Cold Play

Snow is dumb!  A shocking statement from someone who loves snow!  Please note that I started writing this blog post on Friday night and there’s a possibility that I may change my mind about snow before this blog post ends. 

On Friday, I was looking forward to seeing my Dad on his birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!), seeing my Mom who had her second cataract operation on Thursday, and seeing my Bro who promised to play Monopoly with me on Dad’s birthday (don't deny it...you did!!!).   On Thursday and Friday, we were blessed (inserted this word on Sunday!) with more than a foot of snow and sleet.  Although the snow is beautiful, it’s difficult for someone with Bell’s palsy and a frozen shoulder to enjoy the snow as I normally do.   The Bell’s palsy limits me from being out in the cold, and the blowing snow affects the eye that won’t close, and the frozen shoulder, well, it makes it almost impossible to shovel snow (ugh!). 

As the snow was falling on Friday morning, I must admit that my thoughts were not "snow is dumb", and I have proof!   The snow fall was so beautiful, I decided to record it.  Now you should know that I'm not very good at using the camera or the video camera so it turns out that my video is sideways and I have no idea how to rotate it but wanted to share the "snowfall" with you.  The large snowflakes were actually coming down from the sky as opposed to what you see in the video which shows the snowflakes as coming in sideways.  If the snow could talk, it would probably say "Tracey is dumb"! :P 

I must admit that, this year, I miss playing in the snow:  skating, snowshoeing, tobogganing, making snow angels, playing hockey, walking in the bush, making snowmen or snowwomen (don't want to offend anyone!). 

Since I'm not going outside to play in the cold, I thought I would reminisce a little:



Walks in the bush




Walks at night in my 'hood





These Sorel boots were made for walking in the snow





The snow angel that BFF made last year



Snow also reminds me of all the great memories I have of playing in the snow as a kid and of course, all of the fun Sarah and I had in the snow building snowmen, tobogganing, building forts, snowball fights, losing boots while trekking in the snow, walks in the bush, skating, making snow angels, skiing, and snow days (days off work or school!) or just sitting inside with a cup of hot chocolate watching the snow fall. 

Fast forward to the bad times….the car getting stuck in the snow or the white outs while driving, or the snotsicles that form on the tip of your nose while walking outside in the winter, or falling on my butt on the icy sidewalk or falling down the icy stairs, or getting stuck at home on a snowy day (snow days can be both good and bad!). 

Sadly, there was a small part of me that enjoyed the cardio workout that shoveling snow provides but with this frozen shoulder, all I can do is weep at the thought of shoveling and the pain it would cause!

So on Friday, I went from thinking "snow is beautiful" in the morning (when I could appreciate the beauty from indoors!), to thinking "snow is dumb" in the evening (when it was time to finally shovel!). 



Beautiful snowflakes falling in my backyard!





Dumb snowflakes accumulated into a foot of snow
that needed to be removed from my driveway!



As you know by now, I always look for the lessons in everything.  Not in an obsessive way (no, not me!) but rather in a way that increases understanding of myself and others.  Well, on Friday night I learned a big lesson.  

On Friday, I worked from home and had conference calls early in the morning so it wasn’t until 10:30 that I had an opportunity to call my Dad for his annual “Happy Birthday” song over the phone.  I know he looks forward to hearing my beautiful voice sing to him every year so I didn’t want to delay it any longer and risk disappointing him.  I called and got to talk to my Mom first (she was doing much better the day after her surgery!) and then, not surprisingly, my Dad cautioned me to “not quit my day job” after hearing me sing a beautiful operatic version of Happy Birthday.   I also had to apologize profusely for not being there on his birthday but unfortunately, travelling in this weather is not good for a nervous driver like me…even with snow tires on my car (me a nervous driver, are you really surprised?).  Anyways, after the call, I had a few more conference calls throughout the day and around 3:30, I received a call from my Dad.  He informed me that he had tried to call me 13 times but the phone was busy (13 phone attempts on Friday the 13th….interesting!).   Yes, I was on the phone!   He wanted to know if I had asked anyone to help me with the driveway yet.   During our call in the morning, I told him that I would see if I could get the neighbour across the street to clean my driveway since he has a snow blower or maybe offer the kids next door a few bucks to shovel my driveway.   My Dad was checking up on me to see if I had found someone to clean my driveway because he knows that I’d rather do it myself (even if it causes me great pain!) than ask someone for help so the phone call was a gentle reminder.

Why did I need a gentle reminder?   Well, first of all, I’m shy.  Second of all, I’m not very good at asking for help.  Thirdly, I’m not quite sure how much to offer someone for cleaning my driveway ($10, $25, $3, $0.50?).  I also told my Dad that I might go outside with the shovel in my hand, looking pathetic (that would obviously require a tremendous amount of acting skills on my part!) and hope that someone would come by and offer to help me.   I know it’s difficult for my Dad to accept that he can't do things for me such as clean my driveway because he doesn't live close by.   My Dad is the type of guy who would take the shirt off of his back for someone in need.    For example, when his neighbour was sick with cancer, he went over and shovelled his driveway and mowed his lawn then when he passed away, he continued to shovel and mow to help the neighbour’s widow.   There aren’t too many men out there who are like my Dad!  That is probably one of the reasons why I’m single: he raised the bar way too high!!!  Now that I think about it, I only live 40 minutes away.  Really Dad, you couldn’t drive 40 minutes to come shovel your disabled daughter’s driveway?  Just kidding!!!   So anyways, I promised him that I would ask for help. 

Since a promise is a promise, I decided to send a text to….wait for it…"X".  

I know, I know, you’re probably rubbing your eyes, checking your glasses for spots, cleaning your computer screen and possibly poking your eyes out with a fork.   Yes, you read correctly.  I sent a text message to X asking him for his help.  Not an easy thing to do but I knew he would help me.  Was that a “cold play” on my part?  I don’t think so.  Just because I’m not interested in being in a relationship or friendship with him doesn’t mean I can’t ask him for help, right?    Please don't send me hate mail :P

When X sent me a text at Christmas asking me out for a drink, I laughed then responded with “I think you should read Teachings on Love by Thich Nhat Hanh”.   Some of you may think that was a mean text to send but I was being genuine in my book recommendation to him.   Since he was my last serious relationship, I often thought about my relationship with him while reading the book and tried to understand the lessons that were present throughout the relationship.   He seemed interested in knowing more about it (genuine or not, who knows?) and asked me if I believed people could change for good.   We sent a few text messages back and forth, and it was nice having a serious conversation with him.  Albeit by text, it was still enjoyable!  So on Friday, after making the promise to my Dad that I would ask for help, I found myself sending a text to X, asking him if he could help me shovel the driveway.  He said yes!

I wasn't sure when he would show up to shovel my driveway so after I finished work, I got all dressed up (another downfall of winter:  having to wear so many damn clothes!) and headed outside to start shoveling.   Now I know you're probably wondering why I went outside to shovel when X was expected over to clean the driveway.   Yes, I'm stubborn!  I felt that I could probably do a little before he arrived, and a little is all I accomplished until X arrived 20 minutes later (the snow was so heavy, I could only move a little at a time...pathetic, yes!).    During those 20 minutes of hard-core shoveling, I wondered why my male neighbour (not "Neighbour" but the one on the other side of me) didn't offer to help me shovel when he saw me outside (he was outside with his son).

When X arrived, I was wearing sunglasses (at night!) to keep the blowing snow out of my eye-wide-open,  I had started to sweat from all of the cardio so my toque kept sliding down my forehead, which pushed my sunglasses down my nose, which made them fog up because of the hot air coming out of my mouth (yes, I’m full of hot air!), which meant I couldn't really see anything once I pushed the sunglasses back to their proper place on my face, and my shoulder hurt so bad that I was fighting back the tears, not to mention that my back was aching from not having done any heaving lifting for months.   Needless to say, I was very happy to see X show up (that was the first happy sighting in a long time!).   I handed him the shovel that I had been using then I grabbed the small shovel (the one I keep in the trunk of my car) and started cleaning off the front and back steps, and around the car while he shoveled the driveway.  Again, why didn't I just go inside and warm up?   Who knows?!?   Once the driveway had been cleared, I learned that the neighbour and son came over two minutes after X arrived, asking if he needed help cleaning my driveway but X kindly turned down their offer. 

Of course, that got me thinking....Did the neighbour offer to help because there was a man there helping me?  Would he have come over eventually to help his neighbour, a 39-year old single cat lady woman who is dealing with a few physical ailments (not to mention all of my emotional ailments!)?   Are men afraid to ask women if they need help because of women’s lib?  

Based on my experience over the last year and a half of living on my own, no man has ever offered to help me shovel the driveway.    Thanks to my Dad, I have an expectation that men are bred to offer assistance to a woman when it comes to “manly duties” but it seems that in my neighbourhood, women’s lib rules.   I must say that the only women I've ever seen shovel the driveway or mow the lawn, on my street, are Neighbour (yes, that’s my #1 neighbour) and me.   We are the only women shovelers and mowers on our street (Neighbour even mowed my lawn when I got sick!).   It seems that all the men on my street are responsible for the "manly duties".  

Yes, I'll admit that when X and I were together, he was responsible for the manly duties and I appreciated that (hmmm…I wonder if I ever told him that?).  When it comes to shoveling the driveway, and mowing the lawn, and taking out the garbage and recycling bin, and getting the oil changed in the car, and bringing the bikes indoors for the winter, and buying/carrying the bags of dirt for the garden, and bringing the bags and boxes of stuff to the Second Hand store, and bringing in the groceries and the huge bags of cat litter and cat food,  I say screw women’s lib….let the man do it!  Most importantly, don’t forget to let him know that you’re grateful!

A special message for men:   There’s something really sexy about a man who does something nice for a woman (i.e. shoveling the driveway!).   I felt my heart go pitter-patter when I was watching X shovel my driveway.   Now that my brain has defrosted, I’m quite aware that a pitter-pattering heart is dangerous territory but don’t worry, I have no desire to be with a man right now, much less X!  Yes, I know I often say how much I want to find a man but the truth is that I’m not ready.   Sure, I’m open to the possibilities of meeting a man but I’m not interested in revisiting the past with an ex-boyfriend.   Family and friends are breathing a sigh of relief  :)

And don’t worry, I’m not going to reopen the “can we be friends with exes” debate because I’ve been down that road and failed.   But I did learn a lesson this weekend.  I learned that the anger we carry around with us, blinds us from seeing the good in people.  Today, X reminded me that he has a kind heart.  Sure , he may have been thinking with another part of his body when he said yes to shoveling the driveway for me, and thought there might be a chance for him to get lucky if he impressed me with his snow shoveling skills but the bottom line is that he didn’t have to shovel my driveway for me, yet he did!  Not only did he do it, but he didn’t ask for anything in return.  For that, I’m grateful. 

I know I’ve been cold and miserable when talking about X in the past, and I'm sorry about that!  I’m happy that I get to share a happy story about him. 

Another lesson that I learned is that there is good in everyone but it doesn’t mean you have to date ‘em as soon as a little bit of that good is shown!   Seeing X also provided an opportunity for me to reflect on our relationship (reflection = gaining a better understanding of me!).  I’m realizing that one of our biggest issues was that X was living a life fueled by the anger and frustration brought on by the on-going situation with his ex-wife / mother of his children.  I'm guessing that in some way, I also fuelled his anger fire.  Since people in our lives are mirrors that allow us to see ourselves, I took some time to ask myself:  “am I ruled by anger, frustration, and resentfulness?”  If so, what can I do to release those negative emotions and what impact is it having on the relationships in my life?   The thought of anger being stored in my body brought a chill up my spine (could there be anger stored under all of that worry and sadness?).   You can breathe a sigh of relief because that's a blog post for another day :)

Well, it seems I have a lot to think about today!   Having just finished my liver and gallbladder cleanse this morning, I’m guessing that an emotional cleanse might be a good way to spend my day (not really sure what that entails though!).   Or I could think about all of the activities I’d like to be doing outside on this sunny, cold and snow-covered day (BFF just sent me a text letting me know that it's  now "up to" -20 degrees Celsius!).  Or I could be thankful for the sun shining outside and the snow that covers the ground because in actuality, snow is beautiful!  



Today's view while blogging



Instead of thinking about the cold emotions that lurk inside of me or my inability to play out in the cold today, I’m going to curl up on the couch with a blanket, a cup of lentil and barley curry stoup (thicker than soup, thinner than stew), listen to my new Coldplay CD and be grateful that I don't have to shovel because my driveway has been cleared of snow (thanks to X!).

ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!

Lentil and barley curry stoup

1-2 carrots, chopped (depending on the size….size does matter!)

1 onion, chopped

1-2 stalks of celery, chopped (depending on how much you like celery)

2 cloves of garlic, chopped

1 slice of daikon radish (2” thick), grated (you don’t have to add daikon but I had it in the fridge)

1 container of vegetable broth (or chicken, if that’s your preference)

1 cup of lentils (I used red but you can use any colour)

½ cup of pearled barley

1 Tbsp curry powder

1 tsp cumin

1 Tbsp dried cilantro (best fresh though!)

Directions: 

1. In dutch oven or pot, cook carrots, celery, onions in EVOO until the veggies start to soften.
2. Add daikon, garlic and veggie broth.  Stir. 
3. Once veggie broth starts to boil, add lentils and barley.  Stir
4. Add curry powder, cumin and dried (or fresh) cilantro.   Stir.
5. Simmer until lentils and barley are soft. 

I love making stoups (thicker than soup, thinner than stew!) and feel comfortable playing around with the ingredients because it’s so easy!   I always start with my holy trinity or as I found out while writing my fourth blog post “Holy Trinity...this is not a religious post”, my mirepoix, which includes onions, carrots and celery.  I cook those in my dutch oven with a little EVOO.  If I'm in the mood for garlic, I add garlic.  If I have other vegetables in the fridge, I'll add those to the pot.  If I'm in the mood for tomatoes, I add tomatoes.   Once I figured out what veggies I want in the soup, I add the veggie broth.   Once that has been combined, I add whatever beans or legumes I have in the cupboard (in this soup, I added lentils) then I add noodles or rice or in this case, pearled barley.   Then it’s time for the spices and herbs.  In today’s soup, I added curry powder, cumin and cilantro but you can add anything.  Once you get used to preparing homemade soups, you’ll get to figure out what combinations you enjoy.  For example, when I use coconut milk in my soup, I usually want to add cilantro, or if there’s tomatoes, I usually add Italian seasonings, or if I’m using split peas in my soup, I usually add ground coriander.  Let it simmer for as long as you want then enjoy!  Go ahead and experiment with making stoups…especially on a cold day!     



Lentil and barley curry stoup



You might want to pop in a CD while cooking or you could simply appreciate the peace, quiet and serenity that comes from cooking or baking with love.  If you’re looking for some tunes, why don’t you listen to some of my favourite Coldplay songs from their new album Mylo Xyloto (the entire album rocks!!!):