnings to 50%, double the current rate and raise the Guaranteed Income Supplement so no senior lives below the poverty line. The current federal government position that people should invest in private sector pension plans rather than look to an enhanced CPP hasn’t worked for 40 years and isn’t likely to do so now. It will be good for the banks and plan managers but do nothing for workers, especially those in part-time jobs.

Social programs were instrumental in raising working Canadian’s access to income and retirement security throughout the twentieth century. Today, many of those programs are under attack and others are still underdeveloped, especially those which impact women’s lives and careers. It is incumbent upon government to work to eliminate all forms of discrimination in the workforce and society, to address families’ needs for adequate childcare, elder care and pension programs and ensure that women can take their place as full participants in the Canadian economy. Our national economic well-being and productivity depend on it."

So after spending my evening reading about International Women’s Day and increasing my knowledge of the struggles women face around the world, I'm still trying to wrap my brain around what I can do to help but I'm much more aware of the most powerful tools we have to bring about positive change in the world...our voice and our solidarity as women so let's not give up the fight because there's so much more that needs to be done!

Surprisingly, after reading about so much darkness that still exists in world, I have chosen to end my blog post with a celebration.  Not only a celebration for women but a celebration of gratitude for those who have been, who are or who will be committed to fighting for women’s rights around the world. THANK YOU!!!    

What better way to celebrate than to listen to my new favourite female artist...Adele!  Check her out singing my favourite song “Turning Tables” on CBC Radio’s Q with hottie and smartie Jian Ghomeshi (thanks to BFF for the link!):

Lastly, I’d like to dedicate this poem to all of the “Phenomenal Women” in my life:

PHENOMENAL WOMAN

by Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them

They think I'm telling lies.

I say,

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It's the fire in my eyes

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing of my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,

They say they still can't see.

I say

It's in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed.

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It's in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

The palm of my hand,

The need of my care,

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.