Operation Big White Cargo Van

Wow…I have just realized that I’m not the princess I’ve been accused of being so many times!  Why, you ask?  Well, today I drove a big, white, cargo van all by myself!  Well, I wasn’t all by myself because BFF came with me to the rental place as my back-up driver.  There was a high probability that I wasn’t going to be able to drive it.  Not that I wasn’t physically able to drive the van but emotionally and psychologically unable to drive it!  But guess what?  I drove it all the way home!!!  As I was driving into town, cruising down Main Street, I was thinking that I was pretty kick ass cool (just saying “pretty kick ass cool” makes me pretty kick ass cool, don’t you think?) because all of the townspeople were watching (okay, not all of them!) as two cute chicks pulled into town in the big, white cargo van.   I think they might even ask me to be in the Christmas parade (got any peppermints in that bag…sorry, that was an inside “Christmas parade” joke understood by only a handful of people!).  

Big White Cargo Van (BWCV)
Objects in photo are (much) larger than they appear

Now that I’m home after driving the BWCV through town, I think I can officially say that I’m beginning to freak out!!!  Tomorrow is moving day!!!  Ugh!   Did you think I was just cruising around in the big, white cargo van for fun?  I’m hoping this blog post keeps my mind occupied long enough so that the tears don’t start to flow thinking about my baby girl moving away for university.   Yes, it’s that kind of moving day!  Sadly, the other night, I walked downstairs and saw all of Sarah’s belongings neatly organized in the corner ready to be packed into the BWCV and I started to cry.  Not because Sarah had actually organized her stuff neatly but because she’s leaving.  And they weren’t tears of joy!  So I guess it’s true:  what goes around comes around!  Now I know how my parents must have felt when I told them I was moving “far” away for university!  I may not remember how my parents reacted to the news that I was moving 400+ kilometers away from home but today reminds me of when I moved away for university.  That moving day feels like yesterday!   

First of all, I lived in residence at university so there wasn’t much for us to move (I had to bring my big block stereo with me though and it took up 1/3 of the back seat…remember when stereo equipment was big and bulky?!).  Sure my living space was limited in residence, hence, I was limited in what I could bring with me but my true motivation for bringing less with me was to make sure there was room for my boyfriend in the car!  Dad, Mom, Boyfriend, Me and My Stuff piled into my parents’ car and drove 4+ hours to university.   Now that was a road trip to remember.  I was in the front seat with Dad and Boyfriend while Mom was in the back seat with My Stuff.  How did that happen?  After all my stuff was unpacked and they got the tour of residence and the campus, they were off.   I remember staring at the car as they left the campus.  I felt stuck.  My legs wouldn’t move.  It’s as if I was waiting for them to come back for me but they didn’t.  The car looked so empty without Me and My Stuff in the car.  I was told that the car ride home was filled with a mixture of silence and sobs;  void of words.  According to one reliable source, the three travellers cried all the way home.  I don’t think I can cry and drive so I’m hoping I can keep it together until I get home (can I not cry for 4.5 hours after dropping my baby off in a big city?).  Well, the good news is that only Sarah’s Stuff is staying behind;  my baby girl is coming home with me!   I still get to spend another week with her before the official “drop-off”. 

When it comes to the moving of stuff, I feel like somewhat of an expert.  In the last 20 years, I have moved a total of 9 times including moving from Mom and Dad’s to university then back to Mom and Dad’s then to 7 different apartments/houses.  Wow, that’s a lot of moving!  Especially considering that Sarah has had 8 residences in her lifetime!  Every move, however, was a positive move so there’s no need to feel sorry for us.  We made lots of memories in many different places.  Some people like to change things up in their homes by moving the furniture around or buying something new for the house or putting a fresh coat of paint on the walls but I like to move!   I’d like to think that Sarah has developed great character as a result of moving so much and having to make new friends in many new places.  It’s almost like all of those moves has prepared her for the next chapter in her life…post-secondary education and living on her own!   I can’t talk about that right now or else I’ll cry (yes, I’m a big cry baby!).  

The great thing about moving so many times is that you don’t accumulate as much stuff because every move requires a purging of our material possessions.  Sure I still have 10 Rubbermaid bins full of Sarah’s artwork from the time she could hold a crayon along with mementos from all of our road trips vacations or from any special occasion but besides that, I’m not a rat pack pack rat (really I'm not!).  If I’m not using something, I’d rather give it to someone who could use it or recycle it/throw it away if it’s no longer useable.  Moving has made me appreciate my space and I have been able to reduce/eliminate my attachment to stuff.  Maybe that’s why I despise shopping…I don’t want to buy anything  because I know that one day I will have to move it so I choose not to buy it.   Sarah, also known as “the shopper”, is about to learn about “stuff” and “space” and “moving stuff into a specific space”.  Last week, we went to her new apartment to measure everything so we she would know how much “stuff” we she could move into her new apartment.   I think she’s already starting to learn how to respect space (especially when the space is limited!) which should lead to a respect for stuff or better yet, a lack of stuff. 

These past few weeks have been stress-filled and I have to be honest and say that we have been getting on each other’s nerves to the point where Sarah yelled at me one night and said “do you really want our relationship to be ruined right before I leave for university?”.  Okay, it was a little dramatic (I have no idea where she gets that from!) but I think we are both guilty of being unable to control our emotions. I hope she knows that my “bitchiness” is driven by stress, worry, fear and sadness because my baby girl is leaving for university.   I’m sure her "crabiness" is driven by similar emotions but at the end of the day, I hope she remembers that my love for her is unconditional.  Deep down really, really deep down, I’m thrilled for Sarah because she's going to a great university, she's following her heart, reaching her goals and is open to the opportunities life has to offer.  Mixed in with the worry and fear are copious amounts of happiness and excitement (really!).   I'm so proud of Sarah!!!  Crap, tears are starting to flow.  Seriously though, I’m ecstatic to be sharing this momentous occasion with her…the big move to university!!!   

Okay, I need to take a little break from typing (I feel emotionally exhausted!) and I’ll be back once the van is packed.  Actually, I just remembered that I have my final piano lesson with boy genius tonight (he’s leaving for university on Monday!) so I better go practice before my lesson.   Maybe I’ll have some funny stories to share with you.  How could I not?  I've never had to move anything on my own before because I had a boyfriend to help me move or I hired movers, hence the princess title, so this experience may prove to be a modern day "Comedy of Errors"...a princess single mom and her teenage princess daughter packing up the big white cargo van and heading to university…

Well, I’m back and I’m exhausted and the van's not yet packed!  Sadly, I think I only brought three things up from the basement to the van then I quit but at least I have an excuse…damn frozen shoulder!  I’m pretty sure they were the three biggest things to pack into the van (ahem!) and I did help with the mattresses although we were three people.  Thankfully, Sarah’s friend is here to help pack up the BWCV (thank you!!!).  We were, however, delayed in getting started...

After piano lesson, BFF picked me up to bring me shopping for cleaning supplies (I left my car behind when I picked up the BWCV so I needed a limo service to avoid having to drive through town again in the BWCV and attract all kinds of attention, and BFF came cheap!).  Why the sudden need for cleaning supplies shopping?  Well, as I was typing the first half of my blog, I started fearing that the apartment might not be spic ‘n span clean when we arrive so a major clean-up might be required before we unpack but we didn’t buy cleaning supplies for her apartment yet so a run to the store was required.  Oh I just remembered that I also bought Reese’s peanut butter cups while I was at the store so I need to take a little break to retrieve my little orange package of yumminess (I’m a stressed-out mother who is sending her baby girl off to university so I’m allowed to indulge, okay?). 

As we pulled into my driveway after our cleaning supplies shopping spree, we spotted the itty bitty kitten that’s been hanging around my house.  I told BFF that it looked like the kitten had some kind of growth on its neck but he/she didn’t let me get close enough to him/her to see what was on his/her neck.  Of course, I’m not very good with stuff like that so even if I could get close enough I don’t think I could handle seeing an injury or growth or protrusion.    Always the hero, BFF got down on all fours and tried to entice the kitten to come towards her.  No such luck but she got very close.   The kitten ran into a bush as Sarah and her friend arrived.  Thankfully, they helped us rescue the kitten from the bush (Sarah is an animal lover!).  Ironically enough, it was Sarah’s friend, the one who doesn’t particularly like animals, who caught the kitten (Yay Sarah’s friend!).   BFF assessed the bluish icky thing on the itty bitty kitty’s neck and determined that it was a tick that had grown 1,000,000 times its size (ewwww gross!!!).  I got the cleaning gloves from my bag of cleaning supplies in the van, and gave them to BFF who got down and dirty with the tick (BFF won!).  Sarah was BFF’s assistant while I had the most critical role – I held the flashlight on kitten, BFF and Sarah during operation tick-be-gone.    Sarah’s friend was responsible for disposing of the tick (we can’t all have glorious jobs!).    Sarah noticed there was another tick on its neck although it was, what I would consider to be, a normal sized tick.  BFF proceeded to remove the second tick.  Sarah’s friend grabbed the peroxide and I grabbed the Polysporin to clean up the itty bitty kitty and make sure he (BFF checked his genitalia and it turns out he/she is male!) didn’t get infected. 

Operation Tick-Be-Gone

I know this blog is dedicated to education so you're probably wondering why I haven't gone on and on about how to properly remove a tick but let's face it, there are probably lots of blogs out there dedicated to proper tick removal so I'll let you figure it out on your own.   Seriously though, you can't just trust that the entire tick will be removed (head included!) by just yanking it out so educate yourself first!  In case you were wondering, here's a photo of the ginormous tick on the itty bitty kitty:

WARNING:  I would avoid having any food in my mouth while viewing the photo...it's graphic!!!

What a night!   The kitty went on his way tick-free, BFF returned home and Operation Big White Cargo Van finally began.  The kids are still working on packing the van while I sit in my room, typing this blog post, eating the peanut butter cups and babysitting the cats while they are locked up in my room (one of which is annoying the crap out of me right now because of course, he’s curious and wants to know what’s happening out there!).  

So tomorrow morning at 7am (Saturday), we will head out on what will be one of our most memorable road trips yet!  Can’t wait for our first pit stop...Starbucks  :)

For now, this princess needs to get her beauty sleep  :P

Road Trip

 “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.” ~ Douglas Adams

Were you worried about me?  Don’t worry, I’m okay!  I must apologize for the tardy blog post today but I’ve been away from home for the last 4 days and am just getting home now.   Feel sorry for me?  Don’t!  While away, I got to spend quality time with Sarah, BFF and Reb.  I’ll tell you more about our “quality time” but before I do that, I guess I have some grovelling to do.  For the last three nights, I sat in my hotel room contemplating whether or not I’d be able to blog whilst away from home (it's important to note that I didn't stay in the hotel contemplating but rather spent a few seconds wondering whether or not it was possible!).   Whether or not I could blog got me thinking about my bloogees bloggees.  My what?  That’s right…bloggees!  If I’m a blooger blogger, doesn’t that make you a bloogee bloggee?   I made a promise to my bloggees that I would blog weekly (on Saturdays!) but I hadn’t really taken into account my time away from home.  Can I really blog when I’m away from home?  Well, the answer is obviously no because I haven’t yet posted on my blog, right?  Since I’ve never blogged away from home before, I guess the only à propos topic to blog about would be things people do in hotel rooms    the cleanliness of hotel rooms  public washrooms  the sounds you hear in hotel rooms  ROAD TRIPS!!!

BFF, Sarah, Reb and I just returned from another road trip but before I start running my mouth off about how much fun (and stressful!) road trips can be, I can’t help but wonder how one defines road trips.  Do you have to be in a car to be on a road trip or would a train or bicycle suffice?  Do you have to travel more than 100 kilometres away from home or would travelling 20 kilometres away from home still count as a road trip (especially if you’re travelling 20 kilometres by bicycle and it takes you two days to get to your destination!)?  Well, I would define a road trip as “any fun activity that takes you on the road and away from home for an extended period of time”.  Does that sound like a definition the Oxford English Dictionary would accept?  Sure the terms “fun”, “activity”, “on the road”, “away from home”, “extended” and “period of time” are all relative terms that probably need to be further defined but what makes road trips blog-worthy is that they're different for each person so go ahead and define road trip for yourself (and then go on one!).   But just in case you’re interested, the Oxford English Dictionary defines road trip as “a journey made by car, bus, etc…” while Wikipedia defines road trip as “any journey taken on roads, regardless of stops en route. Typically, road trips are long distances traveled by automobile.” 

It’s interesting how many of us will define road trips differently depending on a number of factors.  For example, when Sarah was a baby, I used to take her on “road trips” to the park which was only a few kilometres away from home but as she got older, the road trips got further and further away.  I remember our first “far away” road trip was to the East Coast which meant 15+ hours in the car.  The poor thing had to be drugged in order to survive the road trip because she started to get car sick when in the car for long periods of time.  She still gets car sick when she’s in the back seat but has found ways to control it without getting drugged up (by drugged up, I mean no Gravol is necessary!).    What’s great about road trips is that you’re stuck in the car for long periods of time usually with someone you love so it’s a great way to spend quality time with someone.   The bonus is the destination!   Regardless of where we are going, we usually have fun in the car.   Of course it's not all fun!  I'd like to suggest that a smarty pants scientist conduct the following social experiment:  send 2 mothers and 2 teenage daughters on a road trip for 4 days to a destination that requires the travellers spend at least 5 hours in the car and see how long it takes before one of the travellers starts to get bitchy.  I'd be interested in knowing how long it would take for said bitchiness to rear its ugly head (just curious!).  Of course, this blog post isn't about the down-side of road trips because I've never experienced such negativity on a road trip!  All of my road trips have been 100% happy, happy, happy! :P

"A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving.” ~ Lao Tzu

Since I have my own blog and all of my road trips have been successfull, I'm pretty much considered an expert on "how to ensure a fun time is had by all passengers in the car on your next road trip" so I guess I'll start with a few simple rules (yes, I do have road trip rules…surprised?):

• Where are you going?  This one is only important if you’re an anal planner like me who needs to know the final destination so it can be plugged into the GPS and you can see it on a map! Ideally, you should just start driving and see where you end up!  
• Who will be driving?  This is important if there’s more than one driver in the car!  I remember our first road trip after Sarah got her driver’s license.  We were on our way to Toronto to see The Lion King musical.  Sarah insisted on driving and of course, I couldn’t say no because driving on the highway is part of the new driver’s experience, right?  (again, it’s obvious that I haven't clipped her wings!). 
• When will you be leaving/arriving?  Again, this one is only important if you’re an anal planner like me who needs to know the date and time of departure along with the date and time of arrival!  Ideally, you should just start driving whenever you feel like it!
• Why are you going?  Okay, most of you are probably thinking “do you really need a reason?” but some road trips might require you to plan ahead and you wouldn’t want to forget to buy tickets for a concert or a rodeo (as you start to age, you forget things so remembering why you are going on a road trip is important!). 
• What do you need to bring?  This one is important because you have to make sure you have everything you need…car, keys, gas, GPS, maps, alcohol, cellphone, cellphone charger, wallet, purse, toothbrush, book, nail file, pyjamas, bikini, etc… Okay, so maybe it would be fun to not have a list for once and just buy whatever I need when I get there but that wouldn’t be me, would it?
• Who will be accompanying you?  This one isn’t important if you’re a loner (me!) or desperately need a break from people (me!) but if you like people (not me!), you need to figure out who you want to accompany you.  This is a critical component of the road trip because you don’t want to end up with someone who annoys the hell out of you – like the people I end up with on road trips…hehehe!

Now once you’ve set the basic rules, you need to consider the following: 

What kind of music will you have?

Are you going to be wild and free and randomly select a radio station which could include any kind of music including country (ugh!) and talk radio too or will you burn a cd with your favourite road trip music or will you fill your iPhone with music for any type of road trip (including Justin Beiber...it's for Reb not me, okay?!).  

You also need to assign someone as car DJ or else there will be chaos in the car (trust me!).   My suggestion is that the driver be responsible for the music unless he/she decides he/she doesn't want the responsiblity and feels comfortable having someone else take on the responsiblity, which includes deciding how loud to have the music, so you need to make sure the responsiblity is given to someone who is ultra-responsible, truthworthy and respectful of others.  Remember though that you can’t please everyone in the car!

How many mandatory pee breaks will be needed?  Mandatory dance breaks?  Mandatory air dumps? 

I was thinking that there must be a mathematical equation that could help you determine the number of breaks and the time span between breaks but I’m so tired right now, I can barely type so thinking about a mathematical equation seems rather impossible but never the slacker, I came up with the following:

D = estimated travel distance (if you plop your coordinates into your GPS or iPhone Map, you’ll come up with an ETD)

T = estimated travel time (again, if you plop your coordinates into your GPS or iPhone Map, you’ll come up with an ETA)

PB = number of pee breaks (could also include poop breaks or food breaks – strange combination, I know, but we usually use bathrooms in restaurants)

DB = number of dance breaks (defined as “everyone in the car must start crazy dancing to avoid butt and leg cramps”)

AD = number of air dumps (defined as “rolling down all car windows for 20 seconds to refresh the air in the car")

D / T = 0.333PB  x  103DB – 2.1AD

If it takes you 5 hours to travel 500 kms, the quotas are as follows:  3 pee breaks, 1030 dance breaks and 21 air dumps which means you'll be stopping for a pee break every 100 minutes, a dance break is scheduled every 30 seconds (awesome!) and air dumps should occur every 14 minutes.  Makes sense, right? 

Who will be responsible for regulating the temperature inside the car? 

This needs to be decided before you leave!  Will the driver decide if you freeze – too much air in the summer or not enough heat in the winter – or sweat to death – too much heat in the winter or not enough air in the summer?  It’s best to decide before the road trip how you will regulate the indoor car temperature so you’re not sitting in the passenger seat sweating to death because you’re not sure whether or not to ask BFF if she can turn up the air or that you’re feet are about to break off because they’re frozen from too much air.  I know you want to make it comfortable for everyone in the car but remember that you can’t please everyone!   

Pre-road trip checklist!

Now this is important because once you’re on your road trip, you don’t want to be faced with any “did I forget to….” scenarios because all that worrying might cut into your pee breaks, dance breaks or air dumps.  The pre-road trip checklist will ensure you have a stress-free road trip (you're welcome!). 

Your pre-road trip checklist should include (this is where my neuroses become apparent!) some of the following: the “walk around the house” (x 10!), cats have food and water (I usually leave a year’s worth of food for them and I wonder why they look fat when I get home!), windows are closed, blinds are shut, stove is off, hair straightener is unplugged, small appliances are unplugged, fridge door is closed, toilet seat is up (so cats have water to drink if they drink all of the water in their basin bowl or the water evaporates!), plants have been watered, taps are turned off, lights are off, front door is locked, etc…

And that’s just the house pre-road trip checklist!  Then there’s the car pre-road trip checklist:  gas, tire pressure, oil check, windshield washer fluid, music, snacks, bags, etc… 

Of course, there’s also the stuff to pack checklist which includes all of the stuff I need and mostly, don’t need on the road trip!   

Once all of the lists have been checked (x 10!), we will find ourselves sitting in the car, in the driveway, waiting for my panic attack to subside ready to leave when I wonder whether or not I locked the back door so I get out of the car, go to the door, and confirm that yes it’s locked but since I’m at the door, I may as well go in for another look around the house (this is usually a speedy walk around the house since I’ve already done the “walk around” ten times!).  So, it’s probably obvious that the people who accompany me on road trips are people who are extremely patient and really love me (who else could put up with the craziness?!?).  Unless, of course, you’re Sarah and you really have no choice but to deal with it since it’s the only way she’d ever go away on vacation!  (still love me, Sare?)

A road trip example

So once we finally leave the driveway, our road trips usually go something like this:

The girls usually want to stop for something to eat when we’re approximately 2 minutes away from home. 

Then we must stop at the first Starbucks on our road trip!  Two venti soy chai lattes for the big girls and two tall soy chai lattes for the little girls (they must have small bladders or maybe they’ve noticed that I’ve tweeked the pee break equation and now there are fewer stops?). 

Then there's our first pee break after drinking those soy chai lattes!

Then there are dance breaks, pee breaks, snacking and air dumps as needed (or required as per the magical equation!). 

Then finally, the destination!

It never ceases to amaze me how calm BFF is when she’s the designated road trip driver.  Not that I’m a basket of nerves because I’m pretty chill when I drive (I am, okay!) but for whatever reason, when I’m looking for an exit or an address, I need silence (no radio, no talking – just the annoying sound of the GPS lady!) whereas BFF can have the radio on, be singing, girls talking and GPS lady giving her directions and still get off at the right exit.  Astounds me! 

Every road trip is different of course but there are some similarities between road trips.  Because I'm a crazy neurotic creature of habit, there are certain spots I must go to (every time!) including Starbucks (soy chai latte fix!), bubble tea (taro with tapioca!) and new/used book stores (not the smelly kind!).   There’s usually some shopping, swimming, workouts (the girls – not me!), reading, walking, sightseeing, photo-taking, people-watching and lots of eating!   

This most recent road trip had us travelling to Toronto (BFF's business trip) where we saw The Glee 3D Concert Movie (and I sang my heart out during the movie!), drank lots of soy chai lattes and bubble teas, swam, ate lots of vegetarian food and had massages.  The girls did a lot of back-to-school shopping (many times I wished I had a book with me!).  On one of our shopping trips, we purchased the Glee 3D soundtrack which we listened to twice on our way back home.  You can’t help but smile (and dance!) when you hear those Glee songs, right?  Here's my new favourite Glee song - P.Y.T. (I dare you not to dance!):

In addition to Glee sing-alongs, there's always oodles of laughter and crazy talk!  On our way to Toronto, I was kindly made aware of the similarities between me and the "socially awkward penguin".  Who knew that there was a special term for someone like me?  I mean, someone who "looks up to see someone waving so he/she waves back only to realize that they're not waving at him/her" or "assumes it's sarcasm when someone compliments him/her" or "remembers something funny and laughs loudly at an inappropriate time"?   We also had a good laugh about the shlong basket and ball holder (don't ask!) and we discussed our interest in starting an all-girls band that we could name "Midlife Crisis" with BFF on vocals, Sarah on guitar, Reb on drums and me on piano.  Would't you come to see us live?  It would be very remiss of me to leave out the laughter that was caused by someone in the car (what happens in the car, stays in the car so I can't mention names!) who reminded us of how she says "you too!" to the person working at the movie theatre in response to him/her saying "enjoy the movie".   Cracks me up everytime, eh Sare?   Oh, I also forgot to mention the funnest (not to be confused with funniest!) part of our road trip...I have whiplash but that's a blog post for another day (I'm okay, don't worry!). 

I know I've already mentioned road trip music etiquette but I forgot to mention that we sometimes look up music on You Tube on iPhone to play in the car when we have sudden urges to play a specific song.  For example, on this road trip, we successfully found "Give Me Everything" by Pitbull and Ne-Yo (our song of the summer!) and Broken Wings by Mr. Mister (an oldie but goodie!) but Sarah was unsuccessful in her search for a song that she wanted us to hear so in honour of another awesome road trip, I'd like to dedicate the song Sarah wasn't able to find on iPhone You Tube to my fellow road trippers (I think this is the song!):

(FYI - you're extremely limited in the videos you can find on the iPhone You Tube - in case you're wondering why she couldn't find it!)

Of course, not all road trips have to be 5+ hours away or keep us away from home for 4 days!  We often have short road trips such as trips to Farmers' Markets.  During our last road trip to the farmers’ market, BFF was driving, I was in the passenger seat and Reb was in the back seat.  For whatever reason, I rolled down the window and stuck my hand out but I ended up rolling up the window on my hand.  Don’t ask me how I did that but it made us all chuckle so I’m happy to say that the pain wasn’t for nothing! 

I probably sound like a broken record talking about how much fun I have on these road trips but it's the truth.  So many good memories and so much laughter!  Of course, not all of my road trip memories involve Sarah, BFF and Reb.  I also have some great road trip memories from my childhood because my parents took us on many road trips whether it was going for a Sunday drive (I consider that to be a road trip!) when we would find ourselves on the side of the road picking wild blackberries or at a chip stand in a small town ordering poutine or the vacation road trips to the East Coast or Lake Placid or Florida!   Back then road trips always seemed to be an adventure because I wasn’t the person planning them (oh how I miss the days when my parents were in charge of me!).   There's also the road trips with my bro which involve lots of singing, car dancing and laughter whether we’re driving to get an ice cream cone or going shopping or going for a nature walk.  Good times :)

Although I feel beat from our road trip to Toronto, it’s only because having fun is exhausting (especially at my age!) but I also feel rejuvenated!  There’s something exciting about travelling, whether I'm travelling 2kms or 1500kms;  it makes me feel young!  Maybe it's because on a road trip, I'm always seeing something new or discovering something new.  It's that feeling of wonder when you don’t know where you’re going or what you’re going to see.   Is that how a baby feels when he/she is discovering everything for the first time?   The best thing about road trips is obviously spending quality time with the people you love but it’s also realizing that there’s so much out there to explore and discover!   So where do you want to go on your next road trip? 

For our next road trip, may I suggest New York City or Italy???

“The journey not the arrival matters.”  ~  T.S. Eliot

Unrequited Love

"Writing is a socially acceptable form of getting naked in public." ~ Paulo Coelho

Sometimes my blog has the ability to make me feel buck naked (or is it butt naked?).  Not literally, of course, but figuratively speaking.  Well, I must admit that I do sometimes write in the nude.  Okay, not really in the nude but wrapped in a towel having just come out of the bathtub feeling inspired to write (just to clarify – I wasn’t inspired by my own nakedness!).  As I sit here comfortably on my bed (fully-clothed!) with laptop and cup of tea (wishing I had a piece or two or ten of chocolate!), I can’t help but wonder how much of my clothing (and dignity!) I’ll be losing tonight with this blog post.

Okay, so the “freedom” theme from last week’s blog post has treacherously leached its way into this week’s blog post because it’s pretty much all I could think about this week (besides Sarah moving away for university, my new boyish haircut, work deadlines, my new boyish haircut, piano lessons, BFF’s honey coming home, piano practice (or lack of!), my sugar cravings, my new boyish haircut, and my sugar cravings!).  Every now and then (pretty much when I was asleep or awake), I found myself thinking: “What else do I need to do to be free?  What has me tied down or duct-taped or wrapped in chains?”   Dramatic, yes but nonetheless it is 100% honest! 

Think. Think. Think.

Love.  Unrequited. Love. 

When you think about unrequited love, what comes to mind?  Maybe a storyline in a novel you’ve read (there are so many!) or maybe a movie you watched (again…so many!) or maybe you’re thinking about your own experience (or experiences!) with unrequited love.  Well, when I think about unrequited love, I think about this “Dear Abby” letter that I read recently:

Dear Abby,

I’m in love.  Actually, I’ve been in love with “N” for 13+ years.  So what’s the problem, you ask?  Well, he doesn’t love me.  At least, I don’t think he does.  I’ve never asked him, actually.  Actually, I’ve never told him that I love him.  That’s right; it’s another sad case of unrequited love.

The moment I saw him, I knew.  There he stood…tall, dark and handsome, but there was so much more to him that I couldn't see yet felt.  We started off as colleagues.  He had a girlfriend at the time yet he was everything I always knew I always wanted (sorry that's a little twist on one of my favourite quotes from a movie - Fools Rush In).  His brain, his humour, his kindness, his vulnerability, his heart, his depth and his strength made him even sexier to me.  Yet I couldn't have him.  At least, I never thought I could have him.  That has been the theme of this 13-year long story of unrequited love.  He has come in and out of my life at the most opportune or inopportune times (depending on how you look at it!).  It’s usually when I'm starting a new relationship or ending one (or about to end one!).  How could he possibly know?  A phone call or an email from him has prompted boyfriends to wonder about this man.  Some boyfriends have become obsessed or worried or defensive at the mere sound of his name.  Can they tell just by the way I say his name?  Do I try too hard to convince them that he is "just a friend"?  Is it still a lie when you don't even know that you’re lying?  

How could I ever truly hide how he makes me feel or how my body, heart and soul remember everything about him?  Or how my heart beats faster when I think about him? Or how my breathing becomes irregular when he’s near? Or how the butterflies begin to stir in my stomach, as if they’ve just come out of their cocoon, when I hear his voice? How could I ever hide my trembling lips when I remember how they feel when his lips touch mine? How could I ever forget the way he pushes my hair out of my face or how my body responds when I hear him say my name or how we feel like one when we're together?  How could I forget how cute he sounds when he says “sweet!” or “nice!”?  How can I hide my excitement when I receive a text or e-mail from him that’s addressed to “Sweets” or “Babe” or “Dood”?   How can I ever forget his smell?  (There's something about his smell that drives me absolutely crazy - a possible study on pheromones?)

How is it possible to hide those feelings even when you think you're in love with another man?  No matter how hard I try to forget him, I can't.  He just keeps popping back into my life.  Is it possible that I just haven’t met the man who could make me forget “N” or maybe I'm not meant to forget him because he's "the one"?

What do I do?  Do I wait for him or is it time to move on?  I need your help!!!

Sincerely,

In love with a man I can’t have    

In love with a man who doesn’t want me

In love with a man who doesn’t know that I love him

Sadly unrequited in love

As I was writing reading this letter, I couldn’t help but think about the plethora of movies and books about unrequited love: The Holiday, Last Holiday, Rent, Bridget Jones, Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, Notting Hill, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Great Expectations, Great Gatsby, Anna Karenina, and the list goes on and on and on.  Is it a fact of life?  At some point in our lives do we all find ourselves in love unrequitedly?  In the books and movies, the girl gets the guy (I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her!), or she ends up heartbroken or she ends up hurt but with an eventual happy ending (The Holiday).  Regardless, I think it's time that I, I mean that, “Sadly unrequited in love” let “N” know that I’m, I mean that “Sadly unrequited in love” is in love with him or should I, I mean “Sadly unrequited in love” do what “The Rules” book says to do - wait for "N" to profess his love to me her, or should "Sadly unrequited in love” admit that she is actually me and accept that this story, my story, is simply a story of unrequited love (it's not a "Dear Abby" letter but I would be interested in getting her feedback!)?

Okay, so you’re probably wondering who I’ve been pining for all of these years (besides John Cusack!).  Well, my blog has probably given it away a million times – he’s a geek Greek!  I know that only rules out 90% of the world population (give or take a few million!) but who he is has nothing to do with this blog post because it’s all about unrequited love.  Actually, this blog post is less about unrequited love and more about letting go of this unrequited love and recognizing that I’m free to “break up” with my unrequited love.  It’s important to note that this blog post is not meant to weigh the pros and cons of my “relationship” with “N” because a) there are way too many pros and cons to list and I’m not sure I want to pick a side, b) we would have to address “friends with benefits” or “no strings attached” relationships (my parents and daughter read this blog!), c) I respect “N” too much and have no harsh feelings towards him (obviously!), and d) if he wanted to be in a relationship with me, he should have been a man and said so a long fucking time ago!   Clearly, no debate is needed :)

What I’ve discovered while writing/typing this blog post is that the beauty of unrequited love is that it's a mystery...you never know if it's truly unrequited or not.  In a way, my love for “N” seems so much more romantic (and tragic!) because it is unrequited.  I can’t help but wonder, if it was “requited love” would I still be interested? 

“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.” ~ Albert Einstein

So after 13 years of loving this man, is it time to finally move on? 

Well, I've decided that the next time I receive a text message or email addressed to Dood, Sweets or Babe, I will not be responding.  That's right!  The pain is just too great so I'm closing the door on this tragic story of unrequited love.  Not only is the door closed, the door is locked, the chain is on, all three deadbolts are locked, the alarm has been activated, and the door has been sealed shut with crazy glue, caulking, scotch tape and duct tape.  There's no way in hell this door will ever be opened again. If it is, well someone should call David Copperfield because I'm sure he'd be interested in knowing how this impossible feat was made possible. 

Freedom???  I'm not quite sure yet.   

Okay, so now that I’ve moved on.  What?  Wait a minute!  I’ve moved on already?  Wow that was easy!  :P

Seriously though, I can’t help but wonder if there’s a mathematical equation that could help me let go and move forward.   I actually had this thought while watching an episode of Num8ers (a great show that used math to solve criminal cases but it was cancelled!).  The mathematician in the show had written a book about the mathematics of love so I’m wishing thinking there must be a mathematical equation that would predict the next phase of my love life (not that I’m in a hurry - I need to let my hair grow out - but it would be nice to know that there is someone waiting in the wings!).   I think I’ll start with a sequential non-linear differential mathematical equation that would compute data from my previous relationships to forecast my love life.  Let’s see what happens…

T = a girl named Tracey

Meets the following boys:

E = 1^st love

D = 2^nd love

T = 3^rd love

X = 4^th love

N = Unrequited love (one and only…thank goodness!!!)

I = Insignificant data points along the journey to love = Toads = Unmentionables/Forgettables (too many to mention…basically I can’t remember their names!  FYI – I’m not that kind of girl so don’t be thinking I’m some kind of floozy!).

Some very wise mathematicians would predict that “N” would re-appear in the future but we’ve already dealt with him (that door is closed, remember?) so ha! I guess you’re not so wise after all!!!  So to those of you who are much wiser than the wisest mathematicians, I would have polled you had there been more time before my blog posting deadline, but there wasn’t enough time so now you need to dig deep (quickly!) to find the answer to this sequential mathematical equation (it seems so dynamic, existential and tangible, doesn’t it!).  As many brilliant minds have done in the past, I have mused over this equation (assuming that one can actually “muse” over an equation!) for years months weeks days hours minutes a few seconds and have finally found the answer (the quadratic equation that was used to get to this answer is too complicated and lengthy to share with you so you’ll have to trust me!).  Are you ready for it?  I can tell you with great confidence that the answer is almost as accurate as if I had looked into a crystal ball so I’m fairly confident that the answer is 99.9% accurate (± 99.9%).  The next letters that fit into this equation are the letters…wait for it…“J” and “C”.  Wow…those are the best letters EVER!  Now it’s not clear whether or not those are two separate initials meaning that I still have two more relationships to look forward to or if that’s one person’s initials.  Can you think of anyone who has the initials “J.C.”?   I can hardly wait to meet the mystery man or men :P 

Most definitely to be continued…

Freedom

“Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labour in freedom.”  ~ Albert Einstein

My first entry in my 2011 journal was about freedom.  I even had a full page in my journal of the artistically scribbled or coloured or drawed drawn words (didn’t we have this conversation in “The Accidental Artist”?) that defined freedom for me.  Oh the days of my explorational creativity?

Of course, you’re not able to read what I wrote in that photo so here’s my journal entry (don’t laugh!):

Freedom – I’m not sure why but this word has really stuck with me.  The last book I read was “Freedom” by Jonathan Franzen and I loved it! The word “freedom” was mentioned so many times in the novel and had so many different meanings for different people (and animals – the cerulean warbler!) but I hadn’t really thought about what freedom means to me until I finished reading the book.  I’m free from X which is the most recent and obvious act of being free.  I feel free from myself. Yes, that sounds weird but as I get older I feel freer.  It’s a sense of freedom from the feelings that me feel “unfree”.  The feelings of not being good enough, the feelings of not knowing .  With age, I feel free.  There’s also the feeling of financial freedom as you make more $.  Now I want to feel free to be creative.  I started reading “The Creative Confident “ and already there’s so much discussion about “being free” all coming from a place of creativity.  Is it a coincidence that I just finished reading “Freedom” and now I’m reading “The Confident Creative” which talks about being free? Probably not! I have felt trapped by so many things – weight, money, insecurities, fear, need for love – that maybe 2011 is the year for me to break free and be free!!! When I think about all of the journals I’ve started with a focus on losing weight or getting my finances in order, it’s no wonder I quit writing after a few days.  How depressing!  I’m slowly realizing that it’s okay to be me.  Maybe with age comes wisdom.  Maybe being so hurt by X has helped me to grow.  From the ashes, the Phoenix rose?  Or maybe it’s my weekly appointments with my therapist (realistically, I’ve only had 4 sessions with her!) or maybe it’s a combination? All I know is that I feel good but recognize that I’m a work in progress!!! 

*** check out lyrics from George Michael’s song – Freedom (anthem?)

I think I’ll start a creative basket with the tools I’ll need to be creative: ...pen, pencil, crayons, tape, magazines, computer, photos, kitchen, yoga mat, camera, tea (to stay hydrated!), sleep (ideas may come from dreams!)...

Okay, now I feel like I’m standing here naked in front of you!  So it’s been 8 months since I wrote those words but it’s not until today that I truly understand the word that had me colouring/scribbling/drawing and thinking about my life’s journey: FREEDOM!  Yes, I probably wrote that after a session with my therapist (I’m much better now!) but what really struck me in that journal entry are my list and my reference to George Michael.  First of all, the list…tea, sleep and yoga mat to be creative…really?  And there was so much more on that list that I didn't include in my blog.  How embarrassing!  Then there’s the song.  Was I really thinking that I needed an “anthem” for my journey to freedom?  Having just listened to “Freedom” by George Michael, all I can say is “Wow…definitely not my anthem!” and “Geez, I’m such a dork”! 

I also found some notes that I jotted down when I was thinking about writing a blog post on the topic of freedom.  The first was a quote from Sarah while we were making pizza together (mother-daughter bonding over homemade pizza!).  Sarah asked me about the pizza toppings and I said “do whatever you want” so she sarcastically (of course!) responded “Trace, I appreciate all that freedom”.   I guess I wasn’t the kind of parent who clips their child’s wings after all.  See all of the freedom I bestowed upon you , Sarah?  Another paper had scribbles with lyrics from the song “Gravity” by Sara Bareilles which reminds me of how I felt with X .  Now that I’m free, these words really resonate with me but not enough to be an anthem:

Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

So I guess I won’t be finding a theme song for my journey.  Do I really need an anthem?  Of course I do!  I guess I’ll keep searching!  Any suggestions?

Now that I’m thinking about this topic a mere 8 months after writing that embarrassing journal entry, there’s so much more to that topic than just men, weight and money (my holy trinity of pre-2011 challenges!).  When I think about freedom, I think of it as a relative term especially since my thoughts on freedom have already changed in the last 8 months.  My understanding has evolved!  If Einstein were reading my blog (who knows…he might!), he would immediately take out a pad and pencil (although he probably didn’t have to take it out because I’m sure he always walked around with a pad and pencil…wouldn’t you if you had a mind like Einstein?  Then again, he probably didn’t have to write anything down because it was always accessible in his mind unlike me who has to write everything down – or text myself – because I can’t remember a damn thing!) and start computing an equation for me that would pin point the exact day I'd be "free" along with all of the pit stops on my journey.  Oh if only Sir Einstein were still alive to help me!  I must admit that if he were still alive, John Cusack would no longer be in the running for Future Husband (just sayin’...sorry JC!). 

Okay, so this, of course, is supposed to be a light-hearted blog so I don't want to depress everyone with my thoughts on the lack of freedom around the world.  I know some people are not free to be who they are or free to speak their mind or free to love whoever the hell they want to love for different reasons (i.e. government, family, religion).  Okay, I’m starting to get riled up so I should quit while I’m ahead but I can’t help think of Nelson Mandela who was imprisoned for decades for trying to free the people of South Africa (I’ve been lucky enough to travel to South Africa so I feel great compassion for South Africans – beautiful people, beautiful land!) or thinking about the people around the world who are fighting for human rights and freedom but end up locked up or tortured or dead, or thinking about the animals we eat (mostly you!) who have no freedom and live their entire lives in cages waiting to be slaughtered then served on a platter, or the slaves around the world who have no freedom (slavery has yet to be annihilated!) or the children who are forced into gangs to fight and die for ridiculous causes.  As upset as I get thinking about these injustices in our world (and sadly there are so many more!) because I feel helpless (yet still hopeful!), it makes me that much more grateful for my own freedom but let's face it, most of us suffer (freedom and suffering are both relative terms) because we live in our own private jail cells, fighting to break out and be free. 

So what does freedom mean to you?

According to the Oxford Dictionary, freedom is defined as “the power or right to act , speak, or think as one wants, the absence of subjection to foreign domination or despotic government,  the power of self-determination attributed to the will; the quality of being independent of fate or necessity, the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved, the state of being unrestricted and able to move easily; unrestricted use of something, or the familiarity or openness in speech or behaviour.”

“Freedom is the right to tell people what they do not want to hear” ~ George Orwell

So why all of this talk about freedom?  Why has it taken me 8 months to write this blog post?  Where do I start?

Well, on Thursday night (last night), I was able to experience a sense of freedom when I met X (yes, X!) to once again finally bring closure to our relationship.  How many times do two people have to bring closure to a relationship?  Well, I have to say that it wasn’t so much about closure for me because I think I got it when I wrote "Letter to X" but since he’s been sending me texts for the last 7+ months without any responses from me, one of which was about how much he wished things could be different between us and that he was sorry he didn't realize it sooner, I thought it was important to have a face-to-face “meeting” to let him say what he needed to say to that we can both move on (and to make sure the texting stops!).  Obviously I thought that if he’s still sending me texts that means he hasn’t moved on.  Please know that I'm not a mean person so I didn’t want to get all confrontational.  Yes, some of you may think that it was mean and inappropriate to write “Letter to X” but come on, I was hurt (and pissed!).  But on Thursday night I realized for the first time that he got hurt too (how could I not see it? I was too blinded by my own pain and could only see him as the hurter not the hurtee).  Allowing him to speak honestly about our relationship and about regrets gave us both closure (I guess that writing nasty blog posts don’t bring closure after all!) and I was able to see him as a human being with feelings after all of this time.  It's important to note that I'm not interested in re-visiting a relationship with him and that includes a friendship but I'm happy that he’s no longer a monster in my eyes!  I now feel free and I hope he does too! (I know I won't be free from interrogation by friends and family about my Thursday night pow-wow!).

Somehow those feelings of freedom multiplied exponentially on Friday (today) and lead me to do something completely out of character for me.  Partly because it was spontaneous (I didn’t think I had a spontaneous bone in my body!) but mostly because I felt a sense of freedom without fear.  So today, I went out and…well, you’ll just have to keep reading to find out :)

In our lives, we experience different moments of freedom.  Of course, there are moments of freedom when we leave or escape a bad relationship (bad could simply mean not being with someone who is right for you) and there are "freedom" milestones such moving from a crib to a “grown-up” bed or the feeling of freedom when you get your driver’s license or the freedom you experience when you move out of mom's house (right Sarah?).  Of course, when I think about freedom, all I can picture is a butterfly coming out of the cocoon…now that’s freedom!  When I look back on my life, I can think of many times I’ve felt that sense of freedom or that rush you get from the feeling of freedom.  I must admit that since meeting Dr. Acupuncture, I’ve experienced a whole new kind of freedom.  She has taught me how to free myself from negative thoughts and feelings because they have been affecting me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  Understanding my feelings and thoughts has allowed me to release all of the negativity that I carry around with me like a fanny pack (the sexiest one you can picture with a plethora of compartments!).   Releasing the negativity including fear, worry, resentment and anger (among many other emotions…I’m an emotional person okay!) means that it can no longer harm me physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually so releasing it is a form of freedom.  It’s not easy and it’s a slow process but freedom has to start somewhere! 

It's not always about making a conscious choice to be free but rather recognizing the freedom in your everyday actions.  Interestingly, it reminds me of something a guy said on "The Bachelorette" (I watched the finale, okay?) under his favourite magnolia tree.  He said that “sprezzatura” was …. blah, blah, blah…Italian Renaissance…blah, blah, blah…finding romance in ordinary life.   It sounded really romantic when he said it and I would have probably melted had he said that to me (yes, I’m naïve!) but I thought I’d look up the real definition (The Bachelorette isn’t the best source for accurate information!).  Wikipedia (a much better reference than The Bachelorette!) describes sprezzatura as  “a certain nonchalance, so as to conceal all art and make whatever one does or says appear to be without effort and almost without any thought about it”.  I guess that's what freedom looks like to me right now.  It's finding those moments of freedom in the everyday moments.  For example:

Driving down the highway with the windows down and Pitbull feat. Ne-Yo's "Give Me Everything" blaring on the radio.  Freedom!

Sitting on the dock with my feet in the lake.  Freedom!

Being immersed in a good book.  Freedom!

Knowing how to play the piano (badly!).    Freedom!

Walking to Starbuck's and buying a Venti Soy Chai Latte. Freedom!

Being able to see my family and friends anytime. Freedom!  

Knowing that I can walk down the street or go for a bike ride without incident anytime.  Freedom!

Walking into a store and being able to buy what I need for my family and me.   Freedom!

Seeing the sun rise and set.  Freedom!

Wearing a bikini even though I'm not a size 2 or 8 or 12 (I’m a 14!) and still feeling sexy.  Freedom!

Canoeing, alone on the lake, and listening to the loons.   Freedom!

Saying "fuck you" to my Reese's Peanut Butter Cup cravings.   Freedom!

Laughter.  Freedom!

Tears.   Freedom!

Being able to wear whatever I want (even if my butt looks big!).  Freedom!

Searching for anything I want on the internet (at least I think I can!).  Freedom!

Writing this blog. Freedom!  

Cutting off all of my hair.  Freedom! 

Wait a minute! What did I just type?

”Freedom lies in being bold.”  ~ Robert Frost

In May, BFF participated in a fundraiser for cancer research at her school.  Not only did she raise money, she promised to shave her head if the students raised more than $5,000.  Guess what?  The students (and teachers!) raised over $10,000 (amazing for a small rural community!).  BFF remained committed to the cause and had her head shaved in front of the entire school.  Not only did she look beautiful, she said she experienced a sense of freedom.  Women are so attached to their hair (attachments…that a blog post for another day!).  There are so many emotions related to our hair…joy, pain, frustration, happiness, fun and bouts of vanity.  I don’t know when it happened but somehow hair became an object of sexual desire with long hair becoming much more sexually-appealing to men while women with short hair became “manly”.   I can tell you that BFF does not look manly.  She looks stunning!   I guess we all have preferences when it comes to hair attraction?  I personally like a man with a bald head but that’s just me (it’s still a hair preference nonetheless so it's wrong!).   I loved that BFF said that having her head shaved was freeing but I couldn’t imagine actually going through with chopping all of my hair off….until today!  What???  Are you ready for this?  This afternoon, I walked into my hairstylist’s salon and told her to shave my head.  Yes, that’s correct.  I said “shave my head” not “Shae’s in bed”.  I know how to enunciate!  After the shock wore off, she refused to shave my head.  Did you just breathe a sigh of relief?  If so, you might want to hold your breath because...wait for it...she did chop off all of my hair.  Yes, she did!  I was shocked to learn that my ponytail measured 13”.   I chopped off 13” of hair!!!  I think I’m having a panic attack.  Breathe!  I was so attached to my long sexy thin dry over-dyed hair but it’s gone and guess what?  I survived.  Freedom!!!

Rat tail My chopped off ponytail

I have since patted down fixed my hair so it doesn't look all spikey and/or puffy in the front (I had placed my sunglasses on my head which pushed up all of my hair...damn cowlick!).  I'm wondering if I should take a poll.  Do I look better in long hair or short hair?  You'll probably need a photo of me with my 13" long hair to vote fairly.  Well, I guess it doesn't really matter because I have short hair now and it will probably take me 7 years to grow it long again so I'd rather not know that you prefer my long hair.  What have I done?  I'm just kidding.  I'm actually digging the short hair because it really does feel like freedom.   What's truly wonderful about my new-found freedom is that I don't really give a shit what you think about my new 'do! :P

When I sat in the hairstylist’s chair and told her that I wanted to shave my hair, she kindly and lovingly said “you’re going to have to start wearing make-up and wearing big earrings!”.  I told her that I was wearing mascara and lip gloss but she just rolled her eyes then asked me why I wanted to shave my head.  What surprisingly came out of my mouth was “I have an amazingly strong-spirited friend who is battling cervical cancer.  If she can shave her head before she starts to lose her hair as she undergoes chemotherapy and look fucking beautiful then I can sit in this chair and have you chop off all of my hair, damn it!”.  That’s right….I’m pissed!  Now that the hair is gone, I’m pissed but I’m free. 

Funny enough, after she was done chopping my hair à la Edward Scissorhands, the hairstylist said "Damn, you look good girl (she's paid to say that!)!  You've got balls (in reference to the "courage" I exhibited in getting my hair chopped off - just in case it's some kind of canadianism that my international readers don't understand - you never know!)."   Of course, this is how I responded to her:  "and now I look like I have balls!"  I love it when I crack myself up :)

"The secret of happiness is freedom.  The secret of freedom is courage."  Thucydides

Okay, so maybe I don't quite fully understand what freedom means when I think about all of the people that suffer in the world but I'm starting to slowly reap the rewards of breaking free from my own chains, from the walls I’ve built up around me, from my attachments to people, things (including my hair!) and the thoughts or negative emotions that have made me feel trapped or unfree.  I recognize that what freedom means to me isn't necessarily what it means to you but I guess that is the joy of freedom.  Freedom to choose, to think, to be as we want to be!

“Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err. It passes my comprehension how human beings, be they ever so experienced and able, can delight in depriving other human beings of that precious right.”  ~  Mahatma Gandhi

When I think about "Eleanor's Words of Wisdom", I realize that "doing something every day that scares you" is a form of breaking free; a form of freedom.  Today, I chopped off all of my hair so what are you going to do today to set yourself free?

 

 “Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better.”  Albert Camus